Author: evansentranced

Disclaimer: I'll bet you all just skip this bit anyway and go straight to the story. I feel very put-upon. Why do I bother... :sigh:

Summary: Hmmm...

Sirius: Holy crap, did I just say that?

James: OMGYouidiot!

Snape: WTFWEREWOLF!

Moony: Where wolf? (did I just give away the whole chapter plot? Meh, you had to know it was coming...)

Sirius jogged down to the lower floors, careful not to make much noise, and kicking himself for having forgotten the invisibility cloak.

As he carefully maneuvered his way through the dungeons and to the potions storeroom, he couldn't help but remember James' ridiculously oversized head, floating around back in the common room and waiting for Sirius to come to the rescue with a Shrinking Solution.

Sirius sped up a bit, unable to get this image out of his head, and by the time he reached the storeroom he was fully prepared to jimmy it open at any and all costs. He was therefore quite surprised when the door gave at his touch and opened easily.

Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Sirius glanced around warily before slipping inside and looking around for the correct vial.

There. There it was, sitting innocuously on a shelf. The Shrinking Solution. James' only hope. Sirius snatched it up, placed it gently in his pocket, and turned to hurry back to the common room. When he reached the door, though, there was already someone there. And it was the last person on earth that Sirius wanted to see at the moment.

"So, James," Lily asked conversationally, staring up at his grotesquely skewed face. "Last year, during the OWLS, when I found all those people hanging by their ankles in the halls, you did that, didn't you?"

James could only stare.

"It was you, wasn't it!" she demanded. "You did it to Galvin too! You destroyed all his books!" Still, all James could do was stare at her, an expression of shock plastered on his features.

"And I'll bet it was you and your friends who covered the stairs to the girls dorm in oil last year too!" Lily remembered, glaring at him furiously and tugging sharply on his string. "James, you are such an irresponsible prat!"

James' expression never wavered. His hands, on the other… hand, waved wildly in remonstration.

"Oh, don't give me that," Lily said irritably, turning away from him and going back to the chessboard and Peter. "Whose turn was it?"

"I don't remember," Peter said thoughtfully.

"I think it was your turn," Lily said, staring confusedly at the board.

"Okay…" Peter surveyed the board for a moment, before grinning widely and declaring, "Checkmate."

Lily's jaw dropped.

"What have we here?" Snape asked in a silky voice, barring the doorway and preventing Sirius' escape. "Stealing supplies? I don't think Professor Slughorn would be pleased with you."

"Shove off, Snivellus," Sirius scoffed, thankful that he'd already hidden the potion in his pocket. "What are you doing down here, then?"

"If you must know, Professor Slughorn gave me permission to brew tonight. Which means I am allowed in here. And you are not. Funny, this situation we find ourselves in, isn't it?"

Sirius eyed the door, looking for an escape. James needed him.

"What were you looking for?" Snape demanded suddenly. Sirius glanced at him with an affected air of carelessness and shrugged.

"What's it to you?"

"I know you and your little band of blood traitors are up to something," Snape sneered at him.

"What me and my friends do is none of your concern, Snivellus. And you of all people have no right to call them blood traitors, Mr. Half-Witted Prince."

Snape flushed momentarily, before regaining his equilibrium and snapping, "You have no right to be down here, you pathetic excuse for a Black. I heard they kicked you to the curb this summer. How does it feel to be rubbish?"

Sirius scowled. "As a matter of fact, I left. On my own. So bugger off about things that don't concern you."

"Your being down here, interrupting my brewing, that certainly concerns me," Snape said smoothly. "Perhaps we should make it Professor Slughorn's concern as well?"

Sirius was just about seeing red. He was wasting time down here; verbally sparring with Snape wasn't as important as saving James.

"I know you and your blood traitors are up to something," Snape continued. "And you can bet that you'll be caught out. Lupin isn't really sick, is he? It's all just a cover for -"

That was the last straw. Sirius stopped thinking and started acting. "If you want to see how sick Remus is, go down to the Whomping Willow tonight. If you prod the knot at the base of the tree, it'll freeze and you'll be able to find out exactly what we're up to, Snivellus."

Snape was silent for a moment, staring at him calculatingly.

"Unless, of course, you're afraid…" Sirius taunted him. Snape's eyes flashed.

