Part 4D: Where the Heart Is

A/N: OKAY, OKAY! YOU'LL SEE CRAIG OFF HIS MEDS! GOD! (but in upcoming chapters. Sorry.) Oh, yeah. I updated regardless of the 13 reviews (only had 11), because I got 1001 hits! So...merry Christmas...and Happy Hannukah and stuff.

Craig stood up from the bench and checked to see that all of his stuff was still there. He was dying to see Ashley, but knew that he couldn't because he was at a risk of having to go back to Joey. Someone could tell someone who would tell Joey who would guilt him into coming back. He fumbled with the cell phone in his pocket before pulling it out.

Ashley and Ellie walked together in the halls of Degrassi, Ellie talking and Ashley listening. She wouldn't talk. She wasn't happy now. How could she be when her boyfriend was God knows where doing God knows what? Ellie was talking about the dance, how she wasn't going to go, and how the two would spend the night watching movies.

Ellie didn't stop talking until Ashley's cell phone beeped. The words "1 Message Received" spread across the screen. Ashley stopped walking and checked her inbox.

A – just wanted to make sure you were ok and i want you to know i still love you. C

Ashley sighed in relief and leaned against a locker. She hadn't felt this way in two weeks. She felt happier immediately and almost ran to class.

Craig was a bit disappointed when he didn't get an answer from Ashley, but he didn't think much of it; she was probably on her way to class right now. So, he sat on the bench, taking pictures with the camera and listening to music. But that only passed so much time.

Finally, he stood up and walked around the park. He sat on the swings, thinking. Thinking about everything…and everyone. About Ashley, Joey, Angie, Jimmy, Paige, Ellie, Hazel, Spinner, Marco… How he hated Marco right now. Marco was the reason he was sick. Marco was the reason everyone thought he was weak. There was no doubt in his mind that Marco was not proud of what he did, but Craig still hated him. He was still the cause for these thoughts. He'd brought this onto himself.

He wanted to see Ashley… but he didn't want to have to go back to…him. Then, he remembered that there was a picture of Ashley in his locker…at school. But everyone was in class right now. But what if someone saw him? Someone going to the bathroom or going to the office or something? He knew when to go. He'd go after the dance… when everyone was leaving. There'd be so many people, no one would notice him. And there wouldn't be any problems getting inside; the doors would all be unlocked.

Perfect.

Craig went to the Dot and got some coffee; just what he needed. He drank it slowly. Taking a deep breath, he felt his tongue go numb as the hot coffee burnt him. "Damn coffee," he muttered under his breath. When he was done with the coffee, he went to the bathroom and then left.

He picked up his two duffle bags and went behind the café, using some old cardboard boxes as a makeshift bed. He pushed a piece of cardboard behind him and leaned against the fence. He fell asleep there; he was tired from not getting much sleep yesterday.

Craig woke up several hours later to someone shaking him. "Craig. Craig," someone said. Craig slowly opened his eyes. In front of him was Spinner. "Craig, I brought some people that would like to offer their help," he said simply. Craig looked over, his neck aching. There stood Emma, Manny, Jimmy, and Marco. "Spinner, did you not here what I said?" Craig asked.

"I know you told me not to tell," Spinner said. "But I wanted you to have somewhere to stay. And behind this café on cardboard isn't the right place."

"Craig, it's totally okay with my mom if you stay at my house," said Emma. Craig felt a bit awkward with Emma asking him to stay at her house, especially since they barely talked anymore.

"If you need anything, just ask," Manny added.

Marco was silent.

"You wanna stay at my place tonight?" Jimmy asked simply.

Craig considered all their offers. "Yeah, Jimmy," Craig answered.

Craig picked up all his stuff and walked away with the four people that had come to his aid… and Marco. Marco… he wasn't someone Craig really wanted to be in the presence of right now. Jimmy, who had been being pushed by Spinner, was going through the stuff in one of Craig's duffle bags. "5 mega pixel digital camera, MP3 player, The Ramones…Craig, where'd you get all this?" asked Jimmy.

"My dad…" Craig muttered quietly.

"Your dad? I thought---" Jimmy began.

"Yeah, so did I," Craig said loudly. That was the end of the conversation.

