Hello. I'm back. OK, I don't mean to be…insane, but don't you find my little comments before and after each chapter hilarious? When I re-read them I do. But, of course I crack myself up. Anyway, I just wrote a new chapter for 2 of my stories, so I'm hoping this chapter comes as easily. Though, it probably won't cause I don't like writing as the parents. And, omg I have no idea what I'm gonna do. See, I still haven't decided what's gonna happen with the baby, cause I don't really know what Angela would do, but I'm going to try to be as realistic as possible. Ugh, I have no idea, but oh well. Here-a-go. PS, this will be a bit shorter than the other ones, I have to many things to write, plus schoolAH!.
CHAPTER 5I wake up, again feeling like a zombie. There is a light rap at my door, and I know it's my mom. "Come in," I say. My tears from the night before are gone, and I hope they won't come back.
"Angela, sweetie. I think today, if you're up to it, we should try and decide what you want to do with the baby."
"Yeah, OK. Where's dad?"
"He had to go to the restaurant. But, don't worry, I'm sure whatever you choose will be fine with him."
I nod at her, not really sure if I agree. "So, where are we gonna…discuss?"
"Right here. You sister is at her friend's house, so we'll have some privacy. So. Do you know all of the options?"
"I think so."
"OK. Have you thought about it at all?"
I have. It's the only thing I can think about. "Kind of. I just—I'm pretty sure I don't want a… ya know, an abortion."
"Are you sure? Child birth is painful, especially for someone as young as you."
"Yeah…I don't know. Maybe I do, but they're really expensive, aren't they?"
"Well honey, if that's what you want to do, we can pay for it. And if it's not what you want, then we can do something else. There are tens of thousands of couples looking to adopt. But remember, this is your decision, OK?"
I can't think about this. It's not that I don't want to, but my mind won't let me. It keeps wondering off, always to one place—Brian. "Can we, um, finish this talk later? I can't really think right now."
My mom nodes and silently walks out of the room and shuts the door. I pick up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey, can you come over again?"
He obviously knows that it's me. "Yeah, sure. Do you want me to climb in through the window again?"
A smile somehow forms on my face. "No, I think the door will be fine." I hang up the phone without saying another word. I want him here. He always manages to make things better. A few minutes go by, and there's a knock on my door. It's my mother.
"Honey, Brian's here to see you."
I smile again. Just his name makes me feel better. "Yeah, let him in." He walks into the room and sits on my bed next to me. I speak before he can say anything. "Can we just talk about something random? Just something that has as little emotion tied to it as possible?"
He smiles. "There was a spider, swear to god, the size of my fist on my wall."
"The size of your fist, huh? I'm sure of it. Did you scream and cry like a little girl?"
"Oh yeah, totally. I mean, what else would I do?"
I smile at his ability to come up with the worst stories. I didn't know before today that he had that power. I kiss him, and this time he doesn't do anything to stop me. My neck is about to break because he's still sitting up straight and I'm trying to reach his height. He finally leans down, and I use that moment to keep him there. I wrap my arms around his neck and lean back on to the bed. He pulls away and sits up.
"Whoa. Slow down, that's what got you into this mess isn't it?" He laughs, he thinks he's making a joke, but not to me.
"Fuck you!" I scream at him. He jumps back a little startled. "You have no idea about this 'big mess' so just stay the fuck out of it!"
"Wait, Angela, I didn't mean to say that. I just—"
"I don't care what you did or did not mean to say. I care about what you did, in fact, say. So don't talk to me about what you meant to say, because I know there's not a little evil…gnome in there," I point to his head, "changing things up and spitting out words."
"OK, I know I said it, but I'm really, really sorry. I didn't think, I tried to be funny, which I'm not I know that, and I just messed up. I'm sorry." He waits for me to do something while I wait for something else. It doesn't happen.
"Bye," I say waving my hands towards my door. He walks out with his head down. I collapse back on to my bed and fall back asleep.
X+X+X+X+X+X
I wake up just before my mom knocks on my door. "Honey, Brian's on the phone."
I sigh, "Tell him to go away."
