Under the Skin

by gategeeks

An accident with Ancient technology puts Beckett and McKay a little closer in touch with the Ancients than they originally anticipated, but will they survive the encounter? Told from Rodney and Carson's POV. Gen fic cowritten by SGC Gategirl & Girrlkitty

5. Chapter 5

Under the Skin – Chapter 5

Durand was thoroughly, absolutely, positively bored.

He'd woken up an hour or so ago—the bed raised once again, the pillow back behind his head—staring blearily into an empty room.

It was strange. While he didn't feel the all-encompassing need to work, he would have liked to do something, anything really, even if it was simply to take a walk through Atlantis again. It had been months since he'd been back to the city and he wished that he could see her, talk to her again, to let the cool comfort glide over him once again.

Here, in the isolation room, he was cut off—and for good reason.

He remembered when some of them had gone mad because of the disease; remembered their screams, their begging when the shield had been turned on, severing their connection with the city. The destruction on the city had finally stopped, but their voices he'd always carry with him.

Just like his wife's.

God, how he'd loved her, even more than his work. He hadn't thought it possible, but she'd found him, loved him, given him something that he never knew he didn't have.

But now, he was alone again and it hurt more than he remembered.

He heard the door slide open and John entered, approaching slowly, a tall man remaining at the doorway, arms at his side, hand hovering over his weapon.

"John?" he asked, his voice still weak, throat sore and raw.

"Hey there. How ya feeling?"

"As good as can be, I imagine," he said shrugging, his gaze lingering on the other man before focusing on the soldier who'd stopped next to the bed, one hip against the side, arms crossed over his chest.

"Yeah, Biro gave you the good drugs. She doesn't just break those out for anyone."

"What's with your friend?"

John glanced back, a slight smile curling his lips. "That's Ronon. He's pretty fond of Rodney in a non-expressive sort of way, and we've had to ban him from coming in here before since we didn't want him to do anything hasty. I only agreed to let him come see Rodney —you—if I was with him to prevent accidents."

"Accidents?" Durand could feel his eyes widening. "But….what…"

"Ronon can be a bit trigger-happy. He was a Runner for seven years before we met him, so he can be jumpy sometimes. 'Diplomacy' doesn't seem to be in his vocabulary."

"I heard that, Sheppard." Ronon growled from across the room.

Durand's eyes drifted back to the Runner, Ronon, before turning back to John. "What are you going to do with me?"

John let out a sigh, the glint of humor disappearing. "Well, that's up to you. Carson is working himself to death trying to find a way to separate you from Rodney without hurting either of you. In fact, that's why I'm here. Now that you can think straight, I don't suppose you have any suggestions?"

"For what? I…I don't understand."

"Well, you managed to get yourself out of your body once, think you can do it again, this time without death needing to be involved?"

"Ascension." Carson pushed past Ronon into the room as John's voice trailed off, his eyes tired. "Durand, how much do you know about Ascension?"

Durand shook his head. "I was never one for that…" He wiggled his fingers. "Ascension is not for everyone. I'm more of a…physical person. It's hard to explain."

"Right now you're a voice in McKay's head." Ronon glared at him from across the room.

Carson shot the man a look, then turned back. "It might be the best way to keep both of you alive and functioning. Hypothetically speaking, if you ascended, your consciousness would leave the body behind. Ordinarily, from what I've seen the body would be absorbed in some way. But in this case, there is another consciousness left behind—Rodney. Once you had ascended, he would regain control of his body again. I think."

"But, why? I'm content here. There's nothing wrong. No disease. No problems—apart from some healing wounds of course. There is much I can do."

Carson held a hand up to silence John before the man could say anything. "Would you have that at the cost of someone else's life? If you stay in that body, only one of you can live. If we find a way to help you ascend—and I have Radek scouring the database for anything that might help—you can both live."

"No," Durand whimpered slightly, his eyes refusing to look at anyone. The thought of killing…he couldn't. What would Nydia think of him? But then, she wouldn't think anything, would she. She hadn't Ascended. She couldn't, wouldn't. She was gone. They were all gone, he knew, the memories all flowing back, the explanations, the words, the voices, the face in the mirror.

They were right. He should be dead. Should have died, but instead he was trapped. And through his own life he was killing someone else.

He was the cause.

He felt someone shaking his arm, calling his name. He tried to close it off, tried to ignore it, but it was insistent, the voice familiar.

"Durand, lad, open your eyes. It's okay. Please, I need you with me here."

"I can't…" he said, clutching at the hand he could feel near his own. "No, don't let me be the cause of….I can't. Please." He took a breath, feeling it catch in his throat. He opened his eyes, locking his gaze with Carson's. "I don't know how to let go, but I can't…I'm sorry. I…just…I don't know."

