Author's Note: Hi, everyone. Here's an update for ya. I really think this chapter turned out well, so I hope you all enjoy. Let me know what you think once you're finished reading!
Thank you, Melissa, for all of your help! You always add that extra something that really makes the chapters click, so thanks again. xoxo.
#7.
Standing in the elevator, Brooke idly played with her car keys as she watched the numbers go up. Listening to the loud hum which vibrated throughout the small space, she felt her mind go numb as she drifted into a trance. She wasn't sleeping or daydreaming, no, this was different. This was a brief moment where her mind simply left her body and went somewhere far, far away. She wished the rest of her would float away too, away from this situation, away from this place.
The elevator came to a jolting halt as it reached the 10th floor. Bing. Brooke was yanked back into reality by the shrill noise. The doors opened and she hesitated for an extended moment. She knew what happened beyond the safety of those four walls, and she was repulsed by what she was about to do. She didn't want to be here, she didn't want to do this. Sighing heavily, she forced herself to proceed forward. Looking at the crinkled message scrawled on the paper she held in her hand, Brooke read what she had already memorized: 10A. Stopping at 10A, she reached for the doorknob, and just as she was about to let herself in, she hesitated, let go of the silver handle and turned around. She bit her lip nervously and closed her eyes as she silently contemplated getting as far away as she possibly could. Pacing back in forth in front of the door, Brooke's mind raced. She couldn't shut it off. What was she doing here? She wasn't this kind of person. This kind of thing didn't happen to girls like her. As always, her thoughts were overcome by one thing and one thing only: Lucas. She wished he could save her from this predicament. Without fail, her eyes began to water. Wiping the tears from her eyes, Brooke inhaled sharply. Suddenly overcome by the sterile smell that filled the air, she gagged in disgust, and then she was sobbing steadily. This was by far the single most important decision she would ever make in her life, and she wondered if she was making the right choice.
(start flashback)
"Luke, believe it or not, I do know how to walk!" Brooke teased as Lucas walked beside her with his arm wrapped tightly around her waist. His actions might've been overly protective, but he paid no mind. As far as he was concerned, he would watch over her day and night if that's what it took to keep her out of harm's way from here on out. Now that Lucas knew there was a baby—his baby, on the way, he had a lot more to lose—so much more was at stake, and it was real. He would do whatever it took to keep her safe, even if it drive her crazy in the process.
"I know you do. I've seen those heels you insist on wearing all the time. I'll never understand how you haven't suffered several injuries in your lifetime." Lucas smirked, shaking his head, "besides, I'm only trying to help!"
"I know you are, but you're also smothering me in the process! I'm not an invalid, Luke." Brooke lowered her voice, "I'm pregnant." Paranoid, she looked both ways to see if anyone had heard her, but they were the only two people roaming the halls at two o'clock in the morning. Brooke needed a break from the stuffy hospital room and all of the tests she was forced to go through. She thought they would never stop; the blood tests, the urine tests, all of the tests were overwhelming. She began to wonder if all of these tests were the result of something abnormal occurring with her pregnancy, but Dr. Prakash had put her mind at ease and reiterated how critical early prenatal care was. As far as the medical staff was concerned, this was all a routine and nothing was out of the ordinary, but to Brooke, these tests represented her new life: her life as a mom, and all the changes and life-altering decisions that came along with her new life. She was scared to death of making the wrong choice, the wrong move, of not being able to take something back she might dearly regret—of hurting Lucas in the process. Luckily, Lucas had been there through it all. He held her hand during every single needle stick, he had reassured her that the pain would be over soon, and time after time he was right. It might've been childish, but Brooke needed reassurance. She needed know everything would be okay and that she didn't have to worry. He would worry for her, he would carry that burden. Being in her position with nobody else to turn to, Lucas had pleasantly surprised her with his enthusiasm and desire to help in any way he could. Without her having to ask, he had stepped up to the plate and supported her through an extremely difficult time.
(end flashback)
Waiting outside for only a few seconds longer, Brooke shook her head as if to erase the memories of Lucas' caring ways. He isn't here now, is he? Her subconscious played games with her head. She knew why he wasn't there.
"I'm doing the right thing." Brooke spoke quietly, attempting to reassure herself. As hard as this was for her to go through with, she thought it was the right thing to do. Finally talking herself into it, Brooke entered the brightly lit waiting room. Looking around, she noticed the dingy carpet and faded wallpaper. Grimacing slightly, she directed her gaze to the reception desk.
"Hi, I have an appointment for 3:00." When Brooke heard her own voice she didn't recognize it. It was shaky, quiet and filled with fear. The knowledge of this scared her even more.
