Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Just the same thing you read over and over again in every fic.

Warning: This takes place in Season 12, so if you don't know what happens it will ruin everything.

This is my first fic so...

Anyway, I want to thank Eva Cale(Bel Vezer)for her support and help with this fic. And also Kira (elohimdancer319) for her help as well with grammar mistakes. English isn't my main language so I do apologize for any mistakes I might've missed. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy! Please review!

It's been a week already since I told Luka about the pregnancy. I still haven't make up my mind and I still can't stop thinking about what can go wrong. We are spending New Year together. I justfinished my shift and I'm heading to his place. I open the door with the key he gave me. It's so weird to have free access toit again. The last time I had a key I was staying because Brian beat me up, fortunately this is due to a more grateful situation.

"Hey... How was your shift?" Luka's sitting on the couch watching TV, he turned around to look at me coming through the door.

"Alright I guess. Morris was driving me crazy all day. He's been arguing with Albright since day one and I don't think they are going to come to peace soon."

I walk to the couch and sit next to him.

"Yeah I know what you mean, they've been driving me crazy too... And the rest?"

The rest... which rest is he talking about? No, I haven't made up my mind yet. Is that what he wants to talk about?

"Not much happened. Some MVA's and a couple of GSW's. Nothing serious we couldn't handle."

"Ok..." He is looking at me trying to know from my face if I made up my mind. I think he thought better of it and decided to change the subject. "You want to watch TV? Eat now? Or what?"

"What are we watching actually?" I look at the TV...

"I don't know... I think is one of those Christmas flicks they pass every year."

"Isn't it Miracle on 34th St?" I ask.

"I think so... not sure... Hungry?"

"Actually I am. Didn't have much time today to eat."

"Good, because I cooked something."

Luka cooked? He had the day off, and decided to cook? That's so sweet... But I can't help it...

"Oh so that's what's smelling funny!" I'm smiling. I love teasing him about his cooking.

"Smelling funny? Oh come on... Croatian food isn't that bad!"

I have to look at him now...

"I'll tell you once I try it. But just in case, is there any back up food?"

"Back up food? I'll make you something else if you don't like it but first you need to try it. Besides it's just Chicken with some spices..."

"Ok, let's just hope I have my stomach in one piece by the time the year is over."

"Very funny..." He says. His arm wrap around my waist and holds me close into his embrace.

I'm laughing at him. "You know you can remove your coat..." he says.

"I know... I'm just to tired to move..."

"I'll help." he's smiling at me now. He removes my coat and then I can feel his hands on my back.

"I thought you said my coat!"

"Well, I missed you today..." Finally his lips meet mine in a sweet kiss.

"I missed you too." I say once we part. I can't believe how much things have changed in a month!

My stomach makes some noises as he moves to kiss me again. He stares at me and laughs.

"I told you! I didn't eat anything! And though I'm not really fond of Croatian food, I'm still hungry"

"Ok, let's have something to eat then."

He offers me his hand to get up from the couch and then we head to the table. And then I realize it's all setup and there are some candles on top of it. I look at him...

"Don't bring Martha Stewart to the conversation now... I can use my imagination once in a while..." he says.

"You can? Well, I'm glad..." I have to smile at him. It looks great. The table, dinner, everything. I can't believe he did all this for me. What did I do to deserve him again? I can't lose him now, not again. And that also scares the hell out of me. Once I make up my mind what will happen afterwards? Having a baby is bringing someone else to this relationship and not having it's going to put a strain into it as well. I just can't think of this right now... We have a peaceful dinner and talk about the ER what's been going on lately. He's staring at me again.

"What?"

"So...?"

"So what?" I'm confused now...

"How was the food?"

"Oh... that... It was... different." I'm holding a smile right now. I want to laugh at his face, he looks disappointed. "It was good. I liked it!"

"Where you just doing that on purpose?" He gets up from his chair walks towards me.

"Yeah... so? Your face was worth it!" I'm laughing now.

