Part 19: Dirty Little Secret
A/N: Muhahahahahahahaha! We've made it this far. No, Craig and Ash won't stay together for long, and no, it doesn't all have to do with Jena. It does, however, have to do with the infamous van. Either way, Craig and Ash do NOT stay together and it's NOT an Ash/Craig/Manny thing all over again...this is totally different.
By popular demand, the lyrics that Craig 'wrote' are at the end. Mind you, I did not write them. I found these on so...yeah. If you have any problems with them, you CAN take them up with me, but, uh...
ANYWAY
So...yes, just go on and read! DO IT NOW! And when you're done, if you don't review, I will be very sad, go into a state of depression and kill myself and you'll never get to read the fresh words that I type in this Microsoft Word thingy...so JUST DO IT! READ DAMMIT, READ!
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It was two weeks ago that Ashley had suddenly kissed Craig when he dropped her off at her house. The two weren't together; no. They hadn't spoken yet. Was it shyness? Was it insensibility? Whichever one it was, it was driving them both crazy.
The second week of their silence was horrible for Craig, particularly at school. Still, he hated going home. The second he walked in the door, Caitlin was there, talking and laughing with Joey and Angela.
In Craig's mind, Caitlin was evil and needed to go away. She acted all nice to Craig around Joey, but he could see the evil look in her eye—the one that said, "I'm watching you." He was almost scared to fall asleep at night because he kept imagining Caitlin would come into the room and kill him in his sleep.
I'm not screwing with you all now.
No matter how nice Caitlin seemed, Craig knew better.
Oh, yes, he knew much better.
He did his best to stay out of the house; he got in trouble at school on purpose so that he could have after-school detention, he asked for extra hours at the Dot, and his personal favorite, 'hanging out' at the ravine. Only at night, though, only at night.
It was a different girl every night, one more attractive than the first. Either these girls all found him truly attractive or they were just desperate. The cool thing was, Craig didn't have to worry about getting any of them pregnant.
Craig started suspecting that his friends were doing something behind his back. Something cruel. Something...devious.
They tried to act indifferent, but again, he knew better. He knew all of his so-called friends better than they thought he did.
Then, one day, Craig caught them in the act of plotting! Yes, at last! Proof! He had been strolling around the MI lab casually when he came across Marco's computer screen. The word "bipolar" was what caught his attention. He stopped and read what Marco was reading. Of course, Marco didn't know he was reading it. At the top of the screen it said "Dealing with Bipolar Disorder in Friends."
Craig read through all of the information. He knew that none of this would ever help anyone deal with his disorder; it was his problem, not theirs. And they had no right to try and help. Loudly, he said, "What are you looking at, Marco?"
Marco jumped in his chair and almost fell over. "N-nothing," Marco said quickly, closing the window on the screen.
"Really? That didn't look like 'nothing'," Craig said. "It looked to me as though you were researching...hm...what did they call that again...oh, yes, yes...bipolar disorder. Now why would you be looking at that? It's not like you or any of your friends have anything to worry about...Wait a second—you were researching it because of me, weren't you, Marco?"
Marco was scared half to death as Craig stared darkly at him. He finally nodded and Craig kicked the chair next to him angrily.
"Dammit, can't you guys just mind your own business? Jesus, it's not like I'm asking for that much!" he shouted. He stormed out of the MI lab, with everyone staring at Marco, who sank down into his chair.
Craig drove around town for hours. His car was extremely low on gas, and he had to fill up his tank. It was dark now. He stopped at a gas station and filled it up. $89.02. Nice. He'll have to remember that when he ended up selling it. Someday. This is was a good car...expensive, of course, and it drove really well...but almost a hundred dollars to fill it up? That's about...$320 a month for gas alone. Horrible. Oh well.
He wasn't sure why, but when he'd paid for his gas, he drove straight to the ravine. He knew that he did this every night, but he was going to try and steer himself away from it tonight. Still, it was like telling Joey he was going to quit smoking—he could talk all he wanted. It didn't mean that it had to happen.
The girl that decided to hook up with him that night was especially pretty. Craig felt lucky. Lucky to be hooking up with hot girls every night...unlucky with everything else. This was totally different from everything that had happened this year. This was a safe escape from the rest of the world. This didn't screw up his mind like the drugs did.
Craig had secrets that he'd rather NOT share with Joey or his friends. Secrets that are better kept untold are easier not to tell. Inside, Craig knew something was wrong. With him. Something was really wrong with him. He didn't know what it was, but he figured that he'd know sooner or later.
When he got home, he went straight upstairs. "Craig!" Joey shouted. Craig ignored him. Joey followed him up.
"Craig!" he repeated, pushing open the bedroom door. Craig dropped his binder on his bed and turned around.
"What?" he said loudly.
"Where have you been? It's past nine!"
"I was...out!" Craig cried.
"Doing what?"
"Stuff."
"Craig," Joey warned.
"I was just out, Joey! Christ, take it for an answer!" Craig turned around and ran his hand through his hair, sighing.
"I know it's hard for you right now, Craig. With Caitlin moving back in, and getting ready for exams, and work...but you need to control yourself."
