Chapter 10: Frogs
I was still high on life when I made it home from the library Sunday night. The call, and Erik-- it was all too much good for one evening, and I knew I hadn't felt that happy in a long, long time. When I got to my apartment, I could barely unlock the door I was bouncing with so much excitement. I felt like screaming to the whole world about my good fortune just to release some of my energy. However, when I finally got inside, it was Meg, not the entire planet, that was second to learn of my acceptance into Hannibal.
"I'm in! I'm in! Meg! I got the call from Opera Boston at work!" I yelled the second I saw her in the kitchen.
"Chris! That is amazing! See, did I call it, or what?" she joked with that 'I-told-you-so' look on her face. "You were all worried and freaked out, but I said the whole time you would make it, missy."
"I know, I know. I should really start listening to you from the beginning," I acquiesced.
"Yes, you should! So, details, details..." she pushed.
I told Meg about my boring shift at work and how the phone call, even though I was anticipating it, startled me. I explained how I nervously and lamely answered, saying "hi" about, what seemed like, twenty times, then James complimented me and said I was cast.
"And, Meg-- the coolest part is," I saved the best for the end, "she wants me to be the assistant dance captain! I get to be in charge of extra rehearsals and warm-ups and stuff! It's so awesome, I still can't believe it. I'm afraid she'll like call me tomorrow and tell me they mixed up forms and numbers and I wasn't actually the person they meant to cast."
"Oh, please! Stop pity-partying yourself. You made it, already! For someone so talented, you really have the worst self-opinion," she pointed out.
"I think I'm just being humble all the time. No body likes a diva. Besides, I can already tell this production will have at least one," I explained and told her a little bit more about the La Carlotta. Meg smiled and laughed at my story.
"She sounds terrifying! Hopefully you won't have to deal with her too much."
"I get the feeling she wants everyone to deal with her, all the time. Oh well, she can have the spotlight, I'm glad just to be there and actually be an employed dancer," I confessed.
"That's the spirit! So, I guess the singing part of your audition wasn't as bad as you originally thought. I knew it wouldn't be."
"Hmm... I guess not. Maybe I overreacted to how I thought my audition went. It just didn't feel right. But, I have plenty of time to improve now! And maybe at actual rehearsals I won't be so nervous."
"Good call! Oh! Speaking of call-- and I don't mean to give unwanted news or anything, but Randall called while you were out and wanted to know about the auditions. I may have. . . hinted that you would call him back, don't kill me!" she threw in for her defense.
"Don't worry, I already promised him I would call him and let him be the first to know about the outcome of my audition. Of course, I've already lied because two people already have that info before him."
"Hey, I'm number two! Not fair. Who is this first person you told?" she asked, mock pouting.
I paused briefly. For someone reason, I didn't feel like telling her about Erik being at the library again. She was thrilled about me learning his name and told me to keep her updated. But, I just didn't feel like sharing anything about him anymore. I knew Meg and how she loved gossip and romance. And Erik was beginning to feel like my own personal little secret. It was still too complicated, and I didn't want Meg thinking I was going to be bringing home a new guy every night now.
"Oh, just somebody I work with. They happened to be around when I got the call. I didn't exactly tell them I got the part, but it was pretty obvious by my reaction to the phone call from James." Well, at least half of what I told her was true. Erik had overheard my squeals of excitement.
"Well, okay, we can let that one slide, it doesn't count!" Meg smiled brightly. "Now, go call Randall so you don't make a liar out of me!"
I headed back down the hallway into my bedroom. After closing the door for a little bit of privacy, I got out my cell phone and dialed the number. I was a little nervous because it was the first time I had been the one to call him since our breakup. True, he had left a message for me with Meg and knew I would be calling back, but that didn't stop me from feeling uneasy.
The phone rang once. . . twice. . . three times. Maybe I should just hang up and try again later, I thought hopefully.
Fourth ring. . . .
"Hello? Christine?" Randall's expectant voice said over the line.
