66

After Claire had agreed to renew her vow with Alex life on Drovers started to settle down. Alex had convinced Claire to take it slow for the rest of the week and only do the bookwork. At first Claire had wanted to get on a horse and out onto the land right away but had then realized she was still a little too sore to get in the saddle. So she had let Alex win on that one and was now sitting over the books in the study while Alex was out with the girls doing her work. He hadn't talked to Harry yet about working on Killarney again so he was glad he could help out on Drovers and not feel so useless.

Claire sighed. Now that she had Alex back and he actually had a bit of money she couldn't wait to get their horse training business back up. She knew Alex still had to sell his apartment in Melbourne to actually get the money but it had been so hard to give up her dream when he left. And now she could have it back…with Alex on her side.

Charlotte started making sounds in her crib that Claire had placed in the study so she wouldn't have to go too far when her daughter needed her.

Claire looked on her watch and smiled. "We're getting hungry aren't we?" she said to the baby "Yes? Well, let's get you fed then…" She picked BOM up who had started crying and got herself ready to feed her. It was amazing how things had changed since the arrival of her child but Claire was also scared. Scared if she'd be a good mother, if she could manage having a baby and working her farm. Right now she was doing fine but all she did was care for Charlotte and do an hour or two of bookwork. Sometimes Claire just wanted her life to get back to normal.

When Charlotte was nestled in her mother's arms eagerly drinking Claire heard a knock on the door and someone clearing his throat. She looked up and saw Harry standing in the doorway.

"Harry! What a surprise! Come in!" she said.

"Err; I don't know Claire, it looks like you're busy…I can come back another time if you want, I didn't want to disturb you…"

"It's ok Harry, I'm fine and Charlotte is too so come on in and have a seat…"
"Ok, thanks…" Harry still didn't feel very comfortable being in the room when Claire was breastfeeding the baby.

"So…what brings you here Harry? I'm sure it's not only to see the little one, is it?"

"Umm, no, but that's been the second reason I came…I was actually hoping to find Alex somewhere around…"
"Ah, sorry, you missed him…he just went out to fix the boundary fence with Tess and Jodi…we had some sheep break into the national park last night…I can tell him what you wanted if you like. Don't think they'll be back any time soon…"

"Well, maybe it's a good idea to ask you what you think about it…"

"If you're talking about joining the properties again…forget it Harry! We've talked about that a hundred times and I'm not changing my mind…"
"That's not what I came for…although I still think it would be a good idea! No, I came to ask Alex if he'd like to have his old job back on Killarney…I know he's helping you here right now but with Nick having Wilgul to care about I really need someone to look after the place…I'm not getting any younger…"
"What about Sandra?" Claire knew Sandra wouldn't be happy about Alex working there.

"She'll understand, she's got her own property to worry about…and Alex is family despite everything that happened…"

Claire doubted that Sandra would understand it if Alex came back to Killarney. Not the way she had acted when they were there the other day…like Killarney was all hers and Harry was just a nice addition.

But for the sake of keeping the peace she only said "You've got to ask Alex yourself Harry…I really can't speak for him…"

Charlotte was now finished with drinking and Claire handed her to Harry. "Will you hold her for a second while I get dressed properly again? But take the napkin over there in case…you know…"
Harry looked a little surprised not really knowing what to do but when Charlotte looked at him with her huge blue eyes he smiled. This was his first grandchild…even if she was not blood related.

"Hello beautiful…you're a good girl, aren't you? Treating your parents all right? Yeah?"

Claire smiled at the sight of Harry with the baby. Who would have thought…Harry Ryan had a soft side!

"Thank you Harry, I can take her back now…"

"Would you mind if I held her a little longer?"

Claire was surprised "No, if you don't mind being spit at…she can't seem to keep her milk inside…"

"Ah, just like Alex when he was a baby. He'd always ruin the new shirt you just put on…you do take after your Dad, huh?" He smiled down on the little girl who still seemed to be fascinated by Harry's voice.

