Strange Alliances
by Erestor
Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to The Lord of the Rings, The Silmarillion, or the Harry Potter series. This story was written for entertainment purposes only.
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CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
'"With that power I should have power too great and terrible. And over me the Ring would gain a power sill greater and more deadly.'"
-J.R.R. Tolkien, 'The Silmarillion'
Somewhere in a utility closet in a dark tower in Mordor, Sauron hissed his breath through his teeth, sounding surprised and perhaps a little irritated. Everyone looked at him curiously, except for Lúthien and Amanda-Lynn, who were no longer with them.
"What?" asked Fëanor. "What happened?"
"Someone has claimed my Ring."
"Your 'One Ring'?" asked Maedhros. "The Ring containing most of your power? The Ring with absolutely no safety features at all, that just anyone could claim and use, if they got their hands on it? That Ring?"
"Yes," said Sauron, glowering. "That one."
"What does that mean?" asked Maedhros. "What should we expect?"
"It means I am going to be tired and cranky," Sauron said. "So give me space and don't wake me up. Thank you. Good night."
Sauron closed his eyes and appeared to go to sleep. Everyone else sat quietly for a while.
"Where are Lúthien and Amanda-Lynn?" Fëanor asked eventually.
"Amanda-Lynn went to challenge Morgoth to single combat, and Lúthien went to watch," Elfdeath said.
"She went to challenge Morgoth to single combat, and she didn't tell me?"
Elfdeath bobbed up and down. "Yes."
"Excuse me," Fëanor said. "I'll be back in a moment."
"Me too."
"Me too."
Elfdeath watched in bemusement as Fëanor, Maedhros, and the MoS dashed out of the closet.
Mandos should have been the one to get his hands on the Ring. After all, he already possessed a dark aura, an imposing stare, and a very scary voice. He also wore black all the time, had black hair, black eyes, and was pale beyond belief. He would have been perfect.
To everyone's surprise, Mandos did not grab the Ring and go on to become the world's next dark lord. This was not his fault. He was doing his very best to get his hands on it.
Sweet, mild-mannered Lórien managed to snatch the ring instead.
He did not vanish. He stood quite still, and quite visible, staring at the ring on his finger and looking pleased with himself.
Bilbo, Nienna and Mandos gaped at him.
"Not you," Nienna said.
Fortunately, Lórien did not appear to hear his sister's comment. He gazed at the ring as though mesmerized, which indeed he was.
"Nice work," said Mandos, holding out his hand. "Now give the ring to me, please."
Lórien snapped out of his daze. "Why should I? I can operate this thing just as well as you." He waved a hand airily.
"Yeeargh!" cried Bilbo, flinging himself at the Vala's ankles.
Nienna cleared her throat. "Morgoth's minions advance on us still," she said. "Could you take care of them, Irmo?"
"No problem," Lórien said. He thought for a moment."That should do it," he said. He chuckled.
They walked out of the hobbit hole, and saw the minions lying around, thoroughly dead.
"Impressive," Nienna said.
Nienna and Mandos turned to look at Lórien. Their thoughts were running along the same lines. They were wondering if they could possibly take Lórien by surprise, wrestle him to the ground, and snatch the ring from him. They pondered the pros and cons of such a method. It occurred to both of them that if Lórien could kill so many of Morgoth's minions just by thinking about it, he could probably kill his siblings too.
Nienna and Mandos decided to bide their time.
"Now what?" Nienna asked.
"We should go back to Mordor," Lórien said.
"And what will we do in Mordor?" Nienna asked.
"First, we'll overthrow Morgoth, and then we'll overthrow Sauron," Mandos said. And then we'll overthrow Lórien, he thought.
"It would be quickest to ride the Fell Beast," Nienna said.
"Yes," Mandos said.
Lórien thought for another moment. Then he said, "I have called the Fell Beast, and it is coming to pick us up."
Mandos and Nienna nodded wisely. Lórien pried off Bilbo from his leg.
Suddenly, nine dark figures loomed on the horizon.
"Those are the ringwraiths," Lórien said. "You don't need to be afraid of them. I'll tell them not to hurt you."
"Thanks," Nienna said.
The ringwraiths walked up to Lórien and bowed.
Lórien beamed at them. "The ring is mine," he announced.
"That's fantastic, master," Two said.
"Is there anything we can do for you?" Seven asked.
Lórien thought. "You're on my side?" he asked. "Not Sauron's? You won't try to double-cross me, will you?"
"Of course not." Three sounded appalled at the thought. "We are completely on your side."
The other ringwraiths nodded.
"Oh. Good," Lórien said. "My first command is this: if anyone tries to grab the Ring from me, dismember him. Or her."
Nienna sighed inaudibly.
Mandos looked almost amused.
Amanda-Lynn walked tentatively into Morgoth's throne-room, lugging her huge sword after her. Morgoth was sitting on the throne, cleaning his fingernails with his teeth, or possibly vice versa.
Ew, thought Amanda-Lynn.
