Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Just the same thing you read over and over again in every fic.
Warning: This takes place in Season 12, so if you don't know what happens it will ruin everything.
This Chapter is more explicit so I would recommend to be more careful about it. Rating might be M. Skip the lastparagraph if you want to make sure.
This is my first fic so...
Anyway, I want to thank Eva Cale (Bel Vezer) for her support and help with this fic. English isn't my main language so I do apologize for any mistakes I might've missed. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy! Please review!
I want to thank everyone for the wonderful reviews and a Special Thank You to Ella! ;)
"I'm never going shopping with you again! You don't know how to behave" I walk to the couch and drop all my stuff on it.
"I don't know how to behave? You are kidding me! I do know how to behave, except when I'm with you."
"Yeah, right. Now it's all my fault." I turn around to look him, I'm trying to put my best angry face but it's not working when he's smiling at me.
He walks towards me and helps me out of my coat.
"It was fun, wasn't it?"
"I'm never going to be able to enter that store again in my life, you do realize that?"
"You'll live."
"Very funny. Now I need food. What's there to eat?"
"Again? We just stopped for lunch! You want something more?"
"Yeah, something with sugar. You don't have ice cream, do you?"
"Actually I do, I bought some chocolate ice cream the other day, thought you might want some if you came over."
He walks to the fridge and removes the carton from inside. He bought me ice cream? I walk to meet him half way from the kitchen and he's smiling.
"Thank you. How did you know I would want chocolate again?"
"I guessed." he's grinning.
Oh God, he can be cute when he wants. I take the carton and the spoon from his hands, walk back to the couch while I dig in. This is wonderful! I sit on the only free space left of the couch as it's all full of bags and our coats. He starts gathering everything, leaves the coats on the hanger by the door and the bags on the table. Finally he sits down next to me on the couch.
"How is it?"
"Wonderful" it came out muffled by the ice cream in my mouth.
"I can see that."
"So what do you want to do for the rest of the day?"
"Not sure, I'm actually tired from the shopping excursion. Do you mind if we just stay and watch some movies or something?"
"That's fine by me." he's staring at me now.
"What?" Maybe I have chocolate all over my face.
"Did I say something?"
"No, but you are staring. So what is it?"
"I'm not staring!"
"Oh come on Luka! I know when you are staring, and you were definitely staring!"
"Ok, maybe I was... So what?"
"I don't know you tell me! When you do that you usually want to say something."
He looks away finally staring now at the darkness of the TV.
"Luka...?"
"What did Coburn say when you went to see her?"
"She just told me what we already know. We are both doctors, and I was an OB nurse, remember? She didn't tell me anything new. I have another appointment with her in a couple weeks."
"Do you want me to go with you?"
"Do you want to come?"
"I asked you first!"
"I'm not going to force you to come if you don't want to."
"You know that's not an answer. Do you want me to go with you?"
I don't reply, I just gaze at the TV. We'll be able to hear the heartbeat and even see it. Yeah, I want him to come but I don't want this to be too painful.
"Abby…?"
"Sorry, I was just thinking. Yes, I would like you to come with me but I don't want you to feel like you have to. If it's too hard for you I understand." I can't look at him now. Earlier at the store I knew we would have to talk about this eventually, I didn't think it would be so soon.
"Look at me." He places his hand softly on my arm and I turn around to meet his eyes. I can see his hurt deep inside, the anguish that has been hiding all this years it's still there. They're gone but still with him. "I want to go with you, I know it's going to be hard but I want to be with you. And I told you before we are in this together. I'm not going to walk away, no matter what." He remains silent, but I know him, he still has something in his mind and he's trying to gather the words, to find the best way to say it.
"They're part of who I am, of course I miss them. They were my family and they'll always be a part of my past. I don't want to forget them, but I don't want them to become everything I am. I want to be more than the guy who lost his family during the war." He's eyes are dwelling not to let the tears fall, suddenly I feel his agony as if their carrying them to me. And though I can't even imagine how much pain, how much sorrow he must've felt and feels still there is nothing I can do to change his history but there are things I can do to make him happy now, or at least I hope so.
