Under the Skin – Chapter 11

Carson watched his friend drift off into sleep, relieved that at least he knew the man was going to get a good night's sleep. Once he was sure Rodney was out, he dropped down into a nearby chair. He let his mind drift for a minute, forgetting he wasn't alone. He jerked when a hand touched his shoulder, reminding him of their presence.

"Ready to head back, Doc?"

"Major, I think you are trying to give me a heart attack with all the sneaking around. And actually, I think I'm going to try and get some paperwork done. I'm here, and I'd like to be close in case anything happens."

"He's out cold, right?" Sheppard asked, still standing at the foot of the bed, his eyes fixed on the sleeping scientist.

"Aye, that will keep him asleep for the next ten hours or so. I've used it on him before, and that seems to be the average time. He was exhausted, so it might be a bit longer than that. You should get some sleep, Colonel, you look like you've been hit by a truck."

"You trust your staff?"

"Of course I do. They wouldn't be here if I didn't"

"Then," he said, stepping around the bed and pulling Carson to his feet. "Go quietly with Lorne and get some rest in your quarters."

Carson's eyes widened. Cheeky bugger. "Colonel, this is still my infirmary. If anyone needs to rest, it's you. You've had a long week. In fact, consider that a medical order. If you feel the need to have someone watch Rodney while he sleeps, I'm sure one of your soldiers will be happy to do it."

"Your staff can watch him. I want to make sure you get some rest. I know where my quarters are. Do you?"

Carson shook his head. "I know you mean well, but this is my responsibility. I have to make sure the rest of Atlantis is in good condition before I can go rest myself."

"Beckett," he growled. "Remember our conversation about the East Pier?"

Carson slumped back into the chair. "I'm not trying to be difficult, not this time. I am exhausted. It's been a long day. But I can't rest knowing Rodney is here like this. I need to use this time while I know he's safe to try and find a way to help him."

"You can sleep in your bed for a few hours first," Sheppard said, already manhandling him toward the door. "McKay'snot going anywhere."

Carson dug in his heels. "I'll make you a deal, John. If you agree to head to bed yourself for a few hours of sleep, I'll do the same." He could access the database just as easily from the laptop in his room as he could his office, anyway.

"Fine with me. The cot for Lorne should be in your room already."

"Cot? All right, I grudgingly agreed to be babysat, but if you actually want me to sleep, that isn't going to work. No offense Major." He shot an apologetic look backwards.

"None taken, Doc."

"I know you, Beckett," John said. "You're going to smile and tell me your going to sleep, but you'll be in your room playing on your laptop. I may look dumb, but remember, I could have been MENSA."

Carson growled in frustration. "Why are you doing this? What difference does it make if I do research instead of sleeping? I can understand not wanting me to go off and play with technology you aren't sure about, but this is my job, it's why I'm here."

"And you're about ready to drop. Sleep for a few hours and then do your research. That's all I'm asking. You need to be at your best for McKay's sake. We can't keep doing this."

"I've done more on far less sleep, Colonel. I'm lucky to get two or three hours a night most of the time. I assure you I am perfectly capable of functioning on very little sleep."

"I'm sure you are, but right now you don't have to."

He shook his head. "I always have to. The Atlantis staff comes first, including you and Rodney and Major Lorne. I don't sleep until everyone is out of danger, and Rodney isn't past that point yet."

"Fine!" he said finally, throwing his hands in the air. "Kill yourself too. I don't care. Lorne, watch him. Call me when he drops dead." Sheppard turned on his heel and headed out the door.

"Colonel." Carson knew he should just let him leave, be satisfied with getting his way, but he had to make him understand. "I... Please, understand..." He ran a hand through his hair. "Do you have any idea how many patients I've lost because I stopped to sleep and something happened? How many times just being there has made the difference? Why do you think I went into research and out of clinical practice? I got pulled back into it here, but..." His shoulders slumped, and suddenly he felt far more tired than he had.

