Trust
Star Trek Voyager Fan Fiction
Season 5/6
Captain Kathryn Janeway had one goal – get her crew and ship back home. The Captain puts her mission above everything else, but would that also stop her from falling in love?
No copyright infringement intended. Purely for fun.
Written by LaughingLee (First fan fiction :)
CHAPTER 12
Ensign Lee was pacing in Sickbay, crossing and uncrossing her arms. Captain Janeway was lying in the biobed with the Doctor standing over her. It had been a routine mission to gain some data on a very young star. Janeway and Seven had been in the Delta Flyer when a random burst of energy from the star had struck the shuttle. Seven had not been injured, but Captain Janeway was hit by a large plasma discharge from her console.
"Doctor! Please, tell me something," Lee pleaded, coming to stand next to the medical hologram. Seven and Commander Chakotay were also in sickbay and moved closer to hear his answer.
"I've completed my examination," the Doctor replied. Lee couldn't believe he was so calm. "There's seems to be no physical harm. Her body is in perfect health."
"Why are you saying that like it's not a good thing?" Lee said, taking Janeway's hand. The Captain's eyes were closed and it looked as if she were simply asleep.
"I have scanned her brain and came across some irregularities," the Chief Medical Officer replied. "It might be nothing. Such a huge surge of electricity would affect anyone's brain chemistry. But, there is a possibility that Captain Janeway may have suffered some mental injury."
"How bad, Doctor?" Chakotay interjected when he noticed Lee was standing perfectly still and had gone deathly pale.
"If any damage exists, I believe it would only affect her memories. The scans show irregularities in the areas of the brain which are associated with short- and long-term memory. Captain Janeway might not be able to remember what has happened to her in the last few hours, days or even years."
"Years?" Ensign Lee's response was a whisper, but Seven heard it perfectly.
"Doctor, could Captain Janeway forget who she was entirely?" the ex-Borg asked, feeling uncomfortable about Lee's obvious pain. She didn't know what to do to help her friend.
"Highly unlikely," the Doctor replied. "I believe Captain Janeway would be herself. She might not remember some details. The damage could also only be temporary. The human brain is a fragile, but remarkable structure."
"What happened?" Kathryn Janeway groaned. Her head felt too heavy and her whole body ached. She glanced around and realised she was in Sickbay.
"Kathryn! I'm so glad you're all right," Lee exclaimed, squeezing Janeway's hand.
"You're Ensign Lee Roberts, aren't you? From Engineering?" Janeway asked, frowning. "Did something happen with Voyager? Has Engineering been affected?"
"The ship's fine, Captain," Lee replied, slowly releasing Janeway's hand. Lee's heart was breaking, but her face covered it up quickly. "You've been in an accident and the crew was worried. I volunteered to come and check how you're doing."
"Thank you, Ensign," Captain Janeway replied, sitting up. "I appreciate the concern, but as you can see, I'm perfectly all right. Doctor, what happened?"
As the Doctor started to explain, Ensign Lee slipped behind him and moved towards the door. Chakotay tried to stop her, but she smiled thinly and escaped into the corridor.
LLLLL
"Seven? I thought I'd locked my door," Lee said, surprised. She was lounging on her couch, trying to focus on her book without much success. Lee had gone straight to her quarters and excused herself from the rest of her duty shift. She had spent the whole afternoon trying to think of everything except Kathryn Janeway. But, it seemed the day's events had caught up with her in the form of a very determined ex-Borg.
"I used a Borg security protocol to override your command," Seven replied, walking into Lee's small living room and sitting down. "You are in pain. I believe it's a friend's duty to support you, but I'm not sure what to do. I thought you could advise me."
"Thank you, Seven," Lee replied, smiling slightly. "That you want to help is enough." Lee paused. "I couldn't be in Sickbay any longer. What did the Doctor say? How is Kathryn?" Lee shook her head. "How is the Captain?"
"Captain Janeway does not remember anything about the past year. The Captain knows who she is, where she is and everything about Voyager. But, she cannot recall anything that's happened to her or Voyager in the last twelve months." Seven paused and raised her eyebrow. Lee was crying. "I'm sorry. This is distressing you, I shouldn't be telling you this."
