a/n I know this fic is dark and totally twisted. Just an idea yknow. Gotta love a little drama once in a while :)
Chapter 4: On the Brink of Disaster
A few months later...
Her pager went off. She looked at it: 911. Confused she jumped up, grabbed her favorite scrubs and rushed out the door. Running into the hospital, she noticed all the interns were standing outside room 105. "Whoa," she said to herself. "Talk about dejavu." She counted them: Izzie, Alex, Cris, Derek, Bailey, Chief. Whew, she thought, they were all there. She wondered who could be in that dreaded room again to get them all so shaken up.
Cris saw her first. Her face dropped as she turned and motioned to Derek. He nodded, and slowly walked over to Meredith. "Who is it now?" She demanded. "I can't take much more you know, first George, now someone else I'm obviously close to." She was already crying and had no idea why.
He touched her face, "Mere, its your mother." Her eyes widened when he said those words to her. She knew the time was near, but this, this was too sudden. She hadn't prepared herself. She hadn't been to see her in months, and now, now it was too late. She collapsed into Derek's arms.
"Was she alone?" Meredith looked up at him. "Was she alone Derek?" She was getting angry. "Damnit Derek, tell me!" She began to pound on his chest, her emotions spiralling out of control. He stroked her hair and held her as close as he could. He knew she was still hurting over George, and now, she had lost her only true family member and she felt as if she wasn't even there for her when she needed her the most. She was breaking and he was breaking with her.
"I was with her Mere, they brought her in, paged you right away, and I refused to leave her side until you came. Remember when you had to disconnect your patients life support? Remember I followed you to the closet to find you hyperventhilating about your mother dying alone? I wasn't going to let that happen Mere. I promised you, after George, I would be there. Always and forever. Mere, I'm here. Hit me, kick me , rip me to shreds, I'm not going anywhere."
She was beginning to calm down when Cris, Izzie and Alex walked up to her. She wasn't in the mood for friends right now. She just wanted to lay in Derek's arms and never have to move. Life wasn't supposed to be this damn hard. What in the hell had she ever done to deserve so much misery and pain? She just wanted to fade away into nothingness. She was on the brink of disaster and everyone knew it.
Her mother's funeral was what most would expect. Huge. Doctors from around the world attended the late great Ellis Grey's last moments before they put her into the ground. Meredith walked around in a daze. All these people, so important in her mothers life and career and she had no idea who they were. Meredith started to feel the sting of guilt: her mother had done so much for people during her heyday, and Meredith stayed angry at her for not doing anything for her. She felt selfish. Worthless, Like she had no reason to go on. Her mother shouldnt have been the one to go. It should have been her.
Derek interrupted her thoughts again. He was getting good at that. "Mere, what are you thinking about?" He asked her. Sadly, he already knew. Meredith had heavy bouts with depression and he could usually sense when she hit a low point. At one time, he had her talking with a shrink about things, but suddenly, when the shrink touched on the George issue, she closed up. Refused to go anymore. She couldn't face reality and Derek knew she was slipping faster and faster and before long, he wouldnt be able to catch her.
She forced herself to smile at him. Months ago, she would have been elated to have his full attention. These days, though, it didn't matter to her. He probably just felt sorry for her. "Poor Meredith, everyone she loves is dying, she doesn't need to be alone," she constantly thought. She felt so alone even though no one let her out of their site for more than a few minutes at a time. Things had gotten so bad, she didn't even want to work. That hospital had nothing but memories for her. Where she grew up, where she always did her homework while waiting for her mother to finish a surgery, where she and George actually became good friends. Too many memories.
She suddenly stood up. She smiled at Derek. "I've made a decision." He listened intently. "I'm quitting the program." Shocked he started to speak but she cut him off. "I can't do it Derek. I need a change. Something different. I need to live my life not wallow in my tears. That hospital, has so many memories, so much pain..." She emphasised the pain part. He knew she was also referring to him, and their past. "I need to take a little break, find myself. I don't expect you to wait for me Derek, I wouldn't wait for me, but I need you to support me on this."
He didn't know what to say. He had finally started to think his life was going in the right direction and she drops this bomb on him. He wanted to ask her to stay, marry him, be with him forever, but he knew better. He knew she needed to fix things for herself. He didn't want to push her. He just nodded, looked at her with sadness in his eyes, " I hope you find what you're looking for, Meredith Grey." With that, he stood, kissed her cheek and walked away. Little did he know, that would be the last time he ever saw her beautiful face again.
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