Strange Alliances
by Erestor
Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to The Lord of the Rings, The Silmarillion, the Discworld books, or the Harry Potter series. This story was written for entertainment purposes only.
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CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
'Fëanor was driven by the fire of his own heart only, working ever swiftly and alone...'
-J.R.R. Tolkien, 'The Silmarillion'
By the time Mandos came wandering back, Legolas and Aragorn were mended, and Legolas had realized he wasn't hallucinating. As a result of this, Aragorn was up and about, gathering his weapons together, and Legolas was hyperventilating at Nienna's feet.
"We must hurry," announced Mandos. "We need to retrieve the Ring as soon as possible."
"I don't want to get on that thing again," said Nienna, pointing at the thing, which was hissing and snapping at Aragorn. "I'd rather walk."
"Same here," said Lórien.
"But first," said Nienna, "I think we should check to see if the Safe Place is here."
"I agree," said Lórien.
Mandos looked at them. "Very well," he said. "We can check. But we need to hurry."
"Should we bring Legolas and Aragorn with us?" asked Nienna.
Mandos nodded. "If the safe place is where it should be, we will send Legolas and Aragorn to warn the other inhabitants of Middle-earth. Everyone needs to get out of the way, so that if any climactic battles between Morgoth and the Valar take place, no one will be hurt."
"Except for Morgoth," said Nienna. "Legolas, get off the ground. We may be Valar, but we are not particularly vicious."
Legolas got off the ground, reassured.
"What will we do with the fell beast?" asked Lórien.
"We'll ask it to stay where it is," said Nienna. "Then we can come back and retrieve it. Doesn't that sound like a good idea, Mandos?"
Mandos sighed. He was beginning to think that Ilúvatar had caused him to be stuck in Middle-earth with his two siblings as punishment for some forgotten misdeed. The Vala walked over to the fell beast, and glared into its eyes. "Stay," he growled.
The fell beast subsided, curled up in the clearing, and closed its eyes. It clearly intended to have a lengthy nap.
"Bravo!" said Nienna. "Now, let's find the portal to the safe place."
Mandos, Lórien, Nienna, Legolas, and Aragorn walked around the Barrow-downs. The Valar looked for the portal, and Legolas and Aragorn looked confused.
"I think this is it," said Lórien eventually, pointing two large standing stones. "Jennifer marked them with a secret symbol."
"Did she tell you what the symbol looked like?" asked Mandos.
"No, but she said it would be painfully obvious," said Lórien.
They examined the standing stones, but found nothing that was painfully obvious.
"Maybe we are looking on the wrong side," said Nienna.
They walked around to the other side. They saw a large arrow pointing directly to the left.
"That is painfully obvious," said Lórien. "My intelligence feels insulted."
They walked around the left side of the standing stone, stepped through the portal, and ended up in the Safe Place.
It was dark and quiet, much to the relief of Mandos and Lórien. But the safe place did not look much like Middle-earth. It looked far more like Jennifer's world, with tall buildings on either side of a road. The road was unpaved and grassy, but the houses were stiff and grey.
"I suppose she had trouble imagining proper houses," said Nienna.
The Fëanturi nodded in agreement. They were slightly disappointed by the unaesthetic 'human' look of the place.
"Where are we, exactly?" asked Lórien.
THE MIRKWOOD SECTOR said Mandos, indicating a sign on which those words were written.
"Uh... Mandos? You sound different," said Lórien.
YES, I DO said Mandos experimentally. I WONDER WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY VOICE. IT ECHOES.
"Jennifer said she wrote humor stories," said Nienna. "Maybe it's a weird joke."
The Fëanturi nodded again. They decided that humor writers were risky people to underestimate.
Nienna nudged Legolas's repaired ribs. "This will be your home."
"Oh," said Legolas.
"Do you like it?" asked Nienna.
"It's very... interesting," said Legolas politely. He and Aragorn were sticking close together.
WELL said Mandos, who rather enjoyed sounding this way, LET US EXPLORE THE MIRKWOOD SECTOR.
