Chapter Eleven: Downward Spiral

"I am a remnant of the forever origin.
I am the soul of every phantom fallen.
I am rising as I am falling, silent as calling."

--Borknagar - Future Reminiscence

"All right, Lieutenant Commander Christensen, you should be good to go. Enjoy your week's vacation," said the nurse as Rex finished tying his shoes. "Remember to take your medication and call if you have any complications."

"Of course," said Rex. "I'll be careful." He stood up slowly, bracing himself against the frame of his bed as a headrush made his legs go weak and his vision turn almost black for a few seconds.

"Do you need help?" said the nurse.

"I'm fine," said Rex as he stood up straighter, blinking a few times to clear his vision.

The nurse wrote something on the chart hanging from Rex's bed. "I just approved your discharge from the hospital. Take care of yourself, and come back in a week so we can examine you and approve your return to combat duty."

"Sure, I'll be OK. Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

Rex left the room and saw Adrian sitting in the waiting room, reading a magazine. Adrian lowered the magazine and looked up as he saw Rex come over to him.

"Hey, Rex," said Adrian. "I was waiting for you. I was hoping we could go somewhere together."

"Sure, why not? The war will probably be over by the time I'm able to go back to work."

"How about I buy the drinks this time?"

"All right. Why don't we get some hangover pills before we go to the bar? I woke up feeling really sick the last time."

"That would be fine. The pharmacy is right around here."

Adrian nodded as he followed Rex over to the pharmacy.

"A week off, huh? I've had to work through worse than the injury you have."

"It would have been two weeks had Captain Parks not demanded a shorter period of observation. But then again, nobody depends on you for their survival. You seem a bit more relaxed than when I first met you."

"Yeah, I've tried to loosen up a little. I still feel stressed out a lot though."

"It's a start, at least. I'm sure you'll find it easier to relax over time." Rex walked up to the pharmacy counter.

"Hello," said the pharmacist. "What can I do for you two?"

"Do you have any pills for preventing hangovers?"

"Yes we do, sir." The pharmacist reached under the counter and pulled out a small red carton. "Here you go. That will be 18.64 credits, please."

Rex handed her his military debit card. She swiped it through a groove in the register and gave it back to him, and then handed him the carton of pills. "Thanks," said Rex.

"You're welcome, sir. Have a nice day."

Rex put an arm around Adrian. "Now it's time to get drunk."

Adrian laughed as they walked together to the bar.

--

"Poor Rex," said Deathwish as he circled the destroyer he was assigned to escort. "He's going to miss the whole war."

"Considering the way it's progressing, I think we're the ones who should be envying him," said Skitz.

"What do you think, Riptos?" said Pinky.

"I don't know." Riptos closed his eyes briefly as the question turned over in his head. On the one hand, he was concerned for his friend's safety and knew he was much safer on Orbital Station 12 than fighting in a war in which every battle was a massacre of the Mobian forces by the Earth forces. On the other hand, he felt bad that Rex had to be apart from his comrades and deprived of the opportunity to defend his people, and for the other members of his squadron who had to fight without Rex. He was torn between being a loving friend and being a soldier and leader, between personal and professional, between peace and war. Having had seen Rex being brought into the emergency room had changed his whole outlook.

"What's the matter, Riptos?" said Deathwish. "You've been awfully quiet today."

"I don't really feel like talking that much today."

"If it's as simple as that, then Pinky's straight as an arrow. You've been acting weird for the past few days, and now you're acting even weirder. What's going on?"

"None of your goddamn business, that's what's going on. Why don't you stick your nose somewhere where it will be welcomed, like up your own asshole?"

"Sorry, I was just trying to have a conversation. I didn't mean to make you mad or anything."

Riptos felt a twinge of guilt as he realized how he had come across. He was now certain that pretty much everyone could see through his insistence that he was feeling all right. But he couldn't bring himself to tell the truth. But why? Was it his pride? No, he realized, it was fear. His mind was full of it. Fear of his squadmates and friends dying. Fear for his family. Fear of having to give up the career he had built his life on. Fear of revealing his favoring Rex, which could disrupt the harmony of the squadron. Fear of the decrepitude of advancing age. Fear of death. Fear of shaming himself by letting his squadmates know of his other fears. Rex and Bookshire were the only people outside his family that he related his innermost troubles to.

"Jeez, Deathwish," said Pinky. "You've gotta learn some tact. The fact that he wasn't talking about it in the first place should've told you something."

"Butt out, fairyhog. I wasn't talking to you."

"Make me, Deathbitch!"

