Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers.

Desperate Measures

Chapter Five: Raindrops

A squelching noise attracted Ironhide's attention to his foot, where he saw that yet another sticky substance of unknown origin had managed to adhere itself to him. He hopped on one foot as he struggled to scrub it off, muttering several Cybertronian curses that Optimus definitely wouldn't have approved of.

Jazz smiled as he looked back. "Buddy, if you stop to take everythin' off your foot, we ain't gonna get anywhere."

Much to the elder Autobot's irritation, he noticed that Jazz didn't have a single mark on him. "Ah'm sorry. Are we in a hurry?"

"Nah, I just-"

"Then y'can wait fer a few astroseconds, can'tcha?"

The black and white mech sighed and crossed his arms.

A few more curses and a little more scrubbing later, and Ironhide was done. "There. Let's go."

Jazz shook his head and continued on his way, allowing himself a silent chuckle.

The elder Autobot behind him continued looking around their dark and dank surroundings, not even bothering to hide his disgust.

"Are you sure we're gunna find-"

His 'tour guide' whirled on his heel. "Look, would you stop already? The place we're goin' to is just around the corner."

Slightly humbled by the sudden outburst, Ironhide remained silent for a moment. He nodded in a direction behind Jazz. "That corner over there?"

"The very same."

"Well… let's go then."

Jazz nodded quickly. "Okay then."

"Okay."

He made a grand gesture. "After you."

Not particularly appreciative of the sarcasm, Ironhide nevertheless opted to comply with the black and white Autobot, not wanting to inspire any more of his wrath. He led the way around said corner, and came to an alleyway that would have been all but bare except for a door on the left. He stepped forward to open it, when Jazz lay a cautioning hand on his arm.

"Before we go in… I should tell you that this place might freak ya out a bit."

"Why?"

"Well… let's just say it's not what you're used to."

"And just how do you know what ah'm used to?"

"Just… be ready, is all."

"Buddy, ah've been from one end of th' galaxy to th' other. Ah've been half eaten by Regulan Metal Mongers and attacked by Idyaks. Ah think ah can handle whatever's on the other side of this door."

Jazz stared at him for a few moments before removing his hand, putting both up in a surrendering gesture. "All right…"

The elder Autobot left a lingering, irritated look on Jazz before pushing open the door to the Cybertronian club.

And promptly clapped his hands on his audios as the most horrific, vile and vulgar music he had heard in his life assaulted his sensors. Flashing lights blinded his optics, the strobe effect threatening to give him a cranial unit ache.

He felt a light hand on his shoulder. Ironhide looked over at Jazz, who was happily smiling and nodding his head to the beat of the… well, Ironhide supposed some mechs could call this 'music'.

"Y'OKAY?" he yelled, grinning from audio to audio.

"AH'M FINE!"

"WHAT?"

"AH SAID AH'M FINE!"

"WHAT?"

Ironhide scowled. "AH SAID-"

"Calm down, I'm jus' kiddin."

The older Autobot looked around the room. He was struggling to see anyone who wasn't overcharged and dancing the night away. He looked back to Jazz.

"And you actually like this stuff?"

Jazz, meanwhile, was clearly fighting the urge to break into dance himself, nodding his head and tapping his foot with pure enjoyment.

"Yeah, it's good!"

The black and white mech continued on into the crowd, heading for the bar in the middle of the room. With a disgusted shake of the head, Ironhide followed, all the while muttering about 'the drivel that youngsters listen to'.

By the time Ironhide reached him, Jazz was in the middle of a conversation with the bartender, who he apparently knew. After exchanging a few more words with him, Jazz turned back to Ironhide.

"The guys we're lookin' for are in the back."

"Well, what are we waitin' for?"

Ironhide set off, although he had little idea where 'the back' was. Jazz grabbed his arm.

"Whoa there, buddy. Slow it up. We can't go back there now."

"Why not?"

"They're kinda… in the middle of something."

"So? This is important."

"Yeah… but they won't think so, especially if you go in there right now and mess up their game."

He cocked an optic ridge. "Game? What're they doin'?"

Jazz was silent for a moment. "Considerin' that we're both Autobot officials… I don't think we should really discuss it."

A low growl escaped Ironhide's voice emitter. "So what're we supposed to do? Sit here and wait?"

The black and white mech grinned. "First drink's on me…"

"Well why didn't you say so?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Optimus Prime was not a happy Autobot. Trailbreaker could see it, Ultra Magnus could see it, and Primus only knew if the Autobot Council could see it.

