Disclaimer: Everything but the original characters and the Billy Joel lyrics belong to Tolkien and company.
Loss and Hope
Chapter Six: Vienna
Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
Too bad but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself
That you forfeit what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
But you know you can't always see when you're right
You got your passion you got your pride
But don't you know only fools are satisfied?
Dream on but don't imagine they'll al come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you'
- Billy Joel, Vienna
TA 2939
Arwen came upon her brother in his favorite glade. The time in the Golden Wood had done wonders for Elrohir, there was a renewed joy in him, a lightness in his step and in his eyes.
Arwen placed a soft hand on his face, her smile matching his own.
"It is time for you to depart." Arwen said.
"Has father ordered my return?" Elrohir asked.
"No, he has not. But it is time for you to go back." Arwen placed a soft kiss on her brother's brow, "There is nothing left for you to find here, nothing left for you to ponder."
"You sound certain." Elrohir remarked.
Arwen nodded, "You have made your decision."
"Yes," Elrohir said, "I have."
"And you are cotenant with your choice." Arwen said.
"Yes, I am." Elrohir assured her.
Arwen smiled at her brother, unmindful of the tears gathering in her eyes, "You have found your answer, it is time for you to depart."
Elrohir pulled his sister into a loose embrace, "I will heed your words."
"As you should, for I am your sister and I am most wise."
Elrohir laughed as he dried the tears from Arwen's face. "You could return home with me." he said.
"It is not yet my time." Arwen told him. "I still have more to ponder here."
"Will you ever return?" Elrohir asked, giving voice to a fear many in Imladris held.
"If I have not returned in two decades I promise, you may come and collect me and I will return without objection." Arwen gave her brother one last tight hug. "Now, hurry, you have a young boy back in Imladris who is growing up quite quickly and needs you there to teach him. Give my love to all." Arwen said.
"Of course." Elrohir agreed. His eyes trailed one last time to the sky in the Golden Wood before he gave his sister one last nod and left the glade.
Elrohir smiled as a young boy came running up to him. This was not the Estel he had left, this boy was much taller, the uncertainty of youth starting to be replaced by the cockiness of the adolescent. His hair was growing shaggy, starting to fall in his light eyes, but that smile still contained a hint of the young boy who had sat on Elrohir's bed as he prepared to leave.
Elrohir dismounted, "Estel, look at you." Elrohir motioned for the elf at his side to continue on to the stables. There were none to greet them, for he had asked for few to be alerted of their presence, most importantly Glorfindel. He feared the elf lord's reaction when he learned what elf had accompanied Elrohir on his return.
Estel nodded at Elrohir's words, "Tirnion and Glorfindel say I grow another inch each day." He reached up to give Elrohir a strong embrace, "My mother says she has stopped counting the difference, for she thinks I will soon be taller than she is now."
"You are merely eight, but I must admit, you are quite tall for your age." Elrohir reached a hand out and ruffled the hair, laughing at the unconventional cut. "Your mother has let you grow it like this?" he asked.
Estel shrugged, "She says if I desire to blind myself with my hair and have the continued need to walk into walls that is my own prerogative though I should not expect a healer to come running and fix me every time I break something from said blindness. I do not know if she was jesting or being truthful, but she has let me keep my hair in such a way."
"Glorfindel makes you tie it back though, yes?" Elrohir asked as he remembered Glorfindel's decrees from his youth.
"Of course he does." Estel answered. "He is not as bad as Tirnion. You would think I had my whole face covered with the way he goes on about it."
Elrohir smiled, "Each realm of elves have their own laws of decorum and I do believe your hair violates that of the wood elves of Mirkwood." Elrohir started to lead his horse to the stables but was stopped as Thandrog came riding up behind him, a disgruntled look on his face.
"You are not happy." Elrohir said.
Thandrog gave him a dark look, "The Men of the South are generally foolish, I am sorry if I offended some of your kin." The road weary elf said. "And I was forced to deal with them on my own for some time. The councilor we sent out there has fallen ill and they have demanded a replacement. What kind of elf falls ill in a human realm?"
"Poison?" Estel asked.
Thandrog jumped, obviously just taking note of the young boy. "Estel, good to see you! How are the archery lessons?"