"Me control myself!" Craig yelled, turning around and glaring at Joey. "You make all these last-minute decisions all the time! I told you a hundred times that I don't want to live with Caitlin! You knew that I can't stand her, and you're just all happy and you come home and say, 'Caitlin's moving in!' I'm sick of it, Joey! I do not want to live with Caitlin!"
"Then move out!" Joey said simply.
Craig's expression rapidly changed from anger to fear. He was silent for a minute. "What?" he said blankly.
"If you hate Caitlin so much, then move out."
"Joey..." Craig whispered. "I can't. You know I can't."
"I don't see why not. You seem to have everything else under control."
A million thoughts were running through Craig's head. Was Joey serious? Did he really want Craig out?
"Are you serious?" Craig asked after another minute of silence.
"Just...go," Joey said in a distressed tone. Craig stared at him sadly for a second and then he rushed downstairs and left the house, not even bothering to get his car. He knew that something was wrong with Joey right now; maybe he was tired or was on drugs or something. But right now, he didn't want to be around him. So, he ran. As far as he could. He finally stopped running and leaned up against a fence, panting.
A car pulled up beside him. Great, a cop. Just what he needed right now.
"What're you doing out this late?" the cop shouted. Craig looked at him for a second.
"I'm going to my friend's house," he answered.
"How far away is it?"
"Just a few more blocks. I'll be fine."
The cop shrugged and continued on down the road.
Craig sighed and began a long walk to Sean's. He didn't know why, but he knew that no matter what he did, he and Sean would always be connected in some way and that he could always go to him.
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He knocked on the door to Sean and Ellie's apartment. A few seconds later, it opened. Ellie was standing in front of him.
"Is Sean here?" he asked.
"Everyone's here!" Ellie said brightly. She allowed Craig to enter the room and Craig saw that everyone was there. Craig knew most of them, but a few of them, he didn't. Emma and Manny, Spinner, Paige, Hazel, Marco, Jimmy, Ashley, and Sean. Everyone. The room was darkened and the TV was on. They were watching movies.
"Hey, Craig!" several people said.
Sean got up and said, "I called to see if you wanted to come over but you weren't home. Did you talk to Joey?"
Craig nodded quietly and closed the door.
"What brings you here?" Spinner asked, turning on the arm of the couch.
"Uh..." Craig said uncertainly. "Joey...got pissed off, and...I had nothing better to do, so..."
"Why is Joey pissed off?" asked Emma curiously.
"Because I got home late, and I didn't call," said Craig. The room was quiet for a minute.
"Who wants to play truth or dare?" Ellie said loudly. Everyone laughed and they sat in a circle.
A half-hour into the game, Craig had a third turn. He chose truth.
"Craig," said Spinner, "who do you think the prettiest girl in the room is?"
Craig looked around the room. So many options: Hazel, Paige, Manny, Emma, Ashley, Ellie...he couldn't decide.
He smirked. "Marco," he answered. Marco turned dark pink and everyone burst into uncontrollable laughter.
"I'm kidding, Marco, you know I'm kidding," Craig said after the laughter faded. "Uh...Emma, I think you would be the prettiest."
Emma smiled and blushed. "I think you have an admirer, Ms. Nelson," said Paige.
Craig playfully kissed Emma and they laughed and continued with the game.
Sometime around ten, Sean and Ellie's phone rang. It was Joey. He wanted to know if Craig was there. Craig stood up from the floor and took the phone. He went into the kitchen and talked quietly to Joey. Everyone in the living room was quiet and they strained to hear what Craig was saying.
"No, Joey...Yeah...It's okay...I'm fine...don't be, I know...okay...okay, bye." Craig turned the phone off and set it on the counter. He walked back into the living room and everyone stared at him. "Uh...I have to go," he said. "But I'll see you guys tomorrow." Craig walked out the door and went home.
As soon as he walked in the door at home, Joey was sitting on the stairs waiting for him. He stood up and Craig was surprised; he wasn't expecting anyone to be there. "Craig, I'm so sorry, I didn't know what I was thinking—" Joey began. Craig put his hand on Joey's shoulder.
"Joey, it's fine," Craig assured him. "I'm tired. I'm gonna go to bed."
"Do you want some dinner?" asked Joey. "I kept it warm."
Craig smiled softly. "No, but thanks. Goodnight." It's not like I can trust anything people like Caitlin cook anyway.
Craig went upstairs to bed. That night, he dreamt about all of his friends drowning in coffee. Very interesting.
The next morning, he realized that he'd woken up late and he was going to have to get up and get ready for school. But, he liked sleeping, so maybe he wouldn't get up. Joey would certainly understand. And, if he didn't, Craig could say that he couldn't stop thinking about Jay's death and how he was involved in it. Then Joey wouldn't make him go anywhere.
As Craig lay in his bed, warm and comfortable, he started shaking. His stomach felt horrible, and he got up and went down to the bathroom. It took a second for him to vomit, but he did.
Inside, Craig knew that he was having cocaine withdrawals.
He didn't feel like moving anymore. He had just vomited. His muscles started to ache when he got up. After flushing the toilet, he hobbled back to his doorway. He couldn't make it to his bed. He leaned up on the doorframe and tried to regain his composure, but he couldn't. He sat up against the wooden panel, trying to get some air into his system. A loud moan of pain escaped his lips and his head fell to his shoulder. He felt a hand on his shoulder. Of course, it was Joey. Craig could tell. He was glad it wasn't Caitlin; she was the last person he wanted to see.