"So, Craig," Manny said quickly, trying to start a different conversation. "Everyone's been worried about you. When are you coming back to school?"

"When I feel like it," Craig answered. "When someone opens their big mouth and tells Joey where I am, who I'm with…and then I have to go back to him."

"How long do you think you can avoid him?" Manny asked.

"As long as I don't start missing him." Craig's heart ached now. Joey was the only person he'd ever trusted. The only one… who ever really trusted him. The only parent he had left… he was just trying to protect him, but… it didn't matter now. He wasn't going back to him.

"What time is it?" Craig asked quickly.

"It's 1:30," Emma answered.

"Why did you skip school?" asked Craig.

"We wanted to give Spinner one more chance at telling the truth," Jimmy answered. "And he was… this time."

"Do you guys have any money?" Craig asked openly.

"I have thirty dollars," Manny said.

"I have twenty," said Emma.

"I have…too much," Jimmy answered.

"I got five bucks," Spinner said.

"Is there a chance I could borrow some money?"

"What for?" asked Emma.

"I'll show you when we get there," Craig answered quickly. He turned a corner and went towards the pharmacy. The others stayed behind him as he went to the pharmaceutical counter and he said in a low voice, "I need to pick up a prescription for Craig Manning. It's lithium." The woman behind the counter nodded and left for a few minutes. Craig turned around to see the others staring at him. Jimmy and Marco didn't have to wonder what Craig was getting. Manny, Emma, and Spinner had to wonder. Emma had forgotten what Craig had was called, and Manny and Spinner had never heard.

The woman came back to the counter and said, "Craig Manning…" and handed him the orange bottle. "That'll be $120," she added after pressing a few buttons. Craig turned back to look at the others. Manny and Emma handed him the fifty dollars they had together, and Jimmy gave him the other seventy. "I'll pay you back someday," Craig said, giving the money to the woman at the counter. "Would you like a bag for that?" she asked. Craig shook his head, and put the bottle in his pocket.

They left the store. Craig opened the bottle and took two capsules out. He looked around to find that two of them were carrying drinks: Marco and Manny. There were two problems with borrowing from Marco: One, he was gay and it'd just be…awkward, and he was pissed off at him. But Manny…the awkwardness… but he wasn't mad at Manny. "Manny," he said. "Can I have a drink of your water?" Manny nodded and handed him her water bottle. Craig took a drink of it and put the two pills in his mouth, swallowing them. He handed Manny the water bottle back. "Thanks," said Craig.

He hated taking the pills. Hated it. But he had to. He had been telling himself that he could keep control of this… 'chemical imbalance disorder' as he had heard Joey call it.

"Joey wants me to take these," Craig said suddenly. "He wants to take care of me."

"Why do you take those?" asked Spinner.

"For the same reason you take Ritalin," Craig answered coldly. "You have some disorder that you can't control without medication."

"What's your 'disorder'?" asked Spinner.

"I'm…I have a 'chemical imbalance disorder'."

"You mean you're bi-polar," Emma said clearly.

"Wow, Emma. You sure are smart," Craig said sarcastically.

"Don't make me tell Joey where you are," Emma said quickly.

"You wouldn't," Craig said, making it plain and simple that he knew Emma too well.

"No, I wouldn't. But that doesn't mean it couldn't just slip out…"

"Emma," Craig sighed.

"I won't tell Joey," Emma assured him. "I promise."

"Thank you," Craig said coolly. "For everything." Then they went their separate ways; Craig went to Jimmy's and Spinner, Manny, Emma, and Marco went home.

Jimmy let Craig stay in the guest room. "You can put your stuff over there," Jimmy said, pointing to the closet. Craig threw the duffle bag full of clothes next to the closet, and took time to carry it over to the closet, as it was full of the electronics and such.

"As you can see, that's your bed. It's pretty comfortable. How long you plan on staying here?" Jimmy asked.

"I don't know," Craig answered. "Until I…get things sorted out. You know, where I'll go and stuff."

"I don't care, really. You can stay here as long as you want."

"It's okay, Jimmy. I can find somewhere else soon enough."

"Whatever you want," Jimmy said lightly before leaving the room.

