Thanks for being patient, guys... sorry for the awkwardly delayed update. I know it's a bit short, but I hope you may all forgive my tardiness someday... Anyway, I love you all and thanks for reading!
Enjoy!
MAY 23, 2012
3:52 AM
Arthur had woken up now three times that night. The nightmares were too much for him to handle.
Now, he was sitting in the kitchen of his apartment staring sleepily at a glass of water. He wanted so badly to sleep, but he knew his dreams would all be filled with awful nightmares of losing Alfred. How could he prevent them?
It would all depend on tomorrow. He had to get this right.
He groaned. No, that was no good. He'd be gone either way. Alfred had no attachment to him at all, so why would he want to stick around and see Arthur as much as Arthur wanted to see him? Arthur couldn't think of a single good reason. He just wanted so badly to get to see Alfred every day... But it could never work. Alfred was young and happy and he didn't need someone like Arthur to drag him down...
Besides, Arthur would never be able to handle taking care of someone as untidy and wild as Alfred... at least that's what he kept telling himself.
He yawned. He needed his rest, he knew it. He couldn't win a case if he didn't sleep. No one would take him seriously.
The first nightmare was about the case. They were in the courtroom, and Arthur had prepared the greatest argument of all time. But then, Alfred confessed in front of the judge that he had in fact molested the man, when Arthur knew he hadn't. He kept screaming at Alfred, trying to get him to say why he'd say that, but no sound was coming from his mouth.
It had taken him ten minutes to wake up from that one.
In the second nightmare, he'd won the case, but Alfred had laughed at him and said that he didn't need him anymore, that he never wanted to see his face again. Arthur couldn't imagine living through that kind of rejection.
The third came soon after. It was the worst of the three.
In that one, he had been completely late to arrive in the courtroom, and Alfred was mad at him for it. Then, when he finally sat down, he realized he wasn't wearing any pants. How the bloody hell could he have forgotten pants?! Too late now, he supposed. He scooted his chair forward and hoped no one would ask him to stand. Sadly, they did, and he was completely embarrassed while he stood as the judge entered the room. After that, he had to give his opening statement. He went to grab his notes, but they weren't there. No worries, he thought, I have them memorized anyway. But no, he'd forgotten everything. The jury was unimpressed by Arthur's untidiness and ruled Alfred guilty. As the guards were taking Alfred away, Alfred screamed back at Arthur, "I hate you! I hate you, dammit! This is all your fucking fault! Don't ever come see me again!"
It would be a miracle if he got back to sleep after that.
He sighed and glared at the clock. Why couldn't it just be time yet, so he could get this over with? Just tick, dammit. He thought angrily at the clock. He grabbed the water sitting in front of him and chugged it. He needed to focus. He needed to think.
No, it was much to late for that. Or rather, early... He couldn't do any more thinking on the case, so he'd need to focus on something else... Then, he remembered what he'd admitted to Alfred the day before. That he was afraid of losing him.
He groaned loudly and blushed. How could he have put himself out there like that? Alfred was probably afraid of him now, and wouldn't want to talk to him ever again.
Arthur stopped himself.
"God... I sound like a bloody teenage girl." A mumbled.
But there was always a chance. Always. There was that little, tiny chance that maybe, just maybe, Alfred was afraid of losing him too. Perhaps that was why Arthur had admitted it to him. He did it not because of that tiny little spark of hope left in his heart.
He smiled, despite his foolishness. He was much to tired to hold back his thoughts anymore. Arthur laid his head on the table in his folded arms and thought of Alfred. He thought of Alfred's pretty blue eyes, the way they sparkled when he laughed and smiled. He thought about Alfred's smile, displaying a row of straight, white teeth. His sandy blonde hair that fell just below his ear, long enough to be considered shaggy.
He sighed deeply, contentedly.
Arthur let his mind wander, let himself imagine what it must feel like to have Alfred's lips pressed against his, to have Alfred's arms wrapped around him, hugging him close, their bodies pressed together tightly...
He slowly fell asleep with only one little, tiny sentence in his mind.
I love you.