Not that they would have acted any differently if Optimus was in a murderous rage.

"And you called me away from the mission of vital importance –which you sent me on, lest we forget - to tell me this?"

There was no reply for a moment, but then one of the shadowy figures sat above him spoke. "We did not want to risk-"

"You could have sent a messenger. You could have-" Prime stopped in his tracks and sighed. "I'm struggling to understand what you want from me. Either you want me leading this mission," he said, pointing to the ground, "or that one," he said, pointing outwards. "You can't have it both ways."

"Are you telling us you aren't going to help?"

"Of course I'm going to help. These are my people. I care about them. And care is something that you seem to be sorely lacking in. I've had enough of this. I've had enough of you dictating matters in which you have no relevant experience or good judgement. I don't care what you do now. I will find a group of Autobots who will help me and we will win this war. You can do whatever you want."

Optimus turned and left the chambers.

"You have not been dismissed."

The Bearer of the Matrix kept on walking. "Trailbreaker, Ultra Magnus. You're with me."

Without even a moment's hesitation, they followed, unheeding of the Council's warnings.

"If you leave now, you will never be permitted back inside the Council chambers. You-"

Ultra Magnus closed the chamber doors behind them. He turned from the doors to face Optimus, who was looking out the front entrance of the Council building, gazing out over Cybertron. Trailbreaker stood behind him, unsure of what to do.

The City Commander came forward and put a relieving hand on Trailbreaker's shoulder before approaching Prime.

"What have I done?" the Autobot leader whispered.

"You did what every Autobot has been hoping you would do ever since you were created. That group of Autobots you were talking about? It's going to be the whole damn army, you realise that? There isn't a single Autobot soldier who won't follow you, especially after this."

Prime let out a heavy sigh. "I hope so." He shook his head, as though shaking out all the doubts and fears that were plaguing him. He turned around. "Ultra Magnus, Trailbreaker, I want you to go to Uraya and prepare a full scale evacuation to Iacon, while still preparing it for the approaching Decepticons. Be as quiet about it as you can; if we can help it, I don't want Starscream catching wind of what we're doing."

Trailbreaker nodded. "Yes, sir."

Ultra Magnus cocked an optic ridge. "And what are you going to do?"

The Autobot leader turned and looked out over Cybertron yet again. "I'm going to find some old acquaintances and see if I can get their help. The Energon expedition is of primary importance."

The two nodded. "Right."

"Good luck to both of you." Optimus turned and transformed, heading out towards the center of Iacon.

Ultra Magnus turned to Trailbreaker. "Do you know who he's talking about?"

The black Autobot shrugged his hefty shoulders. "Maybe… but I don't think they'll be easy to persuade."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ironhide nodded his head appreciatively. "Y'know… ah think this music is startin' to grow on me."

Jazz grinned. "Careful man, that almost sounded like a compliment."

"Aw, ah-"

Someone came up to the bar beside Ironhide, and Jazz nodded in his direction in a 'there he is' gesture.

The older Autobot turned around to see a young looking Autobot with a face that said anything but 'nasty'. In fact, the boy looked so laid back Ironhide doubted he had ever even been in a battle. Although the rocket launcher mounted on his shoulder seemed to say otherwise. His red chassis gleamed in the flashing lights of the club, but not so much as to indicate he spent all day on his appearance.

"Hey, buddy," Jazz greeted cheerfully.

If the red Autobot noticed him, he didn't show it. "Barkeep, two more of the same, would ya?"

Ironhide and Jazz exchanged a glance before the black and white mech tried again.

"Hey there, buddy. Let me buy this round."

That got his attention. He looked them both up and down and smiled easily.

"Sorry, guys. While you're both pretty good looking, I'm not interested. I'm flattered though, really."

Ironhide came forward, a hint of anger in the movement. Jazz put a calming hand on his shoulder before looking at the red mech. He tossed his Autobot ID on the bar in front of him.

"We're recruitin' Autobots for a mission."

He looked it over suspiciously, but gave it back with a cheery smile. "Well, that's different. But I can't say yes."

The scowl on Ironhide's face deepened. "And why is that, exactly?"

"It's not entirely up to me, is it? I need to check with him, and if he says okay, then I've got to think about whether I really want to do it… y'know, a lot of procedures and checksums and stuff like that."

Ironhide poked an accusing finger in the Autobot's chest. "You messin' us around, boy?"

