Meanwhile, back in Gryffindor tower, Remus was just waking up. It had been about two hours since James and Sirius left, not that Remus knew anything about that. All Remus knew was that he always woke up at about six, because if he woke up any later, James and Sirius would hog the bathroom and he'd never get a proper shower.
Remus sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes groggily, oblivious to the two empty beds next to him and ignoring the fact that Peter's usual snoring was omnipresent, as always. All Remus noticed was that his dorm mates were slobs and that he should really say something later. And that his toothbrush was missing again. He accredited this to Sirius' unnatural fascination with Remus' things, and correctly assumed he would find it in its usual spot on Sirius' trunk. Incidentally, a few of his ties were next to the toothbrush, and he collected these up as well.
He stumbled into the bathroom and went about his usual morning routine. Shower, shower, brush hair, scour toothbrush with boiling water and about eight scourgify charms, along with several finites for good measure, brush teeth, check for pimples, check for grey hairs, find several, ignore them as usual. Dress, fumble with tie, give up, grab clip on, shoes, socks, take shoes off, put socks on first, and so on, and so forth. Once finished, he strode purposefully back into his dorm to wake up his friends, and hopefully make it down to breakfast in time. He marched over to Peter's bed and ripped the hangings open.
"Peter!" he said in an overly cheery sing-song voice. "Peter, wake up! Time for breakfast!"
At these words, Peter groaned slightly and rolled over to shield himself from the sun. "It's mornin' already?" he asked groggily.
"Yes, Peter! Morning!" Remus continued in his ever cheerful 'Peter-Morning-Voice'. "Now, up! Shower! Dress! Then we can eat!"
"M'kay," Peter muttered, and pulled himself out of bed. Peter was highly suggestible in the morning. Sirius had once convinced him it was the middle of winter, and he had obediently begun putting on his long underwear before he looked out the window and realized it was May.
The other two were a different story entirely. Remus took a deep breath, braced himself, and marched resolutely over to James' bed. He ripped open the hangings and using his ever loud and rude James-Morning-Voice, yelled "RISE AND SHINE SLEEPY --"
Here he paused. This could have been for many reasons. One of which was that Peter had just cried out in dismay at what Sirius had evidently done to his toothbrush. But the most likely reason was that there was no sleepy head in James' bed. Not even an tuft of hair. Remus watched James' bed suspiciously for a moment, thinking James might be under his invisibility cloak, or even under the bed, but he was most definitely not there.
He wasn't too worried. James had probably gone on some midnight expedition. And if James had gone, then...He crossed to Sirius' bed, ripped open the curtains and found --nothing. Sirius' bed was just as empty.
That settles it then, Remus decided. They're on some weird mission with Sir Cadogan again. Or they've come up with a new way to prank Snape. Those two...
He resolved to ask them about it later, where they'd gone, what they'd done, why they hadn't invited him, and so on, so forth. In the meantime, he had to go assist Peter with his toothbrush. It sounded like Sirius had put a particularly bizarre hex on it, from the sounds coming from the bathroom. None of them had any idea why Sirius had such an obsession with his dorm mates' things, but they all knew to be careful where dental hygiene was concerned.
While Remus was helping Peter battle his toothbrush, Lily Evans was sitting in her dorm, fuming about a certain black haired chaser. Lily was quite good at fuming, especially about this particular boy, and her dorm mate Mathilda was quite used to calming her down.
"Lily, I think you need to be rational about this," she said soothingly. "He..." she paused. "Wait, what exactly did he do?" she asked, uncertain.
"He asked me out." Lily said irritably.
Mathilda bit her lip. "He does that every day."
"Yes, but it was all different this time," Lily said, now staring at the ceiling apathetically.
Mathilda opened her mouth, closed it again, and after a moment's consideration asked, "Why?"
"Well," Lily said, clearly annoyed with the situation, "I thought for a moment I might say yes."
"What!" Mathilda gasped, absolutely shocked. Lily had been turning James down for dates since the end of fourth year. She didn't like him, thought he was an obnoxious git, and made her opinion well known. Mathilda had always been impressed with how easily Lily allowed James' wooing to roll right off her back. The public yelling involved in Lily's refusal to date James had made the drama well known about the school.
For her to have a change of heart and want to say yes, well that just undermined the most stable dysfunctional relationship at Hogwarts. This could cause mass chaos. People relied on James' persistent nagging and Lily's persistent refusal as an everyday occurrence. For them to suddenly stop would mean a serious paradigm shift for most of the school. Mathilda wondered if she should mention this, but before she could decide, Lily was speaking again and she had to pull her attention back to the redhead sitting in front of her.
"Its not really that I like him," Lily was saying, "It just that he's been asking for so long, you know how I admire persistence--"
"Stubbornness, more like," Mathilda interrupted with a sly grin.
"And," Lily said, only a small smirk showing she'd even heard her friend. "I think he's wearing me down, you know? He's been asking all year, and I don't think he's really been as much of a prat lately, and maybe if I go out with him, he might be a bit nicer..."
"Lily." Mathilda took her gently by the shoulders and began to lead her out of their room and down the stairs to the common room. "This is what I'm hearing. 'I'm sick and tired of him bugging me, so sick of it that I'm willing to ignore the fact that he's a complete prat, and that by going out with him I'll just be giving him more time during which to bother me. Oh, and I think I can change him.' Do you hear yourself, Lily?"
"I know it sounds a bit mad Mattie, but I don't really see what harm it could do..."
"What harm? What Harm?" Mathilda stared at her incredulously, and, throwing caution to the winds, began explaining exactly why Lily should continue to turn James down. She was still ranting when they'd reached the Fat Lady and crossed paths with Remus and Peter.
"...Mass chaos!" Mathilda explained, waving her arms about. "Total confusion! Hogwarts would collapse! They very world we live in would change. Most likely for the worse! Lily, don't you realize that this twisted relationship you have with James is completely necessary in order to maintain...order!"
Lily had been staring, eyes wide, since Mathilda began her explanation. Remus, who was standing behind them with Peter and waiting to get out of the portrait hole, looked confused.
"Excuse me, Mathilda," he said, "Are you talking about Lily and James Potter?"
"Yes, I am. And just look how terrible their names sound together. Lily and James Potter." Mathilda shuddered slightly. "So completely wrong. They'll kill us all with this foolishness."
"Oh, you're talking about the Theory, then?" Peter asked.
"The theory?" Remus and Lily asked simultaneously.
"Yes! Thank you!" Mathilda cried, throwing up her hands and clapping a bit in her excitement. "Finally, someone else who knows the Theory!"
"What Theory?" Lily asked curiously.
"The Theory of a Stable Hogwarts through Stable Dysfunctionality." Peter said, adopting Remus' lecturing tone.
Remus' eyes nearly popped out of his head. "You think that applies here?"
"Yes, of course!" Mathilda said, rolling her eyes.
"Merlin!" Remus said, flabbergasted. "And here I was trying to help James!"
"Would someone please explain to me what's going on?" Lily asked testily.
"Oh, you wouldn't know, would you," Peter asked, looking at her appraisingly. "I'm not the best at explaining things...Remus?"