"I think you're forgetting which person in this room was sorted into Gryffindor," Snape snarled at him. The name of Sirius' house sounded like blasphemy on his tongue. "The rest of us don't feel the need to prove our worth by barging into stupid situations just to prove we can."

"That's just a Slytherin excuse for being too much of a whimp to follow through on anything."

Snape sneered at him again and swept out of the room like a twitchy bat. Sirius shook his head in disgust and hurried back to Gryffindor Tower.

"Still can't figure out how you did that," Lily muttered, staring down at the chess board. "I had you beat! You were gone! Demolished!"

Peter grinned anxiously, staring up at James as he flailed about in midair for attention. "You've been staring at the chessboard for the last ten minutes, Lily. Could we put it away now? What about James?"

"What about James?" Lily asked, waving a hand dismissively. "He's perfectly fine."

"Yes, but I think he's sort of uncomfortable," Peter interpreted, drastically understating James' frenzied sign language. "Where's Sirius?"

"He's not here right now," Lily said distractedly, absorbed in her chess board. "I'm sure he'll be back soon."

Peter watched her with some distress. "Did you know James really likes you?" he asked, suddenly inspired.

James nearly fell out of the air, waving his arms like a maniac.

"Sure," Lily said, lifting a piece slightly with a frown. "Wait, this couldn't have been -"

"He talks about you all the time!" Peter said frantically. "He said once that he's –ow!"

James had somehow managed to hit him in the head with his shoe. Lily looked up at them, momentarily distracted when she realized what had just happened.

"James?" she asked with a grin. "Did you really just throw your shoe at Peter?"

James' face didn't budge an inch, although his arms waved in pathetic denial.

"You know," she said, trying not to laugh now. "I think I like this expression on his face."

At Peter's curious look, she said, "Watch. James!" she said, addressing the bulbous head. "The Chudley Cannons have won the Quidditch World Cup!"

James' face was twisted in shock.

"I know!" Lily enthused. "Not only are you stunned that I could tell you such a blatant lie, but you're also quite shocked that I know anything about Quidditch at all!"

Peter laughed at this. "Say, James!" he called. "Sirius hasn't gone to get you the potion after all!"

"Yeah," Lily invented. "He's off meeting his secret lover!"

"Snape!" Peter added. They both paused for a second, staring at each other. Peter shuddered. "I'm sorry."

Lily shook her head. "If I didn't know his face was frozen like that, I'd think he looked a bit horrified just then."

Sirius tore into the room at that point, clutching a vial of potion in his fist. "I got it!" he panted. "Sorry I took so long, met up with Snivellus along the way…"

Lily and Peter froze. Lily snickered and Peter elbowed her desperately.

Sirius stared between them in confusion. "What?"

"Nothing…" Lily's voice was filled with restrained mirth. "Just give me the potion, Sirius."

He handed it over and Lily tugged James down to eye level with his string, before uncorking the vial and pouring the contents over his head. There was a small whooshing sound as James' head rapidly returned to its normal shape and size.

"Now lets see if it worked," Lily said, and canceled the Stasis Charm with a flick of her wand.

James gasped and shook his head like a wet dog. He was still hovering, but his head was back to normal. "That was the most uncomfortable thing ever," he said with the certainty of one who has been placed in many uncomfortable positions in his lifetime. "And you two are filthy minded perverts."

Sirius' eyes widened. "What! What did I miss?"

All three of them eyed him silently. Lily looked like she was having difficulty keeping a straight face.

"Sirius, what happened with Snape?" she asked innocently. Peter elbowed her again, and she snickered. James shook his head and bit his lip to keep from laughing.

He looked between the three of them in consternation. "He was in the storeroom. Distracted me for a bit -" Peter's face was turning red, and Lily was snickering silently. "-then I -"

Sirius stopped talking. His face registered shock, slowly progressing to alarm.

"Sirius, what? What's wrong?" James waved a hand in front of his friend's face, and Sirius waved him off in distress.

"I'm an idiot! I told him how to get to -" he paused, looking at Lily. "How to get to, erm…Moony."

Peter paled until he was white as a sheet, and Lily was a second from asking who or what Moony was when James suddenly crashed to the ground with a thump.

"You did what!" he cried, jumping to his feet and advancing on Sirius.

