I Still Don't Own Shit
Xemnas cried as he laid there one the ground clutching his crotch
"I'll kill him." He said as he tried to stand. He limped off towards the kitchen, when he heard a loud crashing sound and much cursing. As he entered the kitchen, he saw Axel and Xaldin throwing plates, and broken plates at each other. He scanned the area, to see Roxas hiding in the corner, tears welling up in his eyes as he watched the fighting. When Xemnas looked back at the fighting men, he had to duck quickly to avoid having his eye punctured by a shard of a 'My Little Pony' plate.
"STOP FIGHTING!" he yelled, the two stopped and looked over to him. Axel throwing one final plate at Xaldin's head.
"He started it." Axel said pointing over to Xaldin.
"Screw you transvestite."
"I'M NOT A TRANSVESTITE GOD DAMN IT!" Axel yelled.
"Just tell me what happened." Xemnas said getting exasperated.
"He…he… broke my 'Power Puff Girls' plate" Roxas whined from the corner. Xemnas covered his eyes with his hand.
"Is that it? I thought it might have been important." Roxas whined louder,
"BUT IT WAS MY PLATE." he started bawling like an infant. Xemnas groaned.
"If it'll shut you up, you can get a new plate when we go shopping." Roxas squealed.
"YAY!" Xemnas sighed,
"Why the hell did I hire you in the first place?" He asked Roxas.
"This is why." With that, Roxas started to strip dance.
"OH MY GOD STOP!" Xemnas yelled as he watched the young boy took his clothes off piece by piece. He groaned as he sat up.
"Thank God it was a dream." he sighed, to notice Roxas running past him half nude. Axel following behind with even less clothing on. Xemnas fell back onto the floor, and was stepped on by Xaldin.
"If I catch you horny bastards fucking in my bed ever again, I'll break more than your favorite plate."
"Xaldin, if you enjoy having testicles, get the hell off me or I'll turn you into a woman the hard way." Xaldin quickly stepped off of his leader.
"Those fuckers were screwing in my room. We need to get Axel fixed, that way they'll act like normal people." Xemnas thought about it, slicing Axel's nuts of sounded like much fun.
"As fun as that sounds, I don't think it'll help. He crazy in the head, not the genitals." Xaldin shrugged and walked off.
Demyx walked around the castle, waiting until it was time to leave for the final chore, shopping. He felt good, after having kicked Xemnas in his netherds. The overhead crackled to life,
"Demyx, good going with the kickball. " Axel's voice came through. Demyx laughed,
"Anyway, listen up everyone, it's time to go to the store, so get a list together or live without stuff." The speaker silenced and Demyx walked towards the main exit. Roxas walked up behind him.
"Can I go with you guys?" he asked as he walked up to Demyx. Demyx shrugged, I don't see why not. Roxas smiled and jumped in the air.
"I Haven't been to the store before." He said giggling like a schoolgirl. Demyx laughed,
"If that's your idea of a good time, then I can show you heaven little man." He smiled his best suggestive smile and Roxas's face brightened.
"Really?" the naïve boy asked. Demyx nodded and went to grab the boy, when Axel's fist hit him hard in the back of the head.
"Only I get to enjoy the young one. Stick to your little quite guy."
"What about a trade?" Demyx asked, as Axel though it over, Xigbar and Xemnas showed up.
"Let's get going. Xigbar said as he sat in the car. Xemnas nodded, and they all pilled in.
They pulled into the store parking lot, and Roxas jumped out of the car.
"This is so awesome." he said as he looked around.
"Yeah, if you say so. Anyway, here is the list; eggs, milk, soda, Fruit Loops, tampons, and……."
"Did you just say tampons?" Axel asked,
"Well, we'll take the food, and you can do the hygiene stuff Xemnas." Demyx said grabbing the list with the food objects on it.
"No. I won't . I'm the fucking leader of Organization XIII, I'm not going to buy tampons."
"Well, you're screwing the person who needs them, so have fun." Xigbar said as he and the others ran off into the store.
"Damn it."
Roxas looked around in awe. The grocery store was large and smelled off people and plastic. Xigbar tapped him on the shoulder,
"Short stuff, go get some of these." He said, handing a small slip of paper to Roxas. Roxas looked at the paper,
'Condoms' it read. He looked at it quizzically, but when he went to ask where and what they were, the three others were gone.
"What did you tell him to get?" Axel asked, as Xigbar pushed him along.
"Nothing important, anyway all we need to get are eggs, milk, soda, and Fruit Loops. Who the hell eats Fruit Loops anyway?" Demyx shrugged,
"Probably Marluxia, he does weird shit all the time. Flower loving pansy." Axel laughed,
"Anyway, ill grab the eggs and the milk." He left and Xigbar looked down the aisle.
"Soda is right there, so all we need is the damn Fruit Loops, but I say fuck the cereal and spend the money on tequila." Demyx nodded,
"Good idea." The two walked down the aisle, grabbing a bottle of Pepsi and continuing on to the alcohol.
Xemnas was lost in a sea of women's hygiene products. HE picked up a box and looked at it.
'Super Plus Tampons, ultra absorbency rating.'
"What the hell does that mean?" he asked himself. An old lady walking past said,
" It means they are rated for heavy flow." Xemnas paled,
"Umm… thank you." He grabbed a second box and ran off to find the others.
Roxas stared at the shelf,
"THEY COME IN SIZES?!" he yelled as he stared at the products. A clerk nearby looked at him quizzically.
Xemnas slid up to the counter quietly. He placed the two boxes on the counter. The cashier looked at the boxes and back to Xemnas. HE looked away,
"Just ring them up." the girl shrugged and swiped one of the boxes across the barcode reader. Nothing happened, she shrugged and tried the second box, still no luck. She reached for the loudspeaker, and Xemnas almost pissed himself. She turned it on and went to speak into it.
"Price check on Kotex Super Plus Tampons." Xemnas became very self conscience very quickly. He noticed the old man next to him looking at him strangely. Then, Xemnas snapped. He grabbed the loudspeaker and yelled into it,
"YES, I, XEMNAS THE LEADER OF THE DREADED ORGANIZATION XIII, IS BUYING TAMPONS, AND I AM ASHAMED!!"
Xigbar looked at him suspiciously from the front of the store, the man going crazy at the counter as he tried to buy the tampons for his girlfriend.
"This is why we bought the tequila." HE said to Demyx. Demyx nodded,
"He's going to need it." Axel walked up with his bag of groceries.
"You guys see Roxas?"
"THEY COME IN FLAVORS?!" could be heard coming from the sexual health aisle. Xigbar burst out laughing.
"You had him buy condoms didn't you?" Demyx asked, trying to suppress his laughter. Axle thrust his bags into Xigbar's arms,
"You're an asshole." He said as he went to help his boyfriend. As he left Xemnas walked up, dishelmed and out of breath.
"You alright.?" Demyx asked looking at him. He shook his head no and walked to the car. Xigbar kept laughing and followed him. Demyx looked over and saw Axel and Roxas walking towards him with a small black bag.
"You surviving Roxas?" He asked as they walked to the car.
"They come in flavors." was all the young boy said.