Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Just the same thing you read over and over again in every fic.

Warning: This takes place in Season 12, so if you don't know what happens it will ruin everything.

This is my first fic so...

Anyway, I want to thank Eva Cale (Bel Vezer)for her support and help with this fic. And also Kira (elohimdancer319) for her help as well with grammar mistakes. English isn't my main language so I do apologize for any mistakes I might've missed. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy! Please review!

It's been a week already since the year begun and still I haven't made up my mind on what the next step should be. Luka's been supportive all the way but I can tell he's becoming uneasy about it. I'm walking into the living room to find Luka removing the ornaments off the Christmas Tree.

"What are you doing?" I ask him.

He turns around to look at me and says in a soft voice:

"Well, Christmas was two weeks ago, I figure it's time to put it away."

Removing the Christmas Tree makes me realize how much time has passed since I actually told him. If we keep the tree a little longer I can still think Christmas was yesterday or something.

"Leave it, I like it" I walk towards the tree and sit on the border of the couch.

"You want to be one of those people dragging some dead brown tree out into the street in the middle of April?" He says while he removes a round flat ornament and looks at it.

"I like those people... They don't give up easy"

Yeah, why do we have to be like most people? Can I just... If only time couldstop for a while. Wouldn't that give me time to catch up? I move my hand to get the ornament and he hands it to me. I look at it. It has my name on it: Abigail, a Christmas Tree on one side and a picture of myself in the other.

"I made this for Maggie when I was... I think, six...We were living in a motel in Minnetonka."

He smiles at me. And then the kettle starts whistling reminding me of it.

"Don't you have a Search Committee Meeting this morning?" I say, and start heading to the kitchen.

"I could skip it. We can talk some more…"

More? What else is there to be said? He wants to keep it and I'm not sure yet. There isn't much more to say. I just need to decide what I want. If only that was so easy... I turn around to see him and add:

"No, you should go. I have to be in soon so..." I finally reach the kitchen and remove the kettle from the fire and look for some tea in a cupboard. I open the box and I can hear him standing in the doorway.

"Guess we haven't figure anything out yet."

Not again, please. Right now I have enough with my own thoughts...

"Yeah, I really… don't want to get into it again…"

"You made a decision?"

A decision? I would've told him if I did, but then I know I'll probably be scared to let him now what I've decided as well. What if we break up? What will happen then? I keep thinking about that, can't stop thinking actually. I turn around to look at him. And now I'm also upset about the question, even a little angry.

"Well, we don't even know what we are to each other."

"No one ever knows that…"

"Oh come on…"

"We've been friends for a long time… good friends"

"Yeah"

So? What's that supposed to mean? That good friends are supposed to have children?

"We've been through a lot together." he adds.

That actually will make us good parents? Luka will probably be a good father but still...

"That doesn't mean we can take care of a child" I say.

"It has to be your choice… I know that…"

My Choice? Can I scream now? I'm staring at him now... and finally I let the air that has been gathering in my chest out in a sigh.

"I just don't know Luka..." I murmur. "I... there are still so many things to take into account."

He walks towards me and takes me in his arms. I lay my head in his chest and let him hold me.

"I know... it's not an easy decision, nobody said it was."

I have to look up to him now. Easy? That would be something...

"I know. If this isn't the hardest decision I had to make in my whole life, it probably comes close to it."

He gently bends down a little and places a kiss on my forehead.

"I know..." he whispers. "Believe me I know..."

I let him hold me for a while until I say: "You should get going or you'll be late."

"Yeah, I'll see you at work." he kisses me softly on the lips and I can see him pick his jacket and head out. After he closes the door I sigh again.

Oh God...

I get to work and I'm finding it really hard to concentrate. I keep dozing off, thinking... I can't stop picturing all the conversations I had with Luka about the baby. While in a consult I see Coburn in the next trauma room examining a patient. I should talk to her. Once she is done with the patient I walk to her and say:

"How's it going?"

"Oh... well... good. She is young and the ovary looks good so..."

What?

"Oh no... I meant..."

"Oh how's it going... Oh... fine... you?"

"Good." I answer automatically.

If I think to much about that question I might go crazy.

"I just got paged for an ultrasound do you know anything about that?" She says while looking at her pager.

"No. No, but I remember hearing that you started your own practice..."

"Yeah... that's going very well. You know... The only problem is the boss. Uh, what a bitch..."

I'm staring at her not getting what she is trying to tell me...

"I'm the boss, Abby"

Oh...

"Right."

"Now you are patronizing me"

Oh God...

"No, I... I just..." I start walking to the side of the hall showing her the way and she follows me. I'm not sure how to say it... "I just might want to come and see you... I need an OB"

I can see her expression change to joy and she replies excitedly:

"Congratulations! Wow, I had no idea..." She noticed that my face isn't one of happiness and adds: "I'll shut up..."

"Yeah, it wasn't something I expected." And now I can feel the tears gathering in my eyes, fighting to come out.

"Is it something you want?" she says.

"I'm not sure. I'm at the right place in my life for this so..."

It is... I don't think there can be a better moment to choose to have a baby, considering it's unexpected. If I had to choose to have one I would probably wait to make sure my relationship with Luka's is a keeper. But then...

"So you don't want to keep it?"

I don't know! I can help but cry now. "I'm sorry"

"Ok, I'm always prepared." She looks in her pocket and hands me a package of tissues.

"Thanks"

"I got office ours every afternoon, just come by anytime. I can help you whether is pre-natal care or termination. What ever you decide."

I nod, get the card she hands me and say "Thank you..."

"And what ever you do Abby, it's gonna be the right thing"

That's good to know but still...

"Thanks" She nods and I do the same. She finally leaves me with my thoughts. Oh God... What am I going to do?