Trust

Star Trek Voyager Fan Fiction
Season 5/6
Captain Kathryn Janeway had one goal – get her crew and ship back home. The Captain puts her mission above everything else, but would that also stop her from falling in love?
No copyright infringement intended. Purely for fun.
Written by LaughingLee (First fan fiction :)

CHAPTER 3

It had been an awful few weeks. Voyager had entered an innocuous nebula and had planned to travel through it in a matter of days. But, as with so many things in the Delta Quadrant, the nebula had been more than it seemed. There were different mercenary tribes scattered throughout the sector who started attacking the Starfleet vessel within minutes of them entering it. Other ships had cut off their retreat and Captain Janeway had been forced to take her crew deeper into the nebula. They had been fighting off sporadic attacks while also trying to repair the damage done to Voyager. Nothing was beyond fixing, but the crew had been running on high alert for weeks and everyone was starting to feel the lack of sleep and constant stress. Luckily, they were reaching the end of the nebula and should be out in open space within the next 48 hours.

Captain Janeway was ragged, her nerves frayed to breaking. She had been on duty for hours on end, getting little sleep in between. She couldn't let herself relax with the constant threat of attack. Janeway would only feel comfortable once they were out of the nebula and out of reach of those damn mercenaries. Everyone was running on empty, but Janeway's temper had considerably shortened and she knew she was snapping at people for no good reason. But, she wouldn't allow herself to let her guard down. I've already stranded this crew in the Delta Quadrant, she thought as she was making her rounds through Voyager. I will not let them suffer any more than they need to. Being stricter and sharper with my orders won't kill anyone. A small tendril of doubt crept into her mind. Why can't I keep this ship safe? Every decision I make seems to take us even deeper into dangerous situations. Janeway balled her fists in frustration. Why can't I get us home without ending up fighting every species we come across? This crew has lost so much already. A small part of her was trying very hard not to think how she would feel if a certain Engineering Ensign was lost as well.

Ensign Lee was tired. No, she was beyond tired and could only manage putting one foot in front of the other. She had been on fire duty for the past few weeks. That wasn't the official description, but Lee had renamed it since it felt like she was constantly putting out fires. Whenever a new attack damaged a critical system, Ensign Lee would get to the affected section as quickly as possible and try to contain the damage. Lieutenant Torres had a few of these fire-fighter teams and they were running around the entire ship. Mostly they didn't have time to do the correct repairs before the next urgent area needed attention. Lee ended up feeling frustrated with the patch jobs she was forced to do. She knew it was necessary, but it felt like an itch needing to be scratched. Once this was all over, she would go back and fix it properly.

Lee wondered how Kathryn was holding up. She had heard that the Captain had become very irritable. Completely understandable given the tense and extreme circumstances. Lee wished she could see or talk to her. But, their paths hadn't crossed and Lee knew both of them were beyond busy.

LLLLL

Janeway found herself in one of the storage lockers. She had been so deep in thought that she hadn't realised she had entered the small room. Crates of provisions and equipment were stacked everywhere and there was a small window showing the stars going past at a very sedate pace. Janeway gave a frustrated sigh. The warp engines hadn't been at their best for the past few days and she knew Lieutenant Torres was pushing her teams to fix all the small systems which were affecting the engines' performance. Add it to the list, the Captain thought despondently and suddenly couldn't hold back her tears anymore.

When Janeway heard the door slide open behind her, she immediately wiped her face before turning around. Lee stared at her, not believing her luck in finally running into the Captain. The Ensign's face twisted in concern when she noticed Janeway's tear-streaked cheeks.

"You look as bad as what I feel," Ensign Lee joked.

"Ensign, this is not the time," Kathryn said as Lee started forward. She had to stay focused. Get Voyager out of danger. Stay strong. She couldn't let Lee come any closer. "Leave."

"What? Why? I've been –."

"No," Kathryn barked, sounding very harsh even to her own ears. "We are in a crisis situation. I've already gotten us stranded in this god-forsaken quadrant. I am responsible for this crew and I will get Voyager home in one piece. I cannot stand around making small talk with every Ensign on this ship. We will maintain our professional ranks as befitting proper Starfleet officers. I will not allow this ship to perish!" Kathryn was almost shouting as she finished talking. Lee stood there, allowing Kathryn's anger and frustration to flow over her.

"Are you done?" Lee asked.

"I am giving you a direct order, Ensign." Kathryn was beside herself with rage. Why was Lee making this so hard on her? If she would just leave, Kathryn could compose herself and get back to normal.