My mother raises her eyebrows and ducks out the door. I lay my head down just before my mother sticks her head in again. "He says it's really important."
"Tell him I don't care, then hang up." Again, she ducks out of the room with her eyebrows raised.
A few minutes go by and she's back in my room. "Honey, your father's home. Do you think you're ready to think about this and talk about it?" I nod and she shuts the door. A few seconds later she and my father come in.
My father kneels down beside my bed to be at eye-level with me. "Honey? Have you decided what you want to do with the baby?"
"Um…I think. I think I want to have an abortion."
My mother nods a bit too much, like she's trying to assure me that she's fine with it. "OK. OK, we'll take care of it honey. Don't worry about a thing."
But I still worry. Because even as they say they're going to take care of everything, that's not possible. Because I brought this on myself, and there's no way this can be dealt with without some suffering from me.
X+X+X+X+X+X
I hear my mother over and over. "No, sorry Brian, Angela's asleep." He has to stop calling if he ever wants to speak to me again. After about an hour of lying around (and maybe 20 minutes since Brian called) I pick up the cordless phone, bring it into my room and lock the door. I dial Brian's number, and it doesn't finish it's first ring when he picks up.
"Hello?" he asks frantically.
I'm silent for a moment. "Brian."
"Angela, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean what I said."
"I don't care. I want you to let me talk right now." He's silent. "I'm getting an abortion. My parents are setting it up, I guess. I want you to know, I don't care if we're friends or not by then, but I want you to be there."
He waits a moment before he speaks, making sure I'm finished. "I'll be there." He starts to say something else but I hang up the phone. He doesn't call back and I'm glad. The next number I call is Rayanne's. She picks up and I instantly tell her everything that has happened, and that will happen. She sympathizes, we hang up, and I fall back asleep. Finally tired of loathing myself I get out my homework, and finish everything, due or not. I suddenly have a thought—well more of a picture. I have never really considered it before, but randomly the idea enters my mind. I quickly push it out, it's ridiculous. But as I fall asleep I can help but wonder: what would it feel like to have a razor cut through my skin?
X+X+X+X+X+X
I wake up to the smell of blueberry pancakes and orange juice. It takes me only a moment to realize the smell is much closer then I had imagined. My sister stands next to my bed holding a breakfast tray. "Mom says you didn't eat anything yesterday. Is that true?"
I groan into my pillow before sticking my head up to look at her. "Not entirely."
"OK, so you did eat. Because people can't go the whole day without eating."
I hold back the urge to correct her and instead thank her for bringing me the food. She modestly says that our mother told her to, but I can tell she's smiling as she turns away.
I eat breakfast slowly, savoring the taste. My father obviously made this, which means he got to work late. I smile. The idea I had last night was silly. I have a great life, and a great family. Everybody has obstacles, and that's just what this is, an obstacle. No reason to go to measures like that. A take a long shower, get dressed and make my way downstairs.
Danielle pops up in front of me, smiling sweetly. "Brian came over…he talked to me."
"Congratulations. When did he come over?"
Danielle sways from side to side, as if she holds the secret of the universe in her breath. "Just a few minutes ago. He asked for you. I just told him you didn't feel good."
"Thanks." I grab my jacket. "If mom asks, can you just tell her I went to Brian's?"
She sighs. "I guess."
I walk out the door, deciding to ignore her attempts to make me feel guilty…whether they were in my imagination or not. I cross the street, paying no attention to the angry car that wants to pass by me. I cross the street without so much as a wave of apology; I'll never see them again. I ring on Brian's doorbell and he answers the door after a few seconds. We stand still awkwardly, neither of us speaking, nor moving. He eventually steps back, opening the door wider. I step in giving him a slight nod. The list of what I would give to make everything back to normal goes on and on in my head. To have just followed my heart on that one fateful night; I never should have gotten into his car. Tears that I didn't even know existed soak my face. Brian takes me in his arms and I break down. What seems like years of emotion floods out of me, while I shake in Brian's calm, comforting arms. I never want this moment to end. Never, never, never…
OK, I've decided that was the second to last chapter…congrats, you're reading the first non-oneshot story that I've ever even come close to finishing.