Warning: Mentions of cutting, sex, cross-dressing, and sort of slash concerning Snape's character, don't like it, don't read it.

Ships: Hr/DT, Hr/BZ, Hr/SF, Hr/NL, Hr/DM, Hr/RW, Hr/FW. SS/SS (more specifically Crossdressing!Snape/Potionsmaster!Snape). DM/GW. RW/LB.

Summary: The whole school is in an uproar when some bizarre things start to happen. Snape has been seen prancing around...in a dress. Hermione's started to act quite unlike herself, and Draco Malfoy is having a nervous breakdown. DM/GW, Hr/Boys, SS/SS

Era: 5th year, unrelated to the events of OOTP. Also, I decided to make Lavender like Ron earlier then 6th year.

Genre: Humor/Angst

Rated: T

Author's Message:

This is for a Challenge by TheColdestTouch on FA. Special thanks to my Beta Kindali Sidera. And Thank you everyone who read, and thank you to the lovely person who reviewed: aweirdperson.

Chapter Three

The Gryffindors piled out of Snape's office as quickly as they could, still not believing there eyes.

"W-w-what was t-t-ha...?" Neville trailed off in a stuttering voice.

"That was Snape in a bloody dress!" Harry exclaimed. "I think I'm scarred for life!"

"No kidding," Ron said, he was a very pale shade of green.

Lavender was clutching her stomach, looking as appalled as the rest of them.

"I knew Snape was weird, but..." Lavender trailed off. "Dear Gods! I've never thought I would see..."

"Don't say it again," Ron grimaced.

"Too right," Harry agreed.

Neville nodded fiercely in agreement. They all made a silent vow to forget what they had just seen and never speak of it again.

"I don't think I can have lunch," Ron said.

"Me neither," Harry said. "Let's just go get some fresh air."

The four made their way to the Entrance Hall. Hermione, Dean and Seamus spotted them heading out and rushed to join them.

"Hey guys," Seamus said. "Why are you all skipping lunch?"

Neville grumbled something incoherent and the rest stayed silent.

"Alright..." Dean exchanged a look with his best friend.

"Well, we'll join you," Hermione said, her red lips smiling broadly. She hooked her arm around Dean's and the six exited the hall.

---

Hermione sat with her friends, feeling Seamus' and Ron's eyes on her. She glanced up at Dean who was caught up in conversation with Harry and she felt a twinge of annoyance shoot through her.

"The assignment wasn't as hard as I thought," Dean said.

"I just don't think I'd be any good at Arithmancy," Harry noted, shrugging.

"It's not too hard, right Hermione?" Lavender asked her, noticing her watching Ron.

"Oh, yeah, it's simple," Hermione said easily.

Lavender pursed her lips and clutched Ron's arm mimicking Hermione's actions with Dean.

What a slut, Hermione thought. She's all over him.

Hermione knew in the back of her mind that this comment was ridiculous, but she still narrowed her eyes.

"Dean?" Hermione pouted.

"Yeah?" Dean asked, turning full attention onto her.

"We have to do something special for you birthday alright." She smiled seductively.

Dean laughed, slightly embarrassed to get this attention around his friends, but he smiled. "Okay."

"My birthday is coming up," Seamus said fondly.

"How old will you be?" Hermione asked, taking particular interest, leaning down slightly.

Seamus' eyes dropped, and then forced them back to her face. "Erm, sixteen."

"I don't turn sixteen till March," Ron groaned.

Hermione laughed. "It's okay Ron; you're mature for your age."

A small voice in the back of her head said, No he's not.

Ron turned red in the ears and Dean gazed not-so-casually down at her.

She was pleased in making him jealous, and she loved having Seamus and Ron staring at her. She loved the attention so much she was craving more.

She noticed Seamus' perfectly combed hair, and she smiled.

"You ought to do something with your hair, Seamus," she said coyly, leaning over and messing it up. "It would be sexy."

She heard Dean make a tiny cough in alarm, and she turned back to him.

"You should too," she said simply.

Ron awkwardly ran a hand through his hair and Lavender noticed.

"Your hair is perfect, Ron," she beamed.

Hermione was disgusted. Lavender had no right to tell Ron how he looked, she barely knew him.

"Oh, you know what makes me so mad?" Hermione said, looking at Lavender specifically.