"Thanks, Jimmy," Craig called from his bed. Amazingly, he was tired. He'd slept about five or six hours behind the café, about eight hours at the park… oh, well. He was also hungry. But tired. He chose tired, as he was feeling lazy and didn't feel like wasting his breath to ask Jimmy for food. He also thought that would be a little bit awkward, asking Jimmy for food. So, he fell asleep again.

Jimmy woke him up about an hour later to tell him that he was going to the dance and if he wanted to, he could come. Craig shrugged. "I'll meet up with you later," he muttered. Jimmy left to the dance, and Craig fell back to sleep. He woke up two hours later and realized what time it was. He put his sweatshirt back on and left Jimmy's, remembering to leave the door locked, as Jimmy had told him upon arrival.

He walked all the way to the school. On the way there, he felt like someone was following him, but looking around, he saw no one. He shrugged the matter off and kept going. When he got to Degrassi, everyone was leaving. People piled through the double doors. It was dark outside already, and it was starting to get cold.

Just as he was about to go and get Ashley's picture from his locker, a black Mercedes pulled in front of him. He froze. His father opened the door and stepped out. It started lightly sprinkling. Albert reached into his pocket and pulled out a handgun, pointing it at Craig. People on the steps froze at the sight of the gun. Craig heard another car pull up behind him and recognized it immediately. Joey's car…Craig didn't look back, but he could tell by the way it shut off that it was him. The door slammed and he went to the front of the car, not wanting to get shot himself, but still wanting to save Craig.

To everyone's surprise, Craig pulled a handgun out of his sweatshirt pocket. He pointed it at his own head. "Don't move!" he shouted at the students. "I don't want you to get hurt." He turned and looked at Albert. "You wanna shoot me now? Huh?" he demanded. "Go ahead. Don't miss." His father sighed.

"I'm not going to shoot you, Craig," he said.

"Craig!" Joey shouted. "Put the gun down!"

"No!" Craig shouted back.

"Craig, I want to talk to you," Joey said softly.

"That makes one of us!" Craig retaliated.

"Would you just come here?" Joey asked. Craig turned around and looked at the sad look on Joey's face. The rain started falling heavier.

"I'm not going back to you!" Craig stated.

"I just want to talk to you!" Joey called from where he stood. Craig breathed heavily, the gun still pointed at his head. His throat burned.

"Joey, I trusted you!" he cried. "You're the only person I trusted!"

"I know, Craig! I'm sorry!"

"Why did you lie to me, Joey?" demanded Craig. "I wanted to trust you! And you lied to me!"

"I don't know why I lied to you, Craig! But I was trying to protect you!"

"You were right, Joey!"

"Right about what? Lying to you?"

"He did it again!" Craig shouted. Joey gave Craig that sad look again, and Craig ran towards him, letting the arm in which he held the gun fall to his side as he ran. He hugged Joey. "Oh my God, what am I doing?" sobbed Craig. "I'm standing out here in the middle of the rain, about ready to shoot this damn gun!"

Suddenly, he heard a loud crack and felt an intense pain is his shoulder. He turned around, and the people screaming and the blood that was going through his sweatshirt told him he had been shot. "STUPID SON OF A BITCH!" he shouted. He ran forward about twenty yards and shot his father in the chest. He fell to the ground, dead.

Craig looked at his father, then at the gun, back at his father. "Oh my God," he whispered. "Oh my God." He ran over to Albert, shaking him violently. "Dad! Dad! Come on! Wake up! Don't die on me…don't die on me…"

He stood up and tried to run from the scene, but fell to his knees and dropped the gun. He stared at his hands, which were covered in blood.

He screamed and fell on his side, away from the school. Joey ran over to him. "Craig, Craig, calm down. It's okay…you'll be okay…" he said quietly.

"It w-won't be okay," Craig said loudly. "I just killed my father. He's dead, Joey! And I know it this time because now I'm the one that killed him."

"Craig, try not thinking about that. We need to get you to the hospital."

"I'm not going to the hospital!" Craig protested.

"Yes, you are," Joey responded. "You're suffering from a gunshot wound in the shoulder. You need to go to the hospital."

