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Waking up with a guys arm around your shoulder and your head on his chest was something new to Mac. But she liked it. Even if she wouldn't admit it yet, she liked it a lot. She didn't knew how much time had passed since she fell asleep in Dicks arms, but wether it was only ten minutes or ten hours she felt better.

She didn't want to leave him but the bathroom was calling to her. Trying not to wake him up, Mac left her bed. She only got a few inches away until Dick was up. He murmured something she couldn't understand so she tried to wake him up completely now. It was not as easy as she thought it would be. Dick was definitely not a morning person. It kind of freaked her out to now this about one Dick Casablancas. Never in her life had she even thought about knowing these things about him.

Finally excepting that this wasn't going to work, she hurried into the bathroom and went quickly back into the bed, resting her head on his chest again. Dick immediatly put his one arm back around her shoulder and the other around her waist. Yeah, she could definitely get used to it. But she knew that they had to talk sometime soon. About his brother, about her feelings of guilt, his feelings of guilt and last but not least this thing going on between them. If you could even call it a thing. She was not quite sure if she wanted it to be a thing. Not if Dick hand't changed at all. But she coulnd't, didn't want to believe that this was not affecting him at all. Not after this last night that Dick and her had spent together. Wow, she never thought she would use this sentence with the name Dick in it. But here she was, lying in a bed with him. Enjoying the feeling of his steady heartbeat underneath her. She hadn't felt so good since the thing with Cassidy. She felt tears forming in her eyes again and not soon after she was crying silently, her tears falling on Dicks chest. His shirt was soon soaked in the salty liquid.

Dick woke up startled. Where the hell was he? What was this sound and why was his chest so wet? Just as he felt the weigt on his chest he realized what was going on. What had been going on. He was at Macs and it was her, who made this sound because she was crying. Dick gently lifted her head. He could see the pain in her eyes, the guilt the grief. He knew what had made her that upset. Beav- Cassidy. He didn't want to see her in pain. He wanted to help her but didn't know how. So he just held her more tightly.

Since when was he caring so much about this girl in his arms. Since when did he care about any other than himself. Oh yeah, since he realized that if he had cared more about his brother he wouldn't have gone all psychotic murderer. He wanted to punch himself really hard right now.

Mac knew something was wrong. She saw the anger in Dicks eyes. Was he angry with her? But why? Had she done something wrong? Couldn't he beare seeing her crying?

"Dick?"

He didn't even look at her.

"Dick! What's wrong? "

"What is wrong? What is wrong? What do you think is wrong? My brother got molested by some psychotic guy and blew up a bus so that noone would ever new. And i didn't even notice something until it all was too late. Its my fault all this shit happened."

He didn't want to take his anger out on her but he could'nt stop it. At first she looked shocked but then he could see understanding in her eyes.

"Don't look at my like you understand. The hell you do!"

"Of course I understand. He was my boyfriend! I spent so much time with him. I thought I knew him. If it's somebodys fault than it's mine!"

Dicks anger quickly faded.

"No",he said gently,"It's not your fault. It's mine... He was my little brother and I should have been there for him. I wasn't. It's all my fault."

Dick felt the tears coming, but he didn't care. Mac took his head in her hands and wiped his tears away.

"It's not your fault. And neither it's mine. He's the one to blame. He didn't talk to anybody about Woody."

"He had nobody to talk to! I wasn't there for him!"

"Maybe that's true. But this doesn't mean that it was the right thing to blew up a bus full of pupils. No, if it's anybodys fault than it's his."

"Maybe your right. But this doesn't mean that I don't feel guilty anymore."

"Neither do I. But we just have to try. We have to live again. How did Robert Frost say: In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on."

"You're such a nerd!"

"I know." She blushed.

"I like that."

"You do?"

"Why not?"

"Dick Casablancas telling me that he likes nerds. What is the problem here?"

"Okay maybe you're right, but this doesn't mean that I don't like you."

"Alright now. It seems the time has come to have a talk. About us."

"Us?"

"Yeah, you know. You, me, us. Don't you think this whole situation is a little bit weird? And now you're telling me that you like me. Don't get me wrong. I think I like you too. This you. Not the Dick who didn't care about anybody but him. And now I don't know who you're going to be in the end. Is this just some phase or did you really change?"

"Does this mean, you didn't like the beloved Dick Casblancas?"

He tried to turn this all into a joke but failed miserably.

"Dick. Please answer me. If you say no then please leave. I couldn't take this. I want you to be my friend – "

"Mac – "

"No, let me finish. I don't know why but it seems to me that you're the only person who can understand me. And I need this person right now. But if you're going to leave sooner or later then please leave right now. I don't want to rely on you just to let you leave me. It would be better then if I try to get things right on my own."

"Can I say something now? Okay listen. I can't promise that I wouldn't change back. Hell, I'm not sure if I even changed that much... No, don't look at me like that. Did you really think the person you saw in Highschool was all that was in me? I'm sorry to disappoint you, but that wasn't really me. I acted that way because it was easier for me. My family was fucked up.Well now it is even more so, but it always wasn't the family one would wish for. My father was mostly on some businesstrips or something. Mom left us when I was like ten or something. And I think I don't have to tell you how Kendall was. Pretending to don't care at all was my only option. But now, after Cassidys death I know I don't have to wear that mask anymore. It's not like anybody cared anyway. I know nobody really liked the Dick I played. Nobody's going to miss him. But to the point. I want to be there for you. The last night was the best I had like ever. And this has to mean something if a great part of this night was me crying in front of you. I don't have to tell you that Dick Casablancas doesn't cry in front of chicks ever... I need you too. It seems I have nobody left but you and that scares me. I barely knew you, but I don't think I actually knew soembody at all. I don't want to leave. I want to get through this whole mess and it seems that nobody but you is going to help me, actually wants to help me. At least that's what I hope. I want to try. And now I made a bloody fool of myself by being all mushy!"

"No you didn't. I had no clue about all of this. I don't know what you want to hear from me right now. I don't know what to say."

"Just don't tell me to leave. Of course I have to leave sometime, because I'm going to need some different clothes sometime, but you know what I mean."

"Okay."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

Dick felt himself relax again. He should feel afraid right now, because he never told anyone the things he just told Mac, but he wasn't. He felt relieved, like some big weight had just been lifted off his chest.

He leaned back in the bed and Mac joined him. He really liked the feeling of her body against his. He felt himself drifting to sleep again when he head her voice whispering.

"Dick?"

"Mmm?"

"What you told me about your family? Well I have a secret of my own about this topic."

"Do you want to tell me? You don't have to, you know?"

"No, that's not the problem."

"Then spit it out."

"I was switched at birth, with Madiscon Sinclair."

"You what?"

"Yeah I know. Pretty heavy. I should be an 09er."

"Wow."

"Does this change anything?"

"What do you mean? Of course not."