Warning: Mentions of cutting, sex, cross-dressing, and sort of slash concerning Snape's character, don't like it, don't read it.

Ships: Hr/DT, Hr/BZ, Hr/SF, Hr/NL, Hr/DM, Hr/RW, Hr/FW. SS/SS (more specifically Crossdressing!Snape/Potionsmaster!Snape). DM/GW. RW/LB.

Summary: The whole school is in an uproar when some bizarre things start to happen. Snape has been seen prancing around...in a dress. Hermione's started to act quite unlike herself, and Draco Malfoy is having a nervous breakdown. DM/GW, Hr/Boys, SS/SS

Era: 5th year, unrelated to the events of OOTP. Also, I decided to make Lavender like Ron earlier then 6th year.

Genre: Humor/Angst

Rated: T

Author's Message:

This hasn't been Beta read yet, but when they get me the chapter I'll fix it up. I've just had it for a week or so and felt like putting it up. Hope you enjoy.

Chapter Four

"I believe we've stunned them, Severus," Snape's counterpart said rather loudly.

"Stunned us?" shouted Dean. "Are you mental?"

"What's going on?" Ron asked. "How are there two of you..."

The Snape in a dress smiled broadly and then turned to his partner. "I'll let you take this from here." He placed a quick hand on Snape's shoulder and then went to his desk and sat behind it.

Snape turned to address the class again. "Class dismissed! Out, all of you, now!"

Every student didn't move, staring at Snape as if he had lost his mind.

"I said out!"

Everyone quickly scrambled from their seats, and as they did so they heard the man behind Snape's desk chuckle and say, "You really need to learn how to control that anger of yours, honey."

Ron, Dean and Harry supported Neville and took him out of the class as quickly as possible.

"What in the world was that about?" Hermione asked. "I mean, I've heard of using Doubling potions before. -"

"-You mean there's such a potion?" Ron said disgusted.

"Of course there is, and I'm sure Hermione is going to tell us all about it," Lavender said rudely.

"Blimey Lavender," Seamus said crossly. "You don't have to be such a bitch."

"Excuse me?" said Lavender and Dean at the same time.

Seamus frowned at Dean. "What?"

"I can't believe you're defending my girlfriend," Dean snapped. "I can, you don't need to do anything."

"Aren't you going to stand up for me?" Lavender asked Ron incredulously.

"Why should he?" Hermione said bossily. "It's the truth."

"Hey! Hermione," Ron said, looking at her calmly. "Don't, okay?"

"Oh, she's not your girlfriend," Seamus huffed.

"Excuse me? I think I'd know if she was or not!" Dean yelled.

"She told me she was thinking of breaking up with you anyway."

"Seamus!" Hermione said annoyed.

"Is that true?"

"Ron, she's trying to take you from me!" Lavender muttered.

"I'm not trying to take anyone from you Lavender!"

"Oh yeah?"

"IS IT TRUE?"

"OY! Everyone shut up!" Harry shouted loudly.

Neville had been abandoned in the center of the hall and everyone was circling him in their nonsense.

"Just everyone calm down, okay?" Harry said. "Hermione I think you need to deal with Dean and Seamus alone. Lavender you should go talk to Ron somewhere. And I need help getting Neville to the hospital wing."

"Come on," Dean said, eyes narrowing. He snatched Hermione's sleeve and started to drag her away. Seamus followed after trying to tell him to calm down.

Lavender folded her arms across her chest and Ron sighed.

"Alright, let's talk," Ron said, and the two left Harry all alone with Neville.

Harry looked down then back up, calling after them, "Hello? I need help here!"

But the corridor's were empty because classes weren't going to be out for another hour.

"Harry?" a soft feminine voice came behind him. "What happened?"

He turned to see Ginny coming over to him.

"Snape made an announcement to the class..." Harry started. "Neville passed out."

"Why is everyone out of class?" she asked.

"He cancelled the lesson for today. What are you doing out?" he asked her.

"I was dropping off something for McGonagall. Do you need help with him?"

"Yes, please," Harry said. "Everyone left me to go sort out their relationships."

"Relationships?" Ginny scoffed. "You guys are fifteen, what kind of relationships can you be having?"

Harry raised an eye at her as they lifted up Neville.

"Oh, that was just a crush," Ginny said lightly. "I'm over it."

"Have you talked to Hermione lately?" Harry asked more concerned.

"Not really...What's going on with her? Everyday she keeps getting more...well I hate to say this, but she's started to look like a prostitute or something," Ginny said. "What's gotten into her?"

"I have no idea," Harry shook his head. "She just keeps flirting with everyone."

