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Chapter Two: Lucy In The Sky With The Diamonds

Somebody calls you

You answer quite slowly

A girl with kaleidoscope eyes

Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes…

"Yeah, about that, I felt me die, Doc. And yet I'm here. Care to tell me why?" Jack asked as the Time Lord walked toward him. Where was Rose? Why hadn't she come out from wherever she was to hug him, kiss him, smack him and order him not to do something as stupid as dying again? Surely, she was here. If the TARDIS was here, Rose had to be as well. Jack knew the ship was amazing, but he doubted the TARDIS could have brought herself back without a little help. More importantly he didn't think Rose would have let the TARDIS leave without her. As the Doctor came closer and Jack got a better look at the Gallifreyan's face dread swept over him. The Doctor's eyes had a blank dead look about them and he had obviously been crying. The last time Jack had seen such a look on the Doctor's face was when they thought Rose was dead. Oh God, no, not that, not her. The look in his eyes now was a thousand times worse.

"Doctor?" Jack asked not sure how to voice his question. He couldn't voice it because he wasn't sure he could stand the answer. Yes, people died in battle, the military man in Jack knew that. People, were people, they weren't and never could be Rose.

"I lost you." The Doctor said finally, his voice little more than a heartbroken whisper. Jack isn't sure if the Doctor means himself or if he is in his own way telling Jack that Rose is dead. Jack finds it doesn't matter, not anymore because the Doctor's actions are telling him that the grief from either is one in the same. To lose either of them would crush the Doctor's hearts. Jack isn't sure what to do but knows he has to help the heartbroken man in front of him. Hoping he's doing the right thing Jack cradles the Doctor in a hug, like he would for their Rose if she needed comfort. When the Doctor starts to cry again if a few of the tears that fall on Jack's shoulder are actually his own, neither comments on it.

Rose sat up slowly. What was she doing in the med lab of the TARDIS? The last thing she remembered clearly was meeting the stranger outside the chippie having him tell her that the Dalek was right and she could save her Doctor. Had she done it? Was the Doctor alive? Had the Daleks been defeated? Where was the Doctor? She had expected him to be here with her. Normally if she had the slightest reason to be in the med lab she'd have to pry him out of the chair at the end of the bed with a crowbar. Why wasn't he there now? Was he injured? Rose's mind was full of questions to which she had no answers. She was starting to panic a little. Where was the Doctor? "TARDIS, is he here?" Rose asked looking upward. Normally, there would be a hum or a light to indicate the answer to her question or a way to guide her search. Rose, he is in the control room. The voice in her head was completely unexpected. The TARDIS had never spoken to her before in words. Why can I hear you now? Rose asked the TARDIS. It is time, the TARDIS said simply. Rose decided she would ask for a more detailed explanation later at the moment she wanted her Doctor. She needed to see him, touch him, breathe him in, and reassure herself that he was indeed here whole and safe. Trying to ignore the headache that was doing it's best to control her movements Rose slowly made her way out of the med lab.

The sound of crying reached Rose's ears before she reached the control room. Who was crying on the TARDIS? Rose hurried her steps almost becoming a run as she identified the broken, sobbing sounds as coming from the Doctor. Oh no! If the Doctor was crying, something must have happened to Jack. Rose had to fight her tears of her own. She had been aware that Jack might not make it through the fight. She'd been aware that none of them might make it through but the harsh truth of that gave cold comfort now. The universe needed more men like Jack. Men that were strong enough to be heroes. I miss you Jack, I hope you know I love you, Rose thought sadly as she walked into the control room. She wouldn't allow herself to even think of her love in the past sense. If Jack was gone her love for him would still exist as long as she did. The Doctor had taught her that, love didn't have to be in the past and you never had to forget.