"You can sit down on the veranda with her if you want and wait for Alex to come back…but it'll honestly be a while. You want a cuppa?"

Harry declined but went outside all the while talking to the baby. Claire shook her head and went back to do the rest of the bookwork. She would have never thought to see Harry Ryan have the soft touch for another human being but her daughter had him wrapped around her little finger.

A little while later Harry brought a sleeping Charlotte back and told Claire he had to leave now.

"Sandra's waiting for me. Would you tell Alex to come round tomorrow so we can talk about my offer?"

"I can send him tonight if you want."
"No, I won't be home…Sandra wants to go out tonight…"

Claire frowned "Oh, ok…well, then I'll send him over first thing tomorrow morning. Is that ok?"
"Fine, thanks Claire. And thanks for letting me have some time with Charlotte…"
"No worries, you can come back any time you want!" Claire said and added in her thoughts 'Just please don't bring Sandra with ya!'

Later that day after they had all had dinner together Claire and Alex sat on the veranda, Claire cuddled up to Alex. They hadn't had time yet to talk about what had happened today so Alex didn't know about Harry's visit yet.

"Ah, this is good…sitting out here with a beer after a long day of hard body work…with you in my arms! What more could a man wish for?" Alex lowered his head and kissed Claire gently.

"I don't know…but I like being our here with you!" Claire smiled at him but then her face turned serious as she remembered Harry. "Oh Alex, Harry was here today…"

"Claire, I really don't wanna talk about my father right now…"

"No Alex, listen to me…he was here to ask you if you want your old job back…"

"He was? Wow, would have never thought he'd do that…"
"He wants to see you tomorrow so I promised to send you over in the morning."
"Pushing me around Claire, are we?" Alex said with a wink "You think I should take the job? I would be over there most of the day…"

"I know, that's the only down part of that…but I think it would be a good idea, we could really use the extra money…plus Harry sounded pretty desperate…think he's tired of having to do everything himself!"

"What about Sandra? I don't think I can work there with her dancing around me all the time…"
"Harry promised she'd understand…"
"You really think that McLeod?" Alex touched Claire's forehead "You been out in the sun too much or what?"
"Oh come on Alex, you're Harry's son, Sandra is only his girlfriend…and who knows for how much longer! You'll survive! Show her who's boss! You are a man, aren't ya?"

"Get away Claire! You know what I mean…"

They finally came to the agreement that Alex would take the job on Killarney…under a few conditions. One of them being proper payment and another Sandra not interfering…

67

The next morning Alex made his way to Killarney right after breakfast. Claire had insured him again that it was a good thing to do although he wasn't completely convinced. Alex just couldn't forget the way Harry had treated him after finding out he was not his father. They hadn't really talked about what had happened and their relationship was just getting back to normal…as normal as a relationship with Harry Ryan would ever be! Alex was only back for barely a week and didn't want to ruin his last chance of having a normal life with his Dad. Because that's what Harry Ryan still was to him…

Pulling up in front of the house Alex remained in the car for a few minutes to gather his strength. He hope that he wouldn't run into Sandra before he could talk to his father, he just couldn't stand her today…not that it was any different on any other day.

Walking through the house a couple minutes later Alex was relieved that his father's new girlfriend was nowhere to be seen.

"Harry?" he shouted and made his way to the study. "Dad, you there?"
"Ah, Alex…come here and sit down. Have you had breakfast yet? I could Rhonda have fix something up for you…"
"Nah, thanks Dad, they feed me well at Drovers…"

"You like living there?"
"It has it good sides and its bad sides." Was Alex's answer. One of the good sides was definitely having Claire and their daughter, one of the bad sides that he had to pick up after himself. "Talking about the good side…Claire said you wanted to see me?"

"Umm, yes…I wanted to ask you if you would like to have your old job back?"

"Yeah, Claire said so. Why do you want me back Harry?"

"What do you mean? You're my son…even after everything that happened…and you need a job."

"You don't want me back to get a cheap worker, do you? Because that's not going to work this time!"