"And tired soldiers make mistakes and get more people killed. I understand completely, Beckett. Do what you think is best since you're obviously not going to listen to me," he said, standing in the doorway.

He flinched from the harsh tone, telling himself John was just tired and had been through a lot in the past day. But he couldn't keep the pain out of his own voice. "I don't know how to stop. If I stop, people die."

"And if you continue at this rate, others will. Your choice."

He closed his eyes, swaying slightly, but out of exhaustion or the words, he didn't know. "That's harsh."

"That's life and I'm sick and tired of beating around the bush. Get some rest, Beckett, before you make a mistake that will cost McKay far more than his mind."

He couldn't fight anymore. He felt it drain out of him, leaving him empty. "Fine."

"Lorne," he heard Sheppard say, "make sure he gets some sleep. Call me if there's any problem. I'll be in my quarters after I brief Elizabeth."

"Yes, sir." Lorne took his shoulder and started leading him toward his room.

Carson didn't protest this time. He wasn't sure why the harshness had left him so cold, goodness knows he had had patients and friends and relatives act far worse. And he knew the Colonel was under a tremendous amount of stress. He didn't even really register his surroundings until they were at his door. "Major, are you really going to sleep at the foot of my bed?"

"At the foot, no. On the cot near the window, yes. Order are orders, Doc," he said, gesturing Carson inside and following a few seconds behind. "He means well, you know."

Carson sighed, pulling off his lab coat and draping it over a chair. This wouldn't be the first time he slept fully dressed. "I know, but I think he forgets that Rodney and I aren't soldiers sometimes. Neither of us is used to taking orders, and, well, being treated like a subordinate."

"He's worried. Real worried," Lorne said after a few moments. "I've actually never seen him like this before."

"I know." He dropped on to the bed, staring at the ceiling.

"It's not a good excuse, but it's the only one I have," Lorne said, shrugging off his long-sleeved BDU top, leaving the black t-shirt on underneath.

"He's just doing his job. I just resent that he is'na letting me do mine. I know he cares about McKay, they are close friends and we all need that out here. But sometimes I think he forgets that being the one to stay behind and patch everyone up is a far harder job. I have to watch you all risk your lives, and then I'm expected to find miracles to put you back together again."

"And all he wants is for you to be at your best. He's seen far too many people die because someone didn't take care of themselves." Lorne paused. "And so have I."

"Aye, and I've seen too many people die because I didn't get there fast enough, wasn't good enough to save them. I've spent large chunks of my life avoiding large blocks of sleep, since every time I stop, it seems like someone else gets hurt because of it." Carson closed his eyes. The conversation was starting to depress him.

"McKay's in good hands," Lorne finally said, his voice quiet. "And once you get some rest, he'll be in the best hands Atlantis can offer. Please?"

Carson felt the familiar knot form in his chest, made of up expectations that he could find the cure, save someone. He set the alarm to go off in three hours, the curled up on his side. "Enjoy your nap, Major. You need the rest as much as Sheppard does."

"No kidding, Doc. You've not exactly been easy to keep up with."

He chuckled. "Sorry about that, lad. Welcome to the wonderful world of emergency medicine."

"Nothing to be sorry about. Just remind me not to run if you have a needle in your hand and it's aimed my way. You'll stick me with it before I even get a few feet away."

"I have faith in your running abilities. I just need to make sure I always get a good head start on you."

"Trust me, doc," he said, flipping off the lights as he settled onto the cot. "You don't need a head start."

"Maybe not, but it never hurts to have one."

"Night," he said chuckling softly.

"Night. And for what it's worth, thanks." Carson closed his eyes, forcing his body to relax. If nothing else, he had learned to fall asleep fast and take advantage of whatever sleep he could get. It wasn't more than a few minutes before he had drifted off.

xxx

Rodney woke slowly, the whoosh of the Atlantis environmental systems easing him to alertness. His mouth was dry—an annoying side-effect of the sedation, he knew, but he had asked for it.