"Craig, oh my God, are you okay?" Joey was saying. Craig attempted to roll his head over so that he could see Joey, but he found no strength in his neck and it fell to his chest. Joey lifted Craig's head up and looked into his eyes. They were a shade of brown...only they weren't the color they always used to be. Normally dark, but now they were a dead color of tan. "What happened?"
"I'm sorry," Craig said weakly. "I couldn't help it." It took Joey a minute to figure out what Craig was talking about, or if he was just going insane.
"Should I call an ambulance?" Caitlin asked, popping her head out from the bedroom.
"No, he'll be fine. He's going through withdrawals. He just needs to go to bed and sleep it off for a few hours. Craig, come on, help me here," Joey murmured, pulling Craig up by his arms and not getting very far. Craig groaned and used what little muscle power he had left to push himself up and enter his room. He almost fell forward, but Joey pushed him back up. "Careful."
Joey laid Craig gently on his bed and covered him with blankets. "Go to sleep," Joey commanded. "You'll feel better when you wake up."
"I don't want to wake up," said Craig. Joey knew that Craig was in pain, but hearing that he would rather die than see another day was the last thing he wanted to hear. Craig tried to get up, but even he knew that his attempts were lame and feeble. Joey just looked at him and Craig fell back onto his bed. He painstakingly turned his head toward the window. He stared out at the trees and sky, hoping that he would die soon. He felt as though he had cancer, and he regretted ever taking drugs in the first place.
No.
No, he didn't.
He loved taking drugs. There was no doubt about them.
He would've sold his guitar to get it, but money wasn't a problem when he had a job.
He loved the euphoria that drugs fed him when he had them in his possession.
He was addicted to the feeling that he was given with each passing moment.
But that was long ago.
Two or three days ago...or four. However long it had been, it seemed like forever. Craig didn't know why he hadn't, but he was going to. Today. He was going to go get cocaine from his friends. Not this time. The withdrawals hit him before he had a chance to react and supply his infatuation.
He changed his focus toward the other side of the room, where he was surprised Joey was still standing. He was going to say something, but he had close to no energy left, and decided it best not to.
What day was it? He couldn't remember. His hand began to twitch uncontrollably. His hand began the rest of him and quickly, his entire body was shaking. Joey put his hands on Craig's shoulders. Craig opened his eyes and looked at Joey. He struggled to keep his eyes open and to keep himself awake.
Once more, Craig opened his mouth to speak, and the only sound that escaped him was a short breath of air.
When did he first do cocaine? When did he try it? Why? Because it sounded better than ecstasy, duh!
But when did he first try it? It was with Jay, he knew that much...he never tried anything new without Jay.
Maybe this would be the end of his drug habits.
Psh, yeah, right. Just because Jay was gone, it didn't mean that he was going to stop.
Now, back to his first thought. When did he first start doing cocaine?
Something in his mind told him that it had to do with Joey. And...vodka? Whiskey? What was this...?
Suddenly, SLAM, it all came back to him.
Caitlin left Joey and Joey became a pissed-off drunk and put Craig through hell for a month, and he and Jay went to the house, and Lily had...cocaine. And Jay and Craig tried it together. And that's why he was laying in this bed in agony. It all came down to...Joey. If Joey hadn't started getting drunk, then...no, it was Caitlin's fault. If Caitlin hadn't left Joey, he wouldn't have gotten drunk and hurt Craig the way he did...
Now Craig hated Caitlin more than he ever had. More than he did just before he'd figured it out. He looked out into the light again, and then everything went dark.
It was Jay. Always a dream about Jay. Every night for three weeks. But this one was way different.
Jay was sitting on a table in the ravine. He patted the empty space next to him.
"Come on, Craig, we need to talk," he said. He sounded exactly like Joey did when Craig did something that he felt he needed to lecture him about.
Craig complied and sat down next to Jay. "What's up, Jay?" Craig tried to sound casual, but it wasn't working.
"Craig..." Jay mumbled. "You have to stop."
"I—"
"Shut up and let me talk!" Jay made eye contact with Craig. "You have to stop. We both know it."
"Why the hell are you telling me to stop? You're the one that got me into this in the first place!" Craig's demeanor changed quickly. "I'm sorry. I'm just...I wanted you to be proud of me."
Jay ran his hand through his hair and looked back up at Craig.
"You wanna make me proud?" he said quietly. Craig nodded. "If you want to make me proud...then I want you to get off the drugs. Look, I'm sorry for what I did to you! I'm sorry that you're like this...but you need to stop. You're going to end up getting hurt, and it's going to be my fault. Promise me that you're going to stop."
"Can I still—?"
"No!" Jay shouted. "You have to go back to the way you used to live! Stop smoking, get a girlfriend, take your meds, be with your friends, talk to Joey, live the way you used to! Please! For me!"
Craig stared at Jay, mulling it over. A minute later, he said,
"I promise. I promise I'll stop."
Jay grinned proudly and nodded in approval. "Good," said Jay. "And remember—what happened wasn't your fault. Be glad that you were lucky enough to live. Everyone already hated me, but they still have faith in you. Don't let your friends down. They might love you more than I do."
