Gooooooing DOWN.
Do you ever wonder where Zim found the time to build this base? I mean, he IS an ALIEN, but even he must——
He programmed the characteristics he wanted into a little mechanical device, stuck it in the ground and a completely disguised alien base sprang out. It was in the FIRST EPISODE, "The Nightmare Begins".
How do you know those shows are true to what REALLY happened?
Zim actually DID turn you into bologna once, like in the episode "Bolognius Maximus", right? One of my favorites, I might add.
...Yes, well——YOU KNOW TOO MUCH POINTLESS TRIVIA FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
"Floccinaucinihilipilification: categorizing something as pointless trivia."
HA! At least NOW you're improving your vocabulary instead of——
That was a hidden thing in the credits of one of the episodes on the first DVD set of "Pinky and the Brain".
...Forget I ever said anything. Now, SHHHHHH!! I think we're slowing down!
"Fast? Pfft! Duck Dodgers knows FAST! Why, I ran the three-minute mile in under an HOUR once!"
I SAID "SLOW", NOT FAST!
It doesn't make any difference to me.
You really need to get a life.
"Life...don't talk to me about LIFE." Marvin the Paranoid Android, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". The book was the best adaptation, even though I've also seen the movie and heard the radio show.
Point in question. QUIET! WE'VE STOPPED!
I'M being quiet. YOU'RE the one who's yelling.
SHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
"Be vewy vewy quiet, we'we hunting——
Look. If you don't stop quoting cartoon characters, I'm going to have to set Gaz on you. Now, to make sure you've got this clear, repeat what I just said.
Nope.
WHY NOT?!?!
You just said not to quote cartoon characters!
WHAT SORT OF PERVERSE PLEASURE DO YOU DERIVE FROM——
A lot. I never get to annoy people.
GREAT. I get X-number of years of bottled annoyingness unleashed on myself in one afternoon.
And we only JUST got inside Zim's base. You...DO know the elevator hasn't moved for a couple minutes, don't you?
...You jerk. OK, we're getting off the elevator and now we're in—what room is this?
AAAAAAAAAH!!!! THE COLORS! AND THE LIGHTS—THE LIGHTS!!!!!!
WHOA! What is that THING on the ceiling?!!?! It's HIDEOUS! And...what is it DOING with that MONKEY?
THIS IS TOTALLY INDESCRIBABLE!
THIS is why we should've taken the CAMERA!!!!
Just make a picture in your mind, folks.
Ugggghhh...the GOO...so...MUCH...Hey, there's a door over there! Let's go!!!
I thought you were obsessive-compulsive over gathering evidence about Zim being an alien! This's the perfect opportunity! Go grab that thing on the ceiling!!
Why would I WANT to? Eeeeeyick!!
Hmmmm...that is a point. Let's go, then.
What sort of twisted function could that thing PERFORM? And why is it performing whatever it is on that MONKEY?
You know what? This's just like a skit Steve Martin once did on "Saturday Night Live"...except different.
Thanks for being so INFORMATIVE. OK, now what's THIS room?
—...—
OK, I'm waiting for you to interject a pointless and annoying comment. It's only making me more worried that you're NOT.
—...—
...Crackpot?
It's...it's...
Yes?
IT'S A FULL-SCALE REPLICA OF THE SET FROM THE CLIMAX OF "THE RETURN OF THE JEDI", COMPLETE WITH THE ACTORS WHO PLAYED LUKE, VADER AND SIDIOUS SUSPENDED IN BLOCKS OF CARBONITE IN THE SAME POSITIONS THEY WERE IN!!!!!!!!
No it's NOT! It's a GARBAGE STORAGE ROOM!
The readers wouldn't have been able to tell...
You're making a mockery of paranormal investigators everywhere.
Paranormal investigators everywhere already seem to do a good enough job themselves.
Hmmmmmm...OK, OK, I can't argue with that one, I was paired up with one for career day.
Bill the Paranormal Investigator. Episode seven of——
ENOUGH!!!!!!! WHY DON'T YOU HAVE OTHER FRIENDS YOU CAN BUG?!?!?
Because I feel like—wait...Uh-oh...
What NOW? Is there a discrepancy between Zim's base and the way it's shown in the TV show?
No, it's...This is starting to sound like a self-insertion fic.
WHY?!?!?! Because you're purposefully driving me INSANE?!!?!?
No, actually, what I'm doing is the verbal equivalent of "whumping", and I'm doing THAT for the sake of it. It's...because I'm one of the focal characters.
Why are you talking about "focal characters"?! This is REAL LIFE!!
Well, no one's going to BELIEVE us if I post it on They'll think I'm a nerdy loser who has no life and so must make up adventures in which I interact with random cartoon characters! I'M SO ASHAMED——
ONE, I already SAID no one would believe us if we posted it on that stupid website!!! TWO, I'm not a random cartoon character!!!!!!! That's just what these TV stations are making everyone think! And THREE, I thought you WERE a nerdy loser with no life!
—...—
You got a point there. But I DON'T write self-insertion fics.
Not yet.
And don't worry, Dib, if I did, then I wouldn't do some sort of weird "ship" story wherein the two of us had a relationship.
...There are no words to describe how hideous a prospect that would be.
Now if only REAL self-insertion writers would get the clue. And start shooting up those "Mary Sues", but that's a different story.
THIS ISN'T A STORY!!!!! IT'S A RESEARCH EXPEDITION!!!!
