My first awareness when I woke up was that my side and my left foot both hurt like a son-of-a-bitch. I looked down, and the smoothness of covers over mattress where the bottom part of my left leg should have been told me everything I never wanted to know. It was a terrifying sight, totally unexpected, one that literally shocked the breath from my lungs.
They had ruined me. My hopes, dreams, my whole future; those bastards has taken it all. Oh, I was still alive alright, but all the joy was now bleached out of my existance because now I could never again go surfing, or rock climb, or go to the clubs and not leave alone. I wasn't going to make CSI 2, or get married, or hold my firstborn in my arms, because now I was damaged, now I was handicapped, no longer even a contender in the competitive Vegas dating game. I hadn't done all that well before, and that was when I was whole.
Tears ran hot and bitter down my cheeks. "Who would want me now?" I whispered softly.
"Only someone truly worth having." Catherine's hand brushed across my cheek, smearing the tears over toward my neck. She leaned down and kissed my cheek. "We're all here for you, Greg. We're all here."
"Sara..." A wave of horror spread through me. "Sara..."
"She's just out there. I'll go get her."
"NO!" I grabbed her hand and clutched it in both of mine. "You can't... I don't want her to see me like this."
"Greg, she knows..."
"I know, that doesn't matter, she can't, you can't let her. Please, Catherine, please. Just... just don't."
She didn't answer, just leaned in to me and stroked my hair with one hand as I slowly relaxed my death grip on her other arm. "It's okay, Greg," she said softly, her own voice quavering, and I realized with a shock that she was crying, Catherine who was hard and brave, Catherine who defended others but never, ever showed weakness, Catherine was crying. "Don't be afraid. The people who cared about you still do. Your outside's a little different, but you're still our Greggo. You're still you."
"My turn." Grissom's even baritone was close, his thick-fingered square hand resting on Catherine's shoulder. "You can see him again in a few minutes. The head nurse is going to waive the visiting limits for us. Brass played the cop card."
Catherine kissed my cheek, and I smiled as I thought of the rosy lipstick mark she probably had left behind. "Later," she said softly, and whooshed out.
"So." Grissom cleared his throat. "How are you doing?" His voice was kind.
"What's left of me is okay, I guess." I looked away from him. "My side hurts. So does, you know..."
He stepped away and returned a few moments later. "She's getting you something for pain," he said quietly.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome." A pained expression passed over Grissom's face, the look of a man who had no idea what to say. He had words, he was proficient enough with those, but he lacked any idea of what sentiment to express.
"It's okay, Grissom. I know. You just don't know what to say, do you?"
"No, Greg, I don't. I'm sorry." He looked at me hard, his eyes sad. "I really am. For everything."
I looked at him for a long time. "Not your fault, Griss," I said quietly. "Not your fault."
"I spoke with your grandfather. We've found a spot for him at Autumn Manor. As soon as we can make arrangements for the transfer he'll be coming to Vegas to be with you. He'll be settling in by the time you're released."
"What..."
"It was his idea, Greg. I just made arrangements - though I must say I'm looking forward to actually meeting this Grandpa Olaf I've heard so much about."
"He's a character."
He smiled slightly. "Must run in the family." He glanced over his shoulder. "Greg, I'm going to step out and let Nick have a turn."
"Okay."
"Hey, little buddy. How ya holding up?"
I shrugged and looked down toward the foot of the bed. "See for yourself."
He never glanced down, just looked at my face and grabbed my hand. "You're going to get through this."
"You sure about that?"
"Yeah, I'm sure." He squeezed my hand. "You're not going through this alone. I got you, man, and I'm not letting go. "
"I don't think I can do this."
"You can, and you will. You got people depending on you, Greg. You have to."
The nurse swished in and pushed a clear liquid into my IV line. "Morphine. For the pain."
My eyelids were suddenly heavy, and the next thing I knew Nick had turned into Sara. She was holding my hand in hers, her fingers stroking softly over the top of my hand. "Hey," she whispered gently. "I've been waiting for you to wake up."