"They are going well, though I prefer the sword and knife training with Glorfindel and Elladan. Now, was it poison?" Estel asked, getting to the matter at hand.
"Not a heavy dose." Thandrog answered. "We have the councilor's room barricaded with forces though, I am here to find the replacement and the replacement escort since I refuse to go out there again."
Elrohir laughed, "Thandrog, were they really that bad?"
"YES!" Thandrog yelled. He then took the reins of Elrohir's horse, "Let me go take care of these two, I fear I have had my fill of non-animal contact for the century."
Elrohir laughed as he watched Thandrog walk off to the stables, grumbling the entire way.
Elrohir gestured to the house, "Shall we?" he asked Estel.
Estel nodded, "Thank you for the letters and the gifts you sent. My mother loved the dress."
"Oh, I fear that was not my gift but that of my sister." Elrohir said.
"You have a sister?" Estel asked.
Elrohir laughed, "Oh, yes, I do. You have heard of her, remember, Arwen."
"Why have I never met her? I find it difficult to remember you have a sister when I have never seen her." Estel said.
"She spends much time in the Golden Wood. I am certain you will meet her one day." Elrohir said as they passed through various hallways and staircases. "If you will excuse me, I must see my father."
"You must see me first." Morwen said from above, her dark hair down and obscuring most of her face. Elrohir smiled, she had not yet seen Elrohir's guest. It would, indeed, be better to see her before such a time.
Elrohir turned to Estel, "If you will excuse me, I must see Morwen and then I muse see my father. I will speak to you soon after that, I have many tales to tell you."
Estel nodded, running off in the direction of his mother's rooms.
Elrohir ascended the staircase surprising Morwen as he pulled her into a tight embrace. He laughed at her sound of surprise.
"Who told you I had returned?" Elrohir asked.
"We all have our ways." Morwen answered as she pulled herself from Elrohir's arms. "Your brother knew you were drawing near. He said as much to Rian when he headed the patrol this morning. He should be back within the hour."
The two continued down the hall in silence until they came to Elrohir's chambers.
Elrohir smiled as he walked into the room, watching as Morwen pulled back the curtains and flooded the room with daylight.
"We got the dust out, cleared the things off." Morwen said as she continued to bring light into the room.
Elrohir watched her movements from his bed, "You're not going to ask me?"
"Are you going to tell me?" Morwen asked as she turned to look at him.
"I have made a decision." Elrohir said.
"And?" Morwen asked.
Elrohir smiled, "I have decided to not yet decide."
"Very wise." Morwen said.
Elrohir studied her, finding nothing but truth in her words. With a suspicious look he asked, "It took me two years to make that decision, you are not going to taunt me?"
Morwen shook her head, "I am just glad it did not take you two hundred years." She came over to him and placed a soft kiss on his brow, so reminiscent of Arwen it almost made Elrohir's breath stop, if it was not for the fact he was flooded in daylight and not moonlight, he would have thought he was elsewhere.
"Welcome home, Elrohir." Morwen said before she left him to this thoughts.
Elrohir knocked softly on his father's door, smiling at the elf behind the desk. The desk covered in maps and papers and a content looking elf.
"Father?" he asked.
"I felt your return, I was quite surprised." Elrond said.
"It was a small escort and I honestly did not know I was going to leave the Golden Wood until I rode out." Elrohir said.
Elrond put down his work, "Why did you?"
Elrohir walked further into the room, almost feeling like the oft-chastised elf he was in his youth. "Arwen said it was time." Elrohir told his father.
"And you just went?" Elrond asked, clearly disbelieving his son's words.
"She is quite convincing." Elrohir came to stand beside his father. "She is coming home eventually, she promises."
Elrond stood up and embraced his son, "How long?" he asked.
"At least twenty more years." Elrohir said.
"That is not too long then, it has already been many decades." Elrond whispered as he let Elrohir go. "Did you find the answer you so desperately sought?" Elrond asked.
Elrohir smiled sadly, "No, no I did not." He looked at his father, knowledge in his eyes, "But I found the answer I needed."
Elrond took in a deep breath as he closed his eyes, his own fear being laid to rest for a moment, knowing the decision was not truly made. "You have just gained some wisdom, I fear."