Riptos smirked and shook his head. Deathwish and Pinky were always at each other's throats. They weren't really serious about it, though. They hadn't had an actual fight since they graduated from officer candidate school five years ago. Oftentimes they just bickered to amuse themselves. Despite their endless disagreements, they were alike in many ways that they themselves would never admit.

"Red alert! Reading hostile jump signatures!" Admiral Akwarus' voice sounding through the headphones jolted Riptos to attention. The space before him was dotted with dozens of white points of light, Earth ships entering the battlefield. The first few blue beams reached out from the lead ships to begin the battle. Mobius's score in the war was zero for two now, and Riptos didn't think it would improve.

--

Adrian felt a warmth spread through his body as the two shots of bourbon he had drunk began to take hold. He leaned forward and put his elbows on the counter. "Hey, Max," he said to the bartender. "I think that drink you gave me yesterday was a little strong."

The albino hedgehog grinned as he handed another patron a mug of beer. "I put a little bit of pure grain alcohol in it to make it stronger. Consider it a little treat for first-timers."

"It sure didn't feel like a treat the next morning."

'Well, people have different responses to alcohol. You seem awfully skinny. How much do you weigh?"

"23 kilos."

"Well, there's a reason already. I'd say you should weigh at least 27 kilos, maybe even 30. How often do you drink?"

"That was my first time in two years."

"Sorry if I made you feel bad. I should've been more careful."

"It's OK. We got some hangover tablets today."

Max gestured towards the huge window, where the blue globe of Mobius loomed below the station, the light reflecting from it drowning out the light of the stars, so only a black void could be seen around it. "Either of you kids have family down there?"

"I have a wife on Mobius," said Rex. "She's pregnant with a baby girl."

"My adoptive parents live on Earth, so I can't even talk to them," said Adrian. "As for my real family, I never knew them. My mother is dead and my father is in prison. As for how that came about, I would rather not talk about it."

"I understand," said Max.

"I had a girlfriend that I was planning to propose to, but she dumped me the day I came back from serving on a freighter."

"My condolences. I've never had much luck with the ladies myself. I've been living alone for the past twenty years or so. I own a permanent room on this station."

"Doesn't it drive you crazy to never see day or night? I only signed up to work on a freighter for the money. I hate being in space."

"Well, not everyone can get used to live in a place where it's always dark outside. I guess I'm one of the lucky people who can. I wanted to be a fighter pilot like your buddy Rex when I was young, but I could never pass the vision exams--I don't see too well out these red albino eyes, and glasses don't help much. That's why I always use a magnifying glass to read the labels on the bottles. Hell, one of the reasons I started living on space stations is because I sunburn easily and can't get a tan. So what was it like when you were living on Earth? I'd like to go there someday."

"There are more people than you would believe. Even the skies are congested. Some of the buildings are a kilometer tall. And everything else is huge as well--the knobs on the doors are mounted about as high as the tips of my ears. My adoptive parents were human, and I barely came up past their waists. There are thousands and thousands of cities, and many of them have millions of people in them."

"Did you get along with the humans who adopted you?"

"Yeah. I made a call to them a few days before the war began. I already miss being able to talk to them." He looked over towards Rex, who had three empty beer mugs in front of him. "Do you plan on getting or another drink or should I just go ahead and pay the tab?"

"I think I've had enough."

"All right then." Adrian handed the bartender some cash and turned to Rex again. "You want to stay here a while or should we go somewhere else?"

"Well, there's really not a whole lot to do here, so let's go."

"Sure. My place again?"

"That would be fine," said Rex as he followed Adrian out the door.

--

"Battle stations! All hands to battle stations!"

Fiz involuntarily dropped the book she was reading as the captain's alert blared through the intercom system. They were far away from the battle lines, and to her knowledge the Earthers had not diverted any ships from their main campaign. Pirates were not brave or foolish enough to attack a heavily armed Mobian intelligence vessel.

She dashed out of her private chambers and saw crewmen dashing frantically down the hallway. She stopped one of the crewmembers who were running by. "What's going on here?" she said.

"A whole fleet of pirate ships just jumped in right on top of us, ma'am. We have no idea how one organization scraped so many ships together, it's just--"

"Shit!" Fiz hissed as the ship shuddered violently from a hit. She ran down the corridor towards the bridge. As the bridge doors opened, she saw dozens of small pirate raider ships on the display screens. "Jesus Christ, look at them all," she said to the captain.

"They just came out of hyperspace. I've never seen pirates work like this, or appear in such great numbers." The ship shook again as another blast struck it.

"Well don't just stand there, get us the hell out of here!"

"Yes, ma'am! Helm, jump to hyperspace immediately!"

"Aye, sir. Engaging jump drive now."