Rose started to ask questions as she walked into the control room. The room was dark and in shadows. She didn't get any further then the start of her question because she stopped speaking when she saw the Doctor and Jack. Both men had their backs to her and she could hear the Doctor's heart breaking sobs. Oh my Doctor, who has hurt you? Rose wondered. What could bring her proud strong Gallifreyan to tears? Their stances looked broken and although she couldn't hear any noises coming from Jack the way his shoulders were shaking Rose suspected that he was crying as well. If Jack was here and the Doctor was here she couldn't understand what had gotten them so upset. Rose knew that some of people who had been at the game station with her were probably dead; this wasn't the usual reaction from either the Doctor or Jack. They mourned life when it was taken but never like this. That's when a thought hit Rose with such horror she almost cried out. They thought she was dead. The men were crying as if they had lost a part of themselves because to their way of thinking they had. Rose couldn't handle the pain that was welling up inside of her. Moaning she sank to the floor in agony.

Rose! The Doctor was the first to realize she was in the room. He'd heard the faint sounds of her trainers on the floor and was able to catch just a whiff of the vanilla rose perfume she wore. Then he'd heard the moan. It had taken his fractured hearts and mind a minute to catalog and process all he had heard smelled and when he had he hadn't wanted to believe it. He was afraid that he was hearing and smelling only what he wanted because he was so desperate to keep Rose with him. He turned slowly hope building up in little drops, can't hope too much or it would crush him. It had taken his senses less than a minute to realize she was there, he hadn't imagined it. "Rose," Her name was a whisper on his lips and then a shout as he was running across the control room to take her into his arms.

"Doctor, I'm sorry, I'm here and I'm all-right. Look at me, please my heart look at me, and see that I am here." Rose didn't know why she was apologizing; maybe it's because the Doctor was holding her as if he needed her to keep his own hearts beating and his soul surviving. She'll be bruised in the morning he's gripping her so tightly but at the moment Rose cannot bring herself to care. Feeling the powerful man shake as he held her and the splash of hot tears on her shoulder as he knelt in front of her was hurting her almost as much as he was hurting. She whispered words of encouragement and comfort in his ear, trying to get him to look at her. Rose thought if he could just see her face, touch her, he would realize that she was right there with him. She's always been right there with him, if only he realized it.

The Doctor isn't the only one in need of comfort, Rose realized. Jack stood staring at her. A look on his face as if he's seen a ghost and Rose thinks in what is probably the worst way for it to happen Jack has, the ghost of her. She wanted to comfort him but Jack offered her a weak imitation of his usual dazzling smile and left the room before she could say anything. She'll seek him out later; right now all of her energy and attention belonged to the man in her arms.

Gradually his hold loosened and the Doctor pulled himself away from her far enough so that he could see her face. "Rose, my Rose." He said her name as if it were a prayer and skated his fingers over her face thumb stopping to caress her cheek. "I thought I lost you." He said drinking her in. "I'm here and always will be, told you that before." Rose said softly. Yes, she had told him and he wanted to believe her. He knew she meant what she said but he also knew about the road paved with good intentions and where it inevitably led. He hated to be the one who took a gentle soul like Rose down that road but he could no longer send her away. If he had doubted that before it was vividly clear now.

Rose's actions should have killed her. No one was meant to look into the heart of the TARDIS. She should be dead. When he had kissed her, what he thought was going to be the last thing he ever did and not ever having kissed her was the one regret he didn't want to take with him, he had seen her thoughts briefly. He hadn't been surprised to see that Rose had indeed realized what she was attempting would quite possibly harm her. That was par on the course for his Rose; she put the well being of the whole world and this case the universe before her own needs. She had done the same thing at Satellite Five when he had tentatively suggested that they could leave. Rose had called him on it saying he wouldn't do it. She had been right. On his own, he wouldn't done it but he would have done it she had asked. It hadn't occurred to her to ask because to her way of thinking it was the wrong thing to do.

He had been surprised however, at the depth and magnitude of love she had not just for the universe or the people directly affected on Satellite Five, but for him. He'd always been sure she cared about him. She wouldn't be Rose if she didn't care but he hadn't realized she loved him so very much. It humbled him. He couldn't remember the last time anyone had ever loved him like that if anyone ever had.