Jay got up and was about to walk away. Craig stood from the table and pulled Jay's shoulder back. Jay stopped and looked at Craig. "You can't hold onto me forever," said Jay.
"I know. It's just that...when I got out of the hospital, and I found out you were dead...it took me until just now to realize that I never got to say it."
"Then say it now."
Craig didn't want to say it. It was one word, "Goodbye", but he didn't want to. Jay was the only person who accepted him because of his problems, and he was going to be gone in a minute.
"Come on, Craig."
"I can't," Craig whispered.
"Oh, wait, before I go, I have to tell you something—at the cemetery, there's a row of trees. The third one on the left when you're looking toward the gate has a bird nest. Look in it. You might find something." And then, he turned and disappeared.
Craig awoke and sat straight up. Joey was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking worriedly at him. Craig stared at him for a few minutes. The look of concern in Joey's eyes made Craig see for the first time in a while that Joey did, in fact, care. He wanted Craig there more than Caitlin. Craig lunged forward unexpectedly and hugged Joey tightly.
"Thanks," he whispered, "for taking me in and letting me live here and finding me a BMW."
"You're welcome," Joey said coolly. "Are you okay?"
"I don't know," Craig said, pulling away quickly and grabbing his sweatshirt. He zipped it up and put his shoes on. "I have to go find out."
Craig ran out the door before Joey had time to say anything. Craig sped in his car to school and screeched in front of the building. He got out of his car and ran inside. People were going up and down the halls; it must've been between classes. He found Sean and Ellie, kissing against a locker. He gently pushed them apart.
"Sean, I have to tell you something!" he said loudly.
"What? Are you high?" said Sean.
"No, it has to do with Jay!" Craig said.
"Craig, Jay is dead," Sean said firmly. "I'm sorry to have to keep telling you that, but it's not gonna bring him back."
"Sean, please," Craig begged. Ellie glared at Sean.
"Okay, okay, what?"
"Okay, I was having withdrawals earlier, and I passed out in my bed and then I had this really weird vision...about Jay." Sean and Ellie listened with interest. "He said he needed to talk to me. We were in the ravine, and I sat next to him at this table. Then he told me I needed to go back to the way I used to live and stop smoking and get a girlfriend and stop doing drugs and stuff. He was about to leave and then he said that there's something in a bird's nest in the third tree on the left in the row of trees when you're looking toward the gate at the cemetery. I don't want to go alone. Can you please come with me?"
"I'm going," Ellie said immediately. "I hate PE." Ellie and Craig looked anxiously at Sean, who was silent for a second, then he smirked and said,
"Let's go."
So, they were off to the cemetery.
Craig jumped out of the car and slammed the door shut. He ran up to the third tree on the left. His mind was racing. He saw the bird's nest inside and he pulled it down. Inside the nest was a large, silver piece of metal. Craig dropped the nest on the ground and ran his fingers on the metal. He looked up at Ellie and Sean. "It's his belt buckle," Craig said in disbelief. "And...he talked to me, and he...left this here, because..." Craig was silent for a minute.
"He knew it was going to happen," he said finally. "And he knew that I wanted this one." It was a nice belt buckle. It was a spinner, and the two always played with it when they were high. Craig could watch it for hours.
He spun it around and watched it until it slowed down and eventually stopped. The three were all quiet.
"Where did they bury him?" asked Craig, turning his attention from the buckle.
"On the other side of town," Sean answered. "Don't know why, they just did."
"Craig!" They all turned around and saw Joey rushing toward them. "What's going on? Is everything okay?"
Craig couldn't talk for a minute. "Y-yeah," he stammered. "Everything's fine, I just...Jay..." Craig's head sank forward and he broke eye contact with anyone. He soon heard Sean explaining what Craig had told him to Joey. When Sean was finished, Craig looked up at Joey hopefully. Joey stared at the silvery object in Craig's hand in shock.
"Oh my God..." Joey muttered.
That was all he could say. What else could he?
Craig sighed and softly pushed past him. He got into his car and drove home, leaving Sean, Ellie, and Joey at the cemetery. Luckily, Joey had his car and could take Sean and Ellie back to school.
When Joey arrived home twenty minutes later, he went upstairs to go talk to Craig, but he wasn't in his room. He rushed back downstairs and looked in the kitchen; no Craig. His car was here...
Of course! Why didn't Joey think of this sooner? The garage! Joey ran outside as fast as he could and pulled open the door to the garage. What he saw was somewhat...morbid.
Craig was there, lying on the floor, with Jay's belt buckle a few inches from him, and he was scratching madly his arms. Several of the long marks had begun bleeding and blood dripped down his arm and onto the floor. A small pool was forming around his arm, and Joey couldn't move for a few minutes.
Just stand there and watch him bleed.
Eventually, Joey snapped out of his trance and rushed to Craig's side. He put his hand behind Craig's back and pushed him up a little bit, and Craig did his best to stand up. Joey led him over to the old couch and laid Craig down on it. He found the first aid kit and brought it next to Craig.
First, he took alcohol pads and cleaned the blood that was on his arms. Second, he took some gauze and put it over the wounds before they could bleed even more than they already were. Blood was running rapidly from his flesh, and was soaking through. Joey quickly used the medical tape and wrapped it around Craig's arm.