"Seven, it's fine, I need to know," Lee replied, wiping angrily at her eyes. "The Captain doesn't remember me as anything but a member of this crew. She's forgotten that we fell in love; that we're together."
"Yes, that is the Doctor's assessment as well," Seven said. "But, the Doctor has said that the Captain's memory loss may not be permanent. He has advised us not to force the Captain to remember. Further trauma could cause more damage."
"Okay, that makes a strange kind of sense," Lee said, sitting up straighter. "Wait, we need to encrypt the Captain's personal logs immediately. The mission logs should be enough information to get her up to date."
"That is part of my reason for being here. Commander Chakotay requested that you go through her logs and encrypt everything concerning the period of her memory loss. He felt your skills and personal involvement would be necessary for this task."
"I understand," Lee replied, getting up and putting on her uniform jacket. "I'll need to go to Main Engineering to gain access to Captain Janeway's files. It'll take me a bit of time to get through her own encryption, but after that it should be easy to hide the necessary data. I'll also encode it in several layers to prevent the Captain from trying to hack the file later." Lee finished straightening her uniform and glanced at Seven. The tall blonde was still sitting and had raised both her eyebrows. "What's the matter, Seven? Isn't that what you and the Commander wanted me to do?"
"Yes, but the Commander told me to be prepared that you might be very distraught and refuse. He said I might need to convince you, that you would be completely heart-broken."
Lee's smile faltered, but she wiped her eyes again and looked at Seven. "I am heart-broken, Seven. But, Kathryn is still alive and I intend to keep it that way. So, I'm going to Engineering. I'll be sad later."
"I think I understand," Seven said, standing up. "If you want my help, I can go with you and assist with the encryption."
"I would really appreciate that, Seven," Lee said and the ex-Borg followed her out of her quarters. "And, Seven? You're doing very well in supporting a friend who's hurting. Thank you."
The tall woman simply nodded and then suddenly grabbed Lee in a tight hug. "I thought that would be appropriate as well."
"Yes," was all Lee could say, turning away from Seven to hide the tears forming in her eyes. It was late and Lee was glad no-one else was walking around Voyager. The women headed down the corridor and towards Main Engineering.
LLLLL
Captain Janeway felt good even though the last few weeks had been strange. She couldn't believe her accident had erased so much from her mind. Chakotay and the rest of the senior staff have been filling her in on what Voyager had gone through the past twelve months. Janeway was proud of the progress they've made in their journey back to the Alpha Quadrant. But, she was frustrated. It felt as if all her memories were on the tip of her tongue and she couldn't say them. Very annoying. The Doctor's orders to stay away from her own personal logs had also not been happy news, but Janeway knew it was for her own good. At least there was the possibility of everything suddenly coming back to her. Janeway shook her head. It was unnerving to be missing something she couldn't even remember.
Janeway glanced up and saw she had walked into one of the smaller storage lockers. She was about to walk out when a voice caught her attention. Someone was singing softly. Captain Janeway followed the noise deeper into the room and saw an Ensign standing over one of Engineering's supply crates. The younger blonde woman would sing a few notes, pause, glance at the padd in her hand and then inspect the crate. She would check the parts, note something on her padd and carry on singing. Janeway couldn't help but smile and recognised the woman as Ensign Lee.
"Ensign?" Janeway said, wanting to get the engineer's attention. The blonde woman got such a fright that she tossed the padd into the air and gasped for breath. "I am very sorry." But, the apology was unnecessary as Janeway watched with growing glee as Ensign Lee burst out laughing.
"That's quite all right, Captain," Ensign Lee replied, trying very hard not to jump closer and hug the Captain. It was amazingly good to see Janeway and Lee grinned. "I should know better. I mean, I'm not alone on Voyager, right?"
"No, but still. I didn't mean to startle you. What are you busy with?" Janeway asked, feeling a need to linger.
"I'm checking our critical spares for Engineering," Lee replied, picking up her padd from the floor. "It's not the most exciting work and I seem to keep distracting myself. But, I'm on the last few crates so it shouldn't take much longer."
"That explains the singing," Janeway said, smiling with the younger woman. An unexpected idea struck her. "Perhaps I could help? Would it go faster?"