He floated for a while, hovering somewhere between sleep and wakefulness enjoying the feeling of weightlessness, of not having to think about anything deep or meaningful.

The shuffle of someone near his bed, urged him upward and he cracked an eye, the lid lifting slowly.

Carson was standing at the end of the bed reading his chart. He glanced over and smiled when he saw the evidence of wakefulness. "And how are you feeling this morning? Better?"

Nodding slightly, he shifted a little, watching as Beckett moved to grab the water on the bedside table. He offered the straw and Rodney took a long pull, relishing the wetness in his mouth. "Thanks." Leaning back again, he opened both eyes, regarding his friend carefully. It looked like he'd gotten some sleep, but it was obviously not enough. "How long?"

Carson leaned against the bed, setting the cup down on the nearby table. "You've been asleep for about eleven hours. The grogginess should start to fade over the next half hour or so. When you feel up to it, let me know, and I'll remove the IV and we can get to work. I'm leaving it in until then to get the most nutrients that I can in you."

"Okay," he said, nodding, letting his eyes slid shut as he sighed.

He felt Carson squeeze his arm once in reply, and then heard him move back out of the room.

Eleven hours of nothingness—of not thinking—was a good thing. He drifted for a while, not really listening to anything. He could hear a few conversations down at the other end of the infirmary, more background noise than anything. A few people had walked by, pausing near him but not disturbing him. It was strange in a way. He was used to being poked and prodded.

A hand on his arm, finally pulled him back and he opened his eyes. He was still a little groggy, but that would dissipate quickly.

"All right, I want to get you up and moving. The sedative should have worn off by now, and getting up and getting your blood flowing will be the best thing to dispel any lingering fuzziness." Carson helped him sit up slowly, quickly removing the IV once he was upright.

It was annoying when Beckett read his mind. The room spun a little, but steadied quickly. "Have to pee," he muttered, just loud enough for Carson to hear.

"Go right ahead. Ignore the watchdogs. Major Lorne is sitting by the doors to the infirmary, and you'll run into Colonel Sheppard when you get around the corner as well." Carson stepped back, but stayed close enough to lend a hand if needed.

"Fun. Do they get to watch me, too?"

"If they try, feel free to holler for a nurse. I've a few burly aides that might be able to distract them while you sneak around."

Rodney scowled. "That's just taking this to a whole other level if they don't trust us to visit the facilities by ourselves. And there's only one door! I can see the ones in the halls with multiple entries. But here…" He shook his head and slid off the bed, Carson's steadying hand keeping him on his feet.

"Aye, but I'm a bit tired of fighting the Colonel on this. He's afraid and that's making him angry and downright snippy. The quickest way to get rid of them is to just figure this out. While you were sleeping, I did a bit of research that may or may not help. I'll fill you in when you're ready."

"Research?" He said, turning to scowl at the doctor. "What kind of research?"

Carson rolled his eyes. "I did'na try the chair again; even if I had wanted to, Major Lorne was under orders not to let me anywhere near it. Nae, I've been going through the database, looking for instances of memory-sharing. The Ancients branched off into some very experimental stuff at times."

Rodney chuckled humorlessly. "No kidding." He took a few steps, his hand reaching for the next bed as his balance shifted more than he expected.

Carson grabbed his elbow, steadying him. "Take it slow. I gave you a pretty powerful sedative to make sure you stayed in deep sleep, where you wouldn't have any dreams."

He glanced up, eyes widening, but he nodded. "Didn't have any."

"Good. Then you got a good night's rest. You look much better than you did yesterday."

"I don't think I even want to look in a mirror," he said, rubbing at his chin and the stubble there. "I'm guessing my razor is off-limits, eh? Think I can take a quick shower?"

Carson grimaced a bit. "Tell you what, I know you won't do anything stupid, so just don't mention the razor to Sheppard until after you're done. I keep the facilities here stocked for patients who can'na make it to their own rooms, so you should have everything you need."