"Even the Slytherins?"

"Even them, yes," Harry nodded. 'I caught her asking Zabini for a bite of his toast the other day."

"We really need to figure out why she's doing this," she said. "This just can't be the real her."

"We know the real Hermione," Harry said. "She's brainy and outgoing, not flirtatious, it's really starting to concern me."

They reached the door to the hospital wing and pushed it open. Inside they heard a girl sobbing and as they came in they realized it was Pansy.

"He was – he was just on the floor...Oh Gods! Is he going to be alright?" she sobbed tragically.

Both Harry and Ginny frowned, looking over to see who she was talking about. There on the bed, was a paler than usual Draco Malfoy. His wrists were slit, and he was bleeding. Pomfrey was in the process of healing them.

"Oh Merlin!" Ginny squeaked. "You don't think he..."

"Why?" Harry whispered.

As much hatred and loathing as he had for the boy, it still was shocking to see the boy in this state.

"I can't say yet," Pomfrey said. "If he survives the next few hours then I still have to get him stable. Has he eaten?"

"I don't think so," Pansy shook her head.

Neville's feet fell to the floor as Ginny let go of him. Pansy snapped her head up. Her face turned from tears to loathing in seconds flat as she advanced on them.

"You!" she screeched. "This is ALL your fault!"

Both Harry and Ginny had no idea who she was talking to, but both had there eyes widen as Pansy lunged at them.

"You deserve to die!" Pansy slapped Ginny.

"Me?" her mouth fell open as Harry held Pansy back.

"Leave her alone," he said.

Madam Pomfrey was frantically trying to take care of Draco and didn't have time to deal with them.

"What did I do?"

"If you wouldn't have wanted him so much then I wouldn't have left him!" Pansy said accusingly.

"What are you talking about?" she asked bewildered. "Have you lost your mind?"

"If he dies, it's on you!" Pansy spat. "You'll live forever with the guilt of his death, Weasley!"

Pansy pushed Harry off of herself, and stalked back to Draco's side.

Harry glanced at Ginny. "What is she talking about?"

"I don't know. I didn't even talk to him, I mean, I ran into him and I commented on his hands...Oh Merlin! His hands! Harry, they were awful looking! He's been...he's been hurting himself..." Ginny felt nausea fall over her. Why hadn't she realized it before?

"You didn't know," Harry said, calming her. "It's going to be okay, he'll be fine. Come on; let's get you out of here."

They left Neville on a bed table, and Harry steered her out of the wing.

"I can't believe he would do that to himself," Ginny whispered. "Why would he?"

Harry didn't know how to answer. "I dunno, Gin, I dunno."

---

Inside Snape's classroom, now empty of students, Snape slammed the door to his room.

"Why you would want to tell all those insufferable little brats about us is beyond me," Snape, the black robes wearing man said.

"Oh, you know their terrified little faces made your day," his counterpart cooed. "Now take a seat or something. I'm trying to plan out our weekend."

"I don't care what we do, you don't need my help."

"But I want it, so sit."

Snape grumbled and conjured a chair next to him. His counterpart smiled broadly and placed an arm around his shoulders, scooting him closer.

There was a soft knock on the Potion's door, and it slowly began to open.

"Severus?" Albus Dumbledore entered the room, closely followed by Minerva McGonagall.

Snape glanced at the man in the dress, then back to them. "Albus."

Albus' eyes fell onto Snape's counterpart and then back onto Snape. McGonagall instead had her eyes on his counterpart and her mouth gaping in surprise.

"Oh my," Minerva murmured. "It's true!"

"So, words gotten around already, has it?" Snape asked.

Albus had an amused look on his face as he said, "You couldn't have sent a message around the school faster, Severus."

"Hello, sir," Snape in the dress said, standing up.

"Sit down," Snape said to him.

"I'm just being polite." But he sat back down, as Snape took his hand.

"It's quite okay, Severus. I'm just curious..." Albus chucked lightly for a moment. "Is it true that you will be taking a hiatus for a marriage?"

Snape nodded. "Yes."

"Preposterous!" Minerva said rather louder than she meant to.

"Please calm yourself, Minerva," Albus said. He turned back to Snape. "But she does have a very good point Severus. I don't quite understand, how long has this been going on?"

"Long enough, headmaster," Snape said.

"Why?" Minerva again voiced aloud.

Snape glared at her.

"I don't mean to keep intruding, Severus, but she still does have quite a point. Why on earth would you marry yourself?"

Both Snape's eyed each other for a moment, and then turned back to Dumbledore.

"Because no one else good enough for me, but me," Snape responded.