When it was all finished, Joey looked up at Craig. He was staring at the ceiling, expressionlessly.
"Are you okay?" Joey asked him quietly.
Craig didn't speak; he closed his eyes and nodded.
Joey ruffled Craig's hair. Craig turned his head and looked at Joey, first seriously, then his expression changed quickly and smiled. It wasn't a weak smile, either, like he usually would have. It was genuine. A happy smile, at last.
"Come on, let's go inside," said Joey. Craig rolled off the couch, stood up, and followed Joey into the house.
—Six Hours Later—
Caitlin arrived home around four. Craig wished that she didn't come home at all. He was sick of her presence. Joey had gone to the store, leaving Craig there alone. With Caitlin. Alone, with Caitlin.
She walked into the house and saw Craig sitting at the top of the stairs.
"Hi, Craig," she said in a friendly voice. Craig didn't respond, but he gave her a death glare. She walked into the kitchen. She noticed that Craig had not spoken to her since she moved back in. It bothered her a little; Craig could be plotting her death and she wouldn't even know it until it happened.
"Why won't you talk to me?" Caitlin called from the kitchen. Craig still didn't respond to her. Caitlin went to the stairway, and when she did, Craig got up and went into his room. She followed him.
"I came in here for a reason," Craig said angrily.
"So did I," said Caitlin sharply. "Why do you hate me so much?"
"Do the words 'pathetic little boy' mean anything to you?"
"Craig, I told you I was sorry for that!" Caitlin cried.
"And what else have you apologized for? Nothing! I put up with a month of hell because of you!" Craig shouted. "And you don't even care! You're just here because you want people to think you give a damn about anyone but yourself! Face it, Caitlin—you're selfish."
Caitlin scoffed and stalked out of the room. Craig didn't care; he wanted her to hate him just as much as he hated her. Craig laid down on his bed, satisfied.
An hour later, Craig was still laying on his bed, thinking. His bedroom door swung open. Joey entered, looking concerned.
"Craig, what happened between you and Caitlin earlier?" Joey asked.
"She was being stupid so I told her how I felt about her," Craig said simply.
"She's downstairs crying her eyes out right now, Craig!"
Craig's heart sank. Great—everyone cries over Craig.
"So what do you want me to do about it?" Craig asked loudly.
"Go down there and tell her that you're sorry."
"Sorry for what?" Craig shouted. "I didn't ruin her life! I didn't come into her house! I DO believe that I came into yours! It later became Caitlin's. Either way, Caitlin has never done anything for me, and I doubt she ever will. GIVE UP."
"Craig, you know that Caitlin has tried to make things better between you two," Joey began, "and you're not making it any easier."
"Maybe that gives you a clue that I don't want to make things better," Craig said, looking away from Joey and picking up his guitar from the stand.
"Yes, you do. Just not between you and Caitlin."
"Exactly. Good job, Joey. You're a good man," Craig said in a business-like voice.
"Craig, I don't want you to end up like—" Joey stopped and Craig looked up at him.
"No, go on," Craig urged. "Don't want me to end up like who?"
"Never mind," Joey said. "Forget about it."
"No! I'm not going to forget about it! What the hell were you just about to say?" Craig insisted.
Joey was quiet.
"You were about to say Jay, weren't you? You don't want me to end up like Jay? What in the hell is that about, Joey? How would I end up like him?"
"Craig, you wouldn't understand," said Joey. He went to the door to leave.
"Make me understand!" Craig ordered, stopping him. Joey looked up into Craig's eyes and saw that he was insulted by being told that he wouldn't understand. It was a lack of trust. Once again. Joey pressed past Craig and left the room, leaving him standing there in shock.
Craig couldn't believe it. Joey didn't think he'd understand? Psh, fine. Joey could think whatever he wanted.
Hm, well, for the time being, he would have to at least make peace with Joey so that he could help himself build allies for the battle against Caitlin. He shook himself a few times and then left his room to go to Joey's.
He pushed open the door, which was cracked open a little, and entered.
"Joey?" he said carefully. Joey was sitting on the bed with his hands in his lap. Craig's heart sank even lower than it already had and he sat down on the bed next to Joey. He sighed.
"I'm sorry, Joe," Craig began. "I've been trying, but...things keep happening and I can't keep trying. You keep promising me I'm gonna get better, and every time I screw up, you get mad at me and I have to start all over again. I want to get better, but you stopped helping me when Caitlin moved in. Ever since she came back, everything's about her."
Joey thought about that for a minute. Was it true? Did he really only think about Caitlin and ignore Craig now that she'd moved back in? Hm...maybe it WAS true.
"Oh, God," Joey muttered. "It has been. Craig, I'm...I'm sorry."
"No, Joey. It was going to happen anyway."
"Listen, Craig...I talked to Snake today, and he said that you haven't been talking very much during class. He also said that there has been some hostility between you and JT Yorke...?"
"That's because JT's a jackass and he needs to learn to stay the hell away from me."
"Craig."
"What? JT's been a problem to me for years. It just didn't occur to me until the start of this one."
"Snake tells me that you and JT get into fist fights a lot."
"Yeah, so? JT deserves it. He shouldn't walk past my locker. He knows better."