"Thanks," he said, heading out again, taking it one step at a time. When he reached the small infirmary bathroom he did feel better and took his time getting himself at least looking presentable. He spent a few minutes after he got out of the shower just staring in the mirror, looking at his face in surprise. He hadn't realized how tired and drawn he appeared.

Shaking off his thoughts, he shaved quickly, feeling a little more like himself.

Sheppard, though, didn't look happy when he stepped out of the bathroom.

"What the hell took so long?" Sheppard was standing in his path, leaning against the wall in his deceptively lazy pose.

"What? I decide to take something a little longer than a military shower and you complain?"

"You look better, but don't think I didn't notice that Beckett let you have a razor. Him and I will chat about that later."

He crossed his arms over his chest, his good mood quickly leaving. "I'm actually surprised you weren't hovering in the bathroom. I'm glad you restrained yourself."

Sheppard pushed off the wall, moving closer. "Look, I'm just worried all right? Can you cut me some slack here? Every time I turn around you're either half-dead or possessed, so I'm getting a little paranoid."

"You need to cut me some slack," Rodney said, refusing to back down. "Do you think this is easy with you freaking out every time I see something or remember something? And what is it with the Ancients and those stupid plants? Did they have a foliage fetish or something?"

Sheppard blinked a few times, then took a deep breath. "All right, tell you what, I'll back off a bit if you'll just work with Beckett and get this straightened out. Stop stalling. Okay?"

"If you think this is stalling, just wait until I start," he said, grumbling as he started back to where Carson was waiting a small paper cup in his hand.

"Now children, it's too early to start bickering yet." Carson downed the contents of the cup, tossing it into a nearby trashcan and grimacing slightly. "Rodney, I uploaded what little I was able to find last night to your laptop. Why don't we start there?"

Rodney raised an eyebrow toward Carson, but didn't comment. He knew Sheppard would get on his case eventually. He was worse than a pitbull. "Who gave you access to my laptop?" he asked as he climbed back up on to the bed.

Carson pulled a chair over, sitting down and setting his own laptop on the bed. "I did'na ask. I figured you would ask me to do it anyway, since I'm going to keep searching while you look through what's already there."

"How did you figure out my password," he grumbled, navigating through some of the notes Carson had uploaded. "And how long were you working on this?"

"I asked Radek. And no, I don't know how he knew it." Carson was already starting to scroll through screens of text. "And I spent last night working on it. Why?"

"There's a lot here. More than I thought," he said, narrowing his eyes at a specific section.

"I've been going slow, but instead of skimming, I'm tackling each entry I come across that looks promising a bit more in-depth. That way we hopefully won't have to do as much back-tracking."

"Yeah," he said absently.

"A lot of this is completely out of my field, so if you see something that looks promising, let me know."

"What?" he asked, pulling his attention away from the screen. He snapped his fingers toward Sheppard. "Tablet PC, now."

"How many computers do you need McKay?"

"As many as it takes," he replied, glaring for a moment when it was obvious the man wasn't moving. "Well?"

With a put-upon sigh, Sheppard tapped his radio. "Lorne, this is Sheppard. Run down to McKay's quarters and grab his tablet PC. I'll keep an eye on them for a few minutes. They're both involved, so I doubt we need to worry about an escape attempt." He paused for a moment, grinning slightly at whatever reply the Major had made. "Too right. Sheppard out."

McKay scowled. "You didn't bring it with you?"

"Why would I haul your laptop around with me?"

"It was obviously important to me last night. Don't tell me you didn't read through the notes I made."

John rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't even understand half of it, why would I even bother trying to read it? Not to mention, you would have thrown a hissy-fit if I had."

Shaking his head, he turned back to the laptop. "Maybe because I know you better than you think."

Sheppard huffed then resumed his casual lean against a nearby wall, watching them. "I got a pretty good look over your shoulder while you were writing it. I didn't need to go back and read it later."

