Far away from Hell, King Roland was sitting on his throne, busy doing King Roland stuff.

"Where's Cedric?" he wondered out loud. "It's been five whole minutes since I last told him what a total failure he was."

"I believe you sent him outside to empty your chamber pot, your majesty," said that total kiss ass Baileywick. "If memory serves, you told him that if he was unable to do the task using magic, then he would have to eat its contents."

King Roland chuckled.

"It's not even nine in the morning, and I've already made myself laugh," he said happily. "I have a feeling this will be a great day!"

It was then when Cedric entered the throne room, looking miserable.

"Hello, you worthless piece of trash," said King Roland politely. "How did you do with that job I gave you?"

"I...was...able to...empty the pot...using magic," said Cedric looking like he might throw up at any moment. He then pulled a bottle of Listerine out of his robes and began chugging it down.

Roland raised an eyebrow, amused.

"Your father never would've had to do what you just did, you know that?" he said with merry disgust as he looked at his least favorite magician in the world. "Tell me, did you ever get over that medical condition that you told me about?"

"You mean my sorcerer's stone?" asked Cedric, drinking the last of bottle and throwing it into a royal trash can. "Yes, it passed a week ago. Why should you care?"

"Because I don't want you complaining about any pain you might be going through at Sofia's birthday ball this Sunday," said King Roland. "It's her first birthday in the castle, and I don't want you ruining anything."

Cedric just sighed.

"Whatever you say, your highness," he said sadly.

"If it were up to me, of course, we'd just have your father come over and perform a magic show for the children," said Roland. "Too bad that he's retired, although to be honest with you, for the longest time I thought he was dead."

"So did I, your highness," said Baileywick. "Tell me, would you like your ass kissed now or this evening?"

"This evening will do, Baileywick," said Roland, placing his feet up on a stool and picking up a remote control. "Right now, I want to sit back and watch an episode of Heroes on DVD before I get into my royal duties for the day. This is my first time getting through the series, and I'm hooked. I can't wait to see how everything ends!"

"Pardon me, your highness," said Baileywick, adjusting his glasses. "But Heroes was taken off the air by those dumb shits over at NBC before it ended."

"It...what?" went King Roland, his eyes widening with sudden alarm.

"I'm sorry, your highness," said Baileywick. "I should've informed you sooner. There is something called Heroes Reborn on the way, but it will pretty much be a reboot of the show with almost none of the original show's characters."

"What kind of hell is this?" lamented King Roland, placing his head in his hands. "How could I let myself get into something that has no freaking ending?"

"To be fair, your highness, I've had the same thing happen to me with many fanfictions that I've read," said Baileywick, taking his glasses off, polishing them on his shirt, blowing on them, and then placing them back on. "The author keeps promising updates, but they never, ever come. I've spent years wanting to find out what happened in a story called Tony Stark and Loki Get Married in Vegas after Tony Stark and Loki got married in Vegas. I have a feeling I never will."

No one said anything for a full five minutes after that.

"Well, I suppose I'd better attend to my duties as king then," said Roland, sounding as though the revelation about Heroes had completely spoiled his good mood. "Tell me, who is here to see me first today?"

Baileywick studied a roll of parchment, squinting his eyes.

"Forgive me, your highness, but I am unable to pronounce his name," said Baileywick. "You can feel free to whip me as punishment for my failure to do so later, but it says here that he wants to talk about being your new magician."

"New magician, eh?" said Roland, sounding interested. "That sounds promising. We've been needing a new magician around here."

He said all of this within Cedric's ear range, of course, but didn't care.

"Show him inside!" yelled King Roland, getting to his feet and spreading his arms open wide. "Let me hear what he has to say."

The throne room's really, really, really, really, really big doors were then opened really, really, really, really slowly. In walked a dark, skinny man with a top hat, a few teeth missing, and a staff with a skull on it.

"Greetings, your majesty," he said with a big grin on his face. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Dr. Facilier, and I would love to introduce you to my friends...on the other side."