"Of course not! You belong here Alex, this is your home. You've been away for so long, it's time you work this place again."
"What about Nick? It's his place now rather than mine…"
"Don't be stupid Alex, Nick has Wilgul, he's got enough to do with that. Killarney was always meant for you…"
Alex rolled his eyes…the old story about Nick not getting Killarney. He had thought that Harry might have changed his mind about that after the truth about the fatherhood came out but it sure didn't seem like it.

"Dad, if I come back I have a few conditions…" Alex said carefully. He wasn't sure how his father would take that.
"I'm willing to listen to anything reasonable, son." Harry said. If he was upset about Alex's comment he didn't show.

"All right, here goes: First of all…if I work here I want enough time to still be at Drovers and help Claire with the horse training. We want to build that back up and she can't do it all on her own now that we have Charlotte."

"I can understand that, we'll work out how much time you need to spend here and how much the training will consume. What else?"

"Second: I want to get paid properly."
"Alex, you know why…"

"Let me finish Harry, ok? I know you only meant the best when you handled things like you did back then. But that just don't work for me anymore. I have a family now that I need to support and I don't wanna depend on my father's money to do so. I've earned my own money over the last 9 months and I was able to handle everything on my own. Once you die you can give me all the money you want but right now I wanna be independent. I hope you understand that."

Harry looked surprised. He wasn't used to Alex talking like that. When it came to money he had never complained with the way things were, he had always had enough of it even though he never got paid for his work.

"How are you gonna keep your horse business alive without money?"

"We will Dad, we will. Once I've sold my apartment in Melbourne I have some money. And I know Claire and I will be successful, we had already started to be before I left. People round here know how good a trainer Claire is so once we get back out there and get the business on track it should be able to maintain itself. Believe me, Claire and I talked about this and we both see it that way."
"Well, if you think you really manage without my help I won't keep ya. But we'll have to work out a contract for you if you wanna get paid!"

"Fine by me, a contract sounds good." Alex knew that if he had a contract Harry could never do again what he did 9 months ago and cut him off completely. He was glad he had his Dad back but still couldn't forgive him on that one.

"Any more conditions?" Harry asked a little annoyed now.

Alex looked at him again and sighed. He had to ask about Sandra.

"One more…I know things have changed around here while I was gone but…I really don't think I could work for or even with Sandra, Dad. She would drive me nuts and so would Claire because she'd go on and talk about Sandra all the time. So if Sandra's part of the deal I'm sorry but then I just can't work here."

Harry was clearly upset now but tried to hide it for the sake of keeping the peace. He really wanted Alex back on Killarney. It was his way of making sure his son wouldn't just leave again. And if that meant keeping Sandra away from him…it had to be.

"She won't like that Alex…" he tried but already knew Alex wouldn't go for it.

"To be honest Dad, I really don't care what Sandra likes or not…I understand she's your girlfriend now though I can't really understand why but please don't expect me to see her as my boss or anything! I've worked this place all my life and I know how things work here. I don't need anybody telling me what to do, especially not Sandra Kinsella…"

Harry sighed. Sandra would have to live with that. He wanted his son back, that was more important than anything else. He had lost him 9 months ago he didn't wanna lose him again.

"Ok, I'll talk to her and I promise she won't be in your way, Alex! Deal?" Harry offered his hand to his son and after some hesitation Alex took it.

"Deal!"

68

The next couple of weeks life on Drovers revolved around the planning of Claire's and Alex's wedding. Of course the regular work needed to be done as well but everything seemed to be finished quicker now because there was always something to plan or discuss.

Claire had started working again after 9 days of rest but still found it difficult to cope with life as a working mother. She felt she wasn't doing anything right. When she was with Charlotte she wanted to go out and help the others, when she was out riding a fence or mustering some cattle she wanted nothing more than to be with her daughter.
The lack of sleep she got at night made her cranky and that only made the whole situation worse. Alex helped as much as he could but he couldn't breastfeed Charlotte so most of the times he got up to look after the baby Claire had to be up sooner or later anyway. She got little to no sleep at all at night and during the day she tried to do all the chores she had done before she had gotten pregnant. The difference now was she had to get back ever so often to feed Charlotte and didn't get anything done in her opinion.

