Xemnas had called a meeting.
It was like any other meeting.
Xemnas droned on and on about Kingdom Hearts, invincibility, power, darkness, etcetera. They had meetings like this almost every day. The past week had been a standstill. Nothing worthwhile was going on. There was nothing to scheme. There was no one to kidnap, nothing to destroy.
Larxene was filing her nails. Just because none of the guys saw her as a girl didn't mean that she couldn't look good for herself. Just because she had to wear that hideous, unisex, black robe that hid her womanly figure, that didn't mean she still didn't want to look pretty. Look pretty…for whom? No one. Or rather, Nobody. Larxene burst out crying.
Marluxia was rolling a joint, and a fat one at that. He had just harvested his first crop of marijuana, and was eager to see how it turned out. He clumsily licked the paper and rolled it up as tight as he could. Satisfied with the results, he motioned to Axel, who summoned a flame from his finger. Breathing in deeply, Marluxia got that jay started and nodded a thanks to his pyromaniacal friend.
Saix was fucking bored, even though he didn't want to admit it. He enjoyed acting like Xemnas's second-in-command, so he desperately tried to look the part. He started doodling on the clipboarded papers in front of him. Doot doo doot doot doot. He drew a funny picture of Xemnas. He snorted but quickly turned it into a cough and resumed his serious, antagonist façade.
Demyx had stereotypically brought his guitar (excuse me, sitar) and was tuning it, rather stereotypically. Xemnas pretended to ignore it, but if one looked hard enough, one could see Xemnas twitching after every twang of the strings. Demyx did it faster and louder, just to piss him off.
Xaldin wasn't having too bad of a time, especially after taking a hit or ten of Marluxia's sweet, sweet, joint. Eyes glazed over, he stared at Xemnas, pretending to comprehend what he was actually saying. With the occasional "heh, heh," and a goofy smile plastered on his face.
Xigbar was munching on some Chex mix. He rearranged the salty little squares into houses and other various things. When he was bored with that, he popped them into the air and practiced catching the pointy little crackers in his mouth. One of them fell into his eye. His good eye. Damn.
Roxas was fidgety and oh-so-depressed. He looked around the room with his beautiful angelic blue eyes. Every once in awhile, he sighed a wistful, tortured sigh of angst. When no one was looking, he took out his camera, held it over his head, and took a few more MySpace pictures. Why didn't anyone understand what he was going through?
Namine was also present. Only she was in a cage in the corner of the room, drawing and humming to herself. That wild thang. No one could trust that girl.
Zexion was going crazy. Between Marluxia's pot smoke and Larxene's overzealous application of perfume, he was going into sensory overload. The Chex mix didn't help matters. His left eye started twitching. Too many smells! His head promptly exploded. No one looked up.
Axel had already burnt most of the reports Xemnas had distributed today. He tapped another piece of paper and watched the ends crinkle away in to ash. Axel groaned irritably. He looked around the room and made a kissy face to Roxas. Roxas blushed fuschia and glanced around to make sure no one saw that suggestive move. Axel laughed inwardly. Then he sat up indignantly, glancing around the room for any Akuroku fans that may have been lurking about. Why, he was as straight as a ruler, he was.
Xemnas stopped and looked around the room. No one noticed that he had stopped talking. He was appalled by what he saw. Xaldin and Marluxia were playing a game of "flick the roach across the table". Demxy was composing a song. Larxene was still sobbing. Xigbar was constructing Chexopolis. Roxas was playing with a Swiss army knife. Axel had set the table on fire.
Xemnas just sighed and continued.
"So, what we need is to find that boy Sora and those animals he frolics about with, and then, only then, can we—"
Roxas stood up, knocking his chair over in the process. Xemnas was astonished. "What in the name of Kingdom Hearts are you doing?" Larxene groaned and covered her face. "Not again…"
"I hate this!" cried Roxas. "I hate these meetings, and I hate this stupid castle, and I hate YOU, Xemnas!"
"Uh…." Xemnas was at a loss for words.
"Why am I even at these meetings? I'm nothing but a tool for you. Nothing!" Roxas shrieked. "NOTHING!"
"We've been through this before, Roxas!" someone scolded. "Now sit down and shut up."
"I'm going to my room!" Roxas announced tearfully. "And I'm NEVER COMING OUT!" He made sure he slammed the door on the way out.
Silence.
Marluxia snorted.
Xemnas sighed. "That's too bad. He almost made it all the way through this time. I was just about done."
"Finally," a few voices muttered.
Axel stood up. "Just get it over with. It's almost dinnertime and I'm starving." The others voiced their agreement.
"What's for dinner?" asked Xigbar, digging the crumbs out of his eye socket.
"Well," said Xemnas, "I was thinking Chinese takeout tonight." Everyone applauded.
"See, Xemnas? This is why we elected you leader," said brown-nosing Saix. "You always have the best ideas."
"Well, you know…" Xemnas shrugged bashfully. And with that, he dialed up Happy Dragon Express and ordered some General Tso's chicken and fried rice. And afterwards, everyone agreed: that was a fucking good meal.