"I … That would be very nice. Thank you, Captain," Lee replied, hoping the Captain couldn't hear her heart. It felt as if it were bouncing out of her chest. "If you can read the spares on the padd, then I can count what's in the crates and you can simply mark it down. We could use a tricorder, but Lieutenant Torres wants to make sure no sensor errors get in the way."
Janeway took the padd from Lee, glancing at the detailed list. "What if the number in the crate doesn't match what's on here?"
"Excellent question, Captain. Are you sure you prefer the bridge?" Lee quipped and loved seeing the Captain chuckle as well. "You note the actual number on the padd. I'm going to consolidate all the spares on board Voyager later and then replicate whatever critical parts are missing."
"Sounds simple enough. Let's start."
"Yes, ma'am," Lee replied, kneeling next to the crate. Janeway smiled and read the next item on the padd.
"Thank you very much, Captain," Lee said as the women stood outside the storage locker. The spares had only taken another hour or so and finished off Lee's shift very nicely.
"It was my pleasure, Ensign Lee." Kathryn was surprised by how much she had enjoyed spending time with the younger woman. "It was a good change from my usual duties."
"If you don't mind the company, I could walk you to your quarters?" Lee asked, clutching the padd in her hands. "If you're heading that way."
"That would be nice, thank you," Janeway heard herself say. She tried not to over-analyse the past few hours as they walked in silence down the corridor and into the turbolift.
"Have a wonderful evening, Captain," Lee said as they reached Janeway's quarters.
"Ensign?" Kathryn said before Lee started walking away. "Thank you for this afternoon. It was the first time since the accident that I haven't had to talk about my memory loss or try and explain how I'm doing."
"It's my pleasure, Captain," Lee replied, touching Kathryn's arm and quickly pulling her hand away again. "Please, feel free to come find me if you want to talk about anything but forgetting or remembering."
"I'll keep that in mind," Kathryn replied, chuckling with the Ensign. "Goodnight, Ensign Lee."
Lee nodded and started walking down the corridor. The Ensign didn't want to get her hopes up, but she couldn't help but smile as she made her way through Voyager's corridors.
LLLLL
The Doctor was going over the tricorder readings for what seemed to Captain Janeway to be the hundredth time. She cleared her throat, but got no reaction from the hologram.
"Doctor, I will deactivate you if you don't say something within the next few seconds," Janeway said, glaring at the Chief Medical Officer as she paced in front of him.
"Well, the accident hasn't affected your personality," the Doctor said, but quickly wiped the smirk from his face. "The scans show no major changes in your brain chemistry or neural activity. How do you feel? Do you remember anything?"
"I feel fine, but extremely irritated. It's as if the memories are just out my reach," Captain Janeway replied, putting her hands on her hips. "If I could access my personal logs, it would help me remember."
"Captain, I know you're frustrated, but we've gone through this. Accessing your logs could trigger increased activity in the damaged areas of your mind. Remembering on your own is safer."
"But, what about the mission logs? Why was I allowed to see those?" Kathryn kept her voice in check. She didn't want to take her anger out on the Doctor. Janeway had tried to decode her personal logs, but whoever had encrypted them had been very good. Frustratingly good.
"Those are only events and had no details. There were no personal links to you. Nothing that could evoke any memory responses." The Doctor sighed. "I can only tell you this again. Give it time. It's only been four weeks since the accident."
"I understand, Doctor," Kathryn said and shook her head in resignation. "I'll see you next week."
Captain Janeway walked out of sickbay and decided to skip the mess hall. She definitely didn't feel up to any company. The entire crew was very supportive, but it felt as if they were walking on egg shells around her. Kathryn walked into her quarters, grabbed a cup of coffee, her book and made herself at home on the couch. Perhaps some reading would distract her. Suddenly Kathryn put her book down and grabbed a padd from the table. She couldn't access her logs from the past twelve months, but maybe there was something that would be interesting in the final entries before then.
LLLLL
Kathryn heard her door slide open and looked up in surprise. Who would enter her quarters without knocking? And how would they have her access codes?
