Chapter Fourteen
Butterflies are starting to swarm in his stomach.
What the hell am I nervous about?
He opens the door into a nicely decorated reception area. Warm colors that make you feel relaxed. So they say. It has no effect of him. Sitting behind a desk is a thirty something woman with long blonde hair.
He introduces himself and she invites him to sit down and offers him a drink. He declines the drink.
"My name is Julia and if you need anything please let me know."
"Thank you Julia, I will."
Doctor Angela Sherman exits her office and extends her hand. Bobby stands up and accepts it. "Please come in."
He follows her and Julia, the receptionist, gives him a sweet smile.
She positions herself behind her desk and points to three places to sit.
"Please sit. Would you prefer I call you Robert or Bobby or……….how many other nicknames are there for Robert?"
He smiles, the butterflies are getting smaller. "Bobby is fine." He sits down in the chair closest to her desk. He shakes his head.
She asks. "What?"
"It's just that I'm forty-four years old and everybody I know still calls me Bobby. I guess if Billy Joel can get away with it so can I."
She smiles at him and he catches her eye and smiles back. Butterflies are getting even smaller. "You look like a Bobby."
"So Bobby. I know that it is very hard to just walk into an office of a complete stranger and spill your guts."
He laughs. Butterflies are almost gone.
"I know who you are and I know what happened. Now you have to tell yourself how this event has affected your life. I'm just here for you to bounce things off of."
His mind is spinning. Thoughts and feelings are going through his brain so quickly that he can't think of anything to say.
"You have a history with this woman, don't you?"
"Yes." He says as if he's proud of himself that he said something. "I have arrested her a few times for some horrible crimes and each time she has slipped through the system, every chance she gets she reminds me of that. It might not be a big deal to most people but when you know in your gut that someone is guilty…………well it bothers the shit out of me."
"Have you had contact with her since this has happened?"
"Yes, twice. The first time I saw her I thought I was going to throw up. Not that I was afraid………"
He gets up from the chair and starts to pace around the room. "I went to see her the other day. We have had some very intense conversations. About her past and mine. She loves to pick at you,……… me, especially about sensitive subjects. She tried to mess with my head that day, saying things she knows will piss me off and I lost my temper. I have never let her get to me like that before, she got a little scared I saw it in her face." He pauses. "I enjoyed that." He says almost with shame in his voice.
Bobby bounces from subject to subject but once he started talking he kept going. Angela does not interrupt she lets him talk. He sits down in the chair near the window. He tries to make eye contact with Angela but he has trouble, he does look up at her now and then.
"I have met quite a few people in my career that have been abducted and it is so easy for people to say oh it's good that you weren't hurt, not physically anyway, but when you're tied up to a bed for almost a week and you…………."
Angela asks. "What?"
He stands up and paces around the room suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. He looks at Angela. "She is a small woman maybe five foot three and weighs maybe 125 pounds. I'm a foot taller out weigh her by almost a hundred pounds but I was…………" He lowers his head. "I was totally helpless and dependent on this woman that I loathe. When I think about that I still get a pain in my stomach."
He turns to look out the window. "Nice view."
She smiles to herself and stays silent.
He suddenly turns around. Memories of those nine days are going through his mind so fast that he suddenly looks very tired. He sits down in the chair closest to the door.
"I had to ask her for everything, every goddamn thing. It was so fuckin' humiliating. She made me apologize to her for things that I had no control over."
"Why, why would anyone want to do that to another person? I don't understand." For the first time he raises his voice. "What the hell did she want from me?"
He looks to her for an answer. Angela gets up from her chair and sits on the edge of the desk. "Bobby you have to stop trying to figure out why. Why doesn't matter and unless she tells you to your face, you may never know."
He nods his head. "It's just that I always like to know why people do what they do. Could she hate me that much?" He pauses.
"Sometimes I think how she might have been if events in her childhood were different. She is a very attractive woman. But who I saw was the real Nicole a woman so obsessed with her hatred for men" He pauses and looks out the window. "She……………… scared the hell out of me."
End of Session One
His first session was on a Friday he makes an appointment for next Wednesday. He feels very comfortable talking to Angela.
He was right when he told Nicole about the changes in his life. He and Alex have been spending almost every night together. They meet in the city some nights for dinner and some nights she stays over, Alex has started to bring some of her clothes to his house.
He smiles every morning when he sees her. She wants him back at work with her. However, they also know that changes will have to be made, they rarely talk about that. She appreciates that he is willing to listen to her vent about her day.
Monday morning Bobby gets a phone call that he never thought would come.
He has been spending his mornings sitting outside on the deck reading the paper and drinking coffee. Alex was over last night and she has just left.
His cell phone rings. "Hello."
"Detective Goren, good morning."
