Author: evansentranced

Disclaimer: Lily isn't mine, nor, well any of them really. I didn't even make up Mattie or Elly...just their personalities...kinda. Thanks for making me feel all creative, JK...psht...

Summary: Lily, Mattie and Elly have...girl talk. Good Lord.

"Lily," Matilda said, staring avidly at Lily.

"Mmm…" Lily answered, laying on her bed and staring blankly at her Transfiguration text.

"Lily!" she whined, glaring over at her friend.

"What, Mattie?" Lily asked, closing her book and looking up at her friend.

"Lily, I'm bored. I want girl talk."

"Matilda," Lily replied with a sigh. "There are tons of other girls in this castle. Girls who aren't trying to read. Go find Elladora or Bertha, talk girl talk to them."

"Oh, please, we both know you aren't actually reading that," Matilda said, trying to snatch the book out of her hands. Lily held the book behind her back, and Matilda was still trying to get at it when Elly walked in.

"Ooh, Elly's here!" Matilda squealed, pulling said girl over to Lily's bed. "Now we can talk girl talk!"

Lily sighed and raised her eyebrow. "I meant without me, Mattie."

Matilda smiled happily. "That's not what I meant, though!"

Elly looked between the two, at Lily's exasperated face and Mattie's eager expression. Her eyes widened in realization.

"Yes! Girl talk!" she said happily, plunking down on Lily's bed, snatching the book out of Lily's grasp and stowing it safely under the bed.

Lily stared at her hands for a moment, perhaps hoping that the book would reappear. When it didn't, she sighed and said, "Alright, fine. Girl talk."

"Yay!" Both girls bobbed up and down on her bed and squealed happily. Lily rolled her eyes and smiled slightly.

"Now Lily," Matilda said, with a knowing glance at Elly, "Who do you like?"

Lily considered it for a moment. "I dunno," she said uncertainly, "That handsome bloke from Ravenclaw, Davy Gudgeon, how about him?"

Elly giggled. "Liar!"

"Excuse me?" Lily asked incredulously.

"And besides, he's a real idiot, for a Ravenclaw. Did you hear what he did just last week? Trying to touch the Willow, what a prat…" She trailed off as she noticed Matilda giving her a look.

Lily saw them exchanging a knowing glance, and grew faintly worried.

"Er, Mattie…"

"I know who she likes," Mattie said slowly.

"Oh you do, do you?" Lily asked suspiciously. "Could you possibly inform the rest of us? I'd quite like to know myself."

Mattie grinned like a Cheshire cat. "Let's just say there's a certain Slytherin you enjoy talking about more than is healthy…"

Elly giggled. "Is it true, Lily?"

"What?" Lily asked in astonishment, blushing furiously, "I do not!"

Mattie laughed merrily. "Ooh, you do too!"

"No, I don't! I just think it's absolutely awful, the way James and Sirius treat him! Its not like he really did anything to deserve it!"

"Lily, I think you're slightly confused." Elly said patiently. "Your love for him has blinded you. He gives as good as he gets."

"My what for him?" Lily sputtered, still blushing fiercely. "I am not blinded! You see, this is why I don't like girl talk!"

She got up to leave the room, and Matilda stood with her, intending to follow her.

"Please, Lily, you've got to admit that…"

"No I don't!" Lily said, walking out the door toward the stairs.

Elly sat on the bed, watching them leave, until Matilda looked back and waved at her frantically to follow.

"Lily, come on! It's so obvious!" Elly said, following Mattie's cue.

They arrived in the common room, ignoring everyone in it and still arguing.

"You like him, you like him!" Mattie sang, the utter picture of immaturity, dancing around Lily with her tongue sticking out. Lily laughed and shoved her aside.

"Fine! Maybe just a little…" she admitted. Mattie and Elly cheered and hugged her.

"Gah! Get off me you two!" Lily cried out, pushing them off. "This is not a situation that requires hugging!"

"Yes it is!" Mattie said happily. "Now you can tell James to bugger off because you like Sevvie, and then the TSHSD will be safe forevermore!"

"Wait, Sevvie?" Lily asked, laughing. "I don't think he'd appreciate anyone calling him Sevvie."

"Oh, but Lily," Mattie said giddily, "You're the love of his life, I'm sure he wouldn't mind you calling him Sevvie!"

"Love of his life?" Lily laughed incredulously. "I hardly know him! We hardly know each other! I just admitted that I might like him a little!"

"Yes, but you know Mattie," Elly said, shaking her head at Matilda's antics. "'Might like him a little' is the equivalent to 'Married with children' in her eyes."

"You're right…" Lily said, and they both watched Matilda dance around the common room, announcing the wonderful news to everyone. Remus and Peter looked particularly disturbed, throwing uneasy glances in her direction. Lily shrugged at them and twirled her finger next to her head, pointing at Mattie. They smiled and went back to their game of Exploding Snap, only to be accosted by a couple of their own insane dark haired friends.

Lily watched Mattie in her continued glee, until she suddenly realized something. "Mattie!" she called, waving to her friend to come back to them.

Mattie danced over and asked, "Yes, Lily, dear?"

"Did you say something about that stupid 'Theory' just then?" Lily asked, eyes narrowed warily.

Elly's eyes, on the other hand, widened. She knew about Matilda's view on the Theory. Everyone within a fifty foot radius of their room knew about Matilda's view on the Theory. She also knew Lily's view on the Theory, which was, to quote Lily herself, that it "is a complete load of old tosh. Total rubbish."

Unfortunately, Matilda was too filled with good cheer to recognize the warning signs.

"Yes, Lily, the TSHSD! Once you and Sevvie get together, it'll be safe! We won't have to worry about James trying to destroy the delicate balance anymore! The fiend…" she muttered as an afterthought, and grinned at Lily again.

Lily frowned at her, beginning to rethink this whole affair. The idea of going out with someone because she was being used as a tool to stop mass chaos and destruction didn't exactly appeal to her. She opened her mouth to tell Mattie exactly that, but before she could, Mattie turned and made an announcement to the entire common room.

"Lily loves Severus, and they are going to date and fall in love and get married and have tiny little red and black haired children and Lily will make sure they wash their hair everyday and it will be magical!"

By now, most of Gryffindor tower was used to Mattie making announcements in this manner, and most tended to tune her out. But this particular announcement was too much to take for a few of the room's occupants.

"What?"

"NOOOOO!"

Thump.

"Poor Peter. That's the second time he's fainted this month," Mattie said sadly. "D'you think he's got some kind of sickness?"

A/N: You have no idea what it took me to write this. Well...Pheonix might. But it was absolutley necessary, I swear. Gah...just review and make me feel better, please?