"I don't know what I was thinking!" Sirius said defensively. "I was so worried about what was going on here that I didn't -"

"Sirius, you idiot! He'll be killed! Do you really want that on R-Moony's conscience?"

Sirius blanched. He obviously hadn't registered this part of the problem until James pointed it out to him.

"Oh, no…" he said faintly, sinking down to the floor. "What did I do?"

James stared down at him, shaking his head and looking thoroughly repulsed. "Not right now, Sirius. We…I'll…I can't believe you."

And with that he rushed out of the common room, slamming the portrait hole shut behind him.

Severus Snape, despite his scathing words to Sirius earlier, had always had a rather curious nature. It was part of what made potions so interesting to him. He always wanted to know what would happen if you did this, or why the potion blew up when Marsh wasn't paying attention and added too many drops of squonk tears.

It was great for his potion making, that curious nature. Not so good for keeping his head down and ignoring what idiotic Gryffindors told him.

So Snape was sneaking stealthily down to the Whomping Willow, keeping an eye out, of course, because it would be just like Black to have lied to him just to get him in trouble. He found a stick long enough to get the job done and ended up prodding two knots and nearly getting his nose broken before he found the right one.

Black hadn't been lying about that, at least.

Now to see where this tunnel led to. If it was some kind of secret passage out of Hogwarts, he was going to have Black and Potter and the other two in so much trouble.

Black was an idiot for having told him, really.

Sirius is an idiot, Sirius is an idiot, Sirius is a stupid stupid stupid stupid idiot! Dammit Sirius, you stupid idiot!

These were the thoughts figuratively racing through James' mind as he literally raced across the grounds to the Whomping Willow. As he'd opened the front doors, he'd witnessed the Willow freezing in the distance, and it really and truly hit him.

Snape is going to die.

James, if he had had time, would have been thinking how stupid his earlier worries were. Possibly being expelled for illegal use of mind-enhancing insect-fluid was nothing compared to a student dying that he knew and…well…didn't hate as much as he'd thought if the thought of him dying was causing such a panic.

And that wasn't even to mention how it would ruin Remus' life. It wouldn't even just be about his being expelled and possibly sentenced to Azkaban (the wizarding world didn't take kindly to werewolves in general, not to mention the ones that had mauled someone during their time of month). The guilt would destroy Remus. He wouldn't need any dementors for that.

James ran faster.

"What is going on!" Lily demanded irritably.

"Lily, please." Peter said distractedly. "Let me finish first.

"Sirius, you idiot! You stupid, stupid stupid stupid idiot! You're a pillock! A moron! A nitwit! How could you be so stupid?"

Peter punctuated each of his words with a blow from the shoe James had left on the floor. Sirius was kneeling on the ground pathetically, head in his hands.

"I know!" he moaned. "I told you! I did! At the beginning of the year! I get people killed, Peter! I'll be sent to Azkaban, and I'll deserve it! It's more my fault than R-Moony's! He'd never hurt a fly!"

Peter stopped hitting him with the shoe, staring down at the pathetic remains of his most admired friend. "Sirius, I can't beat you properly if you're so remorseful."

Sirius curled up in a ball on the floor.

"I'm sorry," he whimpered.

"What's going on?" Lily asked in a much more subdued tone, staring between the two of them uncertainly. After all, one didn't see Sirius Black go to pieces while Peter Pettigrew beat him with a shoe every day.

Peter sighed and sank down onto the couch, staring at his feet. "I'm not the one to tell you, Lily, sorry." He addressed the lump of Black on the floor. "I suppose all we can really do is wait. James is out there, trying to fix the mess you made. If anyone can do it, it's him. I certainly wouldn't be able to, and you're in no condition…"

Sirius uncurled from his ball and leaned against the couch. He looked up at Peter and said, "I can't believe I did that, Wormtail. D'you think he'll ever forgive me?"

"How would I know? You'll have to ask him…"

And with that, they fell silent, Lily watching them both with concern.

James prodded the knot on the tree and tumbled inside. Hopefully, he'd be able to catch up to Snape. He didn't think the Slytherin would have cause to move particularly fast, and with luck, James would be able to catch up to him before he got anywhere near the Shack.

