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Chapter 8- Confusion

I don't remember coming here. I don't remember walking inside. But I remember the look of worry across his face and concern for me seemed to be all the mattered. He caught me as I fell from exhaustion. The last thing I remember seeing is gold...

BLACK. . . .

That's all I see- a black nothingness.

Completely void.

Nothing at all. . .

Then, a gold ring appears, almost like a plain wedding band, floating against the dark backdrop. It starts to spin around and around, resembling a coin on its side. Inside the spinning, a light is generated, starting out a little white dot. And as the light pulses, I hear my name being called from within, "Hatsu. . . ."

The ring continues to spin, growing in speed and the light keeps growing, getting bigger, to where it is now bigger than the ring, and I can barely even see the gold on top of the blinding white.

"Hatsu. . ."

Suddenly, a sword made entirely of silver with an amethyst set hilt, plunges down, spearing the ring. And the sword seems to be-

"Hatsu.."

absorbing the light.

"Hatsu."

"Hatsu. . .wake up."

I open my eyes and Aya is standing over me. I shoot up, trying to be able to leave, but dizziness overwhelms me and I lie back down moaning.

"You've been out for about fifteen minutes. I thought about calling Ha-san, but I didn't think calling the main house at this time of night would be a good idea. You can just sleep here tonight and I'll drive you home in the morning."

He got up and made as to leave the room.

"Wait. Please...please don't leave me alone right now."

He smiled knowingly and with a slight nod of his head, he made his way back over to the bed. He laid down next to me and took me in his arms as a mother would her child.

I could smell the intoxicating jasmine perfume coming off his hair. I breathed it in; I found its scent slightly comforting.

"Aren't you even the little bit curious why I'm here, in this state?"

"I figure that it is something that greatly affected you. The wound was just inflicted, the pain is too great for you right now, too recent. If you want to tell me you can, but I'm not going to push, I am here if you need me though."

I opened my mouth, but I didn't know where to start or what to say. Clips and images flashed through my mind.

"I've...I've ruined everything..."

That was as much as I got out, because my tears choked the rest of it in my throat. There was nothing I could do to stop them. He pulled me a little closer and let me dampen his shirt with my unworthy tears. We stayed that way for quite awhile- him holding me, slowly stroking my hair lovingly, while I cried and cried until I had no more tears left. I just laid there sniffling. Despite the utter pain that stabbed me from the inside, I was comforted more than I ever have been.

After I stopped crying, I just laid there in his arms, enjoying the warmth of his body next to mine.

"I don't understand you. You know that you are only a substitute, yet you continue to allow me to come to you. Even when I'm a complete mess like this. When I showed up on your doorstep an emotional train wreck, all you do is offer me a shoulder to cry on. I don't deserve someone like you...I don't deserve anything."

"I help you because I want to, not because I'm a good person. In all actuality, I'm doing it for my own benefit. It makes me feel like good about myself, even if only for a second, because in my heart, I know that I'm only doing this for me. Allowing you into my bed, provides me with satisfaction beyond belief. Plus, my attachment to you has grown to something beyond physical..."

He placed his delicate hand under my chin and tilted my head up, so he could look me in the eyes. A cynical grin graced his lips and he gave a slight chuckle.

"Who would have thought that the one and only person I could never have, would be the one I fell in love with?"

And the plot thickens!