"Alert all." Elrohir joked. "I will know when I will know." Elrohir said.
Elrond nodded, a sad smile on his own face, "Yes, you will."
"Estel seems so grown up." Elrohir remarked.
Elrond nodded, "Remarkable, is it not? And Estel is just the age when most of those heirs of Islidur came to our home to be fostered."
"There is something different about him." Elrohir said.
Elrond sighed, moving to look out over the realm, "There is something quite different about him. There is greatness in Estel, it is forming and growing with each day. Let us hope it stays that way."
Elrohir nodded at his father's words as he joined him on the balcony. His gaze took in the river, the waterfalls, the trees and all of the people. This was not the Golden Wood, in Imladris time was marked and change was quite obvious. There was always some matter to be seen to, some group of people requesting aid, some visitor passing through, or claiming to be passing though and yet never leaving. It had only been two years but he had missed this. Despite Arwen's words to the contrary, this was home. This was warmth. This was not the ice cold beauty of the Golden Wood, this was not the impressive fortress of Thranduil's ever darkening realm, it was not the smell of water and the sting of salt and the ever present taste and feeling of departure in Cirdan's realm. No, this was Imladris, this was light and warmth and comfort. This was where he was meant to be, these people were his family. And now, at this moment, that was more than enough. Elrohir placed a hand on his father's shoulder, "I should report in to Glorfindel. I will rejoin you soon."
Elrond nodded and turned back to look out over the valley. Elrohir left his father to his thoughts.
Eluialeth stretched her back, not knowing when she had last left her chair. There were reports coming in from Mirkwood each day, flooding Tirnion with problems to handle and flooding Eluialeth and Morwen with work to assist him. She jumped as a pair of hands came to rest on her back, massaging the tired muscles.
"Lindir, I did not hear you." she said.
Lindir gave her an amused smile, "I am sure you did not for you have been engrossed in that work for days." Lindir's hands quickly worked out the tense muscles in her back. "Being a minstrel and having to sit in such a position for many hours, I am quite used to the stiffening of the back." He stepped away for Eluialeth, "There was a time where your father had me on call to work out such a problem."
"Truly?" Eluialeth asked.
Lindir nodded, "It would have been far too suspicious for your mother to do such a thing at the time. The eyes in Lindon were always watching, the ears always listening. Nothing is more dangerous than a building full of courtiers."
"I do wonder how Thranduil does it." Eluialeth mused.
"He cuts an impressive figure and generally guilts or glares everyone into submission." Tirnion said from the doorway.
Lindir nodded, "Yes, and from what I once saw of his father, Thranduil does it with much more skill and even more biting wit."
Tirnion laughed, "Yes, half the people he insults have no idea he is doing such a thing. I do enjoy witnessing it."
Lindir smiled as he made the way out of the room, "He does have a gilded tongue." he said. As Lindir passed Tirnion he whispered, "What exactly are you waiting for?"
Confused, Tirnion's gaze followed Lindir until he disappeared around a corner. "I fear there are times when that elf has inhaled far too mush rosin."
"He often says the same in regard to archers and bows or scribes and ink." Eluialeth said. "I have found some information on the rare few who have survived raiding a dragon's keep but I must tell you, Tirnion, this is beyond foolish."
"I am well aware but Thranduil is concerned that if the mortal men or the dwarves even get a hold of it, they will use it for ill."
Eluialeth stared at him blankly, "While Thranduil will use it for…"
"Making his gates and walls and armor quite beautiful and sparkling." Tirnion said, only slightly jesting.
"Morwen said it is well known most of what Smaug holds belongs to the dwarves." Eluialeth said.
Tirnion smiled tiredly, "Morwen, our little elven scholar of dwarves." Tirnion settled into a chair, "She is right of course, but Thranduil knows well his relationship with the dwarves is weak at best."
"Mutual respect hand-in-hand with mutual distaste." Eluialeth said.
Tirnion silently nodded.
"You are looking stressed and tired again." Eluialeth said.
Tirnion again nodded.
Eluialeth sat down beside him, "Do you think it would all go better if you were there?" she asked.
Tirnion smiled, "I do. I fear I will be heading back to Mirkwood a year or so before my anticipated return."
"That is not so sudden then." Eluialeth said.