"Name?" an older woman questioned, not even looking up from her keyboard.
"Brooke Davis." As she spoke her name out loud, she thought she started to experience an out of body experience. She was there, but she wasn't there, as if she had stepped out of her body and saw herself standing there, and she was ashamed at what she saw.
"Okay. The doctor will be with you in a minute. Fill out this paperwork, and we'll call you back as soon as the doctor is ready for you," the woman informer her, handing her a clipboard.
"Thanks." Brooke answered robotically, feeling completely detached from this entire experience. It was simpler that way—less painful, she didn't have to take responsibility, or take blame if this turned out wrong—if it ruined everything even further. Sitting down, she began to fill out the paper work. She couldn't believe she was here, that she was about to have an abortion. How did it get to this point? She was about to have a doctor terminate her pregnancy, killing her baby. Their baby. Their future.
(start flashback)
Reaching the nursery, Brooke and Lucas peered through the glass window. Inside the brightly lit room were several newborns, each swaddled in a blanket, pink and tiny, some were crying, some weren't. Something dawned on Brooke—they were all clean slates. They had their whole lives ahead of them, and both Lucas and Brooke envied them.
"How are you feeling?" Lucas asked, his tone sincere, as they stood there staring at their impending future, a future which had been chosen for them, it had chosen them. A future that included crying, poopy diapers and late nights, and that would only be the first few months.
"Scared," Brooke answered honestly. That one word summed up everything she was feeling. She was scared, for herself and for Lucas. There was so much uncertainty surrounding this pregnancy, and Brooke couldn't help but dwell on the fact that lives would undeniably change if they had a baby.
"Me too," Lucas answered, pausing for a moment to collect his thoughts, "but we'll get through this….together," he concluded, squeezing her hand lightly. For Lucas the answer was clear and it was simple. They had made a mistake, a big one at that, and now they would have to deal with the consequences of their actions. There wasn't any way around it, this was undeniable. Even though he was scared out of his mind, he put up a front. He knew he had to be strong for Brooke. She needed him now more than ever. He was going to be there for her no matter what he had to give up in the process. She couldn't be alone; she hadn't gotten herself into this alone. And he still loved her.
"Together? Luke, we're not—"Brooke started to question Lucas' intentions but was interrupted.
"I know we're not together," Lucas sighed heavily, mentally kicking himself once again for screwing things up with her in the first place, "but that doesn't mean that I don't care about you. I want to be there for you, for the baby. You don't have to do this alone. I don't want you to do this alone, Brooke. We're in this together."
"No Luke, we're not in anything together! I'm the one who's pregnant, not you," Brooke stated firmly as she broke away from Lucas' grasp, "don't act like this is just going to be okay because it's not! This—" Brooke pointed to her stomach "is never going to get better. It's only going to get worse! Don't you see?"
"Brooke, calm down. I know— " Lucas attempted to console her, but there was no stopping her now.
"Calm down? Are you kidding me?!" Brooke pressed on loudly, her voice getting louder as her temper rose. "I don't even know who I am anymore! I have no control over my own body! I'm nauseous but then I'm hungry! I'm sore, achy, and tired! I don't know what to feel or when to feel it! I'm an emotional wreck, Luke!"
Lucas watched her intently as she spoke; hoping to discover a hidden clue on how to make things better, but it wasn't magic. As much as he wanted to understand, he knew he couldn't possibly fathom what Brooke was going through physically, and only maybe, emotionally. Brooke wasn't oblivious to the look of hopelessness in Lucas' eyes as she spoke. He had no idea what to tell her. He was just as confused and scared as she was. Giving up her fight with fate, Brooke threw her arms up in the air. "I don't know, Luke," she spoke quietly as she looked down at the ground. "I just don't know anything anymore."
(end flashback)
"Miss Davis? We're ready for you now."
Here goes nothing, Brooke thought. Standing up, she managed to make her way over to the woman. Fighting the overwhelming feelings of nausea which plagued her, she smiled hesitantly as she was led down a long hall way. She felt like she was going to the guillotine, or was about to serve a life sentence. That was the truth. She was here. She was walking towards her fate. This was actually happening.
(start flashback)
Lying in bed, looking up at the ceiling, Brooke's mind raced. She had been discharged from the hospital earlier that morning, yet she couldn't rid herself of the questions that surrounded her future. How would she possibly finish school, and more importantly, how would Lucas? She knew if she asked, he would make her and their baby his entire future and put his dreams on the back burner; he'd do it even if she didn't ask. He was just that kind of guy, and she knew she could easily take advantage of that. She wouldn't though. She couldn't possibly let Lucas to give up everything for her and the baby. She wasn't even sure if she was willing to give up everything herself.
