Auhor's Note: Okay so sue me, i was going to update like 5 days ago i swear, but i went to visit my dad and OMG he and his fiance are having a BABY! so i am going to be a bug sister...again! Umm i mean big sister. Holy cow. Anyway, ummm this has some swearing...like 2 words, and is kinda depressing but meh that's the way the cookie crumbles. Oh and thanks to all who read AND review, not just read...or just review?lol.

Ohohohohohoh and i FINISHED WORK! no more work at the moment, i am going to do the regular 18 yr old thing and be a LAZY ASS for like a week then get another job. !sigh! no more perving on certain sexy office man whom i had a dreamabout inwhich said man was naked and peeing in my bath.Got a new awesome comp too that doesn't resemble the hatch comp like the old one did lol. Haha WHY AM I TELLING YOU ALL THIS? it's not as if you care, lol sorry bout that.

Disclaimer: If I owned lost or any of the characters I would tie Sawyer up, get out some jam and cover him in it, then proceed to lick it off with perfect precision...okay so i'm back on earth now hehe.

Thanks to steam rolled harry potter for beta-ing even though she never says anything is wrong, and right now she is being annoying on messenger, grrr!

Chapter Eighteen

I watch.

It's the only thing my body is willing to do at this point.

Desmond puts his hand on Sawyers throat. "He's still got a pulse; it's not very strong though. The doctor better get here soon." As soon as I hear his first words my hope lifts, then crashes to the ground.

Desmond places a firm hand on my shoulder and squeezes, ending my staring competition with Sawyers closed eyes. "We should move him inside. It can't be any good for him out here." I look up at him through blurry eyes and nod.

"All right, now you take his legs and lift when I say so." Desmond loops his arms through Sawyers underarms and lifts him up. I tuck his ankles between my elbows and proceed to lift him off the ground. Desmond leads even though facing backwards towards his bedroom. I grab the blankets from the bunk beds and quickly lay them out on the concrete floor and Desmond lowers Sawyer onto the makeshift bed.

I look desperately towards Desmond. "What do we do now?" I ask him in a defeated voice.

He looks at me solemnly. "We wait."

I sigh. I've never been one for waiting patiently in stressful situations.

I tap my foot impatiently.

God damn how hard is it, I just need a 'yes' or a 'no'.

It's really quite simple.

Well actually, I need a 'no'.

It has to be 'no'.

Or…or I don't know what I'll do.

I can't believe that with all the technological advancements we have made that it is still necessary to piss on a stick and wait for the colour to show.

The door opens and I move to get up but its just one of the other nurses, pushing her cart full of delicious varieties of medication for all the loons. Well that is quite rude of me as I am considered to be one of those 'loons' also. A loon that may be knocked up, pregnant, expecting, with child.

Child…I can't have a child. I'm still a child.

I don't even notice Ann walking in until I see her white loafers interrupt my intense study of the tiled floor.

I swallow hard, trying to rid myself of the dry throat that just won't go away.

"So?" I ask with a slight tremor in my voice.

Ann looks down at me disapprovingly and utters the word that will undoubtedly change my life.

"Yes."

I furrow my brow, letting the information sink in. "Yes..as in yes I am having a baby, yes?"

"Yes as in sometime during the last couple of months you managed to sleep with some guy and get yourself knocked up."

"It…it wasn't like that," I say, shaking my head.

"Oh really? Well what was it like then?"

"I'm not some slut, Ann. I didn't just do it as some scheme to try and get out of here, if that's what you're thinking." I say, my voice trembling even more as the familiar stinging starts behind me eyes.

"Well why did you do it you stupid girl! You had your whole life ahead of you and now you've gone and done this. What a foolish, foolish thing to do for a moment of 'fun'." I know she is only being so harsh because she cares about me, but it hurts much more coming from somebody I trust.

"It wasn't a 'bit of fun' Ann, I love him." I say, and the tears finally break free, flowing down my face.

"Well Morgan, you better pray to god that he loves you back, or this might just be the biggest mistake of your life."

"Here, take this. Are you gonna be okay?" Desmond says handing me a hanky, thankfully snapping me out of that painful memory.