Claire sat at the kitchen table feeding Charlotte all the while looking at her watch when Meg walked in. She saw how much Claire was in a hurry so she couldn't help but say "Claire, you've got to give her time! If you take your time feeding her she won't need you that often…"
"I have to get back to work Meg or I won't get anything done today…"

"Claire, you should really slow down a bit, you're a mother now, your daughter needs you! But…I have something for you which might help make things a little easier…" Meg turned around and got a box out of one of the kitchen cupboards and handed it to Claire.

"What's this?" Claire looked confused on the thing inside the box.

"It's a breast pump, I bought it just in case…" Meg smiled proud of herself.

"I'm not a dairy cow Meg…other women can do it I will be fine, too. Thanks for the concern…" Claire got up and left Meg in the kitchen shaking her head. Claire would come back…

For Claire the rest of the day turned into a complete chaos. Shortly after she had left Meg in the kitchen she had wanted to clean up Charlotte but the water wasn't running. Jodi had hurt her hand badly trying to fix the broken pipe and Meg had taken her to the hospital. Alex was working on Killarney and Tess and Becky were out on the other end of the property moving some sheep to another paddock. That left Claire alone in the house with no running water, a crying baby and no clean nappy to change her.

Claire was nearly out of her mind. Everything was out of hand and there was nothing she could do about it. She liked to have things under control but with Charlotte around there was no control at all!

Claire ended up cutting an old bed sheet into pieces so she could change BOM, then took the crying baby with her to try and fix the broken pipe. If only she had a way to contact Becky and Tess! Nobody would be back for hours! Amazingly enough Charlotte decided to calm down and take a nap so her mother could get the work done.

After she had finished the pipe Claire was covered in dirt but since the tank had run empty she still didn't have water to clean herself up. Charlotte was awake again crying her lungs out to be fed but Claire didn't dare to touch her with all the dirt.

"I'm sorry BOM…I'm dirty and I don't want you to get ill…calm down honey, not long and we'll have some water again…the tank just needs to fill up a little…" Claire felt so helpless with her daughter crying that she started to cry, too. Trying to calm down her daughter she sat down in the kitchen and kept rocking Charlotte's stroller. The little girl calmed down a little and Claire rested her head on the kitchen table still sobbing.

"I can't do this…" she kept muttering over and over again.

That as how Meg found them a good 30 minutes later. Claire's head on the table, her body shaken by sobs, Charlotte in her stroller, with a red heated head from crying.

"Claire! Everything all right? What happened?"

"I can't do this Meg…I just can't do it…" Claire muttered "I fixed the pipe but got all dirty…the tank was empty so I couldn't get myself clean and BOM was crying all the time…I just don't know what to do…I…I…" Claire broke down into sobs again.

"Oh Claire…everything will be all right…" Meg tried the tap to see if the water was back "See we got running water again…why don't you clean yourself up and take a nap…you look exhausted!"

"But I need to feed her…" Claire looked at Charlotte. "I'm not a mother Meg…look what I've done to her today…"
"Claire, you are a great mother!"
"But I don't do anything, I don't know what she wants and she can't even seem to keep my milk down!"

"You do more than you think Claire…now go and get yourself cleaned, I'll bring Charlotte up so you can feed her and then you'll take a nap, ok?"

Claire nodded and left the kitchen with one last look on her daughter while Meg tried to calm down the little girl till her mother was finished.

10 minutes later Claire was clean and had changed into new clothes. She was leaning against the headboard of her bed finally feeding Charlotte.

"I'm sorry sweetheart…I'm not the best mother I know but I'll try my best, I promise…" She stroked her daughters head and sighed. "What a mess…"

"Everything all right?" Meg poked her head through the bedroom door.

"Yeah, thanks Meg...umm, about that breast pump…can you show me how to use it?"