Since it was three o'clock in the afternoon, she decided that it was probably time to get dressed for the day and quit moping around. Sitting up and walking over to her closet, Brooke reached for her favorite pair of jeans. Pulling them up, she attempted to close the button. No luck. "You've got to be kidding me." After another three tries, they buttoned, but they were extremely snug. "I don't even get this one simple pleasure," Brooke was now almost on the verge of tears. Looking in the mirror, she could already see a difference in her waist line, and the evidence were the harsh red indentations that the pants have left once she threw them to the ground. Flopping back down on the bed, Brooke sighed heavily. What had she gotten herself into? Rolling onto her side, she saw those pamphlets laying on her nightstand. They promised to give her a choice, they promised to eliminate the problem. Unfortunately, they didn't promise sanity, and that's the one thing she needed now more than ever. Sitting up, Brooke reached for the colorful pamphlets. Flipping through them aimlessly, she was overcome with guilt and anxiety. She couldn't believe she was actually considering this. She couldn't believe that she was considering murder.
Wiping the sweat from his brow, an exhausted Lucas shot a free-throw. It went in, just like the last three-hundred had. This was his escape. This was his release, but no matter what he did, he couldn't help but think about Brooke. He couldn't stop thinking about how they had left things. He couldn't stop thinking about the distant look on her face as he left her apartment earlier that morning. He couldn't stop thinking about the fact that he was going to be a dad, a dad in high school. This is not how he thought his high school career would end. He had figured he'd spend the rest of his senior year enjoying his friends, family, and basketball. He never thought he'd end up losing his girlfriend and gaining a baby. This was not how his life was supposed to turn out. Rhythmically bouncing his basketball up and down, he continued to wonder how Brooke was. Was she crying? I should be there to hold her. Was she hungry? I could bring her take-out. Was she mad at him? I'll prove to her that I'm the one for her, again. The rapidly firing thoughts that blew through his mind quickly became much too distracting. After making one last shot, he decided to go see her.
"Hi, pretty girl." Lucas smiled as he Brooke greeted him at the door. Walking past her, he made himself comfortable on the couch, just like he had many times before. "Come sit by me," he said as he patted the cushion beside himself. Hesitantly, Brooke sat down next to him. She didn't know how to tell him that she couldn't go through with this, she couldn't have the baby. Before she had the opportunity to break the news to him, he began to talk. "Look, I've been thinking…" Lucas started, "I know this pregnancy wasn't planned, and believeme, I'm beyond scared, but I'm willing to give this my all if you are. I can stay in Tree Hill next year for college, and I'm sure I can get extra shifts at the café." Brooke could already see him throwing his dreams out the window. "I want to do this. I want to do this with you." Gently placing his hand on her stomach, he said one final thing: "I want to have this baby." Once those words were uttered, Brooke's heart sunk. Removing his hand from her stomach, she held it for a brief moment.
"I know you think you do, but this was a accident and it would be a mistake to have this baby. This wasn't part of the plan for either of us. We have our whole lives ahead of us, and I won't be responsible for ruining it. I don't want you to resent me, or a baby. It wouldn't be fair." She could see that Lucas was about to argue with her, so she quickly added the final nail to the coffin. "Luke, I'm going to have an abortion. I can't have this baby. I'm sorry."
(end flashback)
As Brooke sat on the cold metal table, she instinctively put her arms around her body as she fought the urge to cry. For the hundredth time that day she began to think about Lucas. She recalled the way his beautiful blue eyes had looked as he begged and pleaded for her not to do this, to save their baby.
(start flashback)
"You can't do this!" Lucas pleaded, as a few stray tears ran down his cheeks, desperately grabbing for Brooke's hand. "I'll do whatever it takes," he promised.
"Don't you see?" Brooke questioned, looking him in the eyes, "I don't want you to have to sacrifice your life for this mistake we made! You have a future ahead of you, Luke, and it shouldn't have to include midnight feedings or diaper runs! We're in high school!"
"I know we're in high school, Brooke," Lucas paused, as he sniffled loudly, "and I'm not saying this would be easy, but I'd do this for you because I care about you! Don't you see? You're my future! This, being here with you, is my future. I'm okay with that, Brooke. Don't you see?"
Brooke was taken aback by his overwhelming display of emotions. She had never, ever seen him cry, and that made this even more difficult. He was fighting so, so hard for this baby. She knew her decision was killing him, it was killing her, too, but she had already concluded this was the right thing to do for everyone involved.
