Author's note: I struggled a lot with rewriting this chapter so if you're not a fan of it I'm ok with that, also I'm only borrowing these characters, sadly I don't own them.
Chapter Six:
When Holly awoke a few hours after their physical reunion and found Gail's side of the bed was empty and cold. Holly shook the remnants of sleep from her mind and found a shirt that was near by, she slipped it on and got out of the bed. She walked into the washroom and found no signs of the blonde, she then wandered into the kitchen and her stomach dropped, Gail was sitting on the floor with another bottle of whiskey, her eyes closed either asleep or passed out. Holly called her named gently and when that did not rouse the blonde she walked over and moved the bottle away then tried to gently shake the blonde.
"Gail, honey you need to wake up."
"Stop shaking me. I am awake. Why are you still here?" She tried to sound angry but the pain in Gail's voice betrayed her.
"What do you mean by that? Why would I leave?" Holly couldn't understand what was happening, if Gail was being hurtful on purpose.
"Why would you be here? I'm still a fuck up. You deserve better, you should just leave and save yourself."
"Ok, now we are definitely having that talk that we should have had before we, um, you know."
The doctor sat down next to Gail, apparently sitting on the floor was the new thing.
"Gail, listen to me, I love you, I told you that last night but you need to hear me now. I love you, I came back for you, I should never have left. I wanted you to ask me to stay, but I shouldn't have put that all on you. I wanted you to fight for me. Ask me to stay, but you didn't, and then it felt like you gave up again. But I'm so dumb, the whole time I should have seen it before, god, I'm so stupid. I should have fought for you."
"Why." Gail watched as Holly's eyes cast downwards upon the word. She closed them for a moment then brought them back to meet blue one.
"Because you're my plus one forever remember?" Holly watched as the blue eyes relaxed a little.
"Holly I can't do this. I can't do anything right now let alone be what you need." Gail sounded so small as she replied.
"I only need you. I don't need you to be anything or anyone else. I need Gail Peck, the sarcastic, bitter, childish, funny, caring, adorable, cuddly, you." Holly reached over and grabbed Gail's hand. "I want to be here for you, in whatever form you need me. I'm here for you."
Gail sat quietly for a moment then said, "I don't know what I need."
Holly gave her small smile, "And that's ok."
The doctor watched as Gail's eyes left hers and darted around the room.
"Thanks for cleaning my apartment nerd." Gail's mood shifting slightly.
"About that." Holly turned and looked around the apartment then back at the blonde, "Gail, you may not know what you need from me but drinking the pain away isn't healthy."
Gail dropped her hand and stood up. Her jaw squaring and eyes becoming focused. "Here we go, I'm sorry I'm not the perfect Peck, but this is how I deal with things. And you know what, I was doing fine till you got here."
Standing, Holly's gaze turned to steel. "No. You aren't doing that Gail, I never expected you to be perfect, that's one of the things I love about you. All I'm saying is that this path doesn't work Gail. Do you honestly think your friends and I are going let you go down that road and end up like Chris or the other 33% of police officers?"
Gail sighed, she knew the darkness has been taking over and she wanted to fight it, she just wasn't strong enough. But then again she didn't have Holly telling her she was loved, and if their brief time together had taught her stubborn self anything it was that Holly was always right.
She wasn't ready to let Holly all the way back in, her heart still expected the woman to walk out the door at any moment and that scared her. Her heart also knew she needed to finally let someone take part of her pain, to lift the burdens of her life off her shoulders, even if it was for just a moment, and the cop knew that Holly was the only one she ever trusted to do so.
"Ugh, why do you have to be so smart. I'm not going to turn into a drunk either. Drinking just helped numb things so I could sleep." her voice took on a hint of annoyance mixed with resignation.
"Gail, honey, drinking socially and abusing alcohol are two different things. I'm worried about you, you do remember the state I found you in right?" Gail looked down at the question, how could she forget waking up from the darkness and seeing the terrified look in Holly's eyes, the look that shook all the drunkenness from her mind.
"Traci suggested I see that shrink again." Gail whispered.
Holly gave a reassuring smile, "But do you think that's a good idea?"
"Honestly. I think it might be." Gail sounded almost defeated but strangely reflective.
And there it was, that small confirmation of massive growth for Gail gave Holly all the assurances that she needed, she had absolutely made the right decision in coming back. Holly couldn't help but smile.
"So that's a good place to start I think." Holly replied. Gail gave the doctor a half smile.
Holly reached over and pulled the blonde into an embrace. Gail pulled back slightly and looked at the brunette before kissing her hard. The doctor knew they hadn't sorted out everything, but it was exactly as she had said, a start.