Carson's eyes were both desperate and relieved. "Aye, it's all right. I think Ascension would be the safest way, but Radek has a few other ideas if you don't feel up to it." He squeezed Durand's hand. "Just take a few deep breaths. No one here is blaming you for anything, and none of this is your fault. We'll figure something out, if we all stay calm and keep our wits about us."

"I hate this," he whispered, turning his head, not wanting them to see him, wishing he could hide.

"I know, lad. But we'll find a way to fix it soon." He could hear a noise as Carson turned slightly, although he didn't let go of Durand's hand. "Colonel, could you and Ronon give us a minute?" When the footsteps receded, another hand came up to pat Durand's arm. "We're alone, take as much time as you need."

"I'm sorry," he said, turning his head, trying to meet his eyes, but finding it hard. They all must hate him. "I'm sorry for what I've done. I wish I can make it right, but I…can't. I don't know how."

The hand on his arm moved to grip his face, forcing him to look Carson in the eye. "This is not your fault. You cannot be blamed for the actions of others, and no one here does. We're angry, yes, but not at you—we hate the situation, the people who decided it was better to hurt you than ask for your help."

"But they did ask. Don't you understand? They asked and I said no. I…they said they needed me, but what they wanted was…" He tried to turn away, but couldn't, Carson's hand keeping him in place. "Maybe if I'd said yes when they asked the first time…"

"No. Giving up your life to tyrants is never the right way, and you were incredibly brave for resisting. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault."

"But it is. If it weren't for me you'd still have your friend and I'd just be a footnote in someone's report, my name logged in a database somewhere." He swallowed thickly. "And maybe I'd be remembered for something other than the monster I've become." Durand paused, blinking, trying to clear his eyes. "I'm sorry, but I think I need to be alone."

"Nae, I won't leave you here to wallow, to convince yourself you're a monster when you aren't. You won't be remembered that way, but as a very intelligent young man who was abused by people with power. Rodney is still in there—not happy I'll grant you, and probably desperate to get out—but I'd like to think you and I have become friends too. Help me find a way to save you both, to give you both a second chance."

Durand shook his head. "I'm not so sure."

"I am." He offered a hesitant smile. "And I'm a doctor, so we always get the last word."

"Your friend, he was a doctor too?"

Carson chuckled. "Aye, he was, but of a different persuasion. Where we come from, anyone who earns a high enough degree is called a doctor, but only those of us who have medical degrees practice medicine. Don't tell him I said that though. He's very proud of all his accomplishments."

"I don't think I can…tell him." Durand frowned, his eyes sliding away.

Carson immediately looked worried, squeezing Durand's hand. "I'm sorry, lad. I didn't mean to upset you. It was a figure of speech, and a poor attempt at a joke."

"No…" He shook his head again, the movement slight, quick.

Carson sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't... I suppose I don't really think of you as one person, one body, and that's something I would have said to anyone."

"I…I know what I told you before…about…Rodney."

He shook his head. "Don't worry about anything from before. That bloody programming had you all turned around."

"But I lied."

"Aye, I'm sure you did," Carson let out another sigh. "From what I was able to piece together, your brain was looping back, trying to find anything that might work to let you get back to your project."

"But, I told you I didn't hear him. But I did. At least at first. I couldn't…didn't want to believe that you could be right…that this might have happened." Durand turned his head, closing his eyes. He could feel his heart—Rodney's heart speeding up—none of this was his.

"It's all right. At the time, there was nothing you could have done. What about now though, can you still hear him at all?"

"No. Nothing at all." He turned back to Carson, his eyes wide with fear and panic. "Oh, God, I killed him, didn't I?"

"Deep breaths, lad. Remember, keep your wits about you. We know Rodney was still there a while back, when you had an attack he managed to emerge for a moment. Not to mention, that sort of thing would be bloody traumatic, and I'm sure you would have felt it physically, if not mentally. Rodney is...claustrophobic though, and prone to panic attacks himself. It's very possible he shut himself into a small corner of your mind and is waiting for a chance to come out. That's why I haven't asked you to try and give up control. When he does come out, he will fight not to go back, and I want to save you both, not just one of you."

"But I don't feel him at all. Shouldn't I be able to?"

"To be honest, I have no idea. I've dealt with double personalities before—Rodney actually carried another Marine in his head for a few days and we couldn't get them to stop arguing—but never something like this." Carson suddenly sat straight up. "Oh my god. What about that? We still have the Wraith technology from when we shot down the dart that culled Rodney and Cadman. If we could use it to separate you..."

