Title: Crumpled Up Promises
Authors: Sara and Lizzie
Rating: T for language, sex, you know.
Disclaimer: We happen to own our personal anatomies, not Grey's. Or Patrick Dempsey's. Sadly.
Summary: An alternate take on the Code Black incident. Meredith is seriously hurt by the explosion, and Derek has to make his choice all over again.
Author's Note: We are differing from the plot lines, and dialogue in the show. We've added much and changed a lot but you will recognize the occasional line or two that we kept.
We hope you like this. We don't know if we do. The point is there will be surgery drama. Addek Drama. Addison confronted by Cristina drama. Lots o' drama in this fic's future.
REVIEW.
"She knew all the words that I never had said, she knew the crumpled up promise of this broken down man." - Matchbox Twenty
Meredith swallowed hard. "You should go." She told him. "You should get really far away."
Derek looked at her from the OR door. He wanted to run to her, throw his arms around her, and hold her tight. He wanted to kiss her, to taste her. Hell, he wanted to put his own hand on that bomb. Fighting all of these urges, he stood there, struggling to string together what he wanted to say.
Meredith felt transfixed by him, standing there in the doorway, the fluorescent light from the hallway flooding in around him. He looked like a savior, a messiah.
"Meredith." He said, her name rolling off his tongue like honey. She stared into his eyes, showing him the pain, the loss and the all consuming fear. "Are you okay?" he asked.
She nodded, mustering up all the strength she had to give him a small smiled. He crossed the room, toward her, and Dylan tried to stop him, before he got too close to the table, but Derek gave him liquid death in the form of a look.
He reached out across the table, extending his hand to her. She reached back for him with the trembling hand that wasn't holding a bomb. He intertwined their fingers, and held her gaze. "Meredith, you knew, didn't you?" he asked, desperation creeping into his voice.
She gazed at him, blinking back a lone tear. He squeezed her hand. "Tell me that you knew, all the times I should have told you how much I…" he trailed off and swallowed the lump in his throat. "I should have told you every day how much I love you, Meredith. It was never Addison, it was always you. You had to know that."
She nodded, tears flowing freely now. "I know." She said. "Derek, I could die in here." She murmured. "And if that happens-"
He cut her off. "No. You're not going to die, Meredith, you're going to get through this, because you have to. Because we're supposed to be together."
"Derek, if that happens, you're it for me, okay? You're the one. You're the only one I can ever….I love you."
Burke felt that the moment was too intimate for himself and Dylan to witness, but neither Meredith nor Derek seemed to notice they were still in the room.
"You will be fine." Derek said, speaking slowly and deliberately. "I'll stay with you. I'll hold your hand if you want me to."
She shook her head. "You can't." she whispered.
He squeezed her hand and stroked it with his thumb. "You can do this. You have to do this." She dropped her gaze from his eyes to their joined hands. When she looked back up at him her eyes were begging him to say it.
With a final squeeze, he let go of her hand and backed to the door. She held his gaze, begging him silently with her eyes to give her a reason to live through this. As he backed toward the OR door, he was faced with the damning decision to say it now or lose her forever.
Just before he left, it fell from his lips like water down a waterfall, tumbling out the like the confession of a broken and guilty man. "I love you." He said, loud and clear. The door shut, and she looked at Dylan.
"Let's take out the bomb."
"All right, Meredith, on the count of three." She barely heard him as he counted. All she could hear was Derek saying he loved her as she pulled her hand out of the body, trying her hardest to control its shaking. She handed it to Dylan, and watched as he disappeared through the same doors Derek had exited from a few minutes ago.
She looked at Burke who was already busy with the patient, so she followed Dylan out into the hallway. She wanted to make that sure that Derek wasn't in the hallway. She looked at Dylan, and her mind just had time to register the explosion before everything went black.
When the bomb squad's back up team arrived on the scene, less than one minute after they heard the explosion, they didn't find any trace of Dylan, or his partner. All they found was Meredith Grey, lying in a pool of blood, decidedly unconsciously.