"Leave me here to bleed to death!"

"I'm not letting you die! Get up!" Joey nearly shouted. Craig looked up at him, leaning up and pushing him away. Craig's strength surprised Joey, considering the circumstances. He curled up into fetal position and wrapped his arms around himself, staring off into nothing.

"I don't want to live life knowing what I just did," he said.

"Craig, nobody blames you!"

"I'm just like him."

"You're not like your father, Craig."

"No, I'm not. I'm just like Rick."

"Don't talk like that! Get up! NOW!" Joey shouted. He pulled Craig up gently, but Craig stood and kicked him in the leg. "I hate you!" said Craig, pushing Joey's shoulders back, then wincing in pain as he moved his own shoulder. He pushed Joey into the hood of his sports car and flipped him over, so that he was on his stomach on the car. He took Joey's arm and put it behind his back, him still doing this with a bullet in his shoulder, and held the position with his left arm. Joey was yelling at him to let go and get in the car. Craig still held it.

He slammed Joey into the car, and Joey seemed to be letting him do this. If he wanted, he could get up. But he didn't want to. Craig was upset right now and he wasn't going to beat him down right this minute. Craig looked up and remembered when everyone was happy. Before Manny, before the shooting, before anything. The way everyone wanted it to be. But then again, now happy wasn't normal. Happiness was something that nobody at Degrassi had been feeling at all. Manny, hurt since the abortion, Ashley, hurt by him being with Manny at all, and of course cheating on her. Paige, before the rape, even though he'd only heard about it. Jimmy and Spinner, before Jimmy was put in the wheelchair. Marco…well, Marco really had no problems, other than Dylan. Emma, before the shooting, when everything went downhill for her. Sean, also before the shooting, after he moved back to Wasaga Beach, but then came back. And, of course, himself. Before he'd found Jimmy, lifeless, on the floor, and before he was bi-polar, although he had a feeling this had been going on longer than the diagnosis let on, before Manny. And now…

He let go of Joey's arm and pushed him away softly. He dropped back to the ground. "Craig, come on," Joey said, rubbing his arm. Craig shook his head. Joey put a hand on Craig's other shoulder, the one that hadn't been shot. "It'll get better," Joey assured him. "Now come on. I don't want you to pass out or anything."

Craig hesitated, then slowly stood up, leaning on the car so he didn't fall back down. He slowly walked to the passenger door. He realized that no police had come, so everyone in front of the school that had left by now had understood the situation. He opened the door. An ambulance came to the scene, but that was it. No police. He sat in the cream-colored seat and waited for Joey to come in.

Craig reclined the seat and laid down. Joey put something on his shoulder. Craig, soaked with water from the rain, shivered. His weight loss and the fact that he got cold easily set in, and his entire body was cold.

Joey took a jacket from the backseat of the car and put it over Craig. Craig felt a little warmer, but not by much. He opened his eyes a little bit and gave Joey a small smile. They drove in silence to the hospital.

Joey took Craig into the emergency room, where he was set up with a regular-sized room, and his shoulder was bandaged.

The doctors X-rayed the injury, and found that the bullet was still there. Before surgery to have it removed, Craig said, "I want to keep that bullet." So, after surgery, Craig was given a small bottle with the bullet. Actually, Joey was given the bottle, as Craig was still passed out in the bed.

However, when Craig did wake up, he was surprised by the small size of the bullet. "Joey, when can I see Angie?" Craig asked while he was eating two days later.

"When you go home," Joey answered.

"But I want to see Angie today," Craig said.

"Yeah, but I don't want to traumatize her by taking her into a hospital."

"Joey, she's old enough. There's no more traumatizing Angie. Seeing Caitlin when she first wakes up in the morning… that's traumatizing. Me in the hospital…not traumatizing."

"I don't know, Craig…" Joey said uncertainly.

"Joey, if you don't bring her in, I'm gonna go bi-polar on your ass," Craig said, glaring at Joey.

"Oh, now I'm definitely not bringing her in," Joey finalized.

"I was kidding, Joey! Please? Please? I miss Angie…and I think…I think I'm going to die without her," he cried out dramatically.