Craig looked over at Joey and caught him smirking. Joey saw Craig and his face changed instantly.
"That's—that's no reason to start something!" Joey scolded.
Craig laughed. "Mom told me never to back down."
"Still, that doesn't mean to start something."
"It's not starting something. It's teaching little JT Yorke that he needs to find a longer way around the school. He could use the exercise. He's getting a little on the fat side, if you ask me." Joey expressed his amusement.
"Okay," Joey said. "I'll try paying a little more attention to you. I promise. If you promise to try harder in school and not to be so...hostile to JT."
"Sure," Craig said quickly. "Will do. Uh...I have to go see some friends somewhere, but, uh...I'll be home later."
"Alright. Don't be any later than ten."
Craig rushed out of the house and drove to the ravine.
There, he met several girls he had hooked up with in the past. They all sat around him, giggling like mad.
About an hour after all these girls had sat around him, a young blonde came out of the darkness and smiled at him seductively. He smirked back and got up from the table. He followed the blonde into the large, black van and slammed the door behind him.
meanwhile
Paige roamed around her bedroom, looking for her brush. She checked the pile of clothes that was in her closet, but found nothing. Suddenly, her phone began to ring, and she found it under her blankets and answered it.
"Hello?" she said quickly.
"Paige? It's Ash, have you heard from Craig?"
"Um, no," said Paige. "Why? What's up?"
"Craig ran off earlier and Joey doesn't know where he is, and he's not answering his phone."
"Oh, well, I'd go look for him, but my mom's van is totally messed up. I could call someone..."
"Really? That'd be great. Um...if you do get a hold of him, just tell him to call me, okay?" said Ashley.
"Okay, I will. I'll talk to you later." She hung up on Ashley and called someone she'd never have called if it wasn't important to one of her friends.
"Hello?"
"JT? I need to ask you a favor..."
----------------------------------
JT didn't know why he did it. He had better things to do, like take care of Liberty or do some homework. Why he would rush around at night, looking for someone he hated was beyond him. Maybe because he was doing something for Paige, not for Craig. But, he'd said yes, and that was what he was getting himself into.
He saw Marco walking along the road, trying to keep himself warm. JT slowed down and rolled down the window. "Marco!" he shouted. "Have you seen Craig?"
"No," said Marco, "but you might try the ravine. He goes down there a lot."
"What would he be doing in the ravine?" asked JT.
"I don't know! All I know is that he goes down there every night!"
"Okay, well, thanks!" JT said, driving away, leaving Marco in the cold. "Ravine...ravine..." he muttered, keeping his eyes firmly on the road. He turned a few small, narrow roads to the ravine. He stopped his car and got out. He walked up to a small group of girls sitting at a table.
"Have you seen Craig?" he asked.
"Yeah," said one girl, "he should almost be out."
JT was about to inquire about what she was talking about when the van door opened and Craig and a young blonde emerged. The girl wiped the side of her mouth on her sleeve and Craig headed back toward the other girls. He saw JT staring at him and froze.
Finally, he spoke.
"JT, what are you doing here?" he demanded loudly.
"I was looking for you! Ashley wants you to call her, but I'll just have to tell her that you're too busy down here, and—"
"You're not going to tell Ashley anything."
"Why not?"
"Because—" Craig's expression changed rapidly from anger to desperation. "Because...I'm asking you not to. Please. Don't."
JT thought about saying yes and then going behind his back and betraying him...but then people would talk. "Fine," he said. "Just—call Ashley. She wants to talk to you." Craig bowed his head and nodded. JT walked away and Craig lifted his head again.
He knew that his web of deceit had worked. Maybe with JT, but he would have to test it on his friends as well before he knew that he could use it on Joey. He also knew something about what he was doing—
What he was doing was wrong.
But, he didn't care. Nope. He just wanted to be able to get away with everything. He had stopped caring about being perfect for everyone.
Still, the day's events stayed in his mind. Jay told him to stop...so why did he want to keep doing it so bad? Maybe it was because he'd stopped caring about what Jay thought, too. What could he do, anyway? Come back and stop him? Apparently not.
Craig felt a vibration in his pocket and he realized that it was his cell phone. He picked it up and answered it.
"Hello?" he said in a tired voice.
"Craig? Oh, my God, are you okay? You weren't answering your phone earlier, so I—" Ashley said. Craig could barely make out what she was saying.
"ASH!" he shouted. She abruptly stopped. "Slow down when you're talking, you know I can't hear a damn thing you're saying." Craig went to his car and opened his door. He sat in the driver's seat with the door wide open. He reclined the seat and sighed.
"Are you hurt?" Ashley asked calmly.
"No, Ash, I'm fine. I was just out seeing some friends, and I'm gonna go home soon. Okay?"
"Okay, but, Craig...the reason I called was because...I need to tell you something."
"What is it?"
"Well...it's just that..."
"Ash, come on, I have to go home."
"Craig—"
"I told Joey I'd be home soon. Can we talk about it tomorrow...in person?"
"Uh—yeah," Ashley said, defeated.
"Okay, I'll see you then. Bye."
Craig snapped his phone shut and closed his car door. He drove home in a quick manner, trying to keep his eyes on the road, but he couldn't seem to focus. He felt as though he had been rude to Ashley. Oh well. He would sort it all out tomorrow.