Meg smiled. She had known Claire would come around "Sure Claire, we can do that later…right now I think both of you should take a nap. I've called that husband of yours and told him to get his butt round here, shouldn't be long. He can take care of Charlotte while you get some sleep and I try and clean the up the mess."

Outside they could hear Alex's ute pulling up and it didn't take him long to storm in the bedroom.

"Claire! Are you all right? Charlotte?" He sat down on the bed next to her.

Claire looked at Meg questioning but the older woman only shrugged her shoulders and smiled. "I may have exaggerated a bit when I told him to come home…" she said and left the young parents alone.

"I'm fine Alex, it was just a bad day I guess…I'm glad you're here now though."

Alex cupped her face and petted her cheek with his thumb. "Why didn't you call me? I'm only over at Killarney and I'm sure Dad understands it if you need me…"

"I know Alex, I'm sorry, I thought I could handle it on my own like I always have…"

"But you're not alone anymore Claire, you got a daughter to look for. Don't you think it's time somebody else took a little more responsibility? Let Tess do her share, she knows what she's doing by now and Becky's one of the best and hardest workers I've ever seen. You don't need to do every little thing yourself…" Alex didn't know what else to say. Only Claire herself could let the others help her.

Claire smiled at her husband and leaned forward to kiss him. "Thanks Alex, for being here…for everything…I guess I gotta let go of the thought of having a nice, structured life with this little one here…"

"Nah, it'll just be a little different. Let the us take a little of your burden away from you and you'll be fine, you'll see."

"Ok, but can we figure that out later? Right now all I wanna do it sleep…"
When Alex saw that Claire could barely keep her eyes open he took his daughter from her arms, kissed Claire on the head and got up.

"You sleep and I'll take care of our little sunshine here, ok?" he said but when he turned around he saw that Claire had already faded off.

"Look Charlotte" he told his daughter "Mummy's asleep. Why don't we two go outside and have a little talk, huh? There are so many things I need to tell you…"

With one last look at Claire he left their bedroom and took Charlotte out on the veranda for some father-daughter-bonding…

69

The weeks flew by and the wedding was getting closer and closer. Claire had learned to let go of some of her chores and now mainly did things around the house and delegated more. Once the horse training business was back up and running it would consume all her time anyway so she might as well start with delegating now.

Claire and Alex had already contacted some of their former customers and had gotten a positive answer from 2 of them. Their horses would arrive the week after the wedding which was now only 2 weeks away.

If Tess was not working on Drovers or getting on Claire's nerves with all kinds of wedding plans she was usually to be found at Wilgul keeping Nick company. Claire didn't really know what was going on between the two but they both looked rather happy lately so she decided to leave it at that. She was sure Tess would come and tell when she was ready.

Charlotte was 8 weeks old and the pride of her parents and grandparents. It was planned that Claire and Alex took another trip to Melbourne for a couple of days with their daughter so they could show her to Bryce and Liz and Alex could put the finishing touch on selling his apartment.

As far as the wedding itself was concerned the only thing that still needed to be done was Claire's wedding dress. They had put that off for as long as possible so Claire was able to get back to her 'pre-pregnant look' as she called it. Claire had decided to wear her mother's and grandmother's wedding dress. All her life she had wanted to get married in that dress but 10 years ago everything had happened so fast that she had never had the time to get the dress fixed up. But now was the time for that and Claire couldn't wait to get it done.

For that reason Tess would join them in Melbourne. Her and Claire had talked about what they wanted to change on the dress and what could stay the way it was. They would also pick out dresses for the brides maids. They had measured the girls and the dresses would be made and shipped to Drovers for a last fitting in time before the wedding.

The car was packed with all the things Claire, Alex, Tess and Charlotte needed for a week in the city and was now waiting for those four.

"Tess, are you finished yet? We should really go if we wanna make it half way to Melbourne today! What the hell is taking you so long?" an annoyed Claire shouted up the stairs. Alex was already settling Charlotte in the car so all that was missing was Tess.

