Verisimilitude
By gure
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Comments: Sorry about the grammar. This chapter was difficult to write. It was too hard to come up with alternate ways of describing Naruto. Hope you guys know what I'm writing about. R&R.
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Chapter 2: Regrets (Sasuke)
Sasuke was suspicious. Something was off about Naruto. His normal hyperactivity was dissipating at a quick rate, and that constant grin he always wore on his face had been faltering a lot lately. Sasuke had caught those looks of uncertainty on the blond-haired boy's face. Naruto had been almost quiet, almost withdrawn, which was extremely abnormal for him. He had always compared Naruto's bright and warm smiles to the sun. It made him want to smile despite everything. But the glow that Naruto's smiles contained were dimming and he found himself worrying about his partner. That concern, he noticed, came naturally to him, as odd as it seemed, just like that time when he automatically shielded Naruto from the brunt of Haku's darts with his own body. He didn't like feeling concerned, especially for someone reckless and loud like Naruto. The feelings he thought he had locked up were struggling to burst out, and it was getting hard for him to control them. In fact, his feelings and emotions had gone from nearly nonexistent to something he was painfully aware of. Sometimes he felt as if he were betraying his clan, his parents. By feeling, he had lost the silent reverence that he vowed to keep when thinking about them.
And these emotions he was feeling for Naruto were unacceptable. Was it really wrong? To feel again? To become human again? He was afraid of caring too much. If he were to suffer a loss for a second time, he didn't know if he would ever be able to pick himself up. That time with Haku…He had been panicked and extremely torn in that split moment as he watched deadly darts fly towards Naruto. And so he had protected Naruto. It was something he was naturally compelled to do, and he didn't want to lose someone important to him ever again.
Naruto could have understood him, how he worked and what made him who he was. Even though he was a loud-mouthed brat, who, to his dismay, had a crush on Sakura, his existence was just as lonely, if not more, as his own. Because of this, he felt as if he had special understanding with the blue-eyed boy, a bond that only those who had experienced and suffered that painful heart-jerking sense of loneliness could have. It was the feeling of alienation, of betrayal, that bound them together, and yet kept them apart.
Naruto, he knew, had suffered from discrimination ever since he was born. He never really paid attention to the blonde genin in the past, but that didn't mean he had been totally oblivious to situations that Naruto had to face. Sasuke remembered hearing the lilting and sing-song voices of other students mocking Naruto. He remembered seeing Naruto's head bent downward, his burnished hair covering his eyes. He knew what those eyes held. Years of insults made those eyes sad and lonely. Years of cruelty coming from the people of his own village made him feel betrayed, and now, after a life of this sense of alienation, his eyes held a resigned emptiness. And he had tried to cope. He had swallowed the pain and painted a grin on his face. He made himself loud and annoying, to live up to the reputation that they gave him, and in which he had no choice but to live up to.
He remembered now, seeing the boy sitting despondently alone by himself on the swing that was attached to the big oak tree on the outer school borders. He had been walking home that day, and excited to show his parents his achievements, he had taken a shortcut that unknowingly led him to Naruto. He remembered that he had glanced indifferently at him, and had gone on home to the comfort of his family. He regretted not giving the boy a chance, and now he had to pay the consequences.
Naruto hated him, saw him as just another obstacle he had to conquer, just another person who had never bothered to understand him or had never given him a chance to prove himself. Why should Naruto give him a second chance when he never received any sympathy from anyone? Why should Naruto try to comprehend him when Sasuke never even bothered to see how much it pained Naruto to be excluded in the past? He didn't deserve Naruto's understanding. And he knew he wouldn't receive any. But no matter what he knew wouldn't work, he hoped just a little that Naruto would someday forgive him.
He hoped that one day, Naruto wouldn't hate him anymore for gaining Sakura's attention or for acting so cold and conceited. He had to admit he often acted exceedingly snobby in front of the orange-clad ninja. It made him feel more in control of things, so that he wouldn't break down in front of anyone. He tried to act strong to cover up his vulnerability, but Naruto only triggered his weakness, making him act coldly for fear of anyone discovering his susceptibility.
Sasuke regretted doing many things. He also regretted for not doing things he should have done. He was a giant ball of regrets. A giant ball of tangled regrets that no matter how much he tried to unravel, would never be undone.