Disclaimer: While I do not own Fruba, this story is an original work of fanfiction and it does belong to me. There, I can actually claim something as mine. Hurrah!

Chapter 12- Aftermath

In the following weeks Hatori congratulated me on eating my dinners. He didn't know that I hardly slept, and when I did it was out of utter exhaustion. Typically, I just laid in my bed, crying as the house around me slumbered. He knew something had happened. He could see it in my slow actions. I was even more dismal now. . .I hadn't thought that was possible. I seemed to be going through the routine of my life like an unfeeling zombie. Whenever anyone addressed me, I rarely heard them and they had to repeat themselves several times, just to get my attention. After awhile, they stopped trying, telling themselves that I would eventually get over it. That I was only going through that funk every teenager experiences. And I didn't correct them. I didn't want to talk to anyone anyway. I'd probably do something to ruin them as well. I hadn't had any contact with Yuki since that horrible, inevitable day. He avoided me at every cost at school, which wasn't very hard, since I was doing the same to him. How could I explain it to him? Even I barely comprehended why I had done the things that I had, so how could I make him understand? I hadn't been back to see Ayame either. He had called several times to see if I was okay, but I told Hatori that I didn't want to talk to anyone. After so many of Hatori's excuses, he stopped. Even Momiji couldn't convince me to get out of the house. I just laid on my floor in my room and listened to music. He valiantly tried to get me to go see a movie, or go to the park with Kisa, but I just kept telling him to leave me alone.

I sometimes snuck out at night, to wander the streets. I wasn't wary of muggers. I dared anyone to step into my path. I don't know if I would have fought somebody, or if I would have just let them kill me. I didn't have to worry though because I didn't go on any streets that weren't deserted. I rarely ever even saw anybody. I didn't even care if I got lost. There were several instances where I just kept walking. I eventually got somewhere I recognized, or Hatori would drive up next to me and tell me to get in the car. I'd get the "I was so worried about you" speech. And go to my room as soon as we returned home.

One day, I was eating lunch underneath the tree that had been my spot ever since I distanced myself, when Yuki came outside with that girl. I liked her, she was nice, but I knew he had feelings for her. She was what he deserved, not something like me. The jealousy I hold for her was unstoppable. I quickly hid myself behind some bushes, so he wouldn't see me and I'd have that pain of seeing him emanate disgust and hatred at me. I tried to just ignore them, but their conversation kept breaking into my thoughts.

"Yuki-san, I'm worried about you. I just want you to know that you can talk to me about anything that's troubling you."

"I doubt that your mother gave you advice on the situation I'm in Miss Honda. I don't mean that as an insult, it's just that this is a very unusual situation and I don't think that you or anyone else can do anything to help it. I'm sorry. Thank you, though."

"Oh, I see. Well, sometimes just talking about my problems helps. Do you think it would help you?"

"No, thank you. But I think I need to figure this out on my own."

"Oh. . .ok. Well, how are the strawberries coming along? The last batch was wonderful! It's so great how you have that talent Yuki-san!" I could feel her beaming smile from here.

"They're turning out okay. Umm, Miss Honda, may I ask you something?"

"Of course! Yuki-san can ask me a question any time he wants."

There was a short pause then, "Don't you think that it's time to go back inside?"

"Oh, of course. I completely forgot! Oh, we'd better hurry or we'll be late!"

My footing shifted and a glance over his shoulder told me he knew I was hiding there, behind the bushes. Too shameful to even face up to my mistakes.

That was the first time I had even heard his voice since. . .well, since my failure. Apparently, he had been distressed from the situation I threw him into. He didn't want to talk about it to her, because of his obvious embarrassment. She isn't exactly the person I'd want to discuss anything sexual, let alone a situation this messed up. But, he almost said something. I wonder what he was going to ask her. I guess I'll never find out. It's not like he actually would talk to me, and I'm not going to follow him around listening to every conversation he has with everyone he talks to. I wasn't even meaning to listen in on this one. But, I knew he'd rather have me hiding in the dirt, than to have to see my face.