King of the Hill
A Connie & Luanne Episode
Skip to My Lu My Darling
Written by Mr. Semaj
Act II
Scene I – Former Owner
Luanne and Patterson meet Reverend Stroup in her office that day to confirm this sudden revelation. Reverend Stroup reads some documents laying out Patterson's priorities on the puppets.
Reverend Stroup: "Gee, it looks like this man is telling the truth, Luanne."
Patterson: "That is right. I had to surrender the poor marionettes back in 1964 to save some personal finances.
But forty-plus years later, I hear that Patterson Puppets have found new life in the form of a Christian puppet show, which I think is adorable. And as the original owner of these commodities, I would like a fair share of wealth from their newly-discovered recognition."
Reverend Stroup: "Uh…what do you say, Luanne? It's all up to you."
Luanne looks up at Patterson, as he looks back at her with an innocent glaze in his eyes.
Luanne: "Um…I don't know..."
Everyone looks confused, not knowing what to do.
The next day, after work, Luanne, Connie, Hank, Joseph, Bobby, Lucky, and Maria all assemble in the Hills' living room.
Hank: "So you're saying that this guy comes out of the blue and claims ownership of the Manger Babies?"
Luanne: "Uh-huh. I feel that since I helped his puppets regain recognition after forty-three years, I owe him some recognition for the show's success."
Bobby: "But they're your puppets. Dad bought them for you at a garage sale before Superbowl XXXII."
Maria: "He could just be some gold-digger looking to rip you off for everything you've got."
Lucky: "Luanne, baby, I have no experience in show biz, but I do know where entertainment is going these days. It's best you be careful how much control you give to this feller."
Joseph: "His input could majorly affect the quality of the show."
Luanne: "Well, I meet with him again tomorrow, so it's not a done deal yet."
Connie: "Whatever decision you make, we're right behind you, Luanne."
Luanne receives momentary consolation from her family and friends.
Scene II – The Vision
That night, Luanne is combing her hair while she and Lucky are getting ready for bed.
Lucky: "So, have you made up your mind about the Manger Babies yet?"
Luanne: "No, Lucky. Tomorrow will be a new day; hopefully by then, I can think about this more clearly." (places her brush down)
Lucky: "You've been working pretty hard lately. You got your job at the barbershop and at the church. And you'll be having a third job as a mother pretty soon. Maybe it's time for a little delegation?"
Luanne: "I'll think about it." (climbs into bed)
The two kiss each other good night.
As Luanne sleeps, she begins to dream…
She's working as a servant on an upperclassman's farm. She has to carry two buckets of water from the well back to the estate.
She sees another woman struggling with three buckets, and thinks about helping her. But there is the overwhelming consequence of what would happen should she be caught procrastinating…
Just then, clouds appear in the sky. Thunder booms, and some rain begins to pour. The distressed woman trips in the mud. Luanne still doesn't know what to do.
A bolt of lightning strikes, and gives her a stone scripture. Luanne reads it, which is from the book of Ecclesiastes.
In Chapter 4, Verse 9-10, it reads:
It's better to have a partner than go it alone.
Share the work, share the wealth.
And if one falls down, the other helps,
But if there's no one to help, tough!
Luanne looks at the woman again. She walks over, and lifts the third bucket for her. The two women walk together in the storm with five buckets back to the estate…
Luanne wakes up.
Luanne: "I have made my decision!"
Scene III - The Proposition
The next day, Luanne meets with Patterson and Reverend Stroup again.
Luanne: "After much thought and consideration, I have decided to appoint Mr. Patterson as creative consultant of the Manger Babies."
Reverend Stroup: "Mr. Patterson, welcome aboard." (shakes Patterson's hand)
Patterson: "Splendid! After all these years, there's a second chance!
Of course, now there's the matter of obligations."
Luanne: "Like what?"
Patterson: "On this legally binding contract."
Luanne skims through it.
Patterson: "To make it short, I'm now involved in any future operatives involving the Manger Babies. That includes production of the series, merchandising, and the eventual release of episodes on DVD."
