I still cannot quite believe I really wrote this chapter. Hope at least a few people get laughs out of it.
Chapter Twenty-Five: Fanatic
While hiking the rest of the way up the mountain, Neo remarked, "I don't understand how Brandi ran out of air while Zack didn't."
"I don't breathe," Zack said shortly.
"Oh. Huh," Neo said, considering the possibilities of that.
"I'm more amazed at how long Zack was able to keep those rocks in one position," Rue said. "That must have been hard as heck to pull off!"
"It wasn't that impressive," Zack said awkwardly.
"Just because you won't admit it doesn't mean it wasn't," Draken remarked.
Towards the back of the group, Mana noticed Brandi looked worried. "Is something wrong?"
"Oh… I'm concerned about the baby," Brandi admitted, putting a hand to her stomach. "Obsidian's torture might have permanently affected him or her somehow, and nearly suffocating definitely didn't help."
"Well… there isn't anything we can do about that," Mana said regretfully. "Try not to think about it too much. When this is all over, we'll worry about it then, okay?"
"Okay," Brandi agreed.
It was a relief to them all when they finally reached the top of the mountain. The Demon Temple stood before them, as forbidding as ever. Steeling themselves, they walked towards the long steps that led to it.
The group did not get a chance to ascend them though, for a woman stood there. She wore a white priestess' robe with an enormous wooden cross around her neck and a copy of the Bible under her arm. Her black hair was wrapped against the back of her head in a bun, and her brown eyes searched them scathingly.
"Sinners, how dare you come forth to spread your vile ways!" the woman said viciously. "Instead of searching for a house of God, you trek towards an empire of the Devil! Entering this demonic building will seal your fate and give you a permanent location in Hell, where you shall burn for all eternity!" She spread out her arms, her glare receding. "However, I am a devoted servant to God, and I know that you can be forgiven! We are all children of God, and I will help send you to Him, where the afterlife is one of goodness! If you are so badly duped by the Devil's words, I will purify your souls, and show you the way to the realm of light! I cannot harm you, kin of mine, but I shall overcome you in nonviolent means to convert you to Christianity!"
The group stared at her in a dumbfounded silence, until Rue said, "…Could you repeat all-"
Draken hurriedly covered Rue's mouth as Miles said, "Uh, you're basically challenging one of us to a duel, right?"
The woman gave him a horrified look. "Of all the tainted people in this party, you are one of the ones most emerged in dark deeds! Face me, young one, and I shall cleanse you of your sins. There is still hope for you, so face me! I will destroy the Devil within you!"
"…I think she wants to duel you," Draken said to Miles.
"Gee, thanks," Miles said, eye twitching. "Nice to know I have a Christian fanatic translator here. Doesn't look like I have much choice though. Fine, woman, let's duel. Who are you?"
"The name of this humble servant of God is Mieko," she replied, bringing out a Soul Card. A woman appeared, one wearing a blue robe and white nun's hood. She had a small gold chain around her neck and held a small, wooden cross while she kept her eyes closed. "My partner in spreading the Lord's word is Dory."
"That's a Merciful Nun," Max said. "Fitting for her."
"I'm Miles, and he's Gen," Miles said, activating his Duel Disk. "Let's get this over with."
Mieko gave Gen an incredulous look. "A White Thief? If that is the true color of your soul, this will be my greatest challenge yet. I shall prevail though, for the sake of your soul!"
"I'm sure you will," Miles said, rolling his eyes.
"I can already tell this is going to be hilarious to watch," Draken commented. "Let's sit back and enjoy it. We could use the rest after that stressful rock fall incident."
"No kidding," Hope said.
Miles: 8000
Mieko: 8000
"Show me who you truly are with your actions," Mieko said.
"Uh, you're letting me go first? All right," Miles said. "Gen, you know what to do!"
"I sure do," Gen answered, vanishing. Mieko stared in shock as he reappeared with a card that he handed to Miles.
"Gen's Deck Master ability only works once per game. I get to take one card from your hand and use it as my own until it's destroyed," Miles said.
"So you really are a thief at heart!" Mieko accused.
"Yeah, I thought you had already figured that out," Miles said, gazing at the card. "Gravity Bind? Great, that probably means it won't be of much help against you. Oh well. I lay down two cards and summon Century Thief." (1000/1000)
"One of the worst sins one can commit is thievery," Mieko lectured as she drew. "It is an evil, despicable, wicked act of the Devil that you should never-"
"Not meaning to break into your lecture here, but I use Lost Property," Miles said. "Discard the card you just drew."