"Of course," Dumbledore said, but even he sounded a bit concerned.

"Of course?" McGonagall asked. "Albus, what do –"

"We cannot control who we are attracted to," Albus said.

"Well, no, but..."

"Are your students going to be alright, Severus? I mean, are they going to come back to class without having any trauma?"

"I'm sure they'll be fine, except for Longbottom," Snape growled. "He passed out."

"As to be expected!" Minerva stated.

"The boy needs to grow a backbone," Snape said.

"I believe he's about to. Could you check the door?" Albus said with a twinkle in his eye. "I believe Mr. Longbottom has something he needs to tell us."

Minerva opened the door to find a shaking Neville pacing and pondering opening the door.

"Oh good Heavens, boy!" Minerva exclaimed. "You look ill, are you quite alright?"

Neville peered awkwardly in at her. "I-I, Madam...Ma-adam Pom...Madam Pomfrey says she has a-a student you n-need to see."

"What happened?" Albus asked calmly.

"D-Draco-"

"What about Draco?" asked Snape quickly.

"He's tried to commit s-suicide."

All three teachers and Snape's counterpart quickly headed for the door, heading straight towards the hospital wing.

---

The next morning, everyone knew of Draco Malfoy's attempt at suicide, and they knew of Snape's "life-partner" fiasco in Potions. What was appalling the most to Ginny as she sat at the breakfast table listening to the rumors, was that people had been combining the two stories. They had been saying Draco had attempted suicide because Snape had refused him having already fallen in love with himself.

"I can't believe what they're saying," Ginny murmured to Harry.

He nodded, almost as upset. "Don't listen to it, Ginny."

"Are you two going to Hogsmeade?" Hermione asked as she came up to them.

The two looked up at her too see her in a very short skirt, and cropped top.

"Merlin, Hermione!" Ginny said overwhelmed. "What are you wearing?"

"Isn't it lovely? I borrowed it from a girl in Slytherin," she said, sitting down. "So, are you going?"

"No, I'm not going," Ginny said.

"Neither am I," Harry said. "I have an essay to work on."

"Is Ron going with Lavender?" Hermione asked.

It had also become common knowledge that Hermione had broken up with Dean. And it seemed to be intriguing a lot of the male population at the school.

"Yes," Harry said. "Who are you going with?"

"No one," Hermione shrugged. "I'm just going to have fun."

"You better be careful in that outfit, Hermione," Ginny muttered.

"I can take care of myself," she snapped. "Thanks for your concern." Hermione stormed off, her now straight hair flying wildly behind her.

Harry took a deep sigh as Fred and George sat down after her. Now that it was their last year, the twins were causing as much trouble as possible; Harry was concerned for what they were up to today.

"What's with Hermione?" Fred asked them.

"Has she finally lost it?" George asked.

"I have no idea what's going on with her," Harry said. "She's definitely lost."

"Maybe you two can keep an eye on her?" Ginny asked hopefully. "I'm worried that someone might try something."

"Well, looking like that you can't blame them," George muttered.

Fred suppressed a laugh as Ginny lashed out at them.

"You two –"

"Don't worry, Gin. We'll watch out for her," Fred said.

"Thank you," Ginny said satisfied.

The twins took off towards the grounds and Ginny sighed in relief. Now at least Hermione had someone to protect her in her insanity.

---

Entering Hogsmeade Hermione found Seamus waiting for her.

"Hey," he said. "How are you?"

"I'm good. You?"

She was surprised that he still wanted her even after Dean. Am I that big of a hit? she pondered. Amazing.

"Great! Care to get some tea with me?"

"What about Dean?"

"Dean stayed at Hogwarts. He's very bitter, but he'll get over it," Seamus said shrugging. "Come on."

"Sounds great." Hermione smiled.

Seamus took her hand, and he led her to a nearby pub. As they entered and ordered two teas and sat themselves at the bar.

"So, Hermione," Seamus said. "What has gotten into you lately?"

"What do you mean?" she asked innocently.

"I dunno, you're just, acting so different."

"Do you like it?"

Seamus laughed. "Sure, I guess. It's just weird for you."

"Well, if you like it then don't worry about it."

Seamus nodded, and they took their teas, deciding to walk around with them. The air outside was warm, but slightly chilly for someone wearing almost nothing. Hermione shivered slightly, but Seamus failed to notice. However, someone else watching them did notice.

"Care for a jacket, gorgeous?" came Blaise Zabini's voice.

Hermione turned surprised, and then smiled brightly. "Sure, thank you. That's so very sweet of you."