"Wraith?" Durand tried to straighten. "Where? They're here? I have to get out." He tugged at the restraints. "Let me out, please. I can't stay here."

"No no, not here at the moment. This was quite some time back. We were off-world, and a few Wraith darts came through the gate. One managed to cull Rodney and Cadman, but it was shot down before it could leave again. We brought it back here and managed to get everything sorted out. Please, Durand, stay calm. You are quite a bit better at this science stuff, and I need your help."

"Help?"

Carson gave him a long look, and seemed to come to some decision. "Aye...Durand, would you be willing to help find a solution? You are a scientist, and you have a better understanding of the technology than any us could ever hope to have."

"But what if something else happens? I don't want…can't be responsible for anything else, any other…"

"I trust you."

"But—" Durand broke off, looking away. He took a deep breath before turning his head back. "But why? I've done nothing to…earn your trust."

"Why should you have to earn it? I give trust freely lad, until someone does something to make me revise my original opinion. And you have done nothing to make me not trust you."

"I…I haven't? But your friend—"

"My friend Rodney is in a bad situation yes, but it not though any fault of my friend Durand."

His eyes widened and he nodded slowly. "Yes. I'd like to…help, if I can."

Carson broke out in a big, wide smile. "Good. Let me clear it with the Colonel, then we can go to work." He rose, squeezing Durand's hand a final time before starting for the door.

Durand watched Carson leave, confusion and hope filling him. No one had ever trusted him before. He didn't want to screw this up.

xxx

Carson stepped out of the isolation room, not noticing that the door didn't close all the way behind him. He quickly spotted John and Ronon hovering, and walked over. "John, I need to bring Durand up to the labs. He can help Radek and I find a way to get him out of Rodney's body without killing either of them."

Sheppard let out a brief, sharp laugh. "You're kidding me, right? You sure that device didn't backfire on you?"

"I'm serious," he said, frowning. "Look, what happened before wasn't Durand, it was the program. He's different now, and he can help. Not only is he an Ancient, but he was the one who designed the original technology that caused this bloody mess. He's the best qualified to help."

"And he's a security risk. No, absolutely not. He's fine exactly where he is."

Carson's eyes narrowed. "I need his help, Colonel. I will find a way to save them both. The security risk was the program, not Durand, and we took care of that. Now we need to move on to the next problem, which is separating them."

"He doesn't even think there's a problem," he said, gesturing to the isolation room door. "How do you expect him to actually work on something this sensitive? No."

"What do you mean he doesn't think there's a bloody problem? He knows this isn't his body, he wants to help us save Rodney. I just spent the better part of an hour convincing him he hasn't killed our physicist, and this whole thing isn't his fault!"

"So he says. Let me guess, he wants to get out of the isolation room."

Carson could feel his blood pressure and his voice rising, several nurses stopping to stare, but he didn't care. "Nae! I'm the one who asked him to help! In fact, I had to convince him he could be useful, since he was terrified he'd make a mistake!"

Sheppard stepped away, taking several steps down the hallway, his hands on his hips. When he turned back around, his face was tight. "I can't just let him walk around Atlantis. I can't control him. We're still trying to fix the damage he left behind the last time he got out."

"How many bloody times do I have to tell you it was the program?" He stopped and took several deep breaths. Shouting at the Colonel didn't generally get great results. He forced his voice back into a more normal range. "He's a good man who was used by evil people, John. How would you feel if something like this happened to me? Or Radek? Or Rodney? If someone came along and made us believe we were your enemy, and then when the damage was undone, everyone refused to believe it wasn't us who had caused the problem in the first place?"

"This is different."

"It is'na any different and you know it."

Sheppard sighed, rubbing a hand across his face, his eyes sliding to Ronon. "You've been quiet through all of this."

Ronon shrugged. "I'm trigger happy, remember?"

Carson's eyebrows shot up. "You aren't shooting him!" His voice was starting to climb again.

Sheppard scowled at the Satedan before glancing back at Beckett. "He's trying to make a joke, a very bad one too." He pursed his lips as he held Carson's gaze. "I know you want him to help, that you think he can, but…I just don't know if I can trust him."

"Then trust me. I know what I'm doing, and I believe he can help. Not to mention, he hasn't given us any reason not to trust him. He wasn't," Carson glared at John to make sure he didn't try to interrupt, "the one who broke free before."

"And we still have one dead orderly and several injuries from that whole incident, or did you forget?"

Carson muttered several vehement curses in Gaelic. "Yes, I am well aware of what happened before. It's my bloody staff remember. But that wasn't Durand! That was the creature a few deranged Ancients on power trips tried to turn Durand into, but he isn't that man now."