Mieko flared at that. "Even your deck is based around your disgusting acts! I lose my Goblin Skillful Management, but it matters not, for I activate Dory's Deck Master ability! Once per turn, I may discard a card from my hand that mentions drawing cards and draw three more. I must atone for my actions by skipping my next draw phrase, yet it is a worthy price to pay! I discard Remains of Yatagarasu to draw three cards! Then I summon Muka-Muka!" (600/300)
"It doesn't look that strong," Miles said.
"With the help of the Lord behind it, Muka-Muka can defeat you!" Mieko said triumphantly.
"Describe that in card game terms please," Miles requested in an annoyed tone.
"For each card in my hand, Muka-Muka's stats increase by 300. I have five, so they increase by 1500! (2100/1800) Muka-Muka attacks!"
The rock monster easily tore apart Miles' Century Thief, leaving nothing behind.
Miles: 6900
Mieko: 8000
As his Life Point counter lowered, a light suddenly surrounded Miles, and then vanished. He blinked, saying, "This is going to sound like the dumbest question I have ever asked, but I am completely serious when I say this. Why do I have a sudden urge to really believe in God?"
"Say what?" Rue and Draken chorused while the rest of the group gave Miles extremely odd looks.
"I would never set barbaric conditions to losing one of these games, especially something like death!" Mieko said. "If I lose, I will not interfere with your mission, and you will join the Devil in Hell. If you lose, you will be converted to Christianity and be saved!"
"…Oh hell no," Miles said in disbelief. "There is no way I am joining your cult you psychotic Bible-obsessed freak!"
Some of the spectators were unsure of how to react to that. Rue and Draken, on the other hand, burst out laughing at Miles' horrified expression.
"Is it wrong that I feel like joining them?" Hope asked.
"Not one bit," Max answered, smirking.
"You use such vulgar language!" Mieko said to Miles. "By the end of this, you will never feel the urge to utter words like that again! I lay three cards down and play Limitless Hand, and then allow you to take an action."
"I'm assuming Limitless Hand allows you to hold an infinite amount of cards in your hand," Miles said. "Not that it matters when you only have one card, since that means your Muka-Muka's weakened! (900/600) I summon Falcon Knight (1000/700) and attack!"
"God will protect me from your assault, for I now bring out Blessing of God!" Mieko said. "Each time I draw, I gain 500 Life Points. Then I use two Careless Avarices! Each one allows me to draw two cards so long as I skip my next draw phase!"
Miles watched as her Muka-Muka powered up again. (2100/1800) "Drat," he muttered as his Falcon Knight was torn apart.
Miles: 5800
Mieko: 9000
When the light came and faded from around Miles, he blinked and said, "That's strange. I thought I'd be more worried about losing my Life Points. I suppose I need not be concerned though, for God is watching over me."
While there were still quite a few people who stared in incredulity, more were joining the snickering side of Rue and Draken.
"Yes, you are beginning to realize what the truth of life is!" Mieko said. "I discard Magic Locomotive Dekoichi to draw three cards! Then I summon Masked Automaton. (900/1400) Forgive me, for this is for your own good... he attacks directly!"
"No way!" Miles said, breaking out of his musing state. "I activate your own Gravity Bind to halt him!"
Mieko held up her hand of six cards. "Muka-Muka will make you see the light then!" (2400/2100)
Miles was knocked back as the Muka-Muka collided with him, causing Gen to grab his arm before he fell.
Miles: 3400
Mieko: 9500
Once Gen had helped Miles straighten and the light had done its work, Miles said, "I would normally thank you, my former comrade. However, you have taken a path I now cannot. The ways of a thief are wrong, so wrong that I cannot believe I ever thought it was the right thing for me to do."
"…I really hope this wears off soon," Gen said mournfully as Rue fell over from laughing.
"Wears off? God's teachings do not simply 'wear off'," Miles said scornfully. "They are ingrained into me for life, as it should be. It is my job, as one of His children, to learn His lessons."
"Miles? It is your turn," Gen pointed out, disregarding the mirth the spectators showed at Miles' last statements.
"Ah, that is correct. I will pass," Miles said.
"Before you continue…" Hope said. "Tell me, why do you want to destroy Teknisk Wereld? I'd think you'd want it intact to save lives."