"Uh huh," he said absently, already absorbed in the database. He wasn't sure how long passed, but his tablet appeared at his elbow and he quickly started jotting things down in a new document, making notes and various notations.

Carson's voice suddenly cut into the working silence. "I've found another entry that could be applicable. Do you want another upload?"

"Huh?" He looked over at the other man, his eyes a little bleary.

Carson gave him a once-over, probably not even realizing he was doing it. "I have a bit more information for you, and you look like you could use a break. I know I'm hungry and could use some lunch."

"No, I'm fine. Coffee would be good though," he said, turning back to the laptop.

"Do you really think saying something like that to your doctor will work?" Carson moved, a muffled popping sound coming from his back as he stretched a bit. "We don't have to stop completely, but I do think food is in order. Colonel, would you mind having something sent up? Rodney, any preferences, or are you brave enough to let the Colonel choose?"

He glanced up briefly, not really seeing Sheppard. He waved his hand absently. "Yeah, sure, whatever."

After a moment, Sheppard radioed down to the mess, having lunch for four sent up. Carson looked up again from the laptop he had gone back to. "Four? I don't know about Rodney, but I don't think I can eat that much food."

"Lorne and I will be joining you. And just so you know Rodney, you will be stopping to eat. You can either set the computer aside when food gets here, or I can take it from you, I'll give you until then to decide."

McKay didn't answer, his eyes still unfocused as he stared at Sheppard. There was something he was missing. Something big.

"Rodney, is everything okay?" Carson's voice held a note of concern. He reached out to lay a hand Rodney's leg, his touch light.

"I don't know," he answered quietly. "I'm missing something."

"How can I help you track it down? Just tell me what you need."

He turned, hand out. "Give me your laptop."

Carson pushed it over within reach. "I've sent you everything I have, but if you think I missed something, go right ahead. Just do me a favor and don't try to hack my passwords. Those are patient files. If you need to get at anything I'm protecting, ask me, and I'll pull it up for you."

"I already know how to get in there," he said absently, his hands already flying over the laptop, accessing the database from Carson's terminal. He eyes bounced between the two laptops while he made notes on his tablet.

"Please don't tell me you've been hacking patient files. I don't want to know." Carson stood up and moved to where he could see both screens. "What are you looking for?"

"Not looking, finding and be quiet," he said without raising his head.

Carson sighed, but continued to watch.

After a few minutes, a soldier brought in a cart with four trays of food, Major Lorne right behind him. "All right kids, time to break for lunch." Sheppard came over to stand next to Rodney, although he didn't pull anything out of his hands.

"Not now."

"Rodney..." The Colonel's tone held a note of warning in it.

"Working."

"You can go back to work after you eat. I'm not asking for a long lunch, just ten minutes to stop and rest for a minute. You two haven't stopped for hours."

"What part of not now, working, do you not understand?" he said, without looking up, his right hand and stylus scribbling furiously on the tablet while his eyes tracked between the laptops.

Sheppard stood up straight and started to reach over to pull the laptop out of his hands, but Carson was faster. He had gone over to the cart and grabbed two sandwiches. One he was already eating, and the other he put directly onto Rodney's keyboard. "There we go, problem solved."

"Hey!" He hollered, shooting a venomous look at the doctor. "That was uncalled for, not to mention unsanitary. You probably got crumbs in the keyboard. Is that why I have to send someone to clean out your keyboards so often?"

Carson just grinned at him. "You have two hands, write with one, eat with the other. I thought it was a brilliant solution myself."

"You're as bad as Nydia," he grumbled, picking the sandwich up off the keyboard and taking a bite.

"Great, I'm back to being compared to someone's wife." Carson shoved him over slightly so he could actually sit on the bed next to him, setting his own computer in his lap, angled so Rodney could still see it.

"Yeah, mine. You were the one who insisted we get married."

"Not again," the other man groaned.

"Do I look female to you? I don't even sound like a bloody woman, why does he keep deciding I'm Nydia?"

