I awoke early the next morning, acting as if it were any other day. I cleaned my face and combed my hair. As I went to pick out something to wear, I noticed a crumpled wad of fabric on the floor. I kicked it with my foot to see the blue skirt still soaked with muddy water and the cream blouse stained with brown red blood.
And then I remembered everything. The sting of Frederich's hand across my face and the sick sensation that he had been so close to truly claiming me. I thought of Erik and what he must think of me. I hadn't even explained in detail of what had occurred.
Well we will see how much your Erik loves you after he sees what I've done to you!
A shudder passed through me as I thought of his words. I remembered the warm water and his strong arms placing me in the tub. My hands lapping water over my body and under my shift, in a desperate attempt to get clean. To wash away the smell, the feel and the pain of the whole ordeal. I wanted to be clean for my maestro who might not love me if he thought I was nothing more than damaged goods.
No, this was not like any other morning. I had run away from everything I knew. This was my home now. Erik was as capable as any man to take advantage of me if he wanted, but even as his prisoner he did not make any gesture to compromise me. But in all the time we had been together, being so close, his advances upon me were never sexual ones.
I could look back on this and say that I had traded life in one man's hell only to live in another's. Upon leaving my room, I saw Erik seated at the small table in the tiny kitchen. He still wore the same clothes from last night. His jacket lay on the floor and his sleeves remained up at his elbows. He sat staring at nothing, cradling a cup of tea between his hands.
His head jerked up as he heard me close my door. His hair, usually clubbed behind his neck, hung loose and wild over his black mask. He found his voice.
"Christine, you are up early." He stated.
"I could say the same for you, Erik" I replied descending the stairs.
"I don't need much sleep." He informed me.
"I thought it would rouse more suspicion if I did not return to the opera, especially after my previous absence."
He nodded. "How is your arm?" he asked.
I glanced at it. When I had been injured, I hadn't even seen where I had been cut. Even now my wounds were an afterthought.
"We need to have a look." Erik said in a matter of fact tone. "I should have tended to them last night."
"Oh, why didn't you?" I asked.
His lips pursed in a serious frown. "You were not decent."
Part of me was still surprised by this shyness within him. I had wanted his help. I had returned to him. I had begged him to hold me in his arms that night. "That's doesn't matter. I trust you enough…"
" Because I didn't want to touch you!" the words exploded from him. "I didn't want to touch you. I saw how much you were hurt and believe me I would have kept you in my arms all night. Don't think I didn't want…to." He paused and looked at me solemnly but I saw the look of pain in his eyes.
Then I understood. He was ashamed of himself. To the point that he kept away, and the only reason he had to be ashamed was that he was a man. A man had done this to me, and despite the careful reserve he had display around me, Erik was capable of such desires...and actions. "I couldn't bring myself to touch you knowing what...how you had been treated. How you had been harmed." His gaze was concentrated on me, locking his eyes with mine. His hands were stretched across the table, his long fingers reaching but restrained from making contact. Then he stood and collected some items from the cupboards. He brought back some scraps of white fabric, a warm kettle and a bowl, to which he poured the warm water from the kettle.
"I'll need to see your arm, if you'll permit me." He gestured with an outstretch hand and in a tone as formal as a real doctor. The dress I had chosen had a bodice that fastens up the front, which I undid. I snaked my arm out of the sleeve and presented it to him.
He turned his head away. "Sit down across the table, with your back to me if you please." He instructed. He seemed so embarrassed to look at me. While I wasn't completely decent with my chemise and corset exposed on one side, I did not feel any shame in having him look at me. Last night…he had seen worst. I did as I was told, stretching my arm back behind my body and across the table. In a moment I felt a sting against my skin as Erik soaked my cut with a hot rag.
"It isn't a very deep cut, thank God." He explained. "Now that you seem to be in a more… calmer state of mind, would you tell me everything that happened?" he asked.