"This world was wrought with unholy hands!" Mieko proclaimed. "The sinners who created this world were vainly attempting to mimic the Lord! This creation and their designers deserve to burn in Hell for all eternity! I am helping to destroy this world so that no more innocents will fall victim to its tainted ways!"
"In other words, she's a nutcase," Brandi muttered. "But we already knew that."
"I discard Vase of Greed for three cards, and sacrifice Masked Automaton for Enraged MukaMuka! (1200/600) For each card I hold, his stats increase by 400!" Mieko said, displaying her seven cards. (2700/2400) (4000/3400) "Alas, my own Gravity Bind forbids me from freeing you, yet I shall come one step closer! Muka-Muka attacks!"
This time, Miles was knocked on his back by the assault. Gen swiftly pulled him back up.
Miles: 700
Mieko: 10000
"Are you all right?" Gen asked Miles once the light had faded.
"This pain is not nearly enough!" Miles exclaimed. "For all the sins I have committed, no amount of pain could ever make up for it! Oh, the crimes I have done against my kin, all for petty desires of mine. I have succumbed to so many sins… so many sins… how can I ever repent?"
"Confess them," Mieko said. "God will forgive those who wish to be forgiven."
To the astonishment of the group, Miles got on his knees and clasped his hands in prayer, saying, "Oh God, please hear my sins and forgive them. I am sorry for burning down my home town, sorry for slaying those duelists who were merely misguided, sorry for constantly stealing money from Rue…"
"HEY!" Rue protested from the sidelines.
"Where's a video camera when you need it?" Draken said, gasping for breath after laughing so hard.
"Miles, you can pray for forgiveness after the duel!" Gen said, pulling him up once more.
"It would not be right to put this servant of God through any more trouble," Miles said, his eyes glazed. "I should forfeit, to repay her for helping me see the light…"
Gen quickly thought of an excuse to keep him from doing that. "This is a test to see if you are worthy of serving God too. You have to beat her in a duel."
"I see," Miles said in a voice far too calm for him. "In that case, I will…" He hesitated. "This card utterly vile! Why is this in my deck? It goes against the Lord's will-"
"Miles, for the love of the God you are preaching, play the darn card!" Gen said, snatching it out of his hand and thrusting it onto his Duel Disk. "He is done."
"Very well. I discard Metamol Pot to draw three cards. Then I equip Enraged MukaMuka with Demotion, to lower his level by two." Mieko glanced at the eight cards she held. (3000/2700) (4400/3800) "Muka-Muka attacks your monster!"
"God forgive me for using this monstrosity," Miles said, shuddering as he flipped it over. "Soul-Hunting Spirit. (300/200) He cannot be destroyed in battle. A card effect targeting him will do so immediately."
"Do not worry, God will forgive you for this sin," Mieko assured. "I am done."
Miles: 700
Mieko: 10500
"How tempting it is to simply stop this struggle," Miles said, gazing at the cards he held. "This eternal strife will only result in more pain and death. Why not stop?"
"Miles, are you really thinking of quitting?" Rue called.
Miles shook his head at the group. "All of you are so blind to reality. My vision is now clear! Once I have repented and serve God, I shall bestow the same revealing light upon each and every one of you, to save your souls!"
"The saddest thing is that he believes what he's saying," Mana commented.
"Amen, no pun intended," Neo agreed.
"I lay one card down and end my turn," Miles said.
"I discard Royal Magic Library for three cards," Mieko said, now holding ten. (3600/3300) (5200/4600) "That is all."
Miles: 700
Mieko: 11000
"I will pass," Miles said, his voice distant.
"I discard Mimic of Darkness Lv 1 for three cards, nothing more," Mieko said with twelve cards. (4200/3900) (6000/5400)
Miles: 700
Mieko: 11500
"I must pass once more," Miles said.
The group watched in disbelief as the next three turns held the exact same pattern, with Mieko's hand going from twelve to fourteen to sixteen to eighteen. And still after all of this, Miles passed.
Mieko finally broke the pattern by saying, "I play Jar of Covetousness to shuffle five monsters into my deck and draw two cards. I discard Masked Automaton to draw three cards. Then I equip your satanic Soul-Hunting Spirit with a Demotion!" The Soul-Hunting Spirit blew up, leaving Mieko's two monsters as the only ones on the field, powered up by the twenty cards in her hand. (6600/6300) (9200/8600)
Staring at the amount of cards Mieko held in amazement, Rue said, "Draken! What does the scouter say about his power level?"