"No, it is not." Tirnion agreed. "I need to bide my time here, doing as much research as I am able without being under the scrutiny of those in Mirkwood who view me with suspicion." He laughed humorlessly, "The seeds Saeros sowed all those years ago are finally coming to fruition, even without Bellion's help."
Eluialeth nodded as she stood up, "Then we must get back to the research."
Tirnion copied her movements, pulling another volume out of the stack to help him form another strategy, another battle plan, anything else than what he feared would happened. Tirnion did not want to see war in Mirkwood, but with each day it became more evident it was coming.
Glorfindel walked to the archery range, planning on taking his sudden free time and using it to exercise his idle body. He smiled to himself as the awed whispers of some of the younger and newer recruits followed him.
There were three reasons why Glorfindel often went to the public archery range. First, was of course to exercise his body and keep his skill up. Second, was to watch the progress of the soldiers without singling any out. Third, and sometimes most important, was to gather information through the ever loose tongues of elves lounging around a playing field. More often than even he would desire to admit, Glorfindel had gained valuable information from the gossip he had overheard while on the ranges.
Glorfindel stumbled forward as a bow knocked behind his knee.
"Watch those reflexes, Glorfindel. You are becoming slow in your old age." Elrohir said.
Glorfindel shook his head, "I should have known you were coming back. Morwen, Rian, and Elladan have been running around, whispering, making plans."
"I wanted to surprise my father and…" Elrohir laughed. "Morwen."
"Morwen?" Glorfindel asked.
"As per your orders, I had an escort from LothLorien."
Glorfindel closed his eyes, "Please tell me you did not do what I am fearing you did."
"It has been a very long time since Haldir has seen our lovely valley." Elrohir said.
Glorfindel shook his head and glared at Elrohir, "You are aware that I will be blamed for this."
Elrohir patted Glorfindel's shoulder as he walked by, "That's what I was counting on."
"Does she know yet?" Glorfindel asked.
"You listen to me you arrogant, asinine, assiduously annoying elf…" Morwen yelled, her voice silencing the range.
"Oh, Morwen, it has been so long since I've reveled in the sound of your discordant tones. It is not my fault your staff does not have the proper bedding fibers for my room. And in this lovely realm, where Lord Elrond teaches you all to appreciate each duty here, then you should well know just how to rectify such a situation." Haldir said, his condescending tone being carried on the wind.
Glorfindel turned to look at Elrohir, "Elrohir, I adore you, but for your safety….."
"I should start running?" Elrohir asked.
"Yes." Glorfindel answered.
Elrohir nodded and strapped his bow around his shoulder, making his way quickly in the opposite direction. Glorfindel turned back to this target, concentrating on his task.
"You look murderous." Thandrog said as he came to stand beside Glorfindel. "I take it Elrohir has blamed you for the reason he needed to bring Haldir here."
"Indeed." Glorfindel answered as he notched his arrow and took his stance.
"Oh, stop acting like that." Thandrog said as he took his own stance, "we both know how much you love to see her all fiery and indignant."
"Thandrog…" Glorfindel warned.
"Sorry, I will not be so insubordinate." Thandrog said.
Glorfindel nodded as he let his arrow go he reached back for his next arrow, his ears picking up some of the conversation. He could hear Banion, one of the newest archers and a former minstrel, say to Baineth something about Morwen and Haldir.
"You know, I happen to believe their actions are a mere cover up for their true feelings." Banion said.
Baineth snort was quite audible, "Banion, this is not some song about love and devotion in a dangerous time. While they do enjoy prodding each other with insults, I assure you, there is no deep and hidden love between them."
"But do you not think their protestations are just a bit much?"
"I happen to think you should either take your shot or get off the range." Baineth said.
Glorfindel could not stop his smile, which widened as he heard Thandrog's laughter.
"It is good to be home." Thandrog said.
"Is that your subtle way of asking me not to send you to the south again?" Glorfindel asked.
"I enjoyed going through Rohan, lovely horses they have. They even let me ride one."
Glorfindel laughed, "If you are trying to make me jealous, you are succeeding."
"They seemed quite receptive to trading a horse for councilor training." Thandrog hinted.
"Truly?" Glorfindel asked, surprised.
"As long as it is not Erestor, yes." Thandrog said.