The blackness of space dissolved into a psychedelic swirl of different colors as Fiz's ship jumped into hyperspace. It was much too fast for the pirates to catch in hyperspace, so she and her crew were safe for now. But the incident worried her. What kind of pirate would attack a government intelligence vessel? How did they get so many ships? Were the Earthers, the terrorist group, and these pirates all working together.

The situation was becoming worse than Fiz had ever imagined.

--

Adrian sat down next to Rex on the couch in his quarters, resting his head against Rex's chest. Rex put a hand behind Adrian's head and gently stroked the backs of his ears with his fingers. Adrian sighed and drew a little closer. "Hey, Rex?" he said.

"Yes?"

"How does that officer training corps work?"

"Well, you talk to an OTC recruitment official, and he works with you to find a military position suitable for you and the field that you plan to study in. You receive military training for your post as part of your college education, the military pays all your college expenses, and when you graduate, you serve eight years in the military. After your term is up you have the choice to stay in the military or retire and go into civilian life. It's how I got into the navy."

"Combine a four-year education with eight years of service and I'd be at least 34 before I could live a normal life."

"Depends on what you call a 'normal' life. I still have three years of my term left and I plan to continue my military career when it is up--if the navy still exists after this war is over. But if the Mobian Federation dissolves, the Earth Republic has a similar program if you don't mind working for them."

"I'd rather not, not if I want to have any Mobian friends."

"If any friends of yours would be so narrow-minded and hateful as to shy away from you for doing that, they're not worthy of being your friends. Most of the people fighting on the Earth side are ordinary people just like you or me, doing the job they were told to do. There are demagogues on both sides of this war who paint the other side as evil demons. Just ignore them."

"I guess you're right. I just hear a lot of horrible things on the news and I wonder what some of those people would do if they ever got their hands on my parents--or yours.

"You worry too much, Adrian. And not only that, but you worry about the silliest things."

"Maybe. I'm considering joining the OTC, but I'm not sure if I have what it takes."

"A lot of people say that, but it's just not true. Before I joined, I was just as insecure and out of shape as you, but when I got my commission I was at the top of my flight. If I could do it, you can do it. You just don't want to believe in yourself."

"I see those documentaries about military training on TV and that seems like some crazy stuff."

"That's because you've never tried to think beyond the way you are now. You could do a lot of things if you wanted to, but you'll never do anything if you keep telling yourself you can't."

"I don't know what to think right now. I'm tired and the alcohol is messing with my mind."

"Then maybe we should discuss it later. You don't have to make up your mind right now. Just take your time and think it through. If you choose not to join, I'll underst--" Rex's words trailed off as he realized Adrian was already asleep, slumped in his arms.

--

Riptos used his master security pass to open the door of Adrian's room. When Riptos had returned from his sortie, Rex was neither in his quarters nor in the bar. A conversation with the bartender revealed where they had gone. As he entered the room he saw Rex asleep on the couch, his new friend curled up next to him. Riptos smiled briefly and chuckled as quietly as possible before gently picking Adrian up and placing him on the bed nearby. He sat down next to Rex and gently shook him to wake him up.

Rex's eyes opened slowly. "Huh? Riptos?" he mumbled.

Riptos put a finger up to his lips in the universal signal of quiet. "Hey, Rex," he whispered. "Guess you've had a good time today."

"You could say that." Rex's words were slurred together, his eyes were bloodshot, and the smell of alcohol was heavy on his breath.

"How many drinks did you have?"

"Three. Adrian had two, but he's really sensitive to alcohol. He pretty much passed out a few minutes after he sat down next to me. I didn't want to disturb him so I just sat there with him leaning againt me and let myself fall asleep as well. I don't think he'll be waking up for a long time."

"You look awful. Come with me. I know a way back to our room where pretty much nobody will see us. I don't think you'd want to be seen in public in the state you're in. And when we get there I think you should go straight to bed."

"That's probably a good idea. Don't let Deathwish know about this, OK?"

"Your secret is safe to me. Besides, he'd probably never let you live down snuggling up with skin and bones over there."

"Oh jeez, you saw that?" His cheeks turned red.

"Yeah. I thought it was rather sweet myself."

"You would," Rex groaned.

"Oh cheer up," said Riptos. "I thought I was always the gloomy one."

Rex could not help but laugh a bit at that remark. Riptos then backed up behind him and dug his fingers into Rex's sides, causing Rex to fall to his knees, laughing uncontrollably for a few seconds before Riptos let him go. Rex stood up, bracing himself against Riptos and hyperventilating for a few seconds before he finally regained enough composure to start walking again. He walked beside Riptos down the deserted hallway, eager to return to his room and throw himself into a warm, inviting bed and sleep.