He walked in the door and Joey looked over at him. "You were gone a while," he said plainly.
"I know," Craig said, "but I ran out of places to go."
"It's late," said Joey.
"Yes, Joey, it is. I'm gonna go to bed, and...I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Goodnight."
Joey watched Craig walk up the stairs and leaned back onto the couch with Caitlin. He worried about Craig, but felt happy with Caitlin at the moment.
The two sat there for hours, with Joey's head on Caitlin's lap, while she stroked the surface of his head. They both relaxed and fell asleep there.
Joey awoke to Caitlin shaking him. He looked up at her, confused. "Something's wrong with Craig," she said. Joey shook his head rapidly and he was quiet before realizing that there was noise coming from Craig's room.
He jumped up from the couch and jogged upstairs. "Craig!" he shouted. He ran to the side of Craig's bed.
Craig was making the same agonizing sounds that he did that day at the hypnotherapy office.
It was a noise that sounded as though he were trying to lift something heavy off of him or he would likely suffocate. But it wasn't just the noise...
It was pain.
Joey could hear the pain in his throat as he writhed on the bed, hardly able to speak. Joey put his hands on Craig's shoulders, but he continued to fight it.
A minute later, Craig opened his eyes and sat up straight. He was sweating like mad and he could barely breathe. He looked over at Joey and scooted to the back of his bed. Joey moved his arm and Craig closed his eyes tightly, his knees curled to his chest.
"Please," he pleaded, "don't. Not again. Don't..." Sweat was running down his face his dark brown hair was soaked.
"Craig...are you okay?" Joey asked in concern.
"No...I mean...yeah, I'm fine...I'll be fine...I just...please...don't..."
"Craig...I'm not gonna hurt you...it's okay, it's me, Joey...I won't hurt you."
Craig looked up. It was like seeing Joey for the first time. It was realizing that it wasn't his father...it was Joey. He'd never purposely hurt Craig just to release built up frustration.
He was safe.
Craig sighed in relief and leaned his head back against the wall.
"Are you gonna be okay?" Joey asked quietly.
Craig nodded, panting softly.
"I'll be fine," he whispered.
"Come here," Joey said gently. He held his arm open. Craig carefully forwarded himself toward Joey and allowed him to put his arm around his shoulders. Joey could feel him shaking slightly.
"Are you gonna be okay?" he repeated.
"Yeah," said Craig.
"'Yeah' what? Look me in the eye and tell me," Joey ordered. Craig raised his head and made eye contact with Joey.
"Yeah, I'm gonna be okay," he said clearly. His bottom lip was shaking and Joey knew that he wanted to be alone for a while.
"Okay, get some sleep," said Joey. He pulled away from Craig. "Goodnight." He closed the door and went downstairs. Craig sat on the bed for a second and then laid back down. He stared into the silent darkness, thinking about the nightmare he'd had. His breathing slowed down and steadied as he lay there.
Turning onto his back, he stared at the blank ceiling.
He could hear Caitlin and Joey talking about him quietly in their room.
"He needs help, Joey," Caitlin insisted.
"He's getting help," Joey responded.
"Professional help."
"He doesn't want or need professional help."
"Why not? They know what they're doing," said Caitlin.
"Yes, but they don't understand him the way I do. He can't...he can't trust other people anymore."
"If he stayed in professional care then he would learn to trust more people."
"He can't just learn to trust. People have to earn his trust and it takes a lot to get that far."
"Joey...he's not going to stay here forever. You know that. If he can't trust other people, then he's never going to make it in life."
"Don't—don't do that. Craig can stay here as long as he wants or needs to."
"He's not doing very good in school," Caitlin began, "and the odds don't look good that he's going to graduate."
"He doesn't have to graduate! I don't care if he does! Civil things bore him to death! Music is what makes him happy and you don't need a high school diploma for music! Look at Tommy Lee!"
"Joey, this is different! What if Craig gets into music and then decides he doesn't like it? Is he going to end up living on the streets because you didn't make sure that he had a high school education?"
"There's not a 'what if' there! He can make it in music! The only person that doesn't believe that is you!"
Craig was proud of Joey. He was defending him. He knew that if he wanted to, he could argue that himself, but he decided that if Joey would risk losing Caitlin over him, he must be important to him. Heehee. Craig continued to listen to the argument.
"So now this is all about Craig? Was that always what this was?" Caitlin shouted. Craig heard her stand up and throw something against the wall.
"No, it's not."
"Then what is it? Oh, I know what this is—you're defending him because he wasn't brought up in a good home with a good family. Because he wasn't raised like me? Taught to be what I am now?"
"Really? Is this what your parents taught you? To be self-absorbed and obnoxious and not care about other people?" Joey said coldly.
Craig heard a loud SLAP and then Caitlin ran downstairs. He thought about getting up to talk to Joey, but decided he was too tired and turned over to go back to sleep. He began to think about the dream again. He wished that he could go back to the past and tell Joey what was happening long before then; maybe he wouldn't be in this position now. Inside, that was all he wanted. His throat began to hurt and his eyes started burning.
The door opened and light from the hall poured into the room. It was Joey.
"Craig?" said Joey quietly, "are you awake?"
"Yeah," Craig said in a cracked voice.
"You okay?"
