Blue eyes snapped open as the first rays of the sun streamed in through the window next to his bed. Fists then came up, gently rubbing sleep away. A yawn, a stretch and after wriggling his toes for a good measure, Naruto figured that this was about as awake as he was going to get.

Weird.

He hadn't been sleeping well recently. Since last week, in fact. Right on the night before he left with Neji to be precise.

And now, to pinpoint exactly what was causing his life miserable from that very morning—

…woke up, had breakfast, then an unexpected visit to the 'ol loo …

Ugh. Fast foreword. After that.

…snatching map, racing home, arguing with the old baba…

Hm. Maybe just a tad further.

…hungry, ramen, more arguing, Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke…

Then, of course, everything else from that very night just had to come crashing down with striking clarity right after.

That damn guilt-tripping bastard, Naruto cursed mentally as pushed himself up from his bed and walked sluggishly over to his bathroom. Can't leave him alone even in his sleep. He automatically pulled out his toothpaste and toothbrush, blinking owlishly at the mirror. Then he suddenly shook his head and laughed. Sasuke might as well trip on a stick and smack into a wall for all he cared, that lump of turd…

Slightly after noon, he sat down at his table, checking his grocery list. He glanced back over to his cupboard and estimated about how much ramen he needed to buy. Sasuke never liked ramen. Especially the delicious miso ramen that Ichiraku served.

Naruto suddenly had the strangest urge to scratch out 'ramen' from the list and write 'udon' instead…

He was digging through his drawers for a decent set of clothes later on when he pulled out a suspiciously familiar shirt. A quick glance at the back confirmed his thoughts. That stupid bastard never took his clothes home from the times he stayed over. What was his apartment, a damn closet?

He shrieked in the shower when he realized the towel he had been drying his body with had an Uchiha fan symbol…

It was much later on in the day that Naruto figured he had gone through enough series of shocks and flashbacks for him to venture out from the safety of his little apartment without freaking out too much. All he had to do now was to avoid Sasuke like the mother of all plagues.

…yeah.

So there he was, listening distractedly to a fellow ninja who had conveniently stopped him in the middle of one of Konoha's busy main streets and started rambling about a dinner or his banana tree or something— when a previously overlooked little snippet of wayward conversation visited him again.

…I mean, usuratonkachi, that you sure had some nerve to touch me back on that mission…

…touch me back on that mission…

…touch—

"Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Disclaimer: naruto and co. belongs to kishimoto masashi.

-----

a sasunaru fic, Duplex Signal by purple jellybean hoarder

chapter two: the truth shall set you free

So, as I was saying the other time, I find pants really erotic. No no, not dresses, not g-strings. Just… nice fitting pants. Ones that are not too flashy. Boxers are ok, even. And preferably worn.

Ahem.

Now before the whole mass of you start jumping and yelling and psychoanalyzing, let me say one thing—

I'm not a pervert, I swear.

Listen. Throughout my short and no longer innocent life, I have seen many perverts. The smut reading perverts, the closet perverts… hell, I've even had the unfortunate pleasure of training with the self proclaimed super pervert. And from my experience, I can safely deduce that none of what I do falls anything near to what I've already witnessed.

I'm just a perfectly healthy 19 year old boy who enjoys looking at certain eye candies…discreetly.
Without the whole wide world after my balls.
For obvious safety precautions.

I know what I'm talking about.

Trust me.

---

"So, how's everything?" Naruto slid into the chair across from Choji. It was tradition for everyone to meet up once a week and catch up with whatever was happening in their lives. And from last week's decision, the meeting place was to be held at Choji's favourite barbeque restaurant.

"I'll tell you how everything is!" Kiba practically screeched as he twisted around to face Naruto, "I've got another great reason to hate Sasuke!"

Naruto gulped.

"I mean, finally, when I thought Tsunade-sama recognized how my sleek awesome skills would be the perfect match with Hinata-chan's Byakugan, you know what happens?" cried Kiba, his hands shaking in the air like he was about to strangle somebody. "I got shoved with that stinkin' Uchiha, whose clan has more clan issues than all the other clans combined (baffling, since the aforementioned clan population only legally totaled to a pitiful one), the one whose attitude makes you want to punch his smirking face for the sheer joy of it, and above all, the one whose ego rivals the size of a bloated whale!"

He viciously stabbed at the very piece of pork that Choji was waiting for, shoved it into his mouth and continued.