I took a deep breath as I felt another splash of steaming water over my arm. "I wanted to go home as quickly as possible. But when I reached the house, there was no one there. Not even my guardian who rarely leaves her home because of her health. I think I fell asleep by the fire and I went up to my room to find something warm to wear. That is when…." I searched for the right words. "He cornered me."
The heat of the water was replaced by the dry soft texture of a towel, buffing my skin. "He wasn't drunk. He knew exactly what he was doing. I tried to run out but…I couldn't get pass him." I took another labored breath trying not to let the emotion of the event interrupt me. "Before I knew what happened he slapped me, several times. I feel over and then he pinned me to the bed. He said the most awful things to me…"
I felt a slight pressure as Erik methodically began to wrap my arms with bandages. "Erik, please know that…my virtue is still intact. He came close to raping me…but he did not secede." I felt I owned him an explanation.
"How did you escape?" he asked.
"I kept a knife hidden between my mattresses, in case anything like this happened." I look down at the cut across my collar. Now that I paid attention, I saw I had been sliced but it had already started to scab over the mark. "I attacked him and then I dropped the knife, which is how I cut myself. I managed to stick it in his leg before I kicked him and then ran out."
"Indeed?" Erik's voice seemed surprised and amused.
I allowed myself one small thought of satisfaction. "Let's say I kicked him in an area most uncomfortable."
He sighed behind me. "You are braver than I gave you credit for Christine. Very brave, but I am glad that you came back to me for help…just like you promised."
I stood up and turned to face him.
"I trust you Erik. You have made me a promise on several occasions that you would never treat me that…way." I looked up at my newly bandaged arm. I turned around in my chair to face him. My bodice still undone, his eyes glanced at my chest for only a second before he lowered them. I pulled back on my sleeve and fastened my bodice closed once more. "And beside, you've seen what happens." I touched my arms to emphasize my point. "And know I'll do the same thing to you if you dare break that promise." I added in the most threatening voice I could muster.
Erik smiled, but it was not a pleasant smile. It was a dark sinister expression. His words were smooth.
"That's my girl…"
Erik showed me the way out of the cellars and into the backstage area. I made my way causally to Genny's dressing room. I braced myself for more questions about my strange disappearance, but instead Genny could not stop talking about my audition from yesterday.
In her mind, Genny's plans for my singing career seemed as grand as Erik's.
"Don't get too excited. I may have only hurt my chances of getting into the chorus. I haven't been offered anything yet."
As soon as I had finished speaking there was a knock at the door.
"Ah it must be opportunity knocking." Genny pointed out as she ran to answer it. Camille stuck her head in and looked around.
"Good thing you haven't disappeared again Christine. I've come to tell you that your presence is requested by M. Moncharmin and Richard in their office." She informed me with a smile. Genny gave a girlish squeal and nearly pull my arm out of my socket as she dragged me out the door and down the hall. Camille followed us from the backstage area up to the manager's office. We stood in front of the doors and suddenly I felt very nervous.
Genny knocked for me. The large doors creaked open and the stern face of M. Gabriel greeted us.
"Ah, Mademoiselle Daae. Please join us." He said flatly.
I stepped across the threshold, feeling a push from behind. M. Gabriel made a blunt noise clearing his throat. "Ladies, if you would kindly wait outside." He stated, shutting the door in Camille and Genny's eager faces.
The managers' office was very much what I expected. Although the opera had just opened six years ago, this room seemed steeped with history. Two large desks sat in each corner of the room, each decorated with assorted statutes and artifacts. They were merely decorative, for no real work was placed upon them. The room was on the east side of the building and sunlight spilled in through a large window, hung with gold curtains.
M. Richard sat at his desk, intently examining a box of cigars. M. Moncharmin stood by the window chatting with M. Mercier. All eyes turned to me.
I was surprised to see M. Mercier look at me and flash a bright smile. "Ah Mademoiselle, we are so glad you can join us." He exclaimed. "Please have a seat." He offered me his hand and escorted me to a large high back chair near one of the desks.
"Thank you. " I said. "Now how can I help you gentlemen?"
