Chapter 6: Singing in Shadows

I officially started to completely freak out three days before my audition. My mind was consumed with nothing but thoughts of the fast approaching day that would either make-me or break-me. I needed to win a part so desperately, not just for money's sake, but also to prove something to myself, and to everyone in my life.

I wanted Mrs. Giry to see me succeed at something huge. She had been training me for several years, and had seen me star in smaller roles and recitals, but I wanted her to see me achieve something great. Even a small roll as a dancer and chorus member in such a large production was quite an accomplishment. And I wanted her to see--to know-- that she helped put me there, up on that stage.

I wanted Meg to be proud of me. She had watched me dance my whole life, and had put up with me canceling plans and 'girls-night-outs' so that I could remain rehearsing longer. She had helped me carry my books to class in high school when I broke my foot when I landed poorly from a leap. I had been on crutches for weeks, and she patiently helped me with everything and even put up with listening to me complain about how I couldn't dance.

I even wanted Randall to see me succeed. I wanted to show him that I could make it on my own, that I was a girl who knew how to get what she wanted in life by herself. No attachments necessary!

But most of all, I wanted my parents to be proud of me. Wherever they were. I imagined them in Heaven or some other celestial place, looking down on me, watching my progress everyday. I knew they would be happy, because I was happy. Or at least I would be when I got the part.

"If I get the part, it's all because of you two," I said to myself in the mirror one afternoon. "I just wish you could be there on opening night. If anything you could at least take me out for a free dinner after the show," I smiled slightly. That had always been our tradition after every opening night. Opening night cast parties be damned, the DuBois family spent the evenings together in celebration.

It was Thursday, late afternoon, when Meg caught me singing to myself in the kitchen. Auditions were Saturday. I had stopped rehearsing the dance so hardcore because I didn't want to wear myself out. I stretched out everyday and did a few simple bits, but I found that if I danced too much, I would just become sloppy. And since I felt my audition would be carried on my dancing ability alone, I could not afford to be off.

So for now, I was singing every spare moment. I tried to remember exercises my mom had taught me when I was younger, and practiced with those. I had even enlisted the help of a girl, Tatum, in one of my dance classes who was a singer. She was auditioning as well on Saturday, but as a main chorus roll, not a dancer. She gave me some pointers and a CD with some vocal warm-ups to practice.

"Sounds good!" Meg said cheerfully.

"I wish. I'm going to choke."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Christine. First of all, you are obviously an amazing dancer. How many more times do I have to feed you that particular compliment?" She smiled at me, no hint of any real annoyance. "And second, you are not the terrible singer you think you are. I mean seriously, do you even remember who your mother was? You're great! In fact, you have a beautiful voice. Just untrained and all. I could never understand why you didn't become a singer. You could be amazing. Maybe even better than you are at dancing," she said matter-of-factly.

"Oh, sure. I can see myself now-- quit dancing entirely to pursue my singing career. Giving up the one thing I'm good at to do the one thing I'm bad at. Very practical!"

"You're not bad. You just have no confidence, and that messes you up every time you try singing. You had to work hard to be a fabulous dancer. You have natural singing talent. It's just in your blood, silly! So learn to deal," Meg gave a small chuckle.

"Maybe you're right. I just get so nervous, Meg! I know I'll blow it on Saturday."

"I thought the role you were going for was mostly dancing?" she asked.

"It is, but again, they sort of want to the full package. I have to do everything. Although, hopefully they can let my vocals slide a bit. I hope they're forgiving."

"I have every faith in you. Besides, you get like this before every audition you have ever done. And I have always said the same things. And you always get the part. I wonder when you will start listening to me and begin to realize what a true genius I am!" Meg quipped.

"Of course. You are the mastermind behind my career. I'll try to stop stressing so much," I promised.

"Great! And what a better way to start this stress-free lifestyle than by coming out with me tonight," Meg offered.

"I can't, not tonight. And the reason is completely non-audition related. I have work tonight until close at the library."

"I suppose I can let it slide. But Sunday, we are going out! I give you freedom until then," she smiled and headed to her room. And I continued singing.

X X X

The library was pretty empty for a Thursday night. Usually there were more students studying for their Friday classes and tests, but it was relatively clear. Which worked out for me. On my final book re-shelving rounds, the section was empty, and I practiced some more of my singing scales. I thought I was getting better, at least more confident, and I hoped my mind wasn't playing tricks on me.

"You have perfect pitch," said a flowing voice behind me. "But your timbre needs a bit of work. . . . as does your confidence, I take it."

I turned around and was surprised to see the masked man once more.

"I didn't think anyone was there to hear me. I'm sorry if I disturbed you," I apologized immediately.

"It is never a disturbance to hear a beautiful voice," he said, and must have noticed the disbelief on my face because he answered my silent denials. "Beautiful, but unguided."

I smiled and blushed a little. "Yeah. I've been getting that a lot lately. . . . do you know a lot about singing?"

"I am well acquainted with music. . . .and singing. But you-- you are a dancer," he stated simply. It was not a question. "And a singer, if you wanted to be, Christine."

He fluidly handed me a book and turned to leave all at one moment. His movements were so perfect, it was like a dance to music only he could hear. I barely had time to register what he had said, or even realize we had had somewhat of a brief conversation at all.

"Thank you!" I tried calling out, but he had already disappeared.

I looked down at the book he had given to me, thinking he had just wanted me to re-shelf something for him. But the title caught my eye. The Prima Donna's Album. I flipped through the pages of arias and sheet music. Who was this guy, anyway? And did he actually think I could sing any of these? The way he had spoken about my singing, it made me feel like I almost could sing them. Meg had pretty much told me the same things earlier in the day.

But from his mouth, and his voice, I started to think I actually could sing, and maybe even sign well! He obviously knew something about music and singers from the descriptions he gave on my voice. It was odd, but suddenly I wanted to prove him right as well. I didn't even know his name, or anything about him. Our two meetings had been so short, it was almost as if he didn't really exist. He was like some sort of ghost or phantom--there one moment, and gone the next, as if I were just making him up in my mind.

But something in his words were more comforting than anyone else's at the moment-- a stranger's outside perspective often is. I flipped through the songs one last time.

"I wish," I sighed as I got back to work.

A/N: Another chapter done. I'm not sure about it. I'm having trouble figuring out the order of things in my head. I've thought a ton about the ending of my story, I just need to focus on getting there. I was planning on making this one longer, but felt like it was a good stopping point.

Okay, review! I love them! And enjoy the reading.