"Yeah, hey there. It's Chris. Meg told me you rang earlier."
"Yeah, how are you?" he asked politely.
"Oh, I'm doing great. Just got off of work. I'm sorry I didn't call you earlier. I was so exhausted yesterday, and this morning Meg and I hung out. Then I had a shift at the BPL," I explained.
"Right. So, what about the audition? Good news, I hope."
I chuckled slightly, still excited about my opera victory.
"Yep, great news! I got in. And I'm even the assistant dance captain!" I told him proudly.
"Wow, Christine. . . . that's amazing! But I knew you would do beautifully. I've always recognized your potential." Randall's words made me flashback to my conversation with Erik, who had pretty much told me the same thing about my potential. I blushed at the thought.
"Yeah, someone else just said that to me today, too."
"Well, then they are correct. And they must be very intelligent. I'd like to meet them, I'm sure we'd get a long."
No, I don't think you would, I almost said out loud.
"We could be your own personal fan club," Randall joked.
"I think I'd like to make it through one major production before I start taking membership dues."
"Well, in lieu of a club joining fee," he paused slightly, ". . . why don't you let me take you out to dinner. Some place fancy? It's a special occasion."
His offer was sweet, and I almost found myself saying yes. But I wasn't ready to go back down that road yet. A couple of weeks ago I kept flip-flopping on my feelings for Randall, not sure if I had made the right choice or not. But over the past week, I had really started to discover myself. And maybe you've discovered someone else, my mind stated, still not leaving me alone. But it was right. I wasn't sure if it was my new career, or Erik, or my own self-determination, but I was finally moving over from Randall and ready to move on. My mind was no longer in two halves over should I date him or shouldn't I. I had made the right choice. But I still didn't want to be rude. A part of me did love him, still. It just wanted fair to lead him on.
"Randall, that's such a nice offer. But, I just don't think I have the time. Rehearsals start in a few days, I still have hours I'm committed to at the library. Plus, I need some down time for myself," I explained as nicely as I could without flat out just saying 'no way.'
"Oh. . .well, I know you're still busy. I just thought. . ." he trailed off. I felt terrible.
"Maybe sometime after opening night we can go out? After the show gets on a regular schedule, I probably won't be as busy. You will come to see the show, right?"
He perked up at that, "Of course, I wouldn't miss it. I promise."
We talked for a little bit more. I asked him how things were going in his life, especially with work. He did admit to things being 'tense' for awhile, but said they seemed to die down. He still sounded paranoid speaking about work, but I let it slide. It wasn't my problem anymore, I had decided.
We finished our conversation, said goodnight, and hung up. After a quick bite to eat with Meg, I decided to do a bit of reading in my opera book and finally ended up asleep with more dreams of stardom in my head.
X X X
Wednesday arrived and brought along some colder weather to Boston than what we had normally been having so far in the month. I layered up my clothes, not wanting to be chilly and pull a muscle, and headed on over to the theatre for my first real rehearsal and meeting. I wasn't quite sure what to expect. I didn't know if we would just be signing contracts, do some actual dancing, or even singing. Either way, I was excited and ready to begin the process.
Instead of entering the theatre through the front lobby as I had done on the day of my audition, James had instructed me to use the backstage door that was down an alley on the side of the theatre building. I always loved being able to go through the stage doors of theatres which were normally closed off to the public. It made me feel like a VIP, or something, and added to the whole 'show-business' experience. I had fond memories of leaving theatres with my parents through the backdoor-- sometimes there were even fans waiting for autographs. I slightly wondered, as I wrote my name on the company sign-in sheet, if anyone would ever be waiting outside for my autograph.
When I was signed in and backstage, I followed the hallways and tried navigating my way onstage and through the pass door into the audience. My memory didn't fail me, and I was soon walking into the rows of seats trying to find a place to sit down. I figured it would be best to sit near the front as I didn't want to get lost in the crowd. There were already at least forty or fifty people gathered. With all the dancers and chorus and other small roles, it was a fairly large company. But I had known this was going to be a large production.