Sheppard crossed his arms over his chest. "So, what do you suggest?"

"I suggest you stop being a bloody git and let me go save Rodney and Durand."

"And that's a plan if I ever heard one." His sarcasm was thicker than usual.

"Fine, then what do you suggest? And if it involves Durand staying here, full military escort, or shooting anything," he glared at Ronon, "I will personally knock you over the head and make sure you stay that way for the next week."

"That was going to be my suggestion."

Carson started looking around for heavy, blunt objects. "Try again."

Ronon shifted behind the Colonel, his hand hovering over his gun. Sheppard smiled humorlessly, glaring at Beckett. "Since you're the one with the brilliant ideas, why don't you suggest something?"

"I already did, and you decided to be a stubborn arse. And Ronon, if you even think of drawing that weapon, I can hit you over the head just as easily as I can Sheppard. I don't care if it's only set to stun, you aren't shooting anything."

"Fine," Sheppard said, shaking his head. "Let's get rid of the restraints. But he stays in that room. I'm not sure we should even give him an un-networked laptop."

"That does'na help. I need him upstairs in the labs with Radek and me. That's where we have access to the solutions." He pinched the bridge of his nose, this was giving him a headache, and he hadn't exactly been in tip-top shape when this started. He was absently watching Ronon fiddle with the gun, when he realized he was going to have to give a little. He didn't have to like it though.

"How about a compromise? Ronon's bloody gun stays set to stun, and if—and I stress only if—things start exploding around the city, he can stun Durand and we bring him back here. I don't bloody like it, since he's having a hard time believing we trust him already, but we're running out of time and options."

"You don't understand, Beckett. It wasn't just the blowing things up I'm worried about. He can get into the Atlantis mainframe; I could feel it when he got out before. He could wipe it if he wanted and there's no way I can stop it."

"But he won't do that. I can't say he won't access it, since it's a far sight easier to let him find information instead of having Radek slog through translating as he goes. But he won't deliberately sabotage anything if that's what you're worried about."

"You can't guarantee that."

"And I can't guarantee that we all won't drop dead tomorrow from food poisoning. I trust the cooks not to add arsenic to the food, and I trust Durand not to wipe the mainframe."

"This is ridiculous." Sheppard paced several steps away, brushing past Ronon.

"Aye, I agree. Stop walking around with your head up your arse. Not only will you look more dignified, we'd be a lot closer to having this whole thing solved already."

Sheppard turned, eyes flashing. "That was uncalled for."

Carson took a step back, realizing that antagonizing John Sheppard was probably not the wisest course of action. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to regain his hold on his temper. "I'm sorry, you're right, I'm just angry. But, Colonel, you don't understand. I believe Rodney is starting to fade. He fought Durand for control at first, and now Durand can't even feel him. I don't think he's dead, but we all know Rodney. I need to get them separated soon, and I can't do that without Durand's help."

Sheppard's face fell a little, his own fear and worry coming through for a minute before the mask was back in place. "At the first sign of anything…untold—"

"Fine, I can live with that. And we'll make sure Durand knows that before he agrees. I don't want him doing something to help and getting jumped for it without knowing why." He let out a sigh, his anger leaving him. "I'm worried too, Colonel, but there are two lives at stake, not just one. Let me do what you brought me here for—save lives."

"Fine. I have to go and tell Elizabeth of the fine mess we're getting into," he said moving past Carson into the main corridor. Before he reached the end he paused and turned. "Ronon, if he even twitches…"

"Understood, Sheppard."

John was out of sight a moment later, leaving Carson standing in the small hallway with Ronon.

"At least try to give me some warning before you do anything, Ronon." Carson said as he headed back to the isolation room. "Durand can help, and he wants to help. Don't shoot him just because you aren't positive what he's doing."

"I know what to do."

Carson rolled his eyes, pushing open the door. He needed a vacation. A long one.

xxx

Durand listened.

Carson had left him, moving out into the hallway to talk to his colleagues and he'd heard every word. What little hope he'd had about the situation quickly faded with every passing minute.

They didn't trust him, never would.

They blamed him for everything, for killing, for taking their friend away.

He could take everything out of their hands, he knew, but that wasn't a choice, a possibility. And he was trapped. Whatever he did would just damage the body he was in.

And he couldn't…wouldn't…do that.

Trapped, just like before, exactly like before.

He whimpered, closing his eyes, trying to shut out the sounds of the argument just outside the door, tried to ignore the hatred and anger he heard.

And it was all because of him.