"What?" Harry asked, she knew he was realizing something was going on.

"I ripped my hosiery today, see," she pulled up her skirt and put her leg on Seamus to see.

They all looked at her leg expectantly and confused.

"'Mione," Dean said. "What are you doing?"

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked, batting her eyes at him.

"Never mind," he grumbled.

"I'm excited for Hogsmeade weekend," Lavender said excitedly, changing the subject.

"Oh, me too," Hermione said quickly, slowly removing her leg from Seamus. "We should hang out Ron. I haven't talked to you in a long while."

"Long while my bullocks," Harry muttered.

Hermione's eyes snapped to him. Now why was he going against her?

"What?"

"You just fought with him all of vacation," Harry said.

"I know, but we haven't been talking lately," Hermione said snippily. "Jeez, Harry. What's gotten into you?"

Harry exchanged a look with Dean, and Hermione grumbled. She couldn't believe even Dean, her BOYFRIEND thought she was acting weird.

But I kind of am.

She shut that thought out of her brain.

"Why do you want to hang out with him anyway?" Dean asked possessively. "Hang out with me."

"You and Seamus?" she said, sounding as hopefully as possible.

Damn, I'm shameless.

Dean blinked a few time, then stood up. "I better leave." He was clearly very upset at how she was acting.

"I'm sorry Dean; it's just so much fun with the three of us."

"Forget it," he mumbled and started off, leaving Hermione with the others.

"Hermione?" Neville squeaked, finally talking after all the silence.

"What Neville?" she said in an annoyed tone.

"Never mind," he whimpered and shrunk back, deciding to be quiet.

"Well, we should probably head back too," Ron said, standing. "We have classes soon."

Hermione could tell he just wanted to be away with Lavender, who was clearly his girlfriend. She hated Lavender, and she could only figure the reason why was because of jealousy.

She stood up with them and gave Ron a huge hug, kissing him on the cheek.

"See you later then," she said as she pulled apart.

Ron reddened in embarrassment and Lavender in anger. Lavender grabbed his hand, and she tugged him away. Hermione smiled to herself as she watched them go, and then turned back to the three boys left.

Harry was staring at her, mouth open. Neville was looking horrified, and Seamus was just staring at her in awe.

"Seamus?" she said.

"Yea?" he asked.

"Want to come help me study for my Charms test? I saw you were doing really well with the new spell, I just can't seem to get it right," Hermione said slyly.

"Hermione, you have a-" Harry started to say.

"It's just studying, Harry," Hermione shot, her eyes throwing daggers.

"It's fine, really, Harry," Seamus said, almost too anxiously.

Hermione blinked, she couldn't believe that Seamus was so calm about hanging out with her if she was dating his best friend.

Oh well. My gain I guess, she thought to herself.

"Alright," Harry muttered.

She left with Seamus, slipping her hand into his, and left Harry and Neville behind.

---

Lunch had been awful for Draco. His friends had been completely ignoring him or sending him dark glances. Pansy had turned everyone against him: Crabbe, Goyle, Zabini, Millicent; even Tara wasn't speaking to him.

I wonder what she told them, he thought, giving Pansy a death glare. He was now in his dormitory, purposefully skipping dinner, and Pansy was flirting with some guy that he didn't recognize.

He tore his eyes off them, and stomped his way up to his room. And as he left he heard Pansy mutter, "Draco? Oh no, we split up ages ago." Ages? he thought. If a few hours was only ages… "He threatened me a lot; I think he might be slightly mad."

Draco slammed the door to his room. Mad? She thought he was mad? He slammed his good hand into the wall, this time it went crashing through.

"Fuck!" he managed out in a loud gasp.He yanked his bleeding hand out, and closed his eyes.

What was he to do now?

Pansy hated him, his friends hated him. Even the only person who had noticed his self-infliction hated him. The Weasley wouldn't say anything to anyone...not that he wanted her to. Did he?

He shouted a string of curse words and then flopped himself onto his bed.

He hated his life, and it had never looked bleaker. There were no shining rays of light in his life, nothing but darkness. And what would happen when the Dark Lord came after him? He would die, probably by torture of some clumsy Death Eater.

He couldn't allow himself to go like that. He couldn't allow himself to go on at all anymore.

There was no point to his existence, no point at all.

Why can't I just take it? he asked himself. Why can't I just take my own life?

