DISCLAIMER: Don't own, didn't write 'em, just love 'em!
Okay. Sorry if the introduction was a little...bizarre. And short. By now, I hope you've noticed that the diaries of Ax and V3 are going along with the story, starting with the crash.
I hope nobody ever takes anything I write offensively. I don't mean to verbally abuse any group, sex, race, religion, or country. I just have a very crude humor at times, so excuse my sniping please!
Well, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it!
This is dedicated to all the fans of Ax's Diary! I hope you like this one too!
Love yaz! And here we gooo!
Entry 1
I am Esplin 4966 or...wait...is it 9466? Or nine seven six...oh hell.
I AM VISSER THREE!
There, that's better.
I am very proud of myself. I've come along way.
Thanks to ME, that is.
Oh shut up Alloran! So what if you're the only Andalite host in the Empire?
What do you mean the Council just likes my host?
That's not true! They promoted me because...because...
I'M A NICE PERSON! Ah haa! Yeah!
The people love me!
Stop laughing! It's true!
Hah! I'll show you!
(CHAPMAAAAN!)
"Yes Visser?"
(Do you wuv me Chapman?) Visser stares with big green eyes
"Uh. Well...uh...uuuhhh..."
Eyes roll (This is not a trick question, Chapman.)
"Uh... Yeah! I mean! YES! OF COURSE I LOVE YOU VISSER!" Chapman's eyes sparkle
Visser's nose wrinkles. (EEW! YOU'RE GAY! GET OUT!)
Quickly "Yes Visser."
Ah, brotherly pool love! So nice! Makes me feel all cozy inside the black hole of my heart!
See Alloran. I'm more loved than you are!
You gonna cry Alloran? Huh? You gonna squirt some? Huh? What Alloran, what?
Hmph! Stupid andalite trying to make me feel bad! Hah! I showed him.
Geez. Give a Visser a break! I already feel bad! In my tummy.
I did something naughty.
Hee hee!
I ate Elfangor.
I made a cheesy joke line while I did. Something along the lines of "That's taking a bite out of your enemies". I don't know. Something really gay like that.
I was hiding my pain.
Don't look at me like that! It's not like I just ate him! I gave him a choice!
Stupid snobby Elfangor! He could have been my Luke Skywalker fancy parody slave forever. We could have conquered the universe! Me in my helmet. Him in that...oh yes...that shirt. But noooo! He wouldn't play kinky Star Wars dress up games with me! He was too "noble" for that!
So he had to die!
Hmm...probably shouldn't have eaten him though. Yeesh! Bad judgement on my part. Startin' to feel a BIT QUEASY!
Been having pret-ty bad constipation since then. Got stuck on the old crapper for about an hour last night.
Hmm. Probably overdid it when I got angry about those Andalite bandits nearby getting away and started stomping and eating my own soldiers.
Ugh...man...they were all so greasy and fatty. Maybe I ought to start a "Take Care of your Host's Weight" Campaign. Might just help my image...
Hmm...or might just be time for Empire funded Anger Management for Vissers classes...again...
Gotta go...Visserly duties calling...and gastro-intestinal host problems...
- Visser Three
Okay. Sorry if that was disturbing.
CAN'T HELP M'SELF! OWW BABY!
Sorry, but as I said before, I'm sick.
Mmkay!