Mercier, Moncharmin and even Gabriel all seemed to speak at the same time, their voice running together. M. Richard glanced directly at me, put up his hand and spoke the clearest and the loudest.
"Christine, first things first. We have all heard the news about what happened to you and Mlle. de Chagny the closing night of Orpheus, and we were all very concerned when you did not return." He leaned across the desk. "Is there anything further you want to tell us?" he asked.
Again I was forced to lie. "No sir. I'm still in disbelief that I managed to get away from…who ever it was that was chasing me… us."
"Mlle. de Chagny was most distraught at your disappearance. Apparently you were not at your residence when she went to call on you. It was at that point that my partner and I became very concerned for your whereabouts." He continued.
I was certain that Genny and Camille both had their ears to the door, expecting to hear words of congratulations. Instead this meeting had turned quickly into an interrogation.
"Yes, I wasn't there. I had to move out of my guardian's home due to some…unpleasantness." I explained.
At that, Richard's face softened from the serious façade of a businessman to a look that showed genuine concern. "I see. Do you need any assistance in finding lodging? We do have dormitories here at the opera that you can stay in if you like. That is if you still feel safe staying here?"
If only he knew. "Thank you for your offer, monsieur. But I have already found another place to stay. I do appreciate your concern though, as well as everyone else." I glanced around the room. "I did not realize my absences would cause such a disturbance in the company, so I want to apologize for any grief I may have put you through." My reply was almost too precise.
"Enough of this talk, Richard." Moncharmin butted in. "It's plain to see the girl is alright and no harm has come to her. Let us get down to business."
"Indeed." added Mercier. "Mademoiselle, why did you not audition for the chorus when you first came to the opera several months ago?"
"I didn't think there was a chance for open auditions, and at the time I needed money first so I answered Madame LeRoy's advertisement for help in the costume department." This line of questioning had me guessing.
"And mademoiselle, have you have had formal lessons before?" Mercier continued.
I nodded. "A long time ago. My family was a good friend of the late music professor Valerius. He gave me singing lessons when I was a girl, but he died when I was thirteen."
"And how old are you now?"
"Nineteen sir, nearly twenty."
I heard M. Gabriel grumbled behind me. "Impossible…" We all turned to face in his direction.
"Speak up old man." Mericer chided his colleague.
"It's impossible that she could sing with the technique I heard yesterday. Not if she hasn't had proper instructions in over six years!" Gabriel augured.
A grin slowly worked its way onto my face. Gabriel had inadvertently admitted that he recognized something special, even if he was too much of a grouse to say it outright.
"Doesn't mean she hasn't sung a note in all those year?" Mericer counter. "Am I right, mademoiselle?"
"Yes, I have kept singing, if only for pleasure."
"You see the girl had natural talent." Moncharmin finally spoke in my defense.
A disgusted sigh left the chorus master's lips. "Talent like that it not natural." He remarked grimly.
"If afraid it's not your decision then, M. Gabriel." Moncahmin spoke out in a clipped tone. He walked over to the desk Richard sat at and looked over his shoulder at the box of cigars. "As for me, I think this is a golden opportunity for publicity." He reached over and snatched a cigar, much to the displeasure of M. Richard. "Mademoiselle Daae, would you be willing to sign a contract?"
I held my breath for a moment, shocked. "To be in the chorus?" I asked.
Moncharmin chuckled and even M. Richard cracked a smile. "No my dear. We want you to play the role of Cherubnio, of course!" he exclaimed.
I sat rigid in my chair. I knew that somehow Erik must have had his hand in all of this. He arranged for the auditions to happen in the first place. If he had the power that the Opera Ghost was rumored to have, then his demands that I sing the role would be met. Yet in my heart, I wanted to hope that somehow I had been solely responsible for this happening. I wanted to believe in my voice and in my talent.
"Are you serious?" I asked.
"Despite this smile on my face, I can assure you Mademoiselle Daae that I am very serious." Richard replied. "Mercier can go through it with you in detail later, but are you interested in it now." He folded his hands across his desk and I again I felt all eyes on me.
