She said I love you.
She actually said it.
But she was crying.
I don't understand why she was crying.
This woman continues to astound and confuse me to no ends.
I hear the shower stop and steam rolls from the door as she pulls it back, and steps out in a towel.
She's so beautiful.
"Burke...Burke, I have to tell you what I did. What's going on."
I'm taken aback, and my blood has run cold.
I instinctively know what she's going to say.
"You called Dr. Hahn." I mumble, sitting up in the bed.
She nods, wide eyed, tears of guilt masked by the water droplets from the shower.
"Why?" I manage to choke out.
"I wanted to protect you." she whispers.
"To protect me...to protect me?" I repeat, "From who, were you trying to protect me?"
She cokes back tears and sits on the bed next to me, sliding a hand onto my shoulder. "From yourself." she mumbles. "I didn't know what to do, and George told me if I didn't fix it that he was going to out you to Webber...and I didn't know what to do..."
I push her away, "You could've talked to me." I spit at her.
"Burke, I tried...I tried to talk to you. I told you that I was sticking, I told you we were a team, but you were nothing but irrational...", she cries to me.
She's crying.
That should be a sign for me, but I keep going.
"I'm irrational? I'm irrational? Let's review this...had you been the one to accept the fact that I couldn't operate, we wouldn't have been in this position. If you would've been the one to accept me as a man, and to remember that we're people first and not surgeons, we wouldn't have been in this position. If you would've quit being stubborn, and irritable, and ignorant of my problems, we wouldn't have been in this position." My voice gradually raises until I'm screaming at her.
She looks down at the floor, silently weeping, "Burke, I didn't know what to do. I didn't want George's dad to die."
"If you would've held the vessel steadily, we wouldn't have had a problem in surgery!" I snap.
Images of blood splattering her face haunts my memory.
Her hands drop to her light, "I failed you as an intern...but as a girlfriend...as the woman who...who..."
"You can't even say it again!" I interrupt her, "As the woman who's supposed to love me, you failed me more!"
"I saved you! I saved us! We could've lost our careers if I hadn't of called her!"
I raise my hand to motion at the door, "Go." I whisper.
"What?" she asks, looking up in shock.
"Get out of my apartment. Get dressed and get out. I don't want to see you."
She stands in shock, everything is moving in slow motion. "Burke...Burke, don't do this."
"Get out of my apartment." I repeat, strong and steady.
My heart aches.
I don't really want her to go.
But my psyche is pushing for it.
I stand over her as she pulls on her clothes.
She has gone from crying to sobbing. It's reminiscent of when she lost our baby that she had no intention of telling me of.
She just can't control it.
That's what she gets for bottling her feelings.
She grabs her keys off of the counter as I follow her to the door.
I don't know why I followed her, it's just something automatic.
She turns to face me with a red tear streaked face and desperation in her eyes, and she kisses me.
Not too hard.
Not too soft.
Just a sweet, perfect, kiss.
The spark is there.
It's dim in the anger, frustration and hurt.
But the spark is there.
I push her back, "Please leave." I mumble.
"Burke."
"Cristina, you betrayed me. I need time to think about this."
"Where am I supposed to go? Back to the hospital? I'm on probabtion."
"I'm sure you'll figure something out." I mutter, closing the door in her face.
Closing the door on the woman I love.
Closing the door on a chapter of my life.
A/N: My angsty personality had to make up for the fluff. It will get better. ;)