The touch on his arm startled him as he whipped his head around, eyes open wide.

"Durand, lad, are you okay?" Carson was there, his face concerned. "I had a...talk...with John, and while I don't agree with him, we found a compromise."

"I heard," he said, forcing the words out through gritted teeth. "I…can't…"

Carson looked stunned, his eyes darting to the door before coming back to rest on Durand's face. Then he softened. "If you heard, then you know nothing has changed. I trust you lad, and John...well, he is a soldier and they are trained not to trust easily."

"Everything's changed."

"Nae, all that's different is that I almost got my bloody arse kicked and you heard it."

"Wh…what?"

"The Colonel gave serious thought into pounding me into the ground for fighting him on this. I told him to get his head out of his arse, and I thought he was going to hurt me." Carson looked at him quizzically. "If you heard, then you know I won. John agreed to let you help us up in the labs. Ronon here has orders to stun you," he glared at the large man hovering nearby, "if you try to make a break for it, but that isn't going to happen, so we won't even know he's there. We can send him out for coffee occasionally."

"He…he did?" Durand looked at Ronon, shifting a little on the bed even as Carson leaned his hand over the nearest wrist restraint.

"I'm going to loosen these now, take them off. What do you say we head upstairs and get this all fixed? And for the love of god Ronon, if you shoot him for no reason I will invent new, painful tests to run on you."

Durand's eyes were wide, fixed firmly on the man before him. "You…really?"

Carson smiled at him. "Aye, lad, really. I told you, I trust you, and the Colonel trusts me—at least when he isn't contemplating my demise." He let the first wrist restraint slide free, then moved to the ankle on the same side. "Radek has been working through the database ever since this started, so he can brief us on what he has first, then the three of us can figure something out."

Durand slowly sat up and pulled his arm up toward his chest, his muscles aching from being restrained for such a long period of time. His leg he bent, hissing a little, but waved Carson on when he paused. He was watching Ronon out of the corner of his eye. The man never took his hand off his gun.

"What…what is he looking for?"

After Carson finished with the restraints, he laid a hand on Durand's shoulder. "Why don't you lay down and I'll take care of the rest of the tubes and wires?"

Durand nodded leaning back down and letting him work. A few minutes later and Carson was done already walking over to the wall where a few things had been pushed to the side. "Radek's been looking for anything he thinks might help, from notes on ascension to everything we know about wraith culling technology, to Stargate matter transfer, to random projects buried in the database that might in some way be useful."

As he talked, Durand returned to a seated position, pulling his legs up toward his chest and hugging his knees close. It felt good to move, to be able to sit up. For a while he never thought that he'd have this kind of freedom ever again.

Closing his eyes, he took several deep breaths, leaning his chin on his upraised knees.

A hand rested lightly on his arm. "Whenever you're ready. I'm sure you must be anxious to see something other than these walls. I know I would be going out of my mind by now with boredom."

He nodded, taking another breath before opening his eyes and uncurling. "Boredom hit a while ago," he said as he swung his legs over the edge, letting Carson take some of his weight as he helped into the wheeled chair. He slipped at one point and Ronon took several steps forward, gun raised and armed.

"Ronon, put your bloody gun down," Carson growled. "Or have you forgotten I wasn't much better twenty-four hours ago? The man's been tied to a bed, his muscles are weak. Now," he started wheeling them toward the door once Durand was settled, "let's get on with it, shall we?"

"Where are we going?" Durand asked, clutching his hands together in his lap as the scenery went by, his mind instinctively reaching out for the city once they were out of the shielded area, but pulled back.

"We've set aside one of the larger complexes of rooms on the next level up as our labs. Most of the science staff is based there, since it's easier for them to all collaborate if they're in shouting distance of each other. Radek actually has a room near the front to himself, which is where we'll be. Rodney has one too, but it will be easier to use Radek's since he's neater."

"But why don't you use the labs on the East Pier?"

Carson sighed. "We don't have enough power to activate the entire city. When we arrived, the last ZPM was starting to fail holding back the sea. Raising it helped, and since then we've managed to track down a few more ZPMs and get the city to accept our own generators for some things, but it isn't enough."

"But there were plans in the mainframe…" Durand broke off, glancing up and over his shoulder at Carson. "You really are newcomers aren't you?"

The doctor chuckled. "We've been here for just over two years now, and things have been a bit busy. Not to mention the database is in Ancient. We've translated some of it, but as I'm sure you know there is a great deal of information there. We've barely scratched the surface."

"Ancient? What's with all this talk about ancient this and ancient that?" That had been bothering him for some time now, but hadn't gotten an opportunity to ask—not that anyone would have told him in any case.