It would be so much simpler then having someone else do it for him. Or maybe he could go pick a fight with Potter; surely Potter could kill him if he tried hard enough.

He sighed, knowing that the great Potter could never kill anyone. The reason they couldn't, he realized about both him and Potter, was that they were afraid.

I'm a coward, a child, a fool, he told himself.

If he could just do it...then he wouldn't have to go on anymore. It would end all his suffering, and his inability to actually feel anything.

He clenched his teeth, telling himself to 'just fucking do it.' He retrieved his dagger from his trunk and raised it up. All it would take was a few really good slashes on his wrist. Or maybe one on his neck.

He shivered as the cool blade touched his throat. He moved it away, there was no way he could slit his throat. He moved it to his already scared wrists. Holding the dagger there, he knew he couldn't do it. He didn't have that strength. Instead, he took shallow cuts on his pale skin. Letting the pain be a reminder of everything that he couldn't accomplish.

---

Over the next two days, Dean watched in silence as Hermione started to act more and more unlike herself. Ron stopped noticing her almost altogether, except for when she ravished attention upon him, but that was not very often. He was so wrapped up in Lavender that he barely had time to notice that Hermione had changed so drastically.

But just because Ron failed to notice, didn't mean that the majority of the school did. Harry, Neville, Dean and even Seamus watched her day after day, slowly come apart – or so it seemed to them.

When anyone would ask her about it she would blow them off, or tell them off. And you never really wanted to get an earful from the brainy Hermione Granger, who was now starting to be known as the sexy annoying girl, and even the Slytherins had thrown in a few other choice words to call her.

It was Thursday, and Hogsmeade was fast approaching, and still Hermione seemed to be flirting with every guy.

"You look hott, Granger," Zabini remarked one day as he passed the Gryffindor table.

Hermione beamed and Dean looked at her. "Hermione, I think we need to talk."

"What about?" she asked, her eyes becoming large and innocent. "Oh, Dean! Let's go snog in the broom closet," she said quickly. "Come on."

Dean almost protested, but she tugged his hand, cutting him off from saying anything.

---

No one was looking forward to Potions on Friday, particularly because it was their last class before the weekend started.

So as all the students settled in, grimaces on their faces, and grumbling under there breath, none of them were expecting what was coming next.

"Hey, where's Malfoy?" Harry asked Ron.

Ron pulled apart from Lavender and looked over at Draco's usual spot.

"Maybe he's sick," Ron suggested, then turned back to Lavender.

Snape entered like he did every day, writing the potion ingredients on the board. But as soon as he finished, he strode into his office.

The four students who had seen him in the white dress grimaced at the memory, and tried to hurriedly start their potion to get their minds off it.

"Class!" Snape called out, coming back into the room. He looked angry, but less so than usual. "I have an announcement to make."

The class went deadly silent.

"I will be taking a short leave of absence after this weekend, due to a very special engagement I have planned," Snape remarked.

The class stared at him, curious and confused.

"Can I come out now?" they heard a muffled voice come from the office.

Snape frowned for a moment, staring at the door, then turned back to the students. "I guess you can all meet my life partner."

At the word's 'life partner' there was a murmur of whispers questioning what this meant, and the door to his office opened.

Half the students let out a huge gasp.

"Oh my," Hermione was heard whispering.

"Sweet Merlin!" said another stunned student.

There was a sharp thud as Neville Longbottom passed out.

Standing at the head of the class, was not any woman, but a man that looked exactly like Severus Snape in every sense, except that he was wearing a long red dress and heels.

What the hell is going on? Harry thought desperately. No way could there be TWO Snapes!

---

Draco was in his room, having skipped all of that day's classes. For three days straight he had been ridiculed by Pansy any moment she had the chance.

There was even word getting around that he was a manic-depressive, that he beat the girls in Slytherin. There were actually a lot of rumors, some of them true, some of them completely false. But no matter how much he denied everything the rumors just kept on coming.

He couldn't bear anything any longer. Everything was too much.

This is it, he told himself. Then Pansy will know what she's done to me. They'll all know. And it'll be the first time anyone will care.

He took his knife to his wrist, counting as he held his breath.

4..

No more pain. No suffering.

3...

No more hatred or rules.

2...

No more fear or doubt.

1…

No more anything.

---

A/N

Please R&R.