"Yes." I said. I stood up and bowed my head. "I thank you gentlemen for this great opportunity. I hope that my voice is up to the task."
"If you sing as well as you did yesterday then you have nothing to worry about." Mercier reassured me. Feeling this was the right time; I dismissed myself and headed to the door, before my I tripped over my words of gratitude.
"Rehearsal starts at one o clock sharp this afternoon." Gabriel informed me as he moved to open the door. "Contract or not, I expect to see you there."
Genny and Camille fell over themselves as the door open, exposing them pressed against it. They merely giggled, not embarrassed at all to be caught eavesdropping.
"That goes for you as well ladies." He added.
Genny had been more than happy to share her dressing room with me. Despite its size in comparison to the spacious room of La Carlotta, we had just enough space for the two of us. I returned from my first rehearsal feeling ecstatic. I stepped into Genny's dressing room, locking the door to secure for me a moment of privacy. In my arms I held my own copy of the score to Mozart's Le Nozze di Figaro. Turning the pages, I remember seeing a piece that invoked the same feelings I felt now. It was a brief aria by Cherubino in the second act. One that Erik and I had glanced over in our lesson, but had not devoted too much attention to. I felt the thrilled sensation run over me, knowing that all of these words and notes were now my responsibility.
I turned to the aria and let myself sing it out loud for my own pleasure.
"This new sensation, I under go. It is so different from all I know. Filled with excitement, walking on air. First I am happy…soon I despair."
I did not want to feel vain, but at the same time I could not help myself in feeling pride in my new surroundings. Yes, I had been in this dressing room many times before, but now I was here and part of this was mine. A place where I would put on a costume for myself instead of dressing someone else.
"Not for a moment am I the same…but it eludes me try as I may. I can't stop sighing hard as I try, and then I tremble, not knowing why."
I sighed.
"Bravo Christine…" I heard Erik's voice call from behind me. It startled me so much that I dropped my music. I glanced around the room, expecting him to appear from a dark corner. But the room was only so big and there were few places to hide.
"Erik. Where are you? Please do not hide." I begged.
"Finish the song for me Christine." He commanded. "And then I will reveal myself."
Despite all reason, I felt as if his voice issued from behind the wall. I starred at the full length mirror, with its gaudy gold frame. I knelt to pick up my music and I heard him laugh, softly.
"We both know you don't need to look at the music." He scolded me in a joking manner before his voice once again grew soft and serious." Sing for me, Christine."
"From this dilemma, I find no peace and yet…I want it…never to cease."
I pressed hands against the glass, starring at my reflection as I sang. No longer did I see the shy timid face gazing back at me. I had gone through hell and back, and despite my fears, I was ready to enter hell once again. This was the face of a girl who knowing she would burn herself…still played with fire.
"You know the answer, you hold the key…Love's tender secrets share it…with me."
The solid surface beneath my hand disappeared.
"My clever Christine…" Erik whispered. I took a step back as I saw my face duplicate in the glass. At first there were two of me, then four and rapidly the image multiplied until I saw twenty sets of my own stunned expressions staring back at me.
Then they too disappeared and were replaced by Erik's intimidating form standing were the mirror had once been. He reached out a hand, beckoning me.
"What is…?" I started to ask, dumbfounded at what I was now seeing.
He lifted a shoulder as a gesture of indifference. "Many false passages were designed between the walls of this great monument. I have been here for many years, so I decided to take advantage of this peculiar design." He stated causally. " During the Commune, they uses these passages to carry prisoners from the street level to the dungeons below. It's ingenious really. I'm glad to see after all this time; I finally have a proper use for it."
Even though his tone was light, I knew he was not jesting. My fingers twisted behind my back as he spoke.
Dungeons.
He toward a step forward, his hand still waiting for mine. My feet were possessed not by my own will. I would have run, but instead they moved me forward. My fingers touched the warm cotton of his gloves, remembering how tenderly they had cared for me last night.
This was yet another entrance to the Underworld.