He bends down to kiss me but just an inch away he says

"You are going to pay now... No dessert for you!" and walks to the kitchen with his plate and mine.

"Hey! It's not fair! I was just kidding! Come on, I'm actually craving for something sweet... Please?"

I followed him into the kitchen and wrapped my arms around his waist. He leaves the plates inside the sink and looks around to face me. I begin removing his shirt slowly from his pants... my hands move underneath and start caressing his back...

"The pout won't work on me..."

"It won't? Ok, so if I can't have dessert you won't have it neither!" I say while I walk away.

As I show my back at him, not even 5 seconds later Luka's arms are around my own waist. He makes me turn around to face him and says...

"Ok, you can have dessert... only if you dance with me?"

"Dance? Me? Are you kidding?" I'm staring at him... I'm a terrible dancer! Why dance?

"So...? What do you say?"

"What's for dessert?" I ask.

He laughs at my question.

"I have some ice cream and there is also some chocolate cake."

"Chocolate cake? That's sound good..." I consider it for a minute and finally say... "Ok... I'll dance... for how long?"

"Just for a while. I won't have you dancing all night, don't worry!" He takes my hand in his and we walk to the living room.

We are slow dancing now. He takes me into his embrace and I can't help but feel safe. This isn't that bad. I think my head can't stay away from thinking for long so I begin thinking about the baby again. Finally I say:

"Luka...?"

"Yeah..."

I can feel his heart against my ear and it's soothing me. Anyway I'm still worried about the decision ahead of me...

"I haven't made up my mind yet but I keep thinking about what made me choose not to have it the first time I got pregnant."

"Our relationship is different from the one you had with Richard; and you are a different person that you were back then."

"I know that... It's funny, actually... I always thought that people don't change but over the past few years so many things have happened that I have to say I did change somehow."

"You did. And I did to. Somehow that brought us back together... to this moment."

There is a small silence, but I don't feel any discomfort whatsoever... Finally I say:

"The first time I panicked, the baby would be bipolar. And I'm not so sure I changed that much."

"Ah... The chances are slim you know that... Crossing the street there is a risk... If you let it get to you, you never have children... Nobody would..."

He is right about that. I know he is. And that keeps reminding me of the conversation I had with Maggie when I told her about the abortion.

"Well, maybe some people aren't supposed to"

Maybe I'm not supposed to have kids. Maybe I'm not supposed to be a mother after all.

"Well, I don't think you are one of them."

I sigh. He doesn't think so...? Who is Luka talking about? Me? I don't understand how he can believe in me so much when I have trouble believing in myself. He was the one that gave me the confidence to go back to med school. There was a moment in time when I thought being a nurse was what I was supposed to be, but then Luka made me evaluate it, and he was right. He supported me even when we weren't together and that meant a lot to me. I never told him that... but still... he doesn't know...

"Yeah, well you don't know what it was like... with Maggie and Eric..."

"Are you are looking for reasons again?"

It seems like it. It's not that I want to look for reasons not to have it but at the same time I can't help and picture in my head what it was like to be a kid myself. And then...

"What are you looking for? Someone to have a baby with?"

I didn't just say that... Oh my... I did... I can see I hurt him... I...

"Is that what you think? Because if it is then... what the hell are we doing here?" He asks.

I sigh... Dancing? I don't know... There are so many questions I have, specially about this relationship... It sounded awful what I just said. Oh my... What should I tell him now? Of course that's not what I think! I can't tell him that neither... This sucks... I look up to see his eyes and say...

"Happy New Year"

That suits better. Just something simple. A small smile crawls from the side of his mouth, he bends down. His forehead is now resting slighty on mine and moments later our lips finally meet in a kiss. He brings me closer to him, I can feel his arms tighten around me. It feels wonderful... as nothing can go wrong right now. When the kiss ends I look again at his eyes and say:

"Thank you, Luka. For tonight... dinner and all. I'm glad we decided to spend it together." I'm smiling now.

"Me too... Me too..." he whispers.