I walked into the fourth row and took of my coat and plopped it and my dance bag down into the seat next to me. I looked around at everyone, trying to see who else from my groups had made the cut, and recognized a few faces. On the other side of the house I saw Tatum, who had obviously made it into the chorus. I caught her attention, smiled and waved in her direction. She grinned over at me and gave me a big 'thumbs up' and went back to a conversation she was having with another company member. I was really glad she made it in the show.
I saw James walk into the theatre through the pass door and gave her a small wave. She headed right in my direction.
"Hey, Christine! So glad to see you again! We've got a really busy day ahead of us," she explained, then informed me quickly of some of the schedule. "By the time this show opens, you are going to be so sick of spending time with me!"
"I think I'll manage," I said playfully. "I'm really ready to start working."
"You'll be great!" she assured me. "Just work and dance as hard as you did at the auditions and it will be a fabulous show! No question there!" She smiled and headed off saying she had to take care of some paperwork before the meeting began.
I looked around some more and realized several more people had arrived. A couple of rows in front of me, I noticed a group of people who had just sat down. I was upset to find I was now sitting several rows behind La Carlotta and her entourage. She was dressed in another highly ridiculous outfit, shouting out orders to what I assumed were her own personal assistants.
"Oh please," I sighed, "who would ever want to do that job."
"What job?" I heard Tatum ask as she jumped out of no where into the seat next to mine.
"That woman's bidding," I answered in explanation while pointing to the diva.
"Oh, right. La Carlotta," she said in an exaggerated fake accent. "I've heard some real horror stories about her."
"I can imagine."
"The word on the street is," Tatum began whispering to draw me in closer to share her bit of gossip, "Carlotta is kind of washed up now. She used to be big in Europe, but her attitude essentially black-listed her from opera houses there. I heard she can't even really sing that well. But, she is a big name, so I think the director, Mr. Reyer, was quick to sign her."
I pondered Tatum's rumors as Mr. Reyer came to the front of the stage to begin the day's rehearsals.
"Alright, everyone," he said, calling us to attention, "welcome, again to you all, and congratulations for being a member of this fine company! All of you were the best of the lot and I look forward to working closely with every single one of you! We have quite a production ahead of us-- it is going to be spectacular!
"The order of today is as follows-- first, you will break up into your respective areas and go over production contracts and schedules. We want to get all of that in order today so you can all begin getting your paychecks next week!"
A few chuckles and some cheers were heard throughout the theatre. Mr. Reyer continued,
"Since we only have a little less than four weeks for rehearsals, we will all begin work today. Principals, minor roles, and chorus will all get your scripts and scores today and will start immediately on learning the music. Dancers, you will of course be working with our choreographer today. Also, in the afternoon you will be having another session with Mr. Charmin to begin some vocal work. We want to hear you all individually to asses your singing some more and be able to give you an appropriate score for your own personal vocal ranges."
"Ha! If the ballet rats can even sing at all!"
I looked up to hear, well overhear, Carlotta's snide remark. I was offended and looked over at Tatum and complained as quietly as I could without disrupting anything.
"Of course we can sing!" I said indignantly. Unfortunately, I wasn't quiet enough as Carlotta turned around to address me.
"What was that, little toad?" she sneered.
I wasn't going to be pushed around that easily on my first day. Diva, or no diva, I had earned my right to be there too, and for once I had a little confidence where singing was concerned.
"I simply said that of course we can all sing. Why else would we be here?" I shot back at her. She simply smirked and continued to insult me.
"Well, I am not sure what sort of favors you had to do to be here today," she said suggestively. "After all, you are merely a dancer, are you not? Quite flexible. . .in all areas, I am sure. But I look forward to hearing you sing, toad. I just hope you don't get a frog in your throat."