Luanne pauses…
Luanne: "Well, this is what we just agreed upon."
She then signs the contract. She shakes hands with Patterson.
After a while, Luanne shares with her history with the Manger Babies, as they prepare plans for the next show.
Luanne: "…And then after the Superbowl, the show became a series regular, and we've done occasional specials with Arlen Public Access, especially during the holidays. We're still among the best known programs in local broadcasting."
Patterson: "You don't say."
Luanne: "But I just did.
Each week, I make sure the Manger Babies are clean and polished, and I have Bible study on Tuesdays and Thursdays for new material. We broadcast live every Sundays at noon, and we have a half-hour session with our fans after each show.
I'm expecting in a couple months, but it's almost like I've already taken care of children." (rubs her belly)
Patterson: "Yes. Based from what you and Reverend Stroup have described, it looks like you have taken good care of my puppets over the past nine years. You've even chosen my four best puppets.
Luanne: "Of course. This is Obadiah the Donkey, Hosea the Cat, Octopus, and Sir Reginald Featherbottom III."
Patterson: "Correction: That's Dunstan the Donkey, Casey the Cat, Octavio O. Octopus VIII, and Percy the Penguin, all in their original form. That's how we will be referring them as from now on."
Luanne: "Um, does it matter if Octopus…"
Patterson: "Octavio."
Luanne: "…Octavio has six legs?"
Patterson: "You tell me. Does it matter if Squidward have six tentacles? SpongeBob and Patrick don't seem to care."
Luanne: "I guess you're right.
Anyway, here is my newest script." (hands Patterson the script)
Patterson reviews the script for a moment.
Luanne waits for further verdict.
Patterson: "Not bad. Not Shakespearian, but good nonetheless.
However, the names will have to change, as per our agreement."
Luanne (uneasily): "Okay."
Patterson: "And, I've got a fresh new face to add to the series."
Luanne: "Um, alright. Who is it?"
Patterson pulls out his briefcase.In his briefcase are some old documents and some extra puppets.
Patterson: "Mrs. Platter, meet Bellamy the Bumblebee!"
What is shown is a ragged puppet with a pair of antenna dangling from his head.
Luanne: "Mm..he looks kinda…"
Patterson: "Shabby? I agree. That is why you are going to fix Bellamy up in time for our next show."
Luanne: "Next show?"
Patterson: "Next show. Bellamy the Bumblebee is going to be the star of the next episode of Manger Babies."
Luanne: "Mr. Patterson, I don't know about this.
People are going to have a hard-enough time adjusting to the name changes, but I certainly don't think anybody is ready for a new player."
Patterson: "You already seem to be forgetting that this was the original format of Patterson Puppets. I'm just picking up where I left off.
Besides, programs have to change every once in a while so they can stay fresh. You don't want your show to eventually crumble from stagnation, do you?"
Luanne: "Of course not. I'm sorry."
Patterson: "Quite. Now then…"
Patterson continues to lay out his plans for the Manger Babies…
Scene IV – The New Manger Babies
At the Souphanousinphones', the family is having breakfast at the kitchen table. Kahn finishes his coffee while reading the newspaper. Minh collects the plate from his meal. Connie is finishing her meal.
While Kahn reads the newspaper, Connie notices a secondary headline that says: "Local Emmy Wins to be Announced at Season's End."
The next Sunday, the children tune in for the newest show of the Manger Babies.
Boy #1: "I heard that this new episode was going to reveal Octopus' real name."
Girl #1: "Oh yeah? Well I heard this episode was going to introduce Hosea's twin sister."
Girl #2: "Nuh-uh. This episode is where Obadiah gets a makeover."
Boy #2: "You're all wrong. This is the one where Featherbottom saves the Queen of England…again!"
Boy #1: "Ssh! It's starting."
The curtains open as the show is about to begin.
Luanne takes a deep breath, as she prepares for the worst from her performance. She begins the Manger Babies theme song with the characters' new names.