"Good morning Mister Carver, how are you?"
"Fine thank you, how are you?'
"Much better, what can I do for you?"
"I have some news for you. This morning I had an early meeting with Nicole Wallace and her attorney." He pauses.
Bobby's heart starts to race.
I didn't do anything wrong, I was the victim.
"She has decided not to go to trial, she has taken a plea. Twenty five years to life, with the possibility of parole after fifteen years."
Bobby is adding the number in his head.
"Detective?
"Yes sir, she'll be almost 55 years old before she can get out, if she lives that long. I can live with that."
"Glad to hear it. See you back soon?"
"Maybe in a couple of weeks. Thanks Mister Carver."
"Take care of yourself, Detective."
Session Two
He is much more relaxed this time but he still finds it hard to express himself. They start the session talking about the past few rainy days.
"There's not going to be a trial, Nicole took a plea."
"Are you alright with that?"
"I'm not sure. I would rather have gone to trial so everyone would know who she really is and what she did. But I'd have to be the one to tell them. And I didn't really want to do that."
"It's dark out there." He says as he looks out the window. He puts his hands in his pockets and lets out a sigh. "She would leave me alone in this little dark room for hours. As I laid there my mind would wander, about the stupidest things."
He walks away from the window and paces around the room. "She would leave the house, where she went I don't know. But when I heard her come back I was so grateful."
A look of disgust crosses his face as he rubs his unshaved face. "Damn I forgot to shave this morning."
He swallows hard. "But at the same time I was……..afraid of what her mood would be and want she might do. Jesus Christ how sick is that?"
"There is nothing wrong with that. People need people no matter how cruel they can be."
"A very close friend of mine said to me that I could read all the psychology books in the world about this but until it happens to you…. you don't know shit."
He goes back to the chair by the door and sits down. "I tried so hard."
"What did you try?"
He bends down his head.
"I was handcuffed to the bed and she was all over me." He starts to feel a little shy. Talking to suspects about their sexual experiences is easy but he has trouble talking about his own.
"Her touch was so sensual." He pauses almost sorry he started talking about it. Angela remains quiet.
"I didn't want her touching me. But I had no control……….she could do what ever she wanted."
He begins his pacing around the room. He stops at the window. "I tried to think……………..it felt good. I couldn't stop it I tried."
"She had no right to do that to you. Do you think it's different because you're a man?"
His voice is shaky. "Yeah I keep telling myself that."
He moves away from the window and starts to pace again. "I always thought I was stronger than that." He pauses. He wants to look at her but he can't.
"You have nothing to be ashamed of. It wasn't your fault."
"Yes I know. But I doubt many women get aroused when someone is …." He closes his eyes and shakes his head.
"Someone is what Bobby?"
"She got within inches of my face and when I looked up at her all I saw were her eyes. They were dark, cold eyes. All I thought was she's dead. There is no life inside. The only weapon I had was my mouth and as she got closer and closer to my face I knew that she wanted to kiss me and I blurted it out, I said don't kiss me. I don't why I said it?"
"She picked up the knife she used to cut my clothes and walked franticly around the room screaming I don't remember exactly what she was saying but all I kept thinking about was now I know how all her other victims must have felt. She makes them feel pleasure and then she destroys them."
"I was certain she was going to kill me, at first it crossed, my mind if that was her plan just do it now and get it over with. I didn't want to die. Not that way not by her."
"It has taken me awhile to realize that killing me would be too easy, she wanted to destroy me and she almost did. I almost lost everything. My friends, my job I even treated my Mom like crap."
"When I visited Nicole the other day I told her that my life would change for the better and it has."
He pauses and lets out a long breathe of air. "Alex. She was always there no matter how many times I tried to push her away... she came back."
End of Session Two
Alex has joined Mike and Carolyn on their most recent case, she likes working with them but she misses the pain in the ass that sits across from her. The phone rings and it startles her.
"Major Case, Detective Eames."
"Hey it's me."
"Hi me what 's going on?"
"Just thinking, how would you like to go away with me for the weekend?"
Without hesitation, she says. "I'm there. Where?"
"Anywhere you want." He pauses for a minute." Do you want to go someplace noisy or quiet?"
"Quiet, someplace quiet."
"Ok I'll pick you up Friday at…give me a time."
"You'll pick me up?"
"Yes, I do know how to drive, you know."
"I know, how about 3 o'clock."
"Ok I'll see you tomorrow."
"Bobby?"
"Yeah."
"What about tonight?"
"You're having dinner with your parents tonight, remember."
"Oh yeah, Jesus thanks for reminding me. Bobby how…"
He cuts her off. "No, no thanks."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes I'm sure, bye Alex I love you."
"That's not fair." She hears him snickering on the other end of the phone. "Bye."