"I know you would give up everything." Brooke spoke slowly, reassuring him that she appreciated his gesture, "but I could never live with myself if I had to go to bed every night knowing that I somehow…trapped you, or made you miss out on opportunities." "Trapped me?!" Lucas exclaimed. "You didn't! We both made the decision to have sex, Brooke, both of us. I knew there was risks involved, but I took that risk because I love you. This baby isn't a product of some fling, Brooke. We made this baby out of love, accident or not. How could you destroy that?" This wasn't just some random hookup; this was the girl of his dreams, the girl he could easily spend forever with if she'd just let him back in.
The air was suddenly filled with even more angst and emotion. Brooke could feel herself beginning to choke up. She couldn't keep arguing with him like this. It was just too hard. Ultimately, she knew the choice was hers to make, but that didn't make it any easier. "Did you hear me?" Lucas questioned, when Brooke didn't answer. Looking away, Brooke avoided his stare. Getting down to her eye level, he said it again, but this time, his voice became deep and raspy. "I…love…you. I'm in love with you, and I'm always going to be, and we could love this baby, too. We could, if you just gave it the chance…" He felt his chest tighten as he spoke the truth. What else could he possibly say to change this? He hated to argue with her, and he hated to see her in so much pain. He hated knowing there was absolutely nothing he could do to make it better. Ultimately, he knew he had to take her feelings into consideration. He knew she had already made up her mind, and there was no going back. She was going to go through with this and there was nothing he could do about it. It would only hurt her more if he tried.
(end flashback)
Brooke's feelings were quickly pushed aside as she heard a soft knock on the door. Quickly wiping the tears from her eyes, Brooke cleared her throat as she spoke. "Come in."
"Okay, Miss Davis. Are you ready to do this?" The doctor asked as he entered the room. No response followed by complete and utter silence. It seemed that no matter how hard Brooke tried to answer, she couldn't form the words. She couldn't say yes. Sitting there, during the moment of truth, she couldn't give the go ahead. She'd be destroying their love. Lucas' words echoed in her head. Together. Baby. Love. Destroy. Please. Baby. Those words were holding her back. Hurting her and warming her heart at the same time, scaring her to death, making her heart race. She needed to vomit. Maybe it was Lucas' tears of desperation, or the fact that even after everything they had been through, she loved him more than anything. Maybe she needed to let him help her, consider that she couldn't make decisions for him, either. Let him. Maybe he had a point. She couldn't save him. It wasn't her responsibility. He had a mind of his own. He wasn't saying those words simply out of accountability; she knew that. This wasn't really saving him, was it? She thought it had been. Maybe it was her curiosity; would the baby have Lucas' eyes or basketball talent? Or maybe the baby would have her sassy attitude and great style? Would it be a boy, or a girl? All of these questions were hanging in the balances, and she really wanted to know the answers, she needed to give this a chance. She couldn't destroy their love—a life.
"Miss Davis? Are you having second thoughts?" The doctor questioned.
"I…I can't do this." Brooke stuttered quickly, as she jumped down off the table, and proceeding to gather up all of her belongings. "I'm sorry." Quickly pushing herself through the door, Brooke ran. She ran fast and hard, and didn't stop until she reached her car.
Slamming the car door behind her, Brooke burst into tears. Covering her eyes with her hands, Brooke cried, her head rested on the steering wheel, her hands delicately resting on her stomach. She cried for herself, she cried for Lucas, and she cried for the baby. She was overcome by a stinging pain she had never felt before. It was a pang in her heart, and she didn't know if it would ever go away. It was a mixed feeling of guilt, anger, fear, disgust, and relief, relief that she hadn't gone through with the abortion.
"Brooke? Brooke!" Haley yelled, banging on her car window, "unlock the door, Brooke" she pleaded. She just happened to be going to the doctor for her annual checkup and saw Brooke's distraught form running through the parking lot. After Brooke pushed the unlock button, Haley quickly flung the door open, and immediately hugged her best friend.
"Shh. It's okay." Haley spoke in a quiet soothing voice as she gently ran her hands over Brooke's back in a comforting motion. Seeing the abortion pamphlets thrown on the floor of the vehicle, Haley panicked. The two exchanged a knowing look.
"You didn't…did you?" She questioned. Her brow furrowed as she leaned over Brooke.
"No, I couldn't do it." Brooke stated firmly, putting her head back on Haley's shoulder.
Knocking softly on the door, Haley watched as a dark silhouette moved towards them. the door swung open, and a terrified Lucas appeared.
"Hales? What are you doing here?" Lucas questioned.
"Well, it's not just me..." Haley responded, as Brooke slowly appeared from behind her.