Morgoth blinked at her. "What are you doing here?" he asked.
"Um, what just happened?" asked Luthy, gaping at her computer screen. "Who is this obnoxious female?"
I do not know. She says she wants to engage me in single combat.
"No problem," said Luthy, rubbing her hands together. "We'll blast her into oblivion. She won't know what hit her. It'll be funny."
Don't be so hasty said Morgoth, ent-like. She may be brainless, but she may also be useful. One never knows until one makes sure.
"Brainless people aren't useful," Luthy said.
I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and pretend you didn't actually mean that.
Idiot.
Morgoth laughed ominously. "You want to fight me?" he asked.
Amanda-Lynn did not really want to fight Morgoth, but she was deluded enough to believe that she could fight him and win. "Yes," she said. Her voice only shook a little, but her sword hardly shook at all.
Morgoth laughed again, even more ominously. "Why do you want to fight me?"
"Because it's the right thing to do!" Amanda-Lynn said, deciding not to mention the deal she had made with Lúthien.
Morgoth leaned forward. "Perhaps," he said, "you could join my side. That would be much more... rewarding."
"Really?" asked Amanda-Lynn, lowering her sword slightly. "In what way?"
"She's mentally unhinged. Definitely loopy," Luthy said. "What could she do for you? Let's obliterate her."
We're not going to obliterate her just yet Morgoth said.
"Oh, really?" Luthy's fingers flew across the keys (figuratively speaking, of course) as she typed out the words: With a sneer, Morgoth waved his hand and the silly girl fell writhing to the ground and perished.
Hey! said Morgoth, through another pop-up.
"Oops. Sorry," said Luthy. "My fingers slipped."
A likely story!
"You don't have to like it," Luthy said. "It's the only story you'll get. I'm the one writing this, remember?"
From her lofty vantage point, Lúthien sat back and smiled. "I wish all life's little problems could be solved like that," she said.
"You point at them and they make a weird fizzling sound and disappear forever?" Fëanor asked.
Lúthien nodded.
"I agree," Fëanor said.
"So do I," the MoS said.
"It would make life so much simpler."
"Nothing would ever bother you."
"For long."
The two live elves, the dead elf, and the mysteriously long-lived Númenorean chuckled together, all getting along nicely for once.
"Of course, if everyone could do that, life would simple because we'd all be dead," Maedhros said.
"True," Lúthien said. "But that's all the more reason to become a Dark Lord, isn't it? You'd be the only one with that power."
This time there was a reflective silence, as all four imagined being Dark Lords, zapping their problems and living contentedly with lots of power at their fingertips.
"Sauron says the Valar are going to help him solve all his problems," Fëanor said. "I wonder how he convinced them to do that."
"I know how he convinced them," the MoS said.
"Oh?"
"He sent them to look for his Ring."
"One of them must have found it," Lúthien said, "and claimed it."
"We'll have to deal with another evil Vala?" Maedhros said.
"My lord said the Valar would fight over the Ring. They might even wipe each other out. Then the ringwraiths will take the Ring and bring it to him," the MoS said.
"Clever."
"Very."
"Diabolical, even," Lúthien said. She sighed. "What are we going to do? How many evils must we chose between? Morgoth is evil, Sauron is evil, the Valar are going to be evil, and I personally think that you, and you, and you, are all evil too," she said, pointing at the MoS and the kinslayers in turn.
"I prefer the term 'conflicted'," Maedhros said.
"I prefer the term 'driven'," Fëanor said.
"I'm fine with 'evil'," the MoS said.
Lúthien gave them a kind of lopsided glare. "Fortunately, you may all be evil, but you aren't as powerful as Valar and Maiar."
"And that makes us the lesser of four evils!" Fëanor said cheerfully. "We'll join sides as it suits us. We'll join Sauron and gang up on the evil Vala, then the five of us will destroy Morgoth, and then we'll find some really tricky, clever way to eliminate Sauron before he can eliminate us."
"And then we'll take care of... some other small problems," Maedhros said. By this, he meant Fëanor, Lúthien, and the Mouth.
Maedhros thought he had a good chance of winning. After all, his father couldn't kill him, he was more than the match for some demented human, and Lúthien could always be wooed, or impaled with something more than a meter long.
Fëanor thought he had a good chance of winning. After all, no one could kill him. Of course, he couldn't pick up anything, let alone wield a magical Ring, but that wouldn't really be a problem. He could persuade Sauron to give him a body again, and proceed from there.
Lúthien thought she had a good chance of winning. After all, her dazzling beauty could be useful in a lot of different ways. It might lead the three males to think she was an idiot, and totally oblivious to their various stratagems.
The MoS thought he had a good chance of winning. After all, he could help Sauron destroy the elves, act very loyal, reassure Sauron of his devotion, and then kill him somehow, when he wasn't expecting it.
"Yes," Lúthien said. "We must work together if we wish to accomplish anything."
"Yes," Fëanor, Maedhros, and the MoS said in unison, looking sincere.
They smiled at each other.
TBC...