I kind of cheated a little this chapter, and I technically used two, but they're similar, so I combined them. Sue me.
Part of this chapter is dedicated to Ash. She'll know it when she comes to it.
Thanks so much for the continued reviews, and also for the suggestions for the list! I appreciate the help. I really do. Y'ins guys are awesome! Thanks to for being my beta for this chapter!Additional A/N at the end.
Chapter 2: Fun
"Don't take life too serious. You'll never escape it alive anyway." – Elbert Hubbard
Lindsay Monroe's Perfect Guy:
2. He must be fun, and he must make me laugh.
Colt was fun. At least, he was what a high school girl considered fun. They did fun things together. When they went out on dates – which were usually group affairs – they went to an amusement park or miniature golfing. When they went to the amusement park, they rode the Ferris wheel and the roller coasters. He won her little stuffed animals at the game booths. They had funnel cake and caramel apples and sat close together on the park benches to eat. When they went miniature golfing, he always let her win. They did the occasional "park and make out" dates, and the "watch a movie and make out" dates, which were fun in a different kind of way – in the exhilarating, "what happens if we get caught" way. They only got caught the once; luckily by the usher at the theater and not her father.
He made her laugh, too. While they were dating, they sat together at lunch, and he used to do impressions of the faculty. They were horrible, and he used the same voice to imitate everyone, but he put so much effort into them that Lindsay couldn't help but laugh. It wasn't the impressions themselves that were funny; it was Colt doing the impressions that cracked her up every time. He told good jokes, too, even if she had heard them before. But the way he told them was what made her laugh.
But she didn't think it was fun when he dumped her the day after they slept together. She wasn't laughing when he took a different girl to their junior prom. She feared their entire relationship had been a joke. She vowed to never let that happen again.
Dexter was fun, though not in the way Colt had been fun. He was fun in that exhilarating, "half the stuff we're doing is illegal" kind of way. They did things together that he considered fun. When they went out on dates, they usually went to the same smoky bar just off campus. He knew the bartender, so they got drinks half price, and Lindsay got served, even though she was underage. They would watch whatever god-awful band was trying to make a name for itself that week, and then they would go back to his place. On his motorcycle, on the way to his apartment, she sometimes maneuvered in between him and the handlebars so that they could make out – and occasionally do other stuff.
He didn't make her laugh. He didn't laugh. He didn't tell jokes or do impressions. He didn't even like going to see comedies. She loved comedies – romantic comedies were her favorite type of movies to see on dates. But Dexter liked taking her to see horror films – the gorier, the better – so that she was freaked out and shaking and clung to him like Saran wrap and begged him not to leave her alone in her apartment. The only times Lindsay laughed while she was dating him were when she wasn't with him.
And she didn't think it was fun when she walked into her suite and saw him having sex with one of her suitemates – on her bed. She definitely wasn't laughing when he actually suggested that Lindsay join them. She feared that the only reason she considered him fun was because he was dangerous – and because of the alcohol. She vowed to never let that happen again.
Martin was boring. There was no polite way to phrase that. He was quite possibly the most boring man on the face of the planet. They did things he thought were fun. When they went out on dates, he took her to lectures at the university. She wouldn't have minded if they were subjects that interested her, but "Famous Archaeologists Throughout Time" was not exactly one of her favorites. They didn't go to the movies because something about sitting in a darkened theater staring at the screen gave him headaches. They didn't go to amusement parks because carnival food made him nauseous. They didn't go out to bars because he didn't drink. They didn't do much of anything. Sometimes they had the other members of the team over for board game night. They played games like Balderdash, which usually ended up being more fun the more alcohol consumed – but Martin never served alcohol when they had people over, and so people tended to filter out rather early.
He made her smile, but he didn't make her laugh. He tried to be funny. He would attempt to tell a joke that he had heard or read, but he never remembered the punch line, and in the eventthat he did remember it, he messed it up. He didn't do impressions of anyone because even his voice was boring – it was monotone and nasally and he reminded her an awful lot of Ben Stein. If he was funny, it was unintentional, and usually it was related to his complete ignorance of popular culture. Lindsay would struggle not to laugh whenever he revealed his cluelessness, because it really wasn't funny.
She didn't think it was fun that she wasn't having any fun. It didn't make her laugh that she barely laughed while dating Martin. He was too serious. She was a serious person, but there was a line. She wasn't that serious. How could she be happy for the rest of her life with a man that couldn't even make her laugh? She was miserable with Martin. She vowed to never let that happen again.
Danny was fun. He was a lot of fun. And he didn't seem to be trying to be fun, either; at least, not all of the time. He seemed to be a guy who was genuinely fun to be around. They didn't hang out outside of work a lot, but when they did, she always had a good time. She hated to admit it, but he was a lot of fun. Whenever he found out that she hadn't yet been to a particular New York attraction, he practically insisted that he personally take her there. The first time she saw the giant Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center was when Danny took her ice-skating there. The first time she saw Yankee Stadium was when Danny managed to get them tickets to a game. It never occurred to her that any of these outings could technically be construed as "dates" because she was with Danny. She wasn't about to date Danny Messer, of all people.
There were nights when the whole team would go out for drinks. Usually it was to celebrate the catching of a criminal; sometimes it was to lament that they hadn't caught the criminal. And still other times it was because the case had been so horrifying that they needed to get shit-faced in order to get their minds off of it. Whatever the reason, Danny was always a blast. When he was drunk, he would sing along with the radio. If he got drunk enough, he would stumble up to the bar and serenade the entire place. Lindsay, who tried not to get as drunk as she did in college, couldn't help but laugh as Danny struggled to remember the words to "Hang On, Sloopy".
He made her laugh. Damn, how he made her laugh. If the techs were taking too long to get his results back to him, he would do impressions of them and try and figure out what was taking them so long. Her favorite was whenever he made Adam fantasize about being Luke Skywalker. Danny was amazing at mimicking the sound effects from the movie while miming a light saber duel. He also played pranks on everyone. One morning she walked into their office and discovered that he had been up half the night gluing everything to the surface of her desk. One time he rigged a bunch of water balloons to dump on the next person to walk through the men's room door, soaking a very pissed-off Flack so badly that she could see through his shirt the rest of the day.
She had so much fun with Danny that she forgot she was supposed to detest him. And it was usually during one of her giggle fits after he stuck his foot in his mouth in front of Mac that she wondered if she even still detested him. As long as she didn't date him, then everything would be fine.
She vowed to never date Danny Messer.
A/N: I would like to point out that not everyone who doesn't drink is a big a "drip" (to use Auddie's word) as Martin. I personally am not much of a drinker, but I still go out to bars, and I would never presume to prevent anyone from having alcohol at my house. In fact, right now, thanks to my huge lush roommates, our fridge has more beer in it than food. :) I just wanted to make that perfectly clear. ;)