Catching on to what he meant, Draken instantly replied, "It's over NINE THOUSAAAAAND!"
"What! Nine thousand?" Rue exclaimed.
"Once again, I find myself hating them," Brandi muttered as several other people gave the duo confused looks.
Miles: 700
Mieko: 14000
"Enraged MukaMuka frees you!" Mieko said as the rock monster rushed towards him.
For a moment, it seemed Miles would let the attack go through. But some hidden instinct must have awoken in him, for he flipped over his trap card. "I activate Attack Nullification to negate your attack!"
"And here I was so close to releasing you," Mieko sighed. "It shall have to wait one more turn."
Miles gazed at his overflowing hand distractedly. "I should let myself fall now…"
"Miles, remember, you want to win this!" Gen said. He looked at Miles' hand and blinked. "You can even win now! Just play that card!"
"Will God forgive me for defeating His servant?" Miles asked doubtfully.
"He is testing you, so of course!" Gen assured. "All you have to do is play that magic card."
"If that is the Lord's will," Miles said, sliding the card into his Duel Disk. "I play Hand Obliteration! We both discard all of the cards in our hand and draw an amount equal to the number discarded!"
When Mieko slid all twenty of her cards into the Cemetery and tried to draw twenty more, she found that she could not. There were simply not enough cards left in her deck.
Miles: 700
Mieko: Decked Out
"Oh God, I failed to save this young man from Hell, but I failed!" Mieko cried. "I shall repent, my Lord!" Without any further words, she ran off the steps and to the mountain side, leaping off. Dory shortly followed her, and they were lost from sight.
"…Did she just kill herself?" Gaston said in disbelief.
"Looks that way," Will said, his eyebrow raised. "All in all, that was a very… interesting… experience."
A groan from near the steps caused them to look up and see that Miles had fallen to his knees. Gen was next to him, saying, "Miles? Are you hurt?"
"Physically, no. Mentally, I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE!" Miles shouted, slapping his hands over his face. "Toss me over the mountain edge so that I can die too. After that experience, it would be preferable to living out the rest of my life!"
"Aw, don't be like that," Draken said with a grin. "I thought you made a good priest."
"Yeah, you've found yourself a new profession!" Rue joked.
"Kill me now," Miles moaned, sounding as if he wished for nothing more than to sink into the ground.
"For your information, we are never going to let you forget this," Brandi said with a laugh.
"That's the entire problem," Miles answered, still not looking up.
Larka took pity on their traumatized friend and said, "At least you managed to clear the way, Miles. Now we can go on."
"Right. We have to go in there to confront Kai," Zack reminded him.
"Are you going to let embarrassment get in the way of saving Teknisk Wereld?" Draken asked.
Miles stood up, glaring at him. "Of course not!"
"Then there you go," Hope said. "Worry about how we'll torment you after we deal with Kai."
With a sigh, Miles said, "Can't we just say that never happened?"
"That would be too easy," Draken said.
"I was afraid you'd say that," Miles muttered. Then he said to Gen, "Either way, thanks for keeping me in line. I shudder to think about what would have happened if you hadn't."
"It is a relief to see you are back to normal," Gen stated.
"I think we all agree to that," Darche said.
"I don't know… I think he did pretty well with his religious rants…" Max said, smirking.
"Thanks a lot," Miles said before turning to the Demon Temple. "If you're going to blackmail me, do it later, okay? Right now, we have to move on."
Angela had been silent for the entire incident. Seeing that the group was interested in their mission once more, she stated, "Location found. Will enter the premises now."
"Let's go," Hope said grimly, starting to walk up the steps. Everyone else did as well, silently anticipating what would happen next.
As they did, Rue whispered to Miles, "Do you really steal money from me?"
"No. Well. Occasionally. Sometimes. Maybe. …Yeah, I do," Miles said, grinning sheepishly.
"Mental note: ask Mephistopolis to carry through with his threat of eating your liver," Rue grumbled.
"Remind me to do that the next time you let me out," Mephistopolis advised. "I would be glad to then."
They soon arrived at the archway leading into the temple with its doors already wide open. Giving the Chess Demon statues wary glances, the group slowly entered the dark building, mentally preparing themselves for what they might find.
To be continued…