Moon and Stars

Goodbye
Theme: Touch
Summary: In which Sirius says goodbye.

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He tied the cloak off and tucked his wand inside his sleeve. He stared at the dirty mirror hanging in the hallway, studying his hollow face. There were bags under his eyes, for he hadn't slept in weeks. His skin was a pasty white color, for he'd felt sick for days. There was no smile in his eyes, for he'd felt solemn for hours.

"Are you leaving?" a tiny voice spoke behind him and Sirius turned towards the source of such a pathetic sound.

Remus stood in the doorway of the bedroom. He looked like he was struggling to say something more, for Remus was always smarter than was strictly necessary. He could see the emotions dancing in Sirius' eyes.

Sirius didn't move from his spot, looking at Remus, pretending that everything was okay and the sun was shining outside. But it was really raining. And everything was no okay. He had a bad feeling. He had a terrible feeling. He had to get to Peter. He had to get to James and Lily.

"Are you leaving?" Remus said again.

Are you leaving me?

Remus didn't have to say the last word for Sirius to understand that was what the young wizard was asking. His golden eyes watched Sirius' every move and Sirius swallowed thickly, tracing every angle of Remus' face with his eyes. Why did everything have to be like this? Why was the feeling twisting in his gut not leaving him be?

There was no way Remus could be the traitor. But how could it be anyone else? He didn't want to think that Remus, beautiful, gentle, kind Remus was the traitor for the Dark Lord. It was impossible for such a lovely and wonderful man to be so two-faced. But, even Dumbledore thought so.

A shadow fell over the apartment as rain splattered against the windows. It was strange weather for July, but everything in this world was strange. Sirius' heart throbbed and he started down at his large, heavy boots. He'd tracked dirt in the last time he'd worn them. Now, he was leaving.

Are you leaving me?

"I'm sorry," Sirius said at last, not raising his head to look at Remus but knowing what kind of face the man was probably making.

He could hear Remus walking forward before he felt him. Remus' pale hands traced along his broad shoulder and Sirius stilled, tilting his head to look at Remus.

Remus looked like him. There were bags under his eyes. His skin was a sickly white. His eyes were churning with his turmoil of emotions. Was Remus the traitor? He didn't want to believe it.

Sirius reached up a hand and cupped Remus' cheek. Why did it feel like it would be the last time he'd ever touch him?

There was an unspoken sentence hanging in the air. They both knew that Sirius was off to do something severe. They both knew that this was not a quick run down to the store, sealed with a tiny goodbye kiss and a casual wave. No, this was something that would shift their entire world.

"Be safe," Remus murmured, leaning into Sirius' touch and closing his eyes.

Sirius felt his heart throb sadly and he traced his fingers along Remus' jaw. He had to get away. He didn't want to believe Remus was the traitor.

"I have to go," Sirius murmured and his lips were close to Remus'. "I need to talk with James."

"You should stay here," Remus begged. "You're the secret keeper."

"I know," Sirius said mysteriously and looked away from Remus. The said werewolf looked at him earnestly. He didn't known he'd switched with Peter. "But I need to talk to him."

"It's dangerous. He's looking for you," Remus whispered fearfully, his golden eyes wide. How could he be the traitor?

He had to find Peter. Peter was not safe. What had he been thinking telling James to make weak, little Peter the secret keeper? He was a fearful and scared boy, and he needed to protect his little friend. Sirius had been foolish to turn the secret over to Peter, who would not be able to put up a fight should the Dark Lord find him.

"I need to go," Sirius said and ran his fingers over Remus' ear. "I'm sorry."

"Sirius…"

"Goodbye," Sirius said, and kissed Remus' forehead. He pulled away from the wizard and retreated to the door. He turned the doorknob and walked out. He glanced over his shoulder and looked at the heartbroken look in Remus' eyes.

He smiled sadly at the boy.

He wished he could touch him one last time. Why did it feel like he was never coming back?

"Sirius…"

"Goodbye," Sirius said again before Remus could finish his sentence. It was better left unsaid.

He shut the door.