Luanne (singing): After Jesus left, King Herod came
Demanding first-born sons.
He cast an evil spell on them,
Freezing everyone.
Long ago I bought a Nativity scene
At a yard sale second-hand.
They came to life and then, amen!
I met the Manger Babies!
There's Dunstan the donkey -- he says "Eee-yaa!"
Casey the cat -- "Meow meow!"
Children: "Huh?!"
Luanne (continues singing): "Octavio O. Octopus VIII -- "Gurgle gurgle!"
And let's not forget a very British bird,
Percy…the Penguin.
"Charmed, I'm sure, guv'nor."
They are the Manger Babies, getting in trouble,
Manger Babies, spreading God's message of love,
Manger Babies...
MANGER BABIES!"
The audience gives an unenthusiastic applause.
Someone (whispering): "That was out of rhythm."
The show begins in a field of flowers.
Casey: "I'm go glad you guys could help me pick flowers for my party this evening."
Dunstan: "Hee-haw! Don't mention it. Friends do things together."
Percy: "Might I recommend the merry marigold in that patch?"
The puppets walk over to the patch.
Octavio: "Gurgle-gurgle."
Casey: "I agree. I will choose the yellow ones."
Luanne: "But wait, what's that?"
A bee emerges from the flowers.
Percy: "Why it's a bumblebee! Run for cover, blokes!"
Bellamy: "No, don't run. My name is Bellamy the Bumblebee."
Casey: "Why hello, Bellamy."
Dunstan: "Nice to meet you."
Octavio: "Gurgle."
Bellamy: "I'm collecting some nectar for my honey.
Come with me. I'll show you how we make honey."
Manger Babies: "Yay!"
In the audience, some of the members start muttering about the new material. Luanne notices as she cautiously continues with the play.
By the end of the play, the audience gets restless.
Bellamy: "And that's how we make honey. But we bees don't like when people steal our honey. Some people may like it in salads and on waffles, but we don't like it."
Casey: "Of course not, Bellamy. We would never steal your honey."
Bellamy: "Of course you wouldn't; I'm a bee!" (goofy laugh)
The Manger Babies leave the beehive.
Casey: "Meow! That was very educational."
Dunstan: "I agree. Hee-haw!"
Percy: "What do you say we go find out how spiders spin a web?"
Others: "Yay!"
As the Manger Babies run off, Casey leaves her basket of flowers behind.
Luanne: "And that…is how a bee makes his honey.
The End!" (ending theme plays)
The audience is silent. They then start mumbling doubtingly as they get ready to leave.
Only a few kids bother to line up for an autograph after the show.
Boy: "So, like what happened with Casey's party?"
Luanne: "Well, she decided to postpone it so she could spend more time in the fields that day."
Girl: "But why would Bellamy show them how he makes honey if he doesn't want to share?"
Luanne: "Some people are just like that. What matters is how you deal with it."
Boy: "Whatever. This show wasn't that good anyway."
The line breaks up as the grumbling kids leave.
Patterson steps in.
Patterson: "So, Mrs. Platter. How did it go?"
Luanne: "Horrible. Everybody hated the newer version."
Patterson: "Ah, no worries. We'll just try again next week."
Luanne: "Say, why are you just showing up? Didn't you watch the show?"
Patterson: "I wish I could've, but I couldn't.
Luanne: "But you made a lot of the change from today's show!"
Patterson: "Somebody has to keep track of the finances and all of that other behind-the-scenes stuff. I'll probably catch it next week."
Luanne sighs.
Luanne: "Well, I've got a lot of work to catch up on, so I guess I'll just send you a draft for next week's script."
Patterson: "Say no more. I already got the next script prepared." (pulls out script)
When Luanne comes home, everyone has just finished watching the new episode on TV.
When she tries to get a reaction from them, they all try to avoid giving a real answer. Hank, Bobby, Joseph, and Maria leaves the room.
Lucky and Connie stick by as Luanne sits dejectedly on the couch. She pets Ladybird for comfort.
Connie (whispers): "It wasn't that bad."