"I can't just sit here, isn't there anything we can do 'til the doctor comes? This waiting is driving me insane," I say, staring at Sawyer's stationary form.

"Well we shouldn't touch him, he could have the sickness," he says, looking warily at Sawyer.

"Bloody hell, Desmond! Stop it with this ridiculous 'sickness' theory okay? He is most likely sick from his infected gunshot wound," I snap at him harshly.

"You don't bloody believe me, why does no one ever fuckin' believe me!" he asks incredulously.

"Probably because you are talking complete crap, Desmond. Sawyer does not have this imaginary sickness; No one has this imaginary sickness. Some crazy guy tells you a story and you just believe him!"

"You didn't see Kelvin, he was not normal, he got the sickness," he says in such a naïve sincerity that I want to hit him, hurt him, make him see that people lie all the time.

"Just shut up, shut up! You can't just believe everything that comes out of some ones mouth!" I scream at him.

"You believed me before," he says walking towards me.

"Well…maybe I should've listened to Sawyer. If I had he wouldn't be…he wouldn't-" I choke on my words and burst into tears, and before I know it I'm on the ground shaking with sobs. Desmond crouches down to my level and tentatively pats me on the back. "It's all m-my fault, Desmond. If I had known how to f-fix his shoulder then he wouldn't be… d-dying right now," I say miserably, hiding my face in my hands.

"It's okay Morgan, you can't possibly blame yourself for this," he says as I lean forward and cry on his shoulder in such a cliché way that I would either laugh or cringe if it wasn't me in this situation. "Shhhh…he'll be alright," Desmond says quietly, either not noticing or caring about the puddle I am creative on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," I say, and I'm not sure whether I am talking to Desmond or Sawyer.

"I'm sorry," I say, not able to look him in the eye.

Sean looks confused and turns around, no doubt to make sure no one else is around. "Sorry for what?"

I bite my lip. How the hell am I meant to tell him? What if he doesn't believe me? What if he doesn't want me?

He sits down and hesitantly grabs my hand. He is always so hesitant these days.

"I…I have something to tell you," I say, trying to smile charmingly. Bad news always seems better with a smile, or so I've heard.

"Oh really?" he says with a smile and leans in for a kiss which I happily, no eagerly, return. I pull back and wiggle my finger in mock disapproval. "Dr. Sean Williams, if I didn't know better, I'd think the only reason you're here is because you think you're gonna get some."

"Let's call it a 'routine check up'," he says brushing the hair out of me eyes in a tender gesture that he usually wouldn't dare show in this place.

"A routine check up my skirt, you mean?" It was meant as a joke but surprisingly the words come out bitter.

His smile dims. "What's wrong?"

"Sean, do you love me?" I blurt out hastily. He looks surprised, a little uneasy perhaps. "Jesus Morgan, you really know how to put the pressure on," he says and I lower my eyes, waiting for the 'I care for you, but not like that'. "But even though all logic goes against it, and you'll probably be the death of me one day, yes I do." I do a double take and smile hugely, "Good, 'cause I do too." He almost tumbles backwards as I leap towards him, kissing him passionately.

"Why do you ask?" He says, rearranging himself with an almost guilty look.

"Well it's to do with…a previous check up." I say, hoping he will understand my hint. I am answered with a furrowed brow and perplexed eyes.

"Bloody hell Sean, for a doctor you're not too bright. What I was meaning to say is…is that I'm…I'm bloody pregnant." His hand drops from mine instantly and his face is frozen in absolute shock. His mouth moves silently for a moment until he finally gets the words out.

"H-how?"

"Well, what happens is the man, he has a thing called a penis, and a woman, she has a thing called-"

"Morgan! I know how, I mean…I…I'm the father?" he asks, his mouth barely able to form the word. Dread starts to kick in, he isn't going to believe me.

"No, it must be one of the many other doctors in here that I'm sleeping with," I snap sarcastically, "Of course you're the father you bloody idiot, and I'd appreciate it if you'd close your bloody mouth."

We are both silent for a moment until he finally speaks up. "Well, what are we gonna do?"

I look at him, puzzled. "What do you mean, what else would we do?"

He looks around his shoulder towards the small window in the door. "You're not actually going to keep it, are you?" he hisses in disbelief. In an instant he goes from my favourite person in the world to my most despised.

