Chapter 4 – What happens now?

After that day, Kaoru although sill in immeasurable pain caused from the love he held as well as from the neglect from his twin, had found a pillar of support. His mother and him had become even closer, she was the confidant to whom he could relinquish all his pain and all his darkest desires and secrets.

Never once did she betray him or make him in any way feel guilty, dirty, or unwanted. And although her opinion still mattered less to him in comparison to Hikaru's , she had become one of the most precious and important people in his life.

Kaoru's mother had once been considered a beautiful, young rose, a paradigm of French nobility, and in her matured age she had become a rose in full bloom. Her grace and style was legendary and only helped her as she became a famous designer, her fashion labels and new designs fought over by many influential people.

As she helped him through his problems slowly, he began to take after and learn from his mother, how he had once followed and took after his elder brother, Hikaru. She began to teach him her home tongue, French, as well as the languages she was brought up knowing, both Latin and Italian, to help distract him from his all consuming pain. He also began to thrust himself into his studies like never before, working himself tell he was to exhausted to think or even dream.

Other little slightly noticeable differences occurred in the mannerisms of Kaoru. Unknowingly due to his mother's presence, Kaoru became interested in classic poetry, music, and art because when his mother found nothing else to talk about she switched to the topics which she knew best.

However, even though Kaoru now had his mother's guidance and support he felt overwhelming despair and pain. His mother had thought of everything and did not know what to do to bring her son back to life short of making Hikaru talk and work things out with his twin. But knowing just how disastrous the consequences could be she would not gamble with her son's life, for if Hikaru ever rejected Kaoru she had no doubt in her mind that he would try to end his life once again.

So when the invitation came in the mail she knew what she had to do.

"Kaoru, you know since 'IT' happened, that your grades have vastly improved greatly.

...well...you know the school I attended in France only accepts students with certain aspects and credentials correct?...Honey, ...you've been invited...and..well...I think you should go."

I stood there in shock, my mother wanted me to leave...did she...did she not want me anymore.

I knew it. I knew no one could love me; I am to disgusting, to dirty. It was no wonder that even my own mother would hate me.

Seeming to sense my eminent break down she hugged my not letting go no matter how hard I tried to get away. My tears began to soak one of her latest fashion designs, and I once again berated myself for once again doing something wrong. Waiting to be yelled at I closed my eyes, silent tears trailed down my cheeks as my muscles tensed as if waiting for physical hits to blow down.

"Honey...I still want and love you Kaoru, and I always will...

I...I just thought this would be a good opportunity for you...I ...I mean you could get away from everything here and relax for a bit."

She sighed, brushing my hair tenderly with a love in her eye's that I know could not possibly be feigned. "I know that since Hikaru joined the soccer team and began to seriously date Haruhi that you have been even more depressed than ever...and ...and I...I just thought that if you left for a little, went to a more welcoming environment...that you could get a fresh start.

I know...

...I know that you will always love your brother and never forget him, but... I had hoped that you could find something new to live for."

I stared into my mother's eyes that she had given to me and my brother. Those eyes so full of purity and kindness, and I knew she was telling no falsehoods.

But one thought confused my already stressed brain, a certain memory of my mother talking of her former school ringed over and over on my mind.

"But mother, didn't you say that your old school was also an art school and every student had to excel in at least two art areas?" This fact had completely vexed me and although I had improved in my studies, but I had joined no clubs or had done nothing to show my growing love for music and poetry.

By now my mother had begun to fidget, her hands wringing in her lap, and looking extremely nervous, she stuttered, "w..well..um..sweetie...uh..you..kn..know how...well..um..how should I say this..well..youknowhowIopenedupastoretosellonlymydesignsrightwell,Ihavebeenplayingyourmusicanddisplayedsomeofyourmoreatisticpoemsonmywalls...(translation: you know how I opened a store to sell only my designs right. Well, I have been playing your music and displayed some of your more artistic poetry).

Although it was amusing to watch my always articulate mother fumble for words and struggle noticeably for composure, inside Kaoru was confused wondering if he should feel elated that his mother was so proud of him that she displayed his work or disappointed and betrayed that she had not asked him for his permission.

As he listened to her stutter on he decided he felt more pleased that she thought he was important enough and his handwritten and original works good enough for her to display them to wealthy, important clients.

His mother stopped her jumbled murmurings when she felt her son jump into her arms telling her how much he loved her. She held him in her grasp upset that her son was going to leave, but happy that he would finally get the help and attention she could not give him.

Although he would miss Hikaru more than words itself could express, he did for once what he thought was best for himself, and if it was what he thought was best for Hikaru that was just an added bonus...right?

As he left to go to the airplane, he took a quick stop to Hikaru's room and kissed him once, just once ever so softly on the mouth and as he left the room, closing the door softly he whispered in a heartbroken voice, "I love you." and left, silent tears streaking down from eyes flooded with an untold pain.

This chapter is over! Finally (this is the longest chapter, I have ever written, but it may have a few errors and I have some more bad news, well...I have to go somewhere with my family tomorrow so I may not be able to update...sorry.)

Chapter Preview (also find out the reason Kaoru came back)

'So here I am yet again,' Kaoru thought to himself, here he was again, trapped in a place that even now symbolized a hell full of tears and pain.

Kaoru took a deep, calming breath as he opened the door to his homeroom class and found all eyes locked on him including the eyes that haunted him every waking and sleeping moment of his life...

...Hikaru's eyes.