"Kathryn, you wouldn't believe the day I've had!" Ensign Lee burst through the door. "I was working in the jeffrey's tubes on Deck 15 and apparently I was exposed to some kind of gas. But, I told B'Elanna I was fine."
Kathryn's eyes widened in utter shock as the Ensign strolled in, walked right up to Kathryn, bent down and kissed her lightly on her cheek. The Captain kept on staring as the younger woman walked over to the replicator and ordered two ice teas. Ensign Lee held the glasses very carefully as she walked back to the living room and put them down on the coffee table. She sat next to Janeway and started loosening her uniform jacket.
"I feel a bit groggy and light-headed, but the Doctor said it would pass," Lee carried on talking. The Ensign took a sip of her ice tea and glanced at Janeway. "I'm sorry, Kathryn. I'm babbling. How was your day?"
Kathryn couldn't get any words out. The last entry she could access in her personal logs had disturbed her and now this! Kathryn watched as Lee first frowned and then the Ensign's eyes slowly widened in disbelief.
"I am so sorry, Kath – Captain. I am very, very sorry," Lee said, immediately standing up and getting her jacket fastened again. "The fumes muddled my mind and I forgot where I was going. I'll get out of your quarters immediately. Have a good evening."
"Ensign, stop," Kathryn commanded. Lee froze in front of the door. Slowly she turned around to face Janeway. "You mean that you forgot about my memory loss. Ensign, no-one has given me straight answers about what's happened these past months. I read an log entry about playing darts with you which I can't seem to recall. The personal thoughts I added, and your actions tonight, tell me there is something we need to discuss."
"No," Lee replied and stood a bit straighter.
"What?" Kathryn couldn't believe her ears. "I am giving you a direct order, Ensign. Tell me what's going on. Right now."
"Captain, I can only imagine how frustrating this must be for you. But, I have nothing to tell you. I'm very sorry about what I did. It was completely out of line and I'll understand if you want to take disciplinary action."
"Ensign Lee, you're lying to me." Kathryn got up and went to stand right in front of Lee. "I will throw you in the brig if you don't start talking right this instant."
"Could I take my pillow with me? I understand the beds in the brig are very hard."
"Ensign, this is not a laughing matter," Kathryn replied, but couldn't stop a smile from spreading across her face. Ensign Lee's grin was too infectious. The younger woman started chuckling and soon both women were laughing out loud.
"I am sorry I can't help you, Captain," Lee said. Kathryn was touched by the warmth and sincerity in the Ensign's face.
"It's all right," Kathryn said with a sigh. "The Doctor has explained it to me countless times. I took a chance in trying to bully some information out of you. I'm impressed by your level of resistance."
"Captain, you are quite a formidable woman, but it will take more than a bit of shouting to get me to crack under pressure," Lee replied with a smirk.
"One of your many skills, I'm sure," Kathryn said and wondered at her choice of words.
"Have a good evening, Captain," Lee said and Kathryn was sure the Ensign was smiling wider than before.
"You too, Ensign," Janeway replied and watched as the Ensign left her quarters. Kathryn went to sit down and grabbed her padd again. She wanted to read that darts entry a second time.
LLLLL
Captain Janeway was unsettled. She had this niggling feeling that she was forgetting something important. It was the same feeling she had been having for the past two months, but it felt exceptional strong today. After her encounter with Ensign Lee, she had decided to leave things alone for a while. Perhaps not focusing so much on trying to remember would help. At this stage, I'm willing to try anything, the Captain thought as she made her way through Voyager's corridors. Her duty shift for the day had ended and Kathryn hoped a stroll through the decks would get rid of the itch in her stomach.
"Come in," Lee said when she heard her door chime. The Ensign hoped it wasn't anyone trying to come and cheer her up again. The day had been rough enough as it is. Lee's eyes widened when she saw who walked through her door.
"Ensign Lee, I'm not sure what I'm doing here," Captain Janeway blurted and remained standing inside the door. Janeway felt extremely uncomfortable and glanced around the quarters.
"That's a perfectly reasonable statement, Captain," Lee replied and grinned. Kathryn wasn't remembering was she? It doesn't matter. At least, she's here, Lee thought. "But, while you wait for inspiration, maybe you'd like something to drink?"