"I didn't say you were my wife, idiot. Just that you're like her." He shook his head, looking at Avitus strangely. "What is it about siblings?"

"Siblings? First I'm his wife, now I'm his brother. At least I hope its brother." Avitus was trying to read the rapidly scrolling text. "Have you found anything?"

He sent him a strange look before going back to the laptop. "Actually, there's a lot of interesting things in here. Nigel never let me poke around too much. Claimed I got too side-tracked."

"I thought Nigel was supposed to be Durand's assistant. Why would he have had any say as to how much time he spent in the database?"

"Beckett…" The other man's voice was a low growl.

"Not now, Colonel. Let me handle it." Avitus's tone held its own note of steel.

"Nigel was the head of the Atlantis science department. What made you ever think he was my assistant? Of course he could tell me where to look and what to do."

"I don't know, I was guessing. Durand didn't talk much about his past, at least the time before he was forced to join the program. Have you found anything about memory sharing and how to control it? I don't want you to get side-tracked either."

"Yeah, there were a bunch of things," he said, dropping the sandwich in his hand on the bed beside him. Picking up the tablet, he scrolled back a few pages. "There's some references here to the secondary chair, but I can see in the system that it's offline. But that was really only for emergencies only. But then there were some interesting systems down in the East Pier labs, back near the medical research labs."

The two men exchanged a long hard look before Avitus continued. "Yes, we know about the secondary chair, it's currently not really accessible. But what about these other systems? What were they designed to do?"

"A few things," he said, shifting on the bed and drawing his legs up into a semi-indian-style position. He stopped the scrolling screen and pointed. "In the one lab, it looks like someone was working on ascension—again," he said, rolling his eyes. "There's a few notes that I still need to work through, but that's not what's interesting. There's this other thing. I guess you can say it's supposed to help those who are a little out of touch with reality." He looked up, eyes earnest. "It's still surprising to me that so many people aren't right in their heads. I mean that's the most important thing, isn't it? If you don't have your mind, there's really nothing left."

Avitus swallowed hard, and then rapidly read through the notes on the screen. "Aye, that's always a bit sad when it happens. This doesn't really have any information on how it works though. Do you know, or can you make any guesses? I need to know that before I try to use it on any patients."

"This is just the overviews," he said, pulling the tablet back and scrolling to where he'd left off. "I'd need to look at the actual terminals in the lab. That's where all the real stuff was kept."

Avitus watched him for a moment, before sliding off the bed. "Colonel, we need to head down there. I know you don't want us down there, but if he's right, and can get me into the medical research database that tells me if these systems are still operational and how they work, I might be able to use them to bring Rodney back to himself."

"Of course I'm right," he said, bristling, narrowing his eyes. "And did you have to tell him?"

Avitus glanced over at him. "I believe you. And since if either of us tries to even think about heading in that direction at the moment without his okay, we'll be tackled and strapped down, I sort of did have to tell him."

The other man, Nigel, frowned. "I don't like this. Can't you access the systems from here? From the main terminals you patch in to via the laptops?"

"No, of course not, Nigel, or are you as dumb as I think you are?"

The doctor bent over, laughing. "Oh my, God, of all the people to decide to project Nigel onto..."

"Beckett, shut up." Nigel glared, then turned back. "Fine, I'll be Nigel or whoever. What terminals do we need to access, and where are they located?"

He raised an eyebrow as he crossed his arms over his chest. Something was wrong here. "What's going on here? What are you asking me all of these questions? Until you explain what's going on here I'm not telling you anything else."

Avitus straightened up. "I have a—patient—who is currently struggling to get control of some extra memories. Someone gave him theirs by accident when attempting to give him information, and now he is having a hard time distinguishing between his own life and the remembered life. You're helping me try to find a way to help him."

"I am?"

"Aye, and you've found a solution I think might work. Once I see the terminals and the information on these systems you pinpointed, I think I might be able to help him. But I'd imagine I'll need your help once we get down there. If the Colonel—ah Nigel—agrees that is."

