Truth In Advertising

Let's just conveniently overlook the fact that by AC 196, Martha Stuart would have been dead for about two hundred years, all right?

Also, 'kisama' is basically Japanese for 'bastard,' the literal definition of which is 'child born out of wedlock/outside of marriage.'

'Martha Stuart doesn't live here.'

(Please forward her mail to OZ Memorial Prison.)

Duo blinked at the ceramic plaque in his hands. "What the fuck?" he asked, completely confused.

After considering the wording of the white square for a moment, Heero said, "I believe it's referring to your inability to keep things clean." He gestured around them at their bedroom, which, despite Heero's best efforts, was still rather cluttered. There were dirty clothes scattered around and on top of the laundry hamper from Duo's impromptu basketball games, which used the clothes themselves as the ball; CDs scattered over and around the stereo; hair bands (and loose hair) all over the place; and bits and pieces of paperwork everywhere but on the desk.

All courtesy of one Duo Maxwell.

Snorting, Duo said, "Yeah, well, I've always believed that if it's true, it can't be all that insulting."

Heero frowned. "Then why do you get so mad when Wufei calls you 'kisama'?" he asked, remembering countless times that followed a similar formula: Duo did something that ticked Wufei off, Wufei yelled, "Kisama! Maxwell!" or something similar to that effect, Duo got angry at Wufei and called him some very unflattering things (Heero had never even heard of some of the swear words Duo used and he grew up with an assassin!), and Wufei threatened Duo with his katana, which started a brawl that Duo inevitably won. Despite Wufei's training in the marital arts, Duo fought dirty and always came out on top.

Duo grinned widely. "Because he expects me to get angry with him for quote-unquote 'insulting' me. You know he's big into that whole family lineage thing. If I didn't get mad at him for it, he'd think something was wrong with me." The 'duh' was implied rather heavily. He then shrugged and ducked his head, adding softly, "Besides, we don't know if it's true or not."

Heero sat on the bed beside his lover, pulling the other boy into his arms. "True or not, it doesn't make a difference to me," he said, voice equally as low.

Duo quirked a half-grin. "I know."

Wanting to take his lover's mind off his past, Heero said, "Question is now, what are you going to do about this?" He gestured expansively at the plaque Duo still held clutched in his hands.

Duo snorted. "I think I'll hang it in the kitchen. Should be good for a laugh the next time the guys come over." Being five of the Preventers' first recruits – though Quatre and Trowa worked only part time, the former spending the majority of his time running WEI and the latter dividing his between the circus and heading up his boyfriend's personal security – meant that they had the pick of the Preventers barracks, and theirs had a rather nice view of the training field outside the kitchen window.

"Well, Quatre at least will get a kick out of it," Heero allowed. "Though Chang will most likely spend half an hour ranting about your messiness and how dishonorable it is that you don't clean up after yourself," he added with a resigned smile.

Giving a disgusted sniff at the thought of one of Wufei's lectures, Duo stated, "I am not nearly as messy as people think I am."

Heero raised a single eyebrow in patented disbelief. "I've never been able to find anything in any place that you have blessed with your tendency towards disorganized chaos," he replied.

"Isn't 'disorganized chaos' a bit redundant?" Duo asked, his brow wrinkling.

Heero snorted. "Not when you're that messy."

Duo just rolled his eyes and got back to the topic at hand. "Besides, that's the whole point of my system – that no one else can find my stuff," he pointed out. "And I always know where everything is."

Recognizing that his lover was correct, Heero just grunted noncommittally. "Hn." During the war, it may have been important to keep sensitive documents and other Top Secret information secreted away – and hiding in plain sight was a proven way to do that – but it was peace time now, and Heero was a bit miffed that he had to spend ten minutes looking for one of his computer disks because of Duo's packrat tendencies.

Duo smirked. "And I always know what you are," he added.

Heero frowned minutely. "What I am?" he asked, confused.

Duo nodded vigorously, carefully setting the plaque aside on the bedside table and turning to his lover with a mischievous light in his indigo eyes. "At this moment in time, you are horny," he stated. His smirk widened. "And if you aren't, you will be soon." With that, he pounced.

And, while his first prediction about the state of Heero's horniness was incorrect, his second was undoubtedly true.