"Hmm." Glorfindel pondered as he let another arrow go.
He was aware of Thandrog's stare, especially when Thandrog said, "Please do not tell me you are pondering a horse for your…"
"Never." Glorfindel flinched as he heard the distinct sound of a knife being embedded in wood and Haldir's own brand of cursing. "Not usually." Glorfindel admitted. He handed his bow over to Thandrog, "Excuse me while I help to avert a diplomatic disaster."
Thandrog took the bow and nodded, "By the Grace of the Valar…."
"Yes, indeed." Glorfindel muttered as he made his way into the house.
"Estel, if you do not sit still I will slip and cut your ear off." Gilraen stated, her tone starting to convey her annoyance.
"Estel, sit still for your mother." Elrond said as he sat in the corner, going over some of his letters.
Estel grumbled and sat still as his mother continued to cut the mysterious substance out of his hair. They still did not know what is was, only it would not come out and someone had thrown it directly at Estel, covering and ruining his clothes and the lower half of his hair.
"I will look horrid." Estel complained.
"You will look wonderful once your mother is finished with you." Rian said as she walked into the room, running critical eyes over his hair. "Though first, you must sit still."
Estel pouted and crossed his arms, "I am sitting still."
"If you are moving your arms and pouting you are not sitting still." Morwen said as she hurried into the room, coming to stand beside Elrond.
Elrond raised a curious brow, "What are you…"
"I may have lost my patience and am doing my best to avoid a lecture from Glorfindel." Morwen answered.
"Is Haldir bleeding?" Elrond asked.
"Not at all. The last time I saw him, he was laughing and applauding my efforts." Morwen said.
Elrond shook his head, "I do not understand you two."
"Which is lovely, since we hardly understand each other." Morwen said. "Do we know who did such a thing to Estel?"
Elrond sighed, "No, though Elladan is on it. I am sure he has found Elrohir and they are interrogating the whole of Imladris."
"As they should. Who would do such a thing?" Rian asked.
"Someone who has been raised with little tolerance in their hearts. Someone who is jealous of Estel's esteemed position in Imladris or someone who simply has a grudge against humans." Elrond answered.
Morwen shook her head, "The only one here who would be justified in having a grudge against humans is Rian and she has always cared for Estel."
"Yes well, just because a grudge exists does not mean it is justified." Elrond said. "Estel, sit still." he commanded.
Estel let out a disgruntled sigh as Gilraen looked at Elrond and mouthed a 'thank you.'
Glorfindel joined the ever expanding crowd in the room, giving Morwen a dark look, which turned darker when he was answered with a bright grin. He turned to Estel and Gilraen, smiling at the picture they made.
"Gilraen, hold him down, and I'll cut his hair." Glorfindel said.
Gilraen smiled, "I am more than willing to do that."
"No, no, I'll sit still." Estel told his mother.
"Why now?" Gilraen asked.
"Elladan and Elrohir said Glorfindel would cut all of my hair off."
"Of course they did." Rian muttered.
Elrond put his head in his hands and began to laugh uncontrollably, much to the amusement of some and the concern of others. "I am sorry," Elrond said. "I was just wondering how it is that I have seen and survived all I have and yet I and my most revered seneschal have been defeated by some hardened mass in a young boy's hair." Elrond smiled, "Life is, indeed, humorous."
"Yes." Glorfindel said as he quickly cut Estel's hair, being certain it was even. "There, you see, you have barely lost three inches though I fear it will be more difficult to pull it back now."
"We will find a way." Gilraen assured her son.
Estel nodded, "May I leave now?" Gilraen nodded.
Glorfindel followed him, "I will watch after him."
Rian soon followed them, as did Gilraen, soon only Morwen and Elrond were left in the room.
"Thandrog has been to see me, they need a new councilor in the south." Elrond said.
"Do you wish for me to go?" Morwen asked, surprised at the request.
Elrond sighed, "I do not know. I will go over the list but if I do not find someone suitable enough, I will order Erestor to send you out."
"You wish for me to prepare Glorfindel." Morwen said.
"If you would, yes." Elrond said.
"He will not be pleased." Morwen sighed as she imagined the discussion.