He smiled. "No. Because that would be rude." His drinks arrived, and he picked them up. "Look, I'll go round back, check with him, and see if he wants to do it. Whatever 'it' is. Once the game's over, we'll come back out, have a nice long chit-chat, and see how things go from there, okay?"

"Can't we come with ya?"

The very concept almost seemed to make the Autobot choke with laughter. "What, are you kidding? If you distract him and he loses, he won't even think twice about ripping your heads off."

Ironhide crossed his arms. "Ah'd like to see him try."

"If you want to test the theory, then come along. But I'd rather you didn't, I've kinda got a lot riding on this game."

Jazz put a hand on Ironhide's shoulder, while still looking at Sideswipe. "S'okay, man. You go on ahead and we'll wait out here."

The red Autobot bowed graciously. "Thanks so much."

He continued on his way before Ironhide put an arm in front of him, blocking his path. The red Autobot looked up at him, some irritation growing in his optics.

"Ah'm Ironhide. This is Jazz."

He nodded. "Sideswipe. It's been a pleasure."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nightblade threw another few more creds on the table, all the while keeping his optics firmly locked on his opponent.

"Can you match that?"

The yellow Autobot, Sunstreaker, stared at him blankly before tossing several more creds from somewhere on his person. He was keeping his pads close to his chest.

"I'll admit," Nightblade said, throwing some more creds on the pile, "you're good at this."

His opponent threw a matching amount of creds on the pile.

"The best I've seen, in fact."

Sunstreaker didn't acknowledge his words. He just continued staring at him.

"So good," Nightblade continued, keeping his optics on Sunstreaker, "that I can't even tell how you're cheating."

He didn't reply. He just threw his pads down on the table. "I win," he said blankly, and began gathering up the creds.

Nightblade stood up and slammed a hand down on Sunstreaker's. His head whipped up to look at Nightblade, his optics burning a hole through his cranial unit.

"How about this. You go… and the money stays."

Sunstreaker just stared at him. The door behind them opened, and a cheerful Sideswipe came through, almost skipping. He put the drinks down on the table and took his seat beside his brother.

"Here's your drink," he said, holding it up to Sunstreaker.

He didn't respond.

"Sunny? Drink? Right here? In my hand? That you asked me to get?"

Still no response. Sideswipe looked from his brother, to Nightblade, and back again.

"What's goin' on?"

"We're having a disagreement about something," Nightblade said simply, not for one instant looking away from his opponent.

Sideswipe sighed and looked at his twin. "What'd you do, Sunny?"

"He said I was cheating."

"He did?" He looked at Nightblade. "You did?"

No reply. The red Autobot turned to his brother and clapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey, he didn't mean it. C'mon. There's two mechs waiting in the bar for us. They want to talk about a mission or something. So let's go. C'mon."

Sideswipe stood and tried to pull Sunstreaker along with him, but to no avail. The gleaming yellow Autobot wouldn't budge.

"He has to ask me to stay."

Sideswipe blanched at that. "Wha?"

"If he asks me to stay, I'll leave it."

The younger twin (by a few nanoseconds, true, but still younger) sighed and shook his head. "Ah, c'mon Sunny, I wanna go."

Sunstreaker turned his deliberate gaze on to his brother. "If he asks me to stay, I will."

Sideswipe approached Nightshade, who was still staring at Sunstreaker. "C'mon, buddy. Just… ask him to stay, would you? That way you get to keep the money and everybody's happy."

Nightshade glanced at him out of the corner of his optic. A few tense seconds passed as he and Sunstreaker continued their battle of wills. The purple and black Autobot relaxed his shoulders slightly and smiled sweetly at Sunstreaker, leaning over the table.

"Kiss… my… aft."

The red Autobot groaned, and his hand leapt up to his face. With a sigh of resignation, he picked up the two drinks that were on the table and stood aside.

Nightshade, meanwhile, was continuing to hassle Sunstreaker, with seemingly little results.

"Y'see? What are you going to do? Nothin'. Cause you're scared. You're all bluster and no bite. I bet if we got into a fight, I'd make you kiss my-"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jazz and Ironhide almost leapt up into the air in shock as a purple and black Autobot flew through the air and landed on the bar in front of them, his chassis dented and his limbs bent at angles that should have been impossible. He looked behind him in fear and scrambled to get off the bar and out of the club.

A yellow Autobot stormed through the crowd towards him.

"Hey, where're you going? Why aren't you making me kiss your rear drive plating?"