"Chief!" one of the nurses called as she strode onto the surgical floor. "We've got head trauma. Burke and the interns are bringing the gurney down."
"Page Shepherd." Richard said, watching as Burke, George and Cristina wheeled a stretcher in what he had turned into a makeshift OR.
"Dr. Webber." Cristina said, shooting a meaningful look at Burke. Webber ignored her.
"Chief." Burke said, putting all the authority he could muster into his voice. Their chief, who was on the phone and trying to sign a form at the same time, held up his hand. "Chief, I really think you want to…" Burke tried again. The chief silenced him with a scalding look.
Adele, who was watching the scene unfold with Addison from a few feet away, sensed the urgency. "Richard!" she barked.
He hung up the phone and glared at all of them. "What the hell is so important?"
Adele raised her eyebrows. "I think you'll want to hear what your interns and DR. Burke have been trying to tell you." His wife told him, gesturing to George.
"Meredith." George blurted.
Webber rolled his eyes. "Dr. Grey is fine."
"No!" George and Cristina said at the same time. Cristina waved her hands at the chief. "That's what we're trying to tell you. Head trauma? Getting prepped for surgery? That's Meredith!"
Recognition dawned on Dr. Webber. "Do not page Shepherd!" he shouted.
"And why not?" Derek asked, sauntering in.
"It's not your area." Richard told him. Derek frowned.
"The page said obvious head trauma. I believe that would be my area."
"We were mistaken." Dr. Webber told him.
"Mistaken?" Derek echoed dubiously as Izzie and Alex joined Cristina and George. "The head trauma disappeared? There was trauma five minutes ago and now it's gone?"
"Derek, just drop this." The chief said. Derek looked around, counting interns and surveying the people who were gathered in the hallway. Addison smiled at him and ignored her.
"Where is she?" he asked. No one looked at him. "Where is she?" he demanded, louder this time.
Richard sighed. "Getting prepped for surgery. The blast knocked her back, and she sustained head trauma from the fall and debris. She also got hit by some debris in the stomach. She lost a lot of blood."
Derek closed his eyes. "How bad is it?"
"Derek…" Addison said, coming toward him.
"How bad is it?" he shouted.
"She's got blood polling in her cerebral cortex. And no, you are not operating. Do you understand?"
"No." Derek said.
"No, what?" Webber challenged. "I gave you an order, you follow it. You're too personally involved to operate on her."
"I'm too personally involved not to operate. Richard, every life I've saved… I'd trade them all for this. This is the one. This is that case. This is the only life I want to save."
The chief was about to say something, but was cut off by his phone ringing again. "Police." He muttered. "Derek, do not move."
Cristina looked at Derek and Burke. "So what do we do now?"
"You heard Richard. He won't let me do the damn surgery." Derek said, wringing his hands together. Addison closed her eyes, knowing what this was all adding up to mean.
Izzie stared at him. "And you're listening? You're just going to sit here?"
Cristina snorted. "You've practically killed her anyway. Why quit now?"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"It means that she's a train wreck, Dr. Shepherd, and it's not any of our faults."
George nodded. "She loves you. She loved you so much it kills her. She loves you too much to drag you down with her, so she's just destroying herself."
Derek closed his eyes. "She told me. I, I went to the OR to see her." Something in the back of brain was telling him not to admit this in front of Addison, but he couldn't seem to stop talking. "I told her how I felt about her…" he trailed off, and before anyone could stop him, he grabbed the phone from Richard's ear and slammed it down onto the counter so hard the screen cracked.
"I will operate." He said. "I'm scrubbing right now. Accept it or fire me." He challenged, daring Richard to tell him no.
"I'll assist Derek." Burke said.
Derek nodded. "Thank you Preston." He said softly.
"As will I." The chief said.
"We're going to need one of them." He said, gesturing to the interns. "Steven is a mess, Yang's exhausted. Karev?"
Burke shook his head. "We need the heart." He murmured. "O'Malley." He called. "Let's go." George just nodded, and the four of them disappeared, heading for the OR.
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