"I have bent to Glorfindel's will since your last attack. I cannot keep sending Eluialeth on your missions and neither she, nor Rian, is yet able to handle the dealings among the Men of the South." Elrond said.
"They have threatened me, Lord Elrond, often."
Elrond nodded, "They have. But I do not fear for your ability to stand up to them. Rian has her own deep rooted problems with such dealings and Eluialeth I fear…"
"Would not know how to function in a society where women are so held back and held down." Morwen pressed a hand to her forehead, "You know I will do whatever you bid."
Elrond nodded, "I thank you. For sending you, if I do, it will not be easy."
"But it will be easier than trying to send Rian or Eluialeth or one of the senior members who have already been refused admittance." Morwen said.
Elrond nodded, "I fear a good majority of the senior members are not welcome there."
"It is unlikely I will be welcomed there." Morwen said.
"They know of you, have heard of you, it is better if you go." Elrond said.
"You seem to have made the decision." Morwen stated in a resigned voice.
Elrond shook his head, "Not quite. There are a few more things I must ponder over before I make the final decision." The Lord of Imladris rose, "I must go answer some of these letters. Will you please request the minstrels to perform in the Hall of Fire tonight, it is the least we can do for Haldir."
Morwen nodded, "As my Lord bids." She watched him go, keeping a content smile on her face until Lord Elrond had left the room. She was thankful her shaking hands had apparently gone unnoticed. Taking one last look around the room she rose and contemplated on going to the library, seeking the comfort of her friends. She would share her concerns with Elladan and Elrohir later, possibly Erestor. They would know what she should do about this new found fear. Glorfindel did not have to know, not just yet, not before her possible departure.
Unknown to Morwen, Glorfindel had doubled back to the room in order to retrieve the knife he had used to cut Estel's hair. Seeing Morwen's shaking hands he rushed over, "What is it? What has happened?" he asked, fear clear in his voice.
Morwen looked up, "Dark fears and dreams becoming reality." Her hands stilled as they were held by Glorfindel's own. "I fear it is just anxiety."
Glorfindel placed a comforting hand on her face, "You do not wish to tell me?"
Morwen shook her head, "Not yet, not now." She turned into Glorfindel's side, "Are you going to lecture me?"
Glorfindel chuckled softly, "Since Haldir is nothing but amused, I suppose we can forego the lecture." He placed a soft kiss on their intertwined palms. "What is it about him that makes you so angry and forgetful of your manners?"
"It is Haldir, is that not enough?" Morwen asked before imitating the gesture Glorfindel had just done.
Glorfindel smiled, "I suppose that is enough. Now, let us go put on merry masks for our friends. Elrohir's return should be joyous and we must show Haldir we are, indeed, decent folk."
Morwen nodded as she stood up and refused to let go of Glorfindel's hand as they left the room. For now, she need to hold on, just for a little more time.
A/N 1: Due to some poking, some First Age stories in the Legend, Lore, and Lullabies series (this one) are now being posted on the lj under the overall story title of Anamnesis. If you so desire to read the story of what Glorfindel told Morwen in the last chapter, that account is the first story in the Anamnesis set.
A/N 2: Thanks.
Renna, my twin issues is actually a bit more complicated than most. I am an identical twin but my sister has a severe case of cerebral palsy, so that makes things a little different. Somehow though we have an odd connection through our mother (who has to dress my sister) and we still somehow manage to dress alike. I blame it on mom. As for my thesis…I have one more year until I have to commit and I am taking it. It will probably be something on Pre-Fascist Italy. More power to you one being a philosophy major (I tried it, since I am also a humanities girl and yeah, Aristotle, Plato and I had some issues….so then I went running into the embracing arms of my Buddhist religion classes). Thank you, as always, for your reviews.
Sielge, Thank you! I am trying to churn at the chapters as much as I can.
Nima, Thank you for both of the reviews (there is a reply on the lj as well). I will try to get the next Once I Was story out this weekend. Elrohir has a lot of thinking to do in the future as does Elladan, but they will all get through it. Tirnion couldn't leave me if he tried, he's mine, all mine ::evil cackle:: He's also yet another example of a character who was not even supposed to exist and then just took over. And yes, poor Glorfindel, ever trying to be romantic and ever shot down by his more cynical other half.