They did. The Mirkwood Sector was dark and sinister, with spiders scuttling about in the shadows, and cobwebs draped over every spare surface. But as the small group wandered, they began to see that the safe place was beautiful, in an odd way.
They traveled through the Mirkwood Sector, to a narrow, roughly-cobbled street (the Misty Mountain Pass), to the Rivendell Sector, which was intersected by a river. A sign indicated that this was the Bruinen.
There were several tasteful waterfalls.
"Pity there are no ducks," said Lórien. "I like ducks."
"The scale of things has greatly diminished," remarked Nienna. "It took a very long time to reach Imladris from Mirkwood, when we were in the real Middle-earth. This trip took only two hours."
Mandos's eyes suddenly lit up, and he set off in the direction of a massive, graceful building that proudly bore the words 'Rivendell Public Library' on the arch over its door. Lórien, Nienna, Legolas and Aragorn trotted after him.
The library was the most beautiful structure they had seen yet. It had a soaring ceiling, set with glass-covered skylights that allowed beams of sunshine to stream down onto the multitude of heavily-laden bookshelves. Ivy grew up the wall in a rather Elvish touch. There was a fountain in the center of the library, with reading desks sitting around it. Various cases and displays were set out for the public's perusal, filled with all sorts of fascinating artifacts, artwork, and even photographs of important historical events (all the way from the forging of the Silmarils to the coronation of Aragorn, son of Arathorn "Don't look, Aragorn," said Nienna hastily, but the man looked anyway.).
Nienna eyed the row of computers that she had discovered. "This is so strange," she said. "We have very old things" – she gestured to the shards of Narsil, shining in their display case– "and we have things we have never possessed before. Things we could not have possessed." She gestured to the wall covered in photographs of History's Greatest Elves, as a banner proclaimed. Legolas was already staring at that wall, looking for a picture of himself.
"That's not all," said Lórien, smiling. "Look at the Non-fiction Section."
They went to the Non-fiction Section. The majority of the books there were ancient texts, written in handmade ink on handmade vellum. However, in their corner were several neatly bound, 'Earth' books: The Lord of the Rings, The Silmarillion, The Book of Lost Tales, The History of Middle-earth. The list went on.
"Isn't it wonderful?" asked Lórien delightedly. "Our history has its proper place now!"
On further examination, the Fantasy Section was found to contain such strange books as Pride and Prejudice, Oliver Twist, The Iliad, The Scarlet Pimpernel, and 1984.
The Fiction Section was the most interesting, however, in the minds of the Valar. It was vast, and, if one squinted while crossing one's eyes, one could see that it was constantly expanding. Mandos had a peculiar feeling about it, and soon he saw that what he had first suspected was in fact the truth.
He took a book off the shelf, opened it, and silently read, 'Krystalynn was sitting in her bedroom reading a book. She was a hardworking studant who all the teachers loved and she had many friends. However she didn't let any of them intrud on her daily nighttime reading.'
IT IS AS I THOUGHT he announced to the others. JENNIFER HAS RELEGATED THE WRITINGS OF THE 'FANGIRLS' TO THE FICTION SECTION, THUS HALTING THEIR EFFECT ON THE WORLD. THE ONLY TRUTH IS THAT WHICH CAN BE FOUND IN THE NON-FICTION SECTION.
"You mean the Non-fiction Section actually determines what happened and what did not happen?" asked Nienna.
Mandos nodded.
"Wow." Nienna was awed. She pulled another book off the shelf, morbidly fascinated. "What do you mean, you painted my hobbit hole pink!" demanded Frodo in horror, she read. She flipped the book over, and saw that the book was titled 'The Collected Humorous Writings of Jennifer'. She put the book back, realizing that Mandos's theory was correct.
"We shall have to be very careful about shelving these books, if you're right, Mandos," said Lórien. "Because if I moved a Fiction book to the Non-Fiction section, it would change the history of the world again."
YES said Mandos. IF I MOVED JENNIFER'S BOOK TO THE NON-FICTION SECTION, FRODO'S HOBBIT HOLE WOULD TURN PINK.