"If that's what it takes to stay, I resign my commission," Lee replied calmly. Kathryn couldn't believe it. "Now will you let me hug you? I hate seeing you like this."

Kathryn saw Lee's face falter and the pure love and deep concern in the younger woman's eyes were the final straw. Kathryn's anger dissolved and before she knew how she found herself wrapped in Lee's arms. They must have been standing like that for quite a while because when Kathryn finally lifted her head, she saw she had cried Lee's shoulder into a nice damp patch.

"Feeling a bit better?" Lee asked tentatively and Kathryn saw the engineer had also been crying. Kathryn gently wiped the tears from Lee's cheeks and nodded.

"Good." Lee wasn't letting Kathryn go and the Captain wasn't complaining. "Now, you are going to your quarters and taking a shower or bath or whatever. Then I'll be bringing you something to eat. Neelix has done wonders with the emergency rations since the replicators were damaged." This brought a small smile to Kathryn's face and Lee grinned as well. "Then you'll go to bed."

"I'm still on duty," Kathryn said. "I can't shirk my responsibilities."

"You won't be," Lee countered. "You're always on duty, no matter if you're not on the bridge. Commander Chakotay can let you know the moment anything happens. And we're almost out of the nebula, right? There shouldn't be any major disasters in the next few days. You need some rest and some food. Both of which I'm sure have been missing the past few weeks."

Kathryn wanted to protest, but a bigger part of her didn't want to move out of Lee's embrace. A happy captain is a happy ship, Kathryn thought and smiled. And they were moving away from the mercenaries. Chakotay can handle the bridge for a short while.

As soon as Kathryn had informed the Commander of her whereabouts, she and Lee headed for the officers' quarters. Lee left her there, but not before making Kathryn promise that she would stay put and not head back to the bridge.

Lee made her way through the ship to her quarters. She desperately needed a quick, warm shower before heading back to Kathryn. When she got to the mess hall a few minutes later, she rescued a couple of crewmen from Neelix sharing a new Talaxian tradition with them. She got a nice tray with two bowls of food and a flask with coffee the man had dug up from somewhere. Lee hadn't wanted to mention Kathryn, but it was the only way to get the coffee. Neelix was sworn to silence based on Lee's insinuation that the Captain would hate the rest of the crew to feel as if she were being treated differently.

"She's the Captain!" Neelix exclaimed as he got the things together on the silver tray. "We need to look after her every once in a while. And I know she hasn't been eating like she should."

"Thanks, Neelix," Lee said as she headed out of his kitchen. "Captain Janeway's really going to appreciate this."

"Anytime, Ensign. Have a nice dinner together," Neelix waved and winked.

"What? Oh, yes, I thought I'd take her food," Lee blundered, but didn't have the energy for a better excuse. "Thanks again."

LLLLL

This is exactly what I needed, Kathryn thought as she got out of the shower. Wondering how a young woman could get her to leave the bridge when even Tuvok hadn't been able to convince her, Kathryn got dressed. She hadn't been sitting on the couch for more than a few minutes when her door chimed.

"Come in," Kathryn said, not getting up. She was more tired than she had realised. "That looks wonderful. How did you manage it?"

"Neelix was very helpful," Lee said, walking slowly not to drop anything. She was concentrating very hard with her tongue sticking out slightly. Kathryn smiled at that and joined her at the table. "I even got us some coffee, but the food might be a bit of a challenge."

"The coffee smells great," Kathryn said as Lee handed her a bowl. "What's wrong with the food?"

"Neelix calls it something-something surprise. That means he's stuffed whatever he thought would be nourishing in here. It might kill us, but we'll be in perfect health when it does!"

The women laughed and Kathryn felt the tension ease from her shoulders. When last did she laugh? Definitely too long ago, she thought as they started eating. The food was surprisingly good, considering it was mostly emergency ration stew. Once they had almost licked their bowls clean, both women quite hungry, Lee poured them two mugs of coffee and they moved to the living room. Lee made herself at home on the couch, but then saw Kathryn pause at the small step leading down to the open living room.

"Kathryn, sit where you want to sit," Lee suggested gently, knowing Kathryn was probably thinking about their wildly inappropriate closeness earlier. "Don't think too hard. We're too tired and your brain might explode."

Kathryn settled in next to Lee and smiled. "Thank you, I needed to laugh." She shook her head, quickly become serious again. "I've probably been impossible the last few days. But, I need to keep Voyager safe. I am the Captain. I need to stay objective."