"Oh, that's what we call your people. Whatever you called yourselves has been lost, so we started calling you the Ancients. Actually, now that I think about it, I have no idea why, or who started that."

"And how much time has gone by?"

Carson didn't respond right away, just pushed him down the hallway for a moment. "Are you certain you really want to know? Before, that seemed to bother you a bit, when we talked about the past."

"It's just…hard to comprehend that such time…any time as passed. I was on Atlantis only a month ago, working with some of the other scientists. It is…all it is missing are the faces I knew."

Carson sighed. "Well, as near as we can calculate, Atlantis and this galaxy were evacuated about ten thousand years ago. We really are the second evolution of your kind, after they ascended en masse from Earth."

"Wow…that's…" he said, the words drifting off as he tried to wrap his head around the sheer amount of time that had passed. Everyone he'd known was gone, long gone and he was alone in a body that was not even his. He frowning, glancing over his shoulder at the doctor as the second part of his answer settled. "What do you mean second evolution?"

"Some of us, myself and Colonel Sheppard included, have what we call the ATA gene, a certain sequence of DNA that appears to have been passed to us by the Ancients. It's what allows us to operate your technology. Not everyone has it, however. I was able to synthesize it, and developed a gene therapy that allows people like Rodney to operate the technology as well. It only takes in about half the subjects we've tried it on thus far, but it has greatly increased the number of people who can actually work with Atlantis directly."

"Huh. It makes sense actually." He shook his head. "I can't even begin to think of not being able to connect to the city or not hearing her. It must be difficult for your people if they cannot use the city to the full."

"Aye for some, like Radek, whose body rejected the therapy, I know it gets very frustrating. And even those of us who have it naturally don't have it in much quantity. Colonel Sheppard is the strongest, and seems to have a vague sense of Atlantis. I, ah, catch hints of it sometimes, but I must admit, the idea of a city talking to me makes me a mite bit nervous." He gave a self-conscious chuckle.

"Nervous?" Durand nearly turned all the way around in the chair. "How could you be nervous of something so beautiful, so perfect? Stop for a minute and try."

"No no no, that's okay. Really. The first time Rodney badgered me into using anything I nearly blew a few people up. I'm really not suited to that sort of thing. I could hurt something."

Durand tugged Carson around the side of the chair, nearly up-ending both of them in the process, but succeeding in getting them to stop. "It'll take all of a minute. Humor the crazy person who should be long dead. You won't hurt anything or anyone. I just want you to get the feel for her. Close your eyes and concentrate. Just listen for her."

Carson swallowed, his gaze darting around. "Really, you don't know how bad I am at this sort of thing. I...I could, you know, break something. And that would only make Colonel Sheppard more determined to hurt me, and Doctor Weir, she would just shake her head, and, and..."

"Do you trust me?"

He shuddered slightly. "Aye, it's myself I don't trust when it comes to this sort of thing."

"Then, here, give me your hand," he said dragging the nearest appendage. "I'll keep you grounded. All you need to do is close your eyes and think about the city. Picture her. That's all."

Carson's eyes were a bit wild, but then he closed them, opening them again almost immediately. "Nope, nothing, Atlantis must not like me. Time to get going?"

Durand sighed. "Once more and actually try this time."

Carson swallowed again, then closed his eyes. "Okay, I, I'm picturing the city. Now what?"

"Just listen."

Taking a deep breath, Carson's body relaxed slightly. Then an odd expression, wonder mixed with terror, passed over his features. He was gripping Durand's hand tightly, and when he spoke, it wasn't much louder than a whisper. "I can feel her. She, she seems sad."

"She is a true companion," Durand said, shaking Carson's hand gently, watching the emotions play over his face as he slowly disconnected. "Always faithful. Perfect in her beauty. Take time to know her and she will be faithful to you as well."

Durand waited another minute while the doctor shook himself, eyes wide.

"I...I never realized. I wonder if this is what Colonel Sheppard feels all the time? He said once he can always feel her in the back of his mind..." He looked at Durand, eyes finally focusing, an amazed smile on his face. "Thank you for sharing. I'm not sure I'll have the courage to do that often or alone, but I... thank you."

"It would do you well to listen even if you will not talk. You can learn much from Atlantis." Durand released his hand, leaning back in the chair. "What did you say…Radek was working on again?"

xxx

The dynamic between Durand and Radek had been interesting. At first, the two men had been nervous, both very polite and formal, and Ronon hovering hadn't made it any better. Slowly, however, they both seemed to relax, and Carson had stepped back, allowing the scientists to work. Durand could access the database with a thought or with a few keystrokes on a nearby computer terminal, finding what Radek as looking for, and they had already discarded several options. He was content to let them work, offering the occasional comment.