"Oh dear," said Nienna. "Thinking about this is giving me a headache."
"Then don't think about it," said Lórien. "Do you like this place, Aragorn?"
Aragorn had returned from the time line that had his coronation on it. He had a wild gleam in his eyes. "Yes, I like this place," said he, "particularly the library. I really like the library."
Legolas drifted over next, having discovered that he was considered one of history's greatest Elves, due to joining some group called the Fellowship of the Ring and defeating the Enemy. He looked very pleased. "What a wonderful place this is!" he exclaimed. "I could spend years in this library!"
WE DO NOT HAVE MUCH TIME said Mandos. MY SIBLINGS AND I MUST DEFEAT MORGOTH, AND SAURON AS WELL. YOU AND ARAGORN MUST SAVE AS MANY AS YOU CAN BY LEADING THEM TO THIS SAFE PLACE.
"All right," said Legolas. "But won't it get crowded?"
"I think it will expand as more people enter it," said Nienna.
"Wow," said Aragorn.
"Let's go," said Nienna. "We need to snatch the Ring from Bilbo."
SHOULD BE INTERESTING said Mandos.
Luthy made a sandwich.
Hurry up, hurry up said Morgoth's pop-ups annoyingly.
"It's not like everything's going to fall apart the moment I turn my back on the computer," yelled Luthy. She sliced and diced pickles in her kitchen.
I have a feeling that Manwë will try to do something soon said Morgoth. I want to be ready.
Luthy poked her head around the corner, read the message on her computer monitor, and rolled her eyes. "How ready do you want to be?" she asked. "The moment your brother shows up, I'll zap him with something he won't expect."
And what will that be?
"Don't know yet. I'll think of something," said Luthy. She resumed her sandwich making endeavors.
Think said Morgoth.
Of said Morgoth.
Something said Morgoth.
NOW! said Morgoth, pop-up by pop-up.
When Luthy came to her computer again, sandwich in hand, the screen was littered with the Dark Lord's angry messages.
"If I turn my computer off," asked Luthy, "will you die?"
No said Morgoth.
"Pity," said Luthy.
At first Fëanor thought that Amanda-Lynn was doing a strange dance. She would take two determined steps forward, hand firmly on the hilt of her sword, then glance up at the dark towers looming in front of her, and take a quick step back, then whirl around and take a decisive step away from Barad-dûr, and then pause for a few minutes, before turning around and doing the whole thing all over again.
Fëanor slipped through the wall and came into view. Amanda-Lynn gaped at him.
"Greetings, Amanda-Lynn," said Fëanor suavely. He attempted to lean nonchalantly against the wall and nearly fell back through it. Abandoning the wall in disgust, he floated eerily towards her.
"Begone, foul spirit!" cried the Elf. "I am Amanda-Lynn, daughter of Lady Elbereth and Manwë Súlimo, and I shall not suffer thee to come near! Thou doest so at risk of life and limb."
"I'm dead, you silly girl," said Fëanor. "And anyway, we are on the same side, so you really need not threaten me with dismemberment."
"We are on the same side?" asked Amanda-Lynn. "You too seek to destroy the Enemy?"
"Yes," said Fëanor. "Both of them."
"How?" asked Amanda-Lynn. "Do you have any plans? I challenged the Dark Lord to single combat, but he would not come down." She sighed. "When first I came to Middle-earth, I hated it. It was terrible. The Elves were so snooty, and the Men were so crude, and everyone hated me. But then Vána appeared to me with a message from my parents. I am the daughter of Lady Elbereth and Manwë Súlimo, and I have powers. After that, everything went much better." She smirked.
Fëanor stood there, wondering if she were going to suddenly divulge her entire life story to him. "And you tell me this because...?" he asked.
"Because I swore to Legolas that I would defeat the Dark Lord," said Amanda-Lynn, "and I can't think of how I'm going to do it."
"Don't worry," said Fëanor. "I know exactly what we need to do."
TBC...