"Wine, please," Janeway replied immediately and smiled as Ensign Lee nodded and walked to the replicator. Janeway sat down as Lee brought over two glasses of wine, red and white. Lee put the red wine in front of the Captain.
"I'm sorry, Captain," Lee said, noticing the woman's surprise. The Ensign picked up the glass of red wine quickly. "What kind of wine would you like?"
"Red, please. Vulcan chardonnay, if you don't mind," Janeway replied, her smile returning as she watched Lee put the glass back down with an embarrassed look on her face.
"Would you believe a lucky guess?" Lee said, sitting down on the chair across from Janeway.
"After the tricks my own mind's been playing on me, I'm close to believing a lot more than a lucky guess." Kathryn took a large sip from her glass.
"Then I have something which you would love," Lee said. She took a sip of her wine, closing her eyes and savouring the fruity taste. When she opened them again, she saw Kathryn staring at her intently. Lee blushed and continued, "I came across it when I was reading with Naomi. It's about a cow jumping over the moon. There's some cutlery dancing and dogs laughing as well."
Kathryn laughed as Lee gestured how a cow would jump over a moon. "Actually, I would like to hear more about that book you mentioned. I think you quoted a piece and I thought it wasn't poetry."
"Very sneaky, Captain," Lee said with a laugh. "That was in that log entry of yours about the evening we played darts."
"Was it? I can't remember," Kathryn replied, feigning ignorance. Lee burst out laughing and Kathryn joined in when she realised what she'd said. "But, reading a book wouldn't hurt, would it?"
"Do you really want to hear it?"
"Yes, I do."
"All right," Lee replied, getting up. Kathryn had almost thought she was going to refuse; Lee had taken quite long in answering. The Ensign returned with a thin and very colourful children's book and after a moment's pause, she sat down next to Kathryn.
"You need to see the pictures," Lee explained, opening the book to the first page. Kathryn nodded and shifted a bit closer to the Ensign. A part of her couldn't believe what she was doing. Thoughts of highly inappropriate behaviour and Starfleet regulations were being drowned out by Kathryn's utter sense of peace.
"Please, carry on," Kathryn said, staring at the bright illustrations. Kathryn's smile widened as Lee started reading.
"That was great," Kathryn said as Lee closed the book almost an hour later. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing you read it."
"Thanks," Lee replied and sat rooted to the spot as Kathryn leaned closer and kissed her gently.
"Why don't you get ready for bed? I'll clean up." Kathryn stood up and picked up the glasses. "Lee, it's fine. Go take a shower and get into bed. I'll join you in a few minutes."
Lee stood up slowly and went into her bedroom. Should she get the Doctor? Was Kathryn remembering? Lee didn't know if she should bring the sudden change in behaviour to Kathryn's attention. Before she could decide what to do, Lee had showered and was lying in her bed. She heard Kathryn turn off the lights in the living room. The Starfleet Captain walked into the bathroom, took a quick shower and pulled her spare set of pyjamas out of Lee's top drawer. The Ensign was very glad she hadn't removed any of Kathryn's things from her quarters.
"Lee?" Kathryn had climbed under the covers and snuggled into Lee's embrace.
"Yes?" Lee held her breath.
"What did we do today? I can't seem to remember."
"Don't worry about it, Kathryn. You're tired. We can talk about it tomorrow."
"All right," the auburn-haired woman replied and Lee started to relax. Lee waited until she felt Kathryn fall asleep and then closed her eyes as well.
Lee woke up with the feeling of a warm body spread almost on top of her. She smiled and opened her eyes when she felt soft lips on her own.
"Happy anniversary," Kathryn said and grinned as Lee's face broke into a wonderfully beautiful smile. "I'm so sorry. I can't believe I forgot you."
"Your memories? They're all back?"
"Yes, and I remember the past few weeks of walking around without them as well." Kathryn paused and hugged Lee tightly. "I can't imagine what you must've been going through. And that I almost forgot our one-year anniversary of being together."
"It doesn't matter," Lee replied, lifting Kathryn's chin to look into her eyes. "You're back now. Everything will be all right."
Kathryn nodded and kissed Lee deeply. She felt the younger woman's hands move on her back and smiled. This she wasn't going to forget.