I stare at him in absolute rage. "Get out," I say, pushing him away from me in disgust.

"Morgan, we need to talk-"

"Get out, now!"

He tries to step towards me and place a hand on my shoulder but I push it away forcefully. "I'm you Doctor, I know what's best-"

"No Sean, I know what's best, it's best if you leave," I say, with my finger on the call out button threateningly.

"Morgan…" he is only a smeared blue shape now due to the tears blurring my vision.

"I hate you."

"Okay, where is he?" I hear a voice say hastily from behind. It is a man, carrying a bag. The Doctor, I presume. I jump up instantly, ready to help.

"Desmond, get me any medical supplies you can find, Oh…" he stops in his tracks and stares at me in surprise.

"Umm…so you're the doctor then, well he's…he's still got a pulse but Desmond said it's very faint," I say quietly, avoiding his eyes. The doctor crouches next to Sawyer and checks for a pulse, opens his eyes and shines a torch on them and does other doctoral things that make little to no sense to me.

"Has he ever come back into consciousness?" It takes me a moment to realize he is talking to me.

"No, I –I don't think so," I say uncertainly.

"Right." He resumes his work on Sawyer without a second glance at me. Don't you wanna know who I am? Where I came from?

"I'll be fine now, thanks."

"I can help."

"Just…just go, please."

I nod reluctantly and pace up and down nervously like a worried family member at a hospital…I've only known the guy for a week! Nevertheless I still pace up and down for the next…however long, often looking up to try and see the doctor's progress. It feels like he's been tending to him for an eternity.

I jump when a hand touches me on the shoulder. "Are you okay, your gonna wear a track in that floor if you don't stop pacing like that," Desmond says quietly so only I can hear.

"I'm fine, it's Sawyer that I'm slightly more worried about," I say, unintentionally harsh.

Desmond sighs. "Well, you're not looking too well yourself. Just relax, everything will be fine."

"You know, every time I am told 'it will be fine' it's exactly the opposite." I snap, turning away.

"Okay, now just relax, this might feel a little cold."

I jump slightly as the clear jelly is rubbed onto my stomach. I'm not especially fond about other people touching me, but it's a price worth paying if everything is all right.

"I-there was…blood." I say in a faltering voice.

"Blood?"

"When I went to the toilet yesterday, there was blood. That's bad, isn't it?"

The doctor considers what I said for a moment. "Not necessarily."

He turns towards me. "How did you get that bruise on your wrist?"

"Oh…I…I got it jammed into the car door a few days ago."

He looks skeptically at me. "That's odd."

I laugh nervously and change the topic immediately. "Yes, well, so what can you tell me?"

"Have you felt the baby move?"

"Not in the last few days."

"Any morning sickness?"

"No, but I never really had it badly before either." Dread is starting to sink in as I put the pieces together.

"Okay, well let's take a look."

I look at the little monitor and it feels like there is lead in my stomach. "Why…why isn't it moving?"

"I'm sorry."

"No…no. No, please, try again. "The tears are coming. I blindly hope that there was some sort of mistake, even though I know there isn't.

"I'm very sorry, you've lost the baby."

"No…please. Oh god, no." I sob, cradling my stomach as if I can protect it, that what he's saying isn't true.

"It was a girl." The news makes me sob harder, now the baby has a gender, an identity, and it makes it so much worse.

I'm going to kill that bastard for taking my little girl away.

"Oh shit. Desmond, I need some help over here!" I gasp as I crash out of that memory and see the doctor holding Sawyer, who is shaking convulsively.

"Sawyer!" I yelp, running towards him.

"Stay back! Desmond can help, he trained to be a doctor." Desmond looks guiltily at me, eyes wide and mouth working silently for a short explanation.

"What? But…you could've…" I mumble, completely baffled.

Jack interrupts me. "He's gone into shock. If we can't get him to stabilize he'll die."

Okay, so yeah i've ran out of "I...'s" to start and finish off the chappies with which you are probably happy about as it was LAME anyway, but this was originally just a 2000 word story for my english class so...there LOL.

Review please...and send money, or i shan't be able to buy any jam to cover Sawyer in and then i don't know what i'd do. o0