He only wished he could transform. His animagus form could run so much faster than his human body. But his stag was far too big to fit in this tunnel, and getting stuck would help nobody, least of all Snape and Moony.

Because Remus had to have transformed into Moony hours ago, and unlike the past year or so, there was no one around to take his mind off the excruciating pain and bloodlust. He must be tearing himself to bits, James thought sympathetically, unconsciously quickening his pace.

As he neared the Shack, he thought he saw a figure dart around a corner ahead.

James debated with himself for a moment before throwing caution to the winds and calling out, "Snape!"

He rounded the corner to see Snape jogging up the earthy stairs that led to the trapdoor.

"Snape, stop!" he called in a panicked voice. Snape paused on the stairs, drawing out his wand and sneering at James.

"What, Potter? Come to stop me finding out your secrets?" he asked maliciously. "What's on the other side of this trapdoor, then? I know we're not on Hogwarts grounds anymore. This tunnel goes on too long. Where are we? Hogsmede?"

James shook his head, ascending the stairs and gripping his wand tightly in his pocket. "No, you don't understand. You don't want to know what's on the other side of that door."

At that moment, the trapdoor rattled. Moony knew they were there. He could probably smell them. It was probably torturing him, how close he was to human flesh. James kept eye contact with Snape, willing him to come away from the door.

Snape had turned around to look at the rattling door suspiciously, and climbed a few more steps.

"Snape, stop!" James yelled desperately. "Please! You don't understand!"

"What have you got in here, Potter?" Snape asked, sounding half curious, half accusing. "Some kind of creature you, Black, Pettigrew and Lupin are raising? I think Professor Kettleburn would be interested in any creatures you four have managed to get hold of. In fact, I'll bet Professor Dumbledore might want a look as well."

James nodded. "Yeah, okay, go tell them then. I don't care, but please, please don't open that door."

Snape's curiosity was eating him alive at this point. "Perhaps I should have a peek, so I have some idea of what I'll be informing them about." He raised his wand.

"Snape, NO!"

It was too late. The trapdoor flew open and Moony, who had retreated for a moment to the other side of the room, snapped his head around to look at them. A low growl rumbled in his throat, and he dove at the trapdoor with a snarl, teeth bared. Snape had frozen in terror, wand gripped loosely in his nerveless fingers.

"A werewolf?" he breathed. Apparently that had been the last thing he'd expected.

"Snape, you idiot!" James cried, whipping out his wand and yelling, "Colloportus!" The trapdoor slammed shut so hard that a rickety corner broke off and Moony was able to reach through and swipe at them with a giant paw.

James grabbed Snape by the back of the robes and yelled, "Dammit, run!"

Snape was still frozen in shock. That paw had been inches away from his face. James had to tug him more than halfway back through the passage before he got his bearings and began running on his own. The distant sound of splintering wood might have had something to do with that.

"What the bloody effing hell are you doing with a sodding werewolf, Potter?" Snape panted as they raced through the tunnel. He was ahead of James and gaining speed. Not that James was complaining. He'd been going slower than he liked before, having to drag Snape along. Now they could get the hell out of here properly.

"S'not mine, you pillock," James gasped, wishing again for his hooves.

They reached the Whomping Willow in record time, and James had to physically restrain Snape from leaving just yet.

"What the hell are you playing at?" Snape nearly screamed at him, staring behind him into the darkness, listening for the werewolf he knew was getting closer. It was only their considerable head-start that had prevented a massacre so far.

"The Willow," James said tersely, reaching an arm out carefully and prodding the knot before scrambling out, Snape close on his heels. The Whomping Willow was frozen again, and they scrambled away from it quickly.

"How much longer until it unfreezes?" Snape asked, backing away quickly, one eye on the base.

"Not long, but it doesn't matter. We need to get inside."

"No, I'd never have guessed," Snape said sarcastically, turning on his heel and positively sprinting for the front doors.

James raced along behind him, noting that Snape couldn't have been too traumatized if he was back to his old sarcastic self.

He was strangely relieved by the idea. He'd rather have a sarcastic Snape than a dead one.

A/N: Er... :whistles innocently: Did I do that? There's still a bit more to come, I sort of promise! But this is one of the last chapters...my baby! It's nearly finished! What will I do when I'm done with Billywigs? Wow...