"So?" He asked, turning his glare on the other man. "You have the tendency to say no to just about anything I ask, so I'm not expecting much. But can you really turn Avitus down when a life's at stake? That's the real question."

"Avitus? I still have no bloody clue if that's a male or female name," Avitus muttered under his breath.

Nigel looked at both of them for a long time. "Fine, but you, stay within my sight at all times. And you," he pointed at Avitus, "stay within Lorne's sight. If either of you tries to make a break for it, I'm calling the whole thing off."

He slid off the bed, his knees giving way a little, only catching himself on the edge of the bed. "What the…?"

Avitus grabbed his elbow, giving him some support. "You've been sitting all day, after a few days of being sick. Once you get moving, the weakness should pass."

He shot a surprised look to the man at his elbow. "Sick? Well, that explains some things I guess," he said, rubbing a hand over his forehead. "Thanks."

"Aye, and the sooner we get this project finished, the happier I'll be. You can get some real rest then."

"Good. I can't have Nydia yelling at me again, can I? It's bad enough that she didn't want me coming here. What is it with your sister?"

"Ah…well, Um, maybe she's just worried about you? Quite a few of us are, you've been working too hard lately."

"It's my job to work hard," he said, stepping into the transporter, waiting for everyone to fall in before pushing their destination. "Why am I arguing with you? It seems that's the only thing Nydia and I talk about anymore."

"I'm not arguing. We all work hard, its just part of life here I guess. But that doesn't stop us from worrying about each other, does it?"

"I guess," he said shrugging, as the doors slid open. He stepped out, his eyes widening. "Uh…what happened here?"

"Ah, flooding and power failure in this section. It had to be shut down for a bit." Avitus—Carson— took his elbow and started guiding him towards the labs.

"No, wait," he said pulling his arm away, putting a hand to his head.

Worry flashed across Carson's face before it was hidden again. "What's wrong?"

"Carson, just give me a minute, okay?"

Beckett sagged against a wall. "You need some sort of sign or flashing light to let me know who I'm talking to at any given time. I can't keep this up much longer, Rodney."

McKay glanced over at his friend, noting the hovering Colonel. "Sorry. Why should you get a warning when I don't get one?"

"Aye, I know. The sooner we get this fixed, the happier we'll all be. Do you know what you were looking for? The systems and terminals? If you point me in the right direction, I can start working on them."

"Actually, Kate might be better for this particular lab," he said, cringing. "It was one of the…" He wiggled his fingers up toward his head. "Let's just say it's even more voodoo than what you do."

Carson shook his head. "If we need her, I'll call her. I do know a bit about psychology, even though it isn't my primary field. I know you don't particularly like her, and it would be better to keep this group as small as possible, since that will make it a bit easier for you if you slip into the memories again."

"I wasn't suggesting you call her, just saying what this lab was for. It's like some big interactive brain scan thing, I think."

"Sort of like an advanced MRI?"

"If you call being able to see mental images like an advanced MRI, sure." He sighed, catching the glare from Sheppard. "I know what he's looking for. Can we just go?"

"Aye, let's see what we can do." Carson glanced back to see Major Lorne was still there, and then headed down the hall. "Coming?"

Rodney mumbled under his breath, but moved forward, Sheppard on his heels. It took a bit of maneuvering to get to the lab. A few of the corridors were too damaged to use, so they had to go the long way around. By the time they got there, they were all grumpy and irritated.

"This had better be worth it." Sheppard hadn't stopped glaring for the last ten minutes, his expression getting steadily darker.

"We'll only find out once we use it," Rodney said, sliding into one of the chairs and activating the main terminal.

Beckett slipped into the chair next to him, lying on hand on Rodney's wrist. "Show me, or better yet, tell me what to do. If you slip into another memory, I want to be able to continue working."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Right now I'm turning it on."

Beckett made a face at him. "You know what I meant."