Then...shouldn't we be going and..."researching" or something?
RRRRRRRRGHHH!!!!! That's what I've been saying all along!
You know, your head IS kinda big.
I hate you.
Thanks.
All right. So, it's only by dumb luck that Zim hasn't caught us yet.
OUR dumb luck, or HIS?
Stop interrupting! So, we've got to be REAAALLY QUIET after we open this next door.
"Be vewy vewy quiet——
I'm NOT going through this again!!! Now SHHHH!!
OK, OK! Hey, did you notice that when we whisper, the computer puts it into brackets?
NO, because there has been precious LITTLE whispering so far! Now, just beyond this door, there COULD be a dangerous alien just waiting to blast us into oblivion! Do we have an attack plan?
Yes. I'll run and you hide.
Hoo boy.
I wonder if Irkens are anything like the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal—you know, they're exorbitantly ferocious, but so mind-bogglingly stupid that you can beat it by covering your eyes with a towel. See, it assumes that if YOU can't see IT, IT can't see YOU.
...Well, "mind-bogglingly stupid" DOES occasionally apply to Zim...
Then why's he so dangerous if he's so stupid?
He's got alien technology.
I wish I knew where my towel was.
OK. Eh, ASIDE from that...You ready?
"One for the money, two for the show, nuts to Benny and here we go." Phil Harris, "The——
Whatever, I'm just going to open the door. SHHHHHH...
Whoaaaa...is this his research room?
I guess so...just look at all the alien gadgets! Here, start taking stuff. This's priceless evidence!
Start taking stuff...and put it WHERE?
What do you mean, WHERE? In your backpack!
I don't HAVE my backpack with me! I've been carrying the laptop MYSELF this whole time!
You had a backpack when we started! Why'd you leave it?!?!
GIR: "To make room for the cupcake!" Second segment of episode 2, "Walk of——
I canNOT beLIEVE you!! Aarrrhh...just grab stuff then.
I'm not putting down this G3! I've got seven in-progress fanfics stored on this hard drive!
WHICH IS MORE IMPORTANT, YOUR FANFICS OR THE EARTH?!?
You should know better than to ask ME something like that.
Yes, I SHOULD, but—SHHHHHH!!! I think I see ZIM!!
Over there, by that alieny-looking bench thing?
You could've done a bit better with the description, but YES, over by that alieny-looking bench thing! What's he DOING?
Well, he's hunched over SOMETHING.
His back's to us! Maybe we can sneak up and see what sort of evil alien scheme he's working on!
"What're you doing, sneaking around like that?"
"'SNEAKING'? Fat hobbit's SO polite. He sees us and first thing he says is that we's sneaking. 'SNEAKING'!"
"All right...! I'm sorry. But what WERE you doing?"
"Sneaking..."
Ummmmm...
"Ehhh...Can't control myself." Babs Bunny, "Tiny Toons".
Whatever. C'mon! Let's go see what EVIL he's wreaking!
Heh heh heh heh heh...WAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!
LISTEN! He's laughing!!
"A Zim who laughs at his own jokes will seldom have branches on his shoe tree." Now quiettt!!
MUHAHAHAAHAHA! Oooooooh, I'm such a GENIUS! Come to life, pitiful creature, LIIIIIIIFE!!!!
WHAT is he DOING?!
EH? WHAT WAS THAT?! Did I hear VOICES in my SECRET BASE?!?!?!
GAAAH! SHHH!
Thanks, "Sir Point-Out-The-Obvious-A-Lot!"
Quick! Duck behind this thing over here!
Hey, look! It's the Hunter Destroyer Machine from the episode "Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy"!
Great. Now HIDE!!!
—...—
Hmmmmmm...No more voices. Perhaps Nick the eternally happy boy was just singing that REVOLTING SONG again. Aaaaaaah well, back to work on the ULTIMATE LIFE FORM!!!!!
AAAAAh-CHOOO!!
Oh no!
WAIT! Nick the Happy Boy does not SNEEZE! It would cause his face to explode! There is an in-truDERRRR!!! GIR!
Yeee-ess?
GIR, did you let anyone in the house today? Anyone who...SHOULDN'T BE HERE?!!?
Nooooooooooo...
Are you SUUUUUUURE?
Yes!
Completely sure?
Yes!
Absolutely positive?
Yes!
Beyond an Irken doubt?
Yes!
Oh, all right th——
All 'cept the kid with the BIG HEAD an' his friend!
DIB! No, he couldn't—wait, does Dib HAVE any friends?
HEY! I——uh-ohhhh...
AHA! I have FOUND YOOOU!!
Quick, Dib, let's test the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast theory! Anyone got a towel?!
Waaaaait...that thing on his alieny bench-thing...is that a Furby™?
Eh? Of COURSE it is, human sludge-beast! I at last found the TRUE dominant species on Earth! It's the FURBIES I should be fighting with, not pathetic HUUUUUUMANS!
That's...pretty stupid.
See? Irkens ARE like the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast! GET A TOWEL ALREADY!!!
HMMMM? It is outside my knowledge how a piece of Earth filth knows of the planet Traal. But that doesn't matter. GIR!
YES, MY MASTER!
AAAH! He's glowing red again!!!
GIR, capture them! I shall prepare for the slimy humans a...TOWEL-LESS FATE!!
NOOOOOOO!!!!
Huu-AH!! YES, MY LORD!
GAAH!! Look out!
Oh no, not the laptop, NOT THE LA