He quickly caught up with the fleeing Autobot and grabbed him by the shoulders just as he reached the exit. With little effort, he tossed him across the room and into the dance floor, knocking over about a dozen Autobots in the process.

"What's wrong? I thought I was scared! I thought I was all bluster and no bark! C'mon, give me something!"

The dark Autobot continued his retreat, and Sunstreaker pursued at a ferocious pace.

Ironhide caught up with him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"C'mon now, buddy, ah think you've made your-"

Without even looking at him, Sunstreaker grabbed Ironhide's arm and tossed him across the room effortlessly. The red Autobot landed on a table where a particularly irritable and big Autobot was enjoying the company of his femme.

"Hey? What d'you think you're doing?"

"Sorry, buddy, I was jus'-"

One punch later and Ironhide was again thrown across the room. The room erupted into an explosion of Energon, broken glasses and furniture, as well as the odd limb being tossed through the air. Eventually, Ironhide caught on that he was in the middle of a bar brawl and started fighting back. Jazz swiftly dodged and flipped around his opponents effortlessly, occasionally knocking someone off balance with a slap or a push to the back.

Sideswipe, observing the fight escalate from the now broken doorway to the back room, finished his drink and wiped his mouth. He interlocked his fingers and stretched his joints. With a smile, he activated his pile drivers and jumped right in.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ah can't believe that you- AGH! That y-AGH! That-AGH! Would ya quit it, doc?"

Ratchet just scowled. "Look, if you want your shoulder rotator fixin', you'd better just shut up and take it!"

"Well, I wouldn't even be like this if he hadn't thrown me across the room!" Ironhide growled, glaring at Sunstreaker. The twins were on the other side of the med bay, both of them immaculate. Even Jazz hadn't managed that feat, having caught quite a lot of punishment in the brawl.

"You were trying to interrupt me," the yellow Autobot said simply. "For an old mech like you, that's not a good idea."

The red Autobot tried to sit up from the operating table. "OLD MECH? I'll give you old mech-"

Ratchet grabbed him by the shoulder and rammed him back onto the operating table. "No, you'll lie down and let me operate!" He turned to the twins. "And y-, ah no, where the hell's the other one?"

"What does this do?"

The medic turned and saw Sideswipe reaching for the controls of a laser surgery unit.

"No, no! Step away from the surgical unit! Now!"

Sideswipe backed up, his hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay… I was just trying to learn something and better myself…"

His brother groaned. "Shut up, Sides…"

"You shut up, aft-face."

"I'll give you aft-face…"

Sunstreaker leapt at his twin, and they proceeded to roll around the room, their movements lost in a blur of yellow and red.

Ratchet's low growl quickly rose into a full grown bellow of rage. He stomped over to the two squabbling brothers and grabbed one of them by the leg. He dragged out Sideswipe and tossed him to one side of the room, and proceeded to the do the same with Sunstreaker, pulling him to the opposite side.

"My med bay is not a fighting arena! If you want to do that, you take it outside!"

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker exchanged a look, and then returned their collective gaze to Ratchet.

"Okay," was the simultaneous reply. The two promptly ran full speed out of the med bay and into the rest of the hospital.

Ratchet's optics widened. "The patients! Wait! Wait!" He scrambled out after the twins.

Ironhide groaned and rested his head back on the operating table. A chuckle from the table beside him drew his attention to Jazz, who had obviously enjoyed the whole display very much.

"Ah don't see why you're laughin'."

"'Cause it's funny, man."

"Yeah, well, laugh it up, because ah'm not gonna be the one to explain to Prime why he's suddenly got two crazy Autobots on his team."

"Don't worry about it, man. The pros far outweigh the cons."

A resounding crash echoed down the corridor, followed by Ratchet's now desperate pleas.

"Please, these patients are sick!"

Ironhide looked over at Jazz.

"You sure about that?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(A/N: The chapter title 'Raindrops' is inspired by the song 'Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head' by Burt Bacharach. Why? Because it was most famously used in the movie 'Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid', who I realised on a recent viewing were almost exactly like Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, respectively. Also, the 'He has to ask us to stay' bit it lifted directly from the scene that introduces the Sundance Kid, although with a slightly different outcome, obviously. ;)

Nightblade is just some random Autobot I made up for Sunstreaker to beat the living snot out of. So any resemblance to a fan fictionTransformer and such is just a coincidence.

Anyway, review!

Next chapter: Minibots!)