"How did a poor guy like me get involved in this? All I wanted was to work with a pretty girl— is that too much to ask?"

"Kiba, calm down!" Sakura had been trying to get a waitress' attention for some while now, but no one was apparently brave enough to approach their table. Thank goodness both Hyuugas were unable to make it tonight to hear Kiba's little speech. Sasuke was never so interested in these little gatherings, so he didn't count.

"I don't know why you girlies love him so much," Kiba huffed, obviously not close to finish anytime yet, "but he's an absolute nightmare to work with. There he was, brooding about God knows what, and I thought that I might as well make the best out of the situation. So I cracked this joke and he nearly went berserk—in fact, he thought of a new katon that very night and fried me with it the next morning!" He grabbed the person who was closest to him, which turned out to be Lee. "I want out, you hear me? I want out!"

"Stop insulting Sasuke-kun!" yelled Ino from the other end of the table. "You never did like him in the first place!"

"…true," he admitted after a moment of serious thought. "But wait! Naruto always complains about him! Which now rises a very good point…" Kiba suddenly leaned close to Naruto, eyes narrowing. "Why, aren't you a little quiet today? Shouldn't you have something to say?"

"…who, me?" squeaked Naruto. Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Kiba pressed a hand to his chest in mock apology. "That's right, you switched partners, so that was how I ended up with him!"

He lunged at Naruto.

"I'll kill you!"

Another fortunate thing, noted Sakura as they calmly shoved the two brawling teens out, was the fact that their table was located oh-so-conveniently next to the back exit.

---

About 15 minutes later, or when everyone was polishing off the third round of platters, Kiba and Naruto (both ruffled and looking oddly more attractive, if the blatant stares from the ladies at the front of the restaurant were any indication at all) came stumbling back to their table.

"Not that I blame you, buddy," Kiba sighed tiredly when he sat back down, "but I'd go crazy too if I worked too long with him. But it's just that—why did it have to be me!"

"Sorry," Naruto mumbled and tried to look ashamed.

A tense silence.

"Well…" Kiba said with a quick decision on his part. "Don't beat yourself over it. It's not like Sasuke never said anything bad about you either."

A golden eyebrow twitched… and everyone leaned closer.

"Quite ridiculous, actually. Freaked out Akamaru and I when we first heard it. We thought some bogeyman was after us." He tapped a finger on his chin. "It was like a low continuous mumble throughout the trip. And the funny thing was, I don't think Sasuke knew the stuff that was coming out of his mouth. Maybe too pissed to care? I would never believe that he was capable of talking so long if I wasn't there to see it myself—"

"What did he say?" someone hissed.

"What? Oh, yea. That. Well, because he absolutely insisted on walking faster than me, I couldn't catch a lot." He explained uncomfortably, his eyes sliding over to an already fuming Naruto. "Just the usual stuff, you know. Like how Naruto is an irrational dimwit who never takes things seriously and likes to make stupid decisions based on opinions which seem to make no sense."

"Wait!" said Tenten, obviously not appeased. "What about the time he was muttering when you guys arrived back!"

Ugh, a tough crowd. "Uh… oh that. Not really important. He just mentioned that he was going to beat Naruto up for being such a whining idiot the next time he sees him, and that it won't be much of a fight anyway, knowing Naruto is such a lazy slab."

Lazy slab? Naruto's poor mind echoed, already on the slow crackdown to insanity.

"Hold on!" yelled Ino. "Wasn't this the very same monologue when you guys were leaving from the Hokage's office—?"

"No, Ino-pig!" cried Sakura. "That was when Sasuke accused Naruto of acting as a stupid toad-loving dummy whose intelligence can only be compared to that of a goldfish! Even I know about it!"

"Basically," Kiba yelled over the crowd, trying to wrap up this particular awkward topic as soon as possible before it got out of hand. "It was just Sasuke describing Naruto as a colourblind, absent-minded moron who talks too much and always stuffs his mouth with bad-tasting ramen—"

"That's it!" Naruto suddenly slammed his hands on the table and stood up, causing his companions and the rest of the whole eavesdropping restaurant to flinch away.

"—I'll fucking kill him!"

-----to be continued

AN: wow, thanks for everyone's support for my fun fic! I seriously thought that it was lame. But hey, some plot is developing, and that means that I have something to work with (which is always a good sign!).