Connie smiles. Luanne smiles back.
Scene V – New Guy in Town
The following week, Luanne uses the new names yet again and Bellamy yet again.
Percy: "I'm sure glad you chaps will be joining me on our outing at art gallery tonight."
Bellamy the Bumblebee flies in.
Bellamy: "Hello, Manger Babies!"
Manger Babies: "Hi, Bellamy!"
Bellamy: "Do you want me to show you how we make royal jelly?"
Octavio: "Gurgle."
Bellamy: "Excellent! Off to the beehive we go!"
Some of the audience members start groaning. Others start leaving.
Luanne continues with the show…
Bellamy: "Over here, we give our jelly to the queen, who uses it as a form of nourishment. The nutrients are then used to produce new egg sacs, which help create the new queen bee!"
Casey: "Meow! It's too bad us mammals and birds can't make babies like that."
Bellamy: "Of course. That's the beautiful thing about being an insect.
Speaking of beauty, some of our royal jelly is used for beauty supplies at local stores and salons. But as you know, bees need the jelly to produce more queens each and every year."
Luanne (nervously): "And that is how…royal jelly is made, and why we shouldn't use it for synthetic purposes. The End." (end theme plays)
Luanne sees that the entire audience has left.
A cricket is chirping. The cricket then leaves too.
Later that afternoon, when Luanne arrives home, everyone is conversing on the sudden change in the series.
A special report is on Channel 84.
Nancy: "In local news, fans of the popular Manger Babies are still in an uproar over the sudden changes to the show, thanks in part to a new writer hired by the name of Jacques Patterson. The show has fallen out of the Top 5 column, which it had secured for the past seven weeks, and even out of the Top 10 column, which it had since the show's beginning.
We also have breaking news that, due to the low ratings just mentioned, the new episode scheduled for today has been postponed until further notice.
Now, I'm speaking editorially for a moment, but I don't know what the hell is going on. The show was just fine the way it was. My suggestion is for the Manger Babies creator to get her act together and bring us some changes before her beautiful creation is ruined forever."
Connie: "Luanne, what exactly does this new guy have in mind for the Manger Babies? Whatever it is, it's not working at all."
Luanne: "But it's only been the second week. The changes can't be that bad!"
Announcer: "Ladies and gentlemen, boy and girls, The Manger Babies are off on a magical quest, and are unable to say 'hello' today.
So we now give you a full half-hour of Lindsay Lohan."
Lindsay Lohan appears on the screen to the song "Call on Me".
Hank: "Ugh, turn it off! Turn it off!"
Joseph stares lustfully at the TV screen.
Connie snatches the remote from his hands and turns the TV off.
Hank: "Luanne, aren't you familiar with television shows?"
Luanne: "Yes."
Hank: "You know, The Brady Bunch? The Partridge Family? Diff'rent Strokes? The Cosby Show? "
Luanne: "Um, not really."
Hank: "Shows only add new characters when they're running out of fresh ideas. And most of them still lose their fans."
Luanne: "But not all new guys are bad. Remember Jefferson D'Arcy?"
Hank (unpleased): "Don't even get me started on Ted McGinley."
The telephone rings.
Luanne picks up the phone.
Luanne: "Hello?"
Dale: "I hope you're happy. You've ruined the last good thing in syndication next to Seinfeld and Raymond."
Luanne: "I take it you don't like the changes either, Mr. Gribble?"
Dale: "That's right! You and that stupid bee! How could you go Poochie on your own show?!"
Luanne (holding back tears): "I'm sorry, Mr. Gribble."
Hank (shouting into phone): "Wait a minute. Dale, you told me you don't watch the Manger Babies!"
Dale: "Hank, you dope. You ought to know better than to trust a loony toon.
Luanne, you sweet but green lass. When are you going to learn?"
Luanne shrugs shoulders.
Dale: "IF IT AIN'T BROKE, DON'T FIX IT!!" (hangs up)
Luanne looks despairingly at the TV screen, not knowing what else to expect.
(end of Act II)