Seamus grimaced as Hermione took his jacket.

"How's that tea?" Blaise asked, as if mocking them.

"Quite nice, go away Zabini," Seamus hissed.

"Oh, Seamus, calm down," Hermione said dismissively.

"Calm down?" Seamus asked bewildered.

"Yeah, you've caught yourself quite the babe, you don't want to go and ruin your chances, do you?" Blaise said, eyes watching her.

Hermione giggled, blushing furiously.

Seamus stared at her and threw up his hands. "You know what? Dean was right. I don't want to deal with this."

He stalked off, leaving the two behind. Only, Blaise was watching with amusement.

"I think you've upset him, love," Blaise joked.

"Me?" Hermione said. "You offered your jacket."

"You accepted," Blaise smirked. "Care to walk with me?"

"Sure, I'd love to," she said.

The two began to walk, discussing things they saw in shops. All the while Blaise's eyes never seemed to leave her face or body. Letting her do most of the talking, which was easy enough for her.

"I don't understand the point of them, really. I have about fifteen of them, all from Ron for my birthday."

"Yeah, I've received a few before too. Hey what do you say to a walk up towards the Shrieking Shack?"

From behind, Fred and George stomped up, making as much noise as possible, they scooped both her arms into theirs and began to drag her off.

"Thanks Zabini! We've been looking for her everywhere," George shouted.

"Don't worry about us; we're just going to be leaving now!" Fred said.

"What are you two doing? Unhand me!" Hermione struggled.

"Let her go," Blaise demanded, going after them.

They stopped and swiveled around with Hermione still on their arms.

"We have to talk to her," Fred said. "Go away."

"I believe she doesn't want to talk to you."

"Oh on the contrary, she doesn't know it, but she really doesn't want to talk to you," Fred snapped.

"Lemme go, guys!" Hermione said. "I can handle myself. Blaise and I were just talking."

"'Just talking' doesn't exist in the Slytherin vocabulary, Hermione," George said.

"Honestly, what do you think is going to happen?" Fred asked.

"Nothing that I don't want to happen," Hermione said, prying her arms loose from them. "Leave me the hell alone!"

The twins stared after her, shocked to hear the curse word coming form her mouth.

"Blimey," Fred muttered.

"I don't think we can do anything more," George said sighing.

"I hope she knows what she's doing."

Hermione and Blaise headed up towards the shrieking shack, leaving Fred and George behind.

"I can't believe they did that," Hermione said annoyed.

"It's because they're jealous," Blaise said smugly. "But what they don't know is I'll be the best you'll ever get." He paused. "And you're too beautiful for me to pass up."

She blushed furiously again and he rubbed a soft hand down her chin.

"Come on," he said. "Let's go have some fun."

He led her towards the Shrieking Shack, and she knew immediately that he wanted to go in.

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Hermione asked.

They were sneaking beyond the warded off area, and heading towards an open window.

"Trust me," Blaise said. "Nobody is in here. And as far as I know, I've never found any ghouls inside."

"Yes, but..." Hermione muttered as Blaise stepped in through the window.

"Come on," Blaise said, his voice fading deeper into the house.

Do you really want to go in there?

She pondered her options and weighed the outcomes. She knew perfectly well what Blaise was after, or even if it was just a taste of what he was after... but was she ready for that?

You've made it this far, haven't you? You can fend him off if you need to...What does it matter anyway? You want him, he wants you...What are you fighting?

Hermione took a deep breath, smiled to herself for assurance, and then stepped in through the window. Blaise was nowhere to be found.

"Blaise?" she called. There was no response. She started through the old shack, looking for him. Everything inside was falling apart, and old, and dusty.

She moved towards another room and she gave a loud shriek as Blaise came out from the shadows and pulled her into a room. It was an old bedroom, poorly furnished, but a bedroom none-the-less. Blaise was grinning broadly and she looked up at him. Yepp, she knew exactly what he was after.

He kissed her, hard and passionately, drawing her head towards his. And she followed through, kissing him deeply. Kissing him was quite unlike kissing Krum and Dean. It was more, well...exciting.

Blaise took her arms and pushed her towards the bed.

This is it, she thought. This was the last chance she had to tell him to stop. But madness and passion over took her, and instead, she wrapped her legs around Zabini. She kissed him furiously. He backed into a wall, holding her closer, and kissing and nipping her neck with his teeth. They moved towards the bed, and as they reached it, both fell back onto it.

Blaise was straddling her, but her domineering side took over, she flipped him over and he laughed greatly amused. She chuckled and the two kissed again, stripping clothing wildly as they went.

---

A/N

Please R&R.