"I'm fine, I just...I want..."
Joey forced Craig to sit up and he looked at him. Half of his face was visible in the light from the hall, while the other half was hidden by the shadows. Craig gave Joey a cold stare, and Joey knew that something was wrong. But he was tired of forcing things out of him, and decided that if he wasn't willing to just tell him what was wrong then he would just leave him alone until he was ready.
"What is it?" Joey blurted out. Craig was quiet for a few seconds.
"Mom," he said.
Craig knew that it had been a long time since his mom died, but he wanted her every day. Maybe this excuse was getting old, but he didn't care; every time he said he wanted her, he wasn't lying. She had done everything for him. Up until her death and Joey's discovery of Craig's home life, he'd never loved someone as much as his mother.
"Craig..."
There was nothing to say to that. Joey missed her, too, but probably not as much as Craig did.
"Joey, don't," Craig said suddenly. "You don't have to try and make me feel better. I'm fine."
"No, you're not," said Joey, "you're sick and you're tired and you're upset."
Silence.
"I know," Craig said at last. "But..."
"But nothing. Listen, don't worry about this tonight. We can talk tomorrow."
"I'm—"
"Bed."
Craig gave a mental scoff. Joey always had the last word. Well, sometimes.
He fell back onto his bed and turned onto his stomach, away from Joey, who was instantly offended, but felt reason for Craig to do it.
He placed his hand on Craig's back, and he could feel him sighing.
"I know that you feel like I don't understand what you're going through. And I don't. But I want to. Don't listen to anything that Caitlin says about you graduating. You could drop out of high school and I wouldn't think any less of you." When Craig didn't reply, Joey continued. "I want you to get into music, and if you want to do that, then that's fine...that's great. You like music and it makes you happy."
Craig's stillness told Joey that he just wanted to be alone for now. So, he patted his back and left the room.
Craig fell asleep about an hour later.
-4 Days Later-
After overcoming his withdrawals, Craig went back to school. He'd done well and hadn't skipped or left early. He'd been on time every day and finished the entire day.
Very boring days, just like the rest of high school.
The highlight of the week was when Ashley called him.
"Hello?" he said.
"Craig, it's Ash. Look, I was kind of thinking...about us. Can we...be together?" she said.
What? Was Ashley just—asking him out? This was odd...and unexpected...
"Ash...um...sure."
"Really?" Ashley cried excitedly.
"Yeah," said Craig.
"Okay, just—don't go around telling everyone. I want you for myself for a while."
"Alright." Craig hung up the phone and fell onto his bed. Was this real? Was he really with Ashley now?
He sat around for a while and then the doorbell rang. He heard the door open and then some quick footsteps up the stairs. His bedroom door flew open and Ashley leapt onto his bed, slamming the door shut immediately before. She forcefully pushed him onto his back and was soon on top of him. She worked as fast as possible to remove his shirt as they kissed.
"Ash, slow down," Craig said breathlessly. "Joey's in the other room."
"Shut up," Ashley said, pressing her lips against Craig's again.
After a few more minutes, Ashley had Craig in nothing but his boxers and she was about to remove her own shirt when the door swung open.
They pulled apart and looked to the door.
Joey and Caitlin were standing in the doorway.
"Wow," Caitlin said, "pure, innocent, teenage fun, Joey?" She looked over at him expectantly.
"Caitlin, they're kids," Joey said excusingly and then added warningly, "Craig."
"No glove, no love, got it, Joe," Craig said out of breath.
Joey and Caitlin closed the door and left Craig and Ashley to what they'd been doing.
Of course, the two didn't go anywhere passed kissing.
A simple slip might turn into another slip and release their secret.
Abinaoisen;aoinb;lijsdlfkaj;lbkj alksd;lajblajse;lrja;lib;al asjlriajbla n;elor ;alinm g;aoibhno;ierf
A/N: HOLY SNAP! THAT TOOK ME EFFING FOREVER TO WRITE! OKAY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU WANT IN HERE UNLESS YOU TELL ME! DESCRIPTIVE REVIEWS ARE HELPFUL REVIEWS! THE MORE HELPFUL REVIEWS THE MORE SATISFYING THE STORY WILL BE FOR ALL Y'ALL! AND REMEMBER, IT'S NOT ONLY MAJORITY, I HAVE SOME SAY SO IN THIS STORY!
ANYWAY, HERE ARE THE OH-SO WONDERFUL LYRICS THAT WILL COME UP IN THE NEXT CHAPTER:
Don't cry for me
I don't need your sympathy
Don't bleed for me
Cause you have to breathe for me
The rusty chains scar my wrists
The salty tears burn my skin
Controlling me lifeless
It's the demon within
Living inside me
It aches like a pain
I cannot reveal it
I need you to heal it
But something inside you
It tears you apart
Squeezes your veins
Rips open your heart
Crucify me with your stare
Dig your nails into my heart
Drug me only if you must
I never want to be apart
But we are all connected
By the means of regret
And we are all neglected
Abused and tormented
Our Suffering has only begun
Kiss my lips and taste my blood
Watch me hover from above
Don't hang on now just let go
Because I want to die
I DIDN'T WRITE THEM, SO...YEAH. I JUST FOUND THEM. LALALALLALALALALALALALLAAAA!