Her assistants laughed at her little pun as she turned back around to face front. I couldn't believe what she had suggested to me, and I simply didn't have the words or the gumption to get into a verbal sparring match with her.
"Don't let her get to you, Christine. See what I meant, black-listed," Tatum whispered, trying to console me.
Mr. Reyer fortunately didn't seem to notice or overhear our little side conversation and was still going on about the rehearsal and what the chorus was going to be doing for the day. I idly looked around the theatre some more, trying to appreciate the architecture more now that I wasn't stressing over auditioning. I saw a slight movement out of the corner of my eye that instantly caught my attention. My gaze traveled up to one of the box seats where I expected to see someone sitting to watch, or maybe a member of the theatre staff cleaning. But the box was dark and empty. I shook my head and figured I was just imagining things. But I could have sworn I saw some sort of movement. . . .
"Probably just a breeze," I mumbled the thought to myself, not meaning to speak out loud.
"Huh?" Tatum whispered back next to me.
"Oh. . . . nothing. I just thought I saw. . . well, I'm not sure what I saw. Probably nothing," I confessed.
"Maybe it's a ghost! I mean, this building is over one-hundred years old!" she said with an excited glint in her eye. "Wouldn't that be so cool?"
"I'm not sure if I believe in ghosts. But, if I run into him, I'll be sure to introduce you," I responded quietly with a small smirk.
The rest of the morning went fairly well. Mr. Reyer finished his long winded meeting and we were able to meet up with our departments to go over contracts. It was great meeting all of the new dancers, a few I even recognized from my earlier days at the Conservatory. I was also really beginning to like James. She seemed so easy going, and always friendly. When she introduced me to the group as her assistant, I got that 'celebrity' feeling again. It was nice to know I had been recognized for my talent, and it was slightly intoxicating to know I held some power and control over the rest of the dancers.
As we finished signing our contracts and employment papers, I felt another wave of relief wash over me. I wasn't making a lot of money, a standard non-union wage of about 400 dollars per week, but it was a start. I still wasn't hurting for money, but I had planned on trying to save some up for when I would eventually move some day. Boston was great, but I knew I couldn't stay in the city forever, and nor did I want to. I still had my job at the library, and not a lot of expenses, especially with not having to pay much for rent, so I figured I was good.
With everything in order we began to stretch out and started the morning's work. The dancers got the main stage, while everyone else went to other rehearsal halls. As a small warmup, we performed the dance we learned as the group number at auditions, which I was proud to still remember and was even more proud to be able to help others with it in my first official duty as assistant.
When all of the dancers got into place to start the number over again, I looked back out into the house, which was now sadly empty, not even the director was there to watch. I laughed inwardly to myself and decided I must be dancing for the ghosts now. However ridiculous Tatum's ideas sounded to me that morning, the thought of a ghost actually did seem to fit into the surroundings and history of the theatre. In a way it was perfect; it felt right.
As the dance started, that familiar euphoria returned to me, and I focused solely on my art.
X X X
After a quick lunch break I returned back to the Majestic and realized I was done dancing for the day; the time had come again to sing. Carlotta's comments were still fresh in my mind, but I knew I belonged in the show, so I didn't feel nearly as nervous as I had before. I figured it would just be me and my fellow dancers, I would sing, it would be fine. I had nothing to prove to my dancing peers.
With that knowledge, it felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I didn't have to be perfect, I was already there, and that was what mattered. I thought Carlotta could go piss off, and I couldn't care less about the pompous diva.
Unfortunately, when I finally made my way down to the rehearsal hall, there was Carlotta, sitting with Mr. Reyer and Mr. Charmin waiting for all the dancers to assemble. I must have looked like a deer caught in headlights when I entered the room because Mr. Reyer, who seemed to notice my disbelief and now palpable nervousness, spoke to me.
"Don't worry, Miss DuBois. We all just want to get a feel for how our company stands. Even La Carlotta wants to be here for support!"