"I'll be down in a minute Claire…I had to blow dry my hair!"

"Tess, we'll be in the car all day, no need to win a beauty contest! Get down here now or we'll leave without you!"

With that Claire stormed off. It was always the same with Tess…

Outside Alex was waiting for his wife and sister-in-law along with Nick, Meg, Jodi and Becky. They had all come to say goodbye.

"She still not finished?" He asked Claire as she left the house.

"Nope, she had to blow dry her hair…wonder who she thinks she needs to do that for…she promised to be down in a minute…" Claire rolled her eyes.

"And here she is!" Tess's happy voice came from behind them. "Ready to go?"

"We've been ready for ages Tess…" Claire muttered and went to hug everybody goodbye as did Alex and Tess.

They arrived in Melbourne late afternoon the following day. It had been a smooth ride, Charlotte seemed to love driving in the car so they didn't have to stop all that often so she could be changed and fed, but all 3 adults were glad that they had finally reached Alex's almost empty apartment.

"Finally…I need some sleep!" Tess said and threw herself on the couch.

Claire laughed "Hey, who's the one with the baby Tess? I didn't get much sleep last night because my daughter decided to start getting cranky the minute we stopped the car! If anybody needs sleep it's me!"

"Hey you two, stop fighting!" Alex said carrying in the last bags. "Why don't we all take a nap as long as BOM's sleeping and then go out and have something to eat and discuss who does what tomorrow…"

"Well, I better go to bed then before this precious one here decides to wake up and needs her Mum…" Claire said looking at Charlotte and then turning around to go to the bedroom. "Ah good, there are still sheets on the bed…"

Alex walked in behind her and gabbed her waist from behind "We left them on so I'd come back to sell everything, remember? Now Mrs McLeod-Ryan…would you do me the honour of sharing that bed with me?"

Claire smiled and turned around in his arms to kiss him. "Is that an offer Mr Ryan?"

Alex smirked "Not really…with Tess and Charlotte sleeping next door in the middle of the afternoon…don't think Tess would appreciate that!"

"Yep, you're probably right…it's only I miss you…"
Then they heard Tess clearing her throat from the bedroom door. "I'm sorry to disturb you two lovebirds…but I need to know where you put my bag Alex. I need my mobile, I wanna call Nick and tell him we're here…"

"Oh, it's here." He pointed his head in the direction of Tess's bag.
"Tess, would you also either call Drovers or tell Nick to call them?" Claire asked her sister which nodded and left the bedroom closing the door behind her.

Claire looked at Alex. "Do you know anything about my sister and your brother? I mean, Tess spends every free minute she's not planning our wedding on Wilgul! Has he said anything to you? "

"Sorry Claire, I don't know any more than you do…Nick doesn't talk about such things to me. But our siblings is not what I wanna talk about right now…"Alex said and pushed Claire to the bed all the while trying not to kiss her because he knew it would lead to more they could do right now. They hadn't had any sexual contact since Charlotte was born and Alex was slowly going crazy. But he wanted to give Claire the time she needed even if it killed him.

Lying down on the bed he wrapped Claire up in his arms and it didn't take them long to fall asleep.

Next door Tess was looking at a sleeping Charlotte while waiting for Nick to answer the phone. The two of them had decided to take things slow after their kiss in Melbourne, they had both ruined their relationship before and didn't want to take that risk again.

"Wilgul, Nick speaking…"

"Hi Nick!"

"Tess! Glad to hear your voice. Reckon you're in Melbourne now…"

"Yup, we're all tired and exhausted but made it safely…"

They went on talking about what was going on at the farms and all kinds of other things like they had done so often in the time since Alex was home. They could talk about little things for hours and not get bored by the other's presence. Both knew there was a constant tension between them but none of them felt ready to further explore that yet. At the moment they were just happy that they had each other back in their lives.

When Tess said goodbye to Nick 10 minutes later, he promised to call Drovers and Tess settled down for an afternoon nap with a huge smile on her face…