He couldn't stay focused anyway, despite how critical this was. It had been amazing, feeling the city open up and welcome him. For a moment, he had known what it felt like to truly be part of something, and now he understood the distracted look John sometimes had, and the fierce protectiveness Rodney had developed for the city. If Durand could do it, Rodney could, and Carson didn't doubt he probably did it regularly.

Radek calling his name snapped him back to the present, and he forced himself to put everything else out of his mind. "What did you find?"

The scientist pulled Carson to the side, eyeing Durand who was continuing to work, scribbling notes on one of the PDAs. He'd taken to the earth-based technology quickly. Much like Rodney, he'd gravitated to the laptops and small hand-held devices.

"We have…discovered a possible solution to our problem. And while Durand seems willing, I am not sure that it would be such a good idea."

Carson didn't like the sound of that. "What? I won't agree to anything that hurts either of them."

"No, no, nothing like that," he replied, a far-off look appearing in his eyes for a second before vanishing. "Well, at least I do not believe so, but we have been unable to find something to…release Durand from Rodney's body and mind. However, there is a…virtual reality program of sorts. Durand actually discovered it. He was upset he hadn't known about it before. It seems to be a new addition to the systems."

"Virtual reality? What do you mean, 'of sorts'?" Carson eyed the scientist. "And why don't you think it's a good idea?"

"We would be placing Durand's consciousness…for lack of a better description, into the Atlantis mainframe, a small section of it, but Durand would become part of the Atlantis systems. The connection allows the program to continually update itself to provide a more realistic environment. However," he said pausing, "I do not believe Colonel Sheppard would agree to such a situation."

"I trust him, Radek." Carson said absently, watching Durand work. He didn't really look like Rodney most of the time, the lack of exaggerated facial expressions and constant movement gave him a different appearance altogether. But now, hunched over a laptop, Carson missed his friend. If Rodney was here, this would probably already have been solved, and they would be on to the smug self-congratulations already. "What other options do we have? We don't have much more time."

"I do not see any other. However, I may be able to adjust the system and disconnect it from the mainframe."

"And Durand is okay with that too?"

Radek shrugged, glancing over his shoulder briefly before turning back. "It is hard to know for sure. He says that would be acceptable. It is just that…I do now know what will happen to the virtual environment without the constant updates." He shrugged again. "This is not my area of expertise, nor is it Durand's. Rodney, however, would know certainly one way or another. But, I also worry that we may be running out of time."

Carson paled slightly at that. "Durand," he called the man over. Instead of rising to his feet, he used his feet to roll the chair toward them. "Radek told me about the solution. I'm not sure I like this. Even if we can find a way to—download—you into this virtual reality, we don't know what will happen to you, or how it will react without a direct connection to Atlantis." He sighed. "And I know the Colonel won't agree to this unless we agree to disconnect it. I can argue with him and fight with him, but at the end of the day, he is the military commander here, and I can't give him orders."

"I understand and accept the limitations," he said, his expression painfully neutral. "If you have a programmer on hand, the conversion of the virtual network will go much quicker. Actually, it may be a better option to create a duplicate version of the established virtual system and alter the second one. The new connections may be easier to disengage."

Carson shook his head. "Durand, I won't agree to this unless you and Radek can assure me it's safe, and that we have some way to check in with you, to make sure nothing goes wrong. I didn't go to all the trouble of keeping you alive and freeing you just to turn around and send you into another sort of prison."

"And I think it would be best for the transfer to take place in one of the labs on the East Pier. There was a secondary chair room set up there that was independent of the rest of the Atlantis systems. We can transfer the program to the computers in that room." Durand glanced down at his hands before looking Carson in the face. "It's for the best. Please, trust me."

"I know you think you have something to atone for, but I'm not letting you do this unless you convince me it's a good idea." He crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't like when patients dodged his questions, and in this particular situation, Durand counted as a patient.

"If I don't do this, I fear that your friend may never recover. Please, let me make this right—for both of us."

Carson gave him a hard look. "You din'na think you'll survive this, do you?" He turned to the other scientist. "Radek, how much do we know about this virtual reality? What is it programmed to show, and how much control will we have when it's disconnected?"

"Not much," Radek admitted, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. "The programming…as much as I can hypothesize is based around the user. Others can enter it, but it will be keyed to the first entrant, in this instance Durand." He paused, his face thoughtful. "As long as the room where this program is running has power, it will continue to run—even without the updates from the Atlantis mainframe."