"I heard that some crewmen were volunteering to work on the deflector array," Lee said, sipping her coffee. "From the outside – so they could stay out of your way."

"What? Really? No, it can't be," Kathryn exclaimed, but then she saw Lee's shoulders. She was shaking from keeping her laughter in. "That's not funny."

"Of course it is!" Lee burst out laughing. "I should have gotten a picture of your face. It was priceless!"

Kathryn knew she should be angry, but she couldn't and laughed as well. The women carried on drinking the much-needed coffee and looking out the window. Lee finished hers first and put her mug down. She slid a bit forward and leaned back against the couch, closing her eyes and sighing contently.

"This is one of those moments you have to remember," Lee murmured.

"Why?" Kathryn asked not taking her eyes off the young woman and gazing appreciatively over her lengthy form. Kathryn placed her mug on the small table next to the couch and leaned back as well.

"Not that the moment is perfect, but that's the beauty. We've been through hell the past few weeks. But, we're still alive, enjoying a piece of quiet and excellent company."

Lee turned to Kathryn and the Captain couldn't look away. Lee tentatively lifted her hand and when Kathryn didn't move back, Lee put her arm around her and pulled her close. Kathryn panicked slightly, absurdly thinking she had to get up and be the Captain. But, her heart rebelled and she simply turned into Lee and rested her head against the younger Ensign's shoulder, tucking herself under Lee's chin. She felt Lee relax and she closed her eyes as well.

LLLLL

"Chakotay to the Captain." Kathryn was cruelly awoken by the loud voice over the communication system.

"Janeway here," she replied, years of Starfleet waking her up instantly.

"Captain, we have exited the nebula and entered open space. There's no sign of pursuit."

"Good news, Commander. Get us back on course to the Alpha Quadrant."

"Already done, Captain."

"Perfect. Janeway out."

Janeway slowly realised she had been sleeping almost on top of Lee. Kathryn had wrapped her body over the younger Ensign and was definitely appreciating her softness and warmth. Her hand was lying casually over Lee's breasts and Kathryn panicked. Her heart beat faster at how intimate the whole situation was and even more at how much she wanted it to stay that way.

"What's wrong?" Lee mumbled, shifting slightly to look at Kathryn. She had felt Kathryn suddenly stiffen in her arms. "Chakotay said everything's fine. Can't we go back to sleep?"

"I can't do this," Kathryn said and got up quickly. "This isn't right. I'm your Captain. I can't take advantage of my rank like this. We need to keep the appropriate distance in our relationship."

"You're over-thinking this," Lee said. "Let's go back to sleep and sort it out tomorrow."

"No." Kathryn crossed her arms. "This isn't right."

"You're being ridiculous," Lee said and got up. "You're using being Captain as an excuse. I know there's something between us. Why can't you do what you want for a change instead of what you think is right?"

"Being Captain is not an excuse! I need to stay focused on getting us home! I cannot and will not allow personal feelings to cloud my judgement. One of my decisions already got us stranded out here!"

"That's absurd and you know it! You need to stop feeling guilty. You made the best choice at the time. Right now you should do what your heart is telling you and look after your own happiness."

"I am doing what I want. I am getting this crew home!"

"Do you want me to leave?" Lee's sudden softly-spoken question threw Kathryn off guard. She stared at the younger woman, not sure how to answer.

"What do you want?" Kathryn countered after a long silence.

"I want you, Kathryn," Lee said and stepped closer. Kathryn was stunned, but knew she should have expected nothing but complete honesty from Lee.

"I can't," Kathryn started to say and Lee backed off.

"Don't do this, Kathryn. We can work this out," Lee said. "I want to see you, spend time with you, be with you."

"I'm the Captain," Kathryn replied with more conviction, standing slightly straighter. "This is wrong. You need to go."

"Fine," Lee said. "You let me know when you stop being afraid."

Kathryn watched as Lee walked to her door. This was the right thing to do, wasn't it? She couldn't allow herself to get personally attached to anyone. How could she command Voyager if she did? As Lee walked out, she glanced back and Kathryn could see she was crying silently. Without another word, the door slid shut behind Lee and Kathryn felt a tear on her own cheek. What had she done?

Lee was shattered, but she kept it together until she got into her quarters. Her couch creaked when she fell on top of it and started crying loudly. Maybe I shouldn't have said all those things? No, I had to tell her how I feel, Lee argued with herself. I can't control Kathryn's reaction. I said what I wanted and Kathryn made her decision. And tomorrow I'll be okay. But, tonight I think I'll just cry. With that, Lee got up, climbed into her bed and drew the covers over her.