"I'm not going to bring Angie in, but in about an hour, I'll bring in someone that called and wants to see you. I think you'll be satisfied. Now I have to go check on Caitlin and Angie. I'll be back soon, okay?"

"Fine, Joey. Be that way. Hmph," Craig said, pouting.

The morphine made him fall asleep after he ate.

When he woke up, it was nighttime outside, and the room only had one light on—the lamp that was sitting on the table. Craig saw someone sitting in the chair next to the bed, but he didn't quite recognize them. He took a pencil off the table and poked the person until they moved and woke up.

"Sean?" Craig said blankly.

"Dude, you're up. Finally," said Sean.

"What're you doing here? I thought you were living up with your parents in Wasaga Beach!"

"Well, Ellie called me the day before yesterday, and said that you were in the hospital, and everyone was worried, but everyone got freaked out, so she wanted me to come make sure you were okay. Plus my parents were going lame and drunk again, so…I'm here. I'm moving back in with Ellie, and that kind of takes some pressure off her. We have a cat now. I do not like cats."

"So you're staying now?" Craig asked.

"Yeah," Sean said simply. Craig sighed.

"Good," he said.

"It is good," Sean mumbled. "So…what's the whole story on you being in here?"

"Well, my dad actually put me in here," Craig said.

"Joey?" Sean said quizzically.

"No, my actual dad. Joey lied to me about my dad dying," said Craig. And he told Sean everything---about the apartment, the stuff he got from his father, the two water bottles, Spinner…

"You had a gun," Sean muttered after the story was over.

"Yeah. I wasn't going to shoot myself, Sean. I wouldn't do that. My dad had a gun, and I didn't want him to miss and get anyone hurt."

"You were willing to put your life in danger for the lives of a bunch of people that think almost nothing of you?"

"Yeah, I was." Craig took two orange bottles off of the table and gave Sean the one with the bullet. "That's the bullet I got shot with," he said. He took two white pills out of the second bottle and drank them down with some water.

"What're those for?" Sean asked.

"Bi-polar." The one-worded answer wasn't enough.

"What's bi-polar?"

"I don't know… I have some 'chemical imbalance' in my brain. So… somehow the pills make me 'better'. Joey and Ashley get pissed off when I don't take them."

Sean and Craig talked and joked around for about three hours, and in the morning, Sean left, and Craig was alone again. Joey came back in later in the day. "Only two more days," he said.

"Like you care. You're not the one confined to this bed," Craig said coldly.

"Nice attitude, Craig."

"Sorry, but you're not the one that everyone talks to and leaves."

"No, but I'm not the one who ran away."

"I'm not the one who lied."

"Craig, I want you home."

"I want to be home. How do you expect me to want to go home if I'm stuck in this damn bed all day? I'm going to grow used to its charm and sleep all day."

"You sleep all day anyway."

"I wouldn't sleep all day if they would give me the right prescriptions."

"How do you know about that?" Joey asked.

"When I was sick a couple weeks ago, I found a letter from the pharmacist that was addressed to ME that you opened, saying that I had been getting someone else's prescriptions, also known as sleeping pills."

"Do you want to go home, Craig?" asked Joey.

"Yeah, I do."

"How much?"

"I want to go home really, really bad. You know, they say 'home is where the heart is'. My heart… is with you and Angie, and Ashley. Caitlin, I'm not so sure. And I guess seeing you guys and being with you makes me feel… at home, and whoever said 'home is where the heart is', they were right."

"I want you to come home, Craig. I do. Just wait it out two more days."

"Joey, I want you to go to Jimmy's. In the guest room, there's two Adidas duffle bags by the closet. Take them home with you, and go through the one with the CDs and stuff. Bring me the MP3 player and the camera."

"Okay," Joey said. "Anything else?"

"Yeah," Craig said, smiling. "Bring Angie, too."

Joey sighed and said, "Fine. But only this one time."

Craig continued smiling as he watched Joey go out of the room.

A/N: That was like, the longest chapter ever. But not longer than the NEXT one. So, what'd you think? Pretty good, right? Okay, read, review, and rate. TTYL. Oh, yeah. Only ten reviews for this one, and then five for the rest of the chapters. MMkay?