"Right, support," I hedged slightly, not sure of what to say anymore.
"Why, yes, I would not want to miss the singing ballerinas. I hope that you will be the first to hop up and sing," she said in a falsely sweet voice, her pun reminding me of her earlier insult, as if I had forgotten.
Luckily I was saved from the encountered by other dancers entering the hall, including James who pulled me aside to go over some notes from the morning rehearsals. The vocal showcases began while I was still speaking with James, so fortunately I avoided going first. I could barely focus on what she was saying, though, as a feeling of doom and gloom entered my mind again. I wanted to go back to the cavalier attitude I had adopted earlier, thinking Carlotta could go screw herself, and I was not having to prove anything. But sadly, my insecurities with the prima donna in the room got the best of me.
It was finally my turn to go last.
Save the best for last, I thought to myself, trying to give my mind and body one final shred of hope. The music started and I opened my mouth to sing. Instead of the chorus selection from the day of the audition, we were actually singing one of Carlotta's arias, a song called Think of Me. I thought I began well, trying to muster my confidence and put it into the music. I caught myself looking down at my feet, and I knew that my actions were making my voice weaker than it should be. I could do better, and I knew better. I tried correcting myself by raising my chin and looking out at the room, and it did help for a second. . . .until my eyes found Carlotta, smirking at me with her air of superiority. I choked and my voice cracked on the next high note I came to. I recovered and kept on going as if nothing had happened, and forced myself to sing louder, but maybe I bit too loud. To make matters worse I saw Mr. Charmin slightly wince at another high note I missed.
Mercifully the bit of the song ended, and I sort of smiled meekly and fidgeted with my hands.
"Um, well, thank you Miss DuBois. You seem a bit nervous. . . .nothing wrong with that. Hopefully just first day jitters, I have no doubt," Mr. Charmin said kindly, and I knew he was just trying to make me feel better, hopefully not regretting his decision to include me in the show.
Mr. Reyer got up out of his seat to end the day, thanked us all, and reminded us of our schedules the next day. The room started to clear out as I gathered my stuff. James got my attention and wanted to go over some last things before our next rehearsal. She seemed to sense and understand my discomfort over singing.
She told me sympathetically, "Don't worry about it. You're a dancer!"
And a singer, if you wanted to be. I wasn't sure where that thought came from, but still, Erik's words from the week before rang throughout my head. What did he see that I, and everyone else, was obviously missing? I shook my head.
"Eh, just nerves. I'll be fine tomorrow," I explained with a shaky smile.
James reviewed her choreography notes with me, and listed some things that needed work. I noticed the room was completely empty save for the two of us, Mr. Reyer, Mr. Charmin, and of course Carlotta. I had a terrible feeling she was waiting for me, so I hoped that awkwardness forced her to leave with the directors while James and I were speaking. Such was not the case. James quickly ended what she had to tell me, and started to head out. I rushed to grab my things, and headed for the door to the hallway thinking I could make it out of the room safely, but of course Carlotta appeared promptly at my side before I could open the door.
"Very impressive singing. . . .for a frog. Yes, yes I believe you croaked, just like the little toad that you are," she jeered at me, then strutted out of the room, flinging her hideous stole over her shoulder.
I stood there dumbly for a few seconds, taking in everything that had just happened that afternoon. It all piled up on top of me, and the excited happiness I felt in the early morning was gone completely.
How could my friends be so supportive, but so dishonest? I felt like I had no potential, no talent, and no hope. Why did I think I could sing in an opera. An opera! All it was was singing!
Tears stung the backs of my eyes as I ran out the door and headed out of the theatre as fast as I could into the chilly evening air.
A/N: Okay, I am really anxious to know what people thought of this chapter. I had a lot of fun writing it, so I hope you enjoy reading it! Again, no E/C interaction...but guess what? Next chapter is from Erik's (third person) POV! So be excited for that.
Okay, please please please REVIEW! I really love them, and they are great motivation.
Thanks!