I slowly move to the coffee table and leave the chocolate ice cream carton on top. I take his hand in mine and our fingers come together in perfect harmony. I swift my body so I can face him and finally say:
"Luka…" my voice comes out hoarse, I didn't expect that. My own eyes have tears gathering and I'm about to break down. Damn hormones! "I don't want you to forget them, I would never ask you to do something like that."
A single drop unhurriedly escapes him, my right hand moves to encounter his cheek, drying the tear away. My attempt to take away the anguish, the pain, the heartbreak, though meaningless compared to the feeling itself it's rewarded by his hand meeting mine and a tender kiss on it. I prop myself on my knees and bend slowly but surely to kiss him. Our lips carry the hope and the unspoken words. He wraps his arms around my waist transporting me to his lap. My own arms move to encircle his neck. When our lips finally part I look steadily at his eyes, his right hand strokes my left cheek removing the tears that have been released without warning.
"Thank you." He says.
"For what?" Sometimes he makes me wonder if I really understand him after all.
"For everything, for this. For the baby, for us." And suddenly it dawns on me, is this his way to tell me he loves me? No, it can't be. Not yet at least. Do I love him? Oh God, I do but I'm not there yet, I can't just tell him. Can I?
Our lips converge once again in a sweet but passionate kiss, his tongue summits a request for access and it has already been granted. His arms tighten around me and my own arms try to bring him even closer. I can't say it yet but I can show him I love him. I love you Luka, God knows how much I love you. And somehow I have the impression he already knows, maybe he knew before I did. Why does love hurt so much? It can be so beautiful but at the same time it can tear you apart and leave you helpless. I understand now, it's not about two people anymore. It's beyond us, it's a connection that travels through us, and makes us complete. You don't know something's missing till you find it and suddenly I realize I just found what I've been missing my whole life, him and the baby, together. He drops me caringly on the couch and positions himself above me. His left hand caress my right thigh while his fingertips transfer his warmth through the fabric of my pants. My hands have left his neck to reallocate themselves in the small of his back searching for the end of his sweater, seeking access to his skin. I have the urge to come closer to him and seems he does too. He moves both his hands to the hem of my pullover and in a swift movement it's gone. His eyes are on me, and though they're transmitting his desire, the passion, they also pass his love, his understanding. Oh God, how can our eyes communicate so much without a word been said? Moments later his bare chest touches mine sending me to a place where it's just us, nothing else matters. I close my eyes to gather it all, to understand what all this means. I only want to feel him. His mouth moves gradually to my neck, my earlobe, my collarbone… his left hand removes the strap of my bra followed by his soft kisses on my skin. His lips send shivers down my spine, his breathe reminds me of his tenderness. He disposes my bra without hesitation and my hands move to unbuckle his pants. Reluctantly he stands up, without losing our eyes the connection, he gets rid of his pants and underwear. And moments later the remains of my clothes are gone. Finally skin meets skin as our naked bodies come together at last in their sublime quest for ecstasy. My mouth finds his skin so sweet and the affection travels through the air. No words are needed, we never needed them much, right from the start of our relationship. Sometimes I thought we had a communication issue but the problem wasn't what was left unspoken, that never was the case. The problem was we were never alone, it was never just us. I was dating his past, and his wife's ghost was lurking behind the shadows. He was chasing his future without letting go of his past. And I was trying to deny my family and Carter's feelings, trying to escape the truth. There is no easy way to live, you can't run away from your problems. They always come back to haunt you one way or another. But not anymore… Our tongues come together once more, the heat emanates from our bodies. We are aware of one another, but it's still not enough we need to be one, complete. His eyes are on me, petitioning for approval. And yet again no words are required to express consent, he already knows, we both know. Smoothly, firmly, without much a due we become one. It's like fire has suddenly entered inside me, he can feel it too. Gathering around us, inside me, inside him. My grip tightens around his waist claiming him, requesting him to go deeper, faster. There is no hesitation, his needs are mine and mine are his. With no delay his body demands mine, the heat, the fire, the passion is becoming unbearable as his speeds up. I close my eyes trying take the full extent of the experience. I can sense his coming close and goes even deeper inside me. The speed, the heat is almost indescribable, he finally falters. Climax, Nirvana, ecstasy, are no longer words when we reach it together as one with a gratifying kiss.