"With it disconnected from the mainframe, will there be any way to monitor the power? To give it priority, so it doesn't get taken down by one of the brown-outs?" He turned to Durand, knowing the man wouldn't recognize the term. "To conserve power, we occasionally shut down everything on a rolling system, with only the most critical functions exempt. Radek, if we do this, I want that room put on the critical list."

"It does not take a lot of power," he said, but was cut off by Durand.

"The city has priority, not any singular system. Placing a system, even as small as this one, on the critical list is unwise." Durand paused, confusion replacing the anger on his face. "And why do you not just build another ZPM if that is the problem with power?"

"People are more important that systems. If I agree to this, it will be with the understanding that the room never loses power." Carson leaned against a table, suddenly tired. "As for the ZPMs, Rodney and Radek have been trying since we arrived to figure out how to build or recharge them, but we aren't quite that advanced yet."

Durand shook his head, his expression falling. "No disrespect intended, but I doubt that Radek can guarantee anything." He sighed. "And the ZPMs are not difficult once you understand the math."

Radek made a strangled noise, but whether at the insistence that he couldn't guarantee anything, or the accidental insult over the math, Carson had no idea. It startled a chuckle out of him though. "Aye, and I have faith they'll figure it out eventually. Working on ZPMs in their spare time keeps them both out of trouble." He gave the spluttering scientist a few moments to regain control, then brought the man back into the conversation. "Radek? Can you set up a way for that room to always have power?"

"Yes, of course, but as Durand said, I cannot guarantee that it shall always remain up. With our current power situation it is not a problem, however, should anything happen to the ZPM or the back-up generators…" He shrugged. "I shall do the best I can."

Carson finally gave in. He knew, better than most he suspected, since he was the one who dealt with every single injury, every death report, how few guarantees they really had in Pegasus. "All right, do your best lad. I know we can't plan for every contingency. Now the question is, how do we transfer Durand to the reality?"

"If we can use the chair I mentioned earlier, it should be as simple as sitting down and connecting," Durand said, his hands clasped in his lap.

"I'd like a few more details, if you don't mind." Carson gave him a wry smile. "I have no doubt you could use the chair to blink yourself out of existence. I'd like to be sure that doesn't happen, if you don't mind. Also, I want to know what kind of reality you plan to create. As I said, I have no intention of sending you into another prison."

Durand sighed. "What does it matter?"

Carson gave him a hard look. "Are ye daft man? I'm starting to feel like a broken record, repeating myself so often. Plus, if I going to be coming in to this virtual reality thing every so often to check on you, I'd like some idea of what to expect."

"It'll be whatever I want, I imagine," Durand finally replied, his eyes sliding away. "Maybe before everything…happened."

"Good. As long as it's happy, and not some silly punishment you've concocted in that head of yours."

"In Rodney's head don't you mean?"

"Cheeky bugger." He looked over at Ronon, who was still leaning against a wall. "Ronon, I'm sure you've been in contact with John. Let him know what we plan, and tell him we're heading down to the East Pier." He hoped they could be on their way before John had a chance to catch them. He didn't much fancy another confrontation right now.

"Already did," Ronon says, a smile threatening on his lips.

"Then we'd better move right along then." He noted that Radek had already gathered his equipment, and there was another scientist standing nearby, a programmer if Carson remembered correctly. Radek must have called for him when he wasn't paying attention. "Back into the chair for you, Durand."

"Sheppard's on his way," Ronon said, watching as Durand transferred himself from the lab chair to the wheelchair with a minimum of difficulty. "He wants…an explanation."

"Ah, why don't you stay here and explain it to him then? We really need to get going. The quicker we get this straightened out, the better off we'll be, right?" He was already pushing the chair towards the door. He didn't want to admit it, but he was a bit afraid of what Sheppard would do to him. The man had been more than kind when he had been sick, but Carson had seen some odd looks shot his way, then the whole argument. Not to mention he was inadvertently responsible for this whole mess. Yes, better to stay away from John until he had a chance to work everything out in his own mind.

"I stay with him, remember?" Ronon said gesturing with his chin toward Durand. "Besides, he had some questions."

"We've been here for hours with nothing happening," Carson half-turned to give the man an exasperated look. "Besides, you can catch up after you brief the Colonel."

"I'm not crossing Sheppard when he's in one of his moods."

He stumbled a bit at that. "He won't hurt you. He likes you." He muttered under his breath. "Look, it'll be fine lad." He was almost to the door, scientists trailing behind.

Before Ronon had a chance to say anything else, he was out the door. Once they were in the transporter, he relaxed slightly. This was going to work. It had to.

xxx