"Look," Rodney said, turning in the chair to face Carson. "I know mostly what I'm looking for, but it's going to take some time. I'll know what it is when I find it, not any sooner. You just have to trust me to know what I'm doing, whoever I happen to be at that particular time." He paused, taking a breath. "And if it's any consolation, Durand was never in this lab—at least I have no memory of it specifically. He felt the same about the psychiatric doctors as I do, so he had no real reason to be down here."

Carson's face went through a variety of emotions before finally settling on resignation. "It is'na that I don't trust you. It's more that no matter who you are, I'm the one who's going to be operating this thing. If you think you're someone else, it might be a tad difficult to convince you to go stand in there while I make it work. Just... try to tell me what you're doing as you do it, just in case, okay?"

Rodney sighed. "Fine. But you do know that I'm feeling fine, right?"

"Aye, physically you're dandy. But none of us have any warnings before you start thinking I'm your wife or brother or whatever." He leaned back in the chair, where he could see what was going on. "Let's just try to be quick about this, shall we?"

Sheppard decided to chime in at that point. "Quick is good. Stop chatting and start working."

Rodney scowled over his shoulder, before turning back to the console. "You know, he's not getting any more charming the longer he stands around glaring at us."

Carson chuckled. "I think I got lucky. Major Lorne has proven to be much less snippy and far more pleasant."

"Must be the hair," he said, studying the screen he'd pulled up for a second before clicking through to several others.

"Rodney, I do have a gun, and I can shoot you." Sheppard was stalking around the room, looking like he was setting up an unconscious perimeter.

"And what good would that do?" Rodney asked, raising his voice so the Colonel could hear him, his fingers still poking away at the buttons.

"It would make me feel better."

"I'll keep that in mind, Colonel." He paused, leaning forward a little. "Huh. That's interesting."

Carson leaned forward, mimicking his movement. "What?"

"I was right, but that just makes it all the more disturbing. Let's not tell Kate about this, okay?"

"So this is some sort of machine to let you see and manipulate someone's mind?" Carson sounded a bit sick. "In this particular case that's useful, but..."

"No, it's different. Granted you can probably do some severe damage with this thing, but you can also help to heal someone that had been affected by a severe trauma by compartmentalizing the memories away from the conscious state. In a way, it would restrict them from the person totally, and only the medical practitioner would have access to them." He shook his head. "No wonder Durand knew nothing about this. It's apparently still in an experimental stage."

Carson stared at him for a moment. "So, you actually want me to go in and shut some of your memories away in a little bubble that only I can access? And what do you mean experimental? What could go wrong?"

"Isn't that what you're been looking for?" Rodney asked, turning to him. "It's not like I can actually do my job like this." He lifted his left hand to gesture toward his head. "And sending me home is out of the question."

"I guess this just wasn't exactly what I had in mind. I agree it's probably the best option, but I think, when this is all over, I might be sick."

"You'll be sick and then I'll have no memory of it. Sounds like fun in Pegasus," he commented, turning back to the screen.

"No, no, I'll wait until afterwards to get sick. I wouldn't want you to miss out." Carson was looking a bit green, but he sat forward on the edge of the seat. "All right, what do I need to do then?"

"Um…" he said, scanning the files. "Here we go. We should probably translate this for you, eh?"

"That would be a help, yes. I've picked up a few words, but not enough to have any clue what that says."

"Yeah, and it seems that not long after the procedure starts I won't be able to answer any questions. Oh this looks better and better." He turned toward the other men hovering. "Anyone bring my tablet?"

Major Lorne produced the tablet, casting a glance at his commander from the corner of his eye. "I snagged it on the way out, since you seemed to be writing a lot of notes."

"Thank you, Major. I'm glad someone is on the ball," he said, opening up a new document and beginning to scribble quickly.

Carson's eyes had gotten a bit wild. "Ah, Rodney, when you said you wouldn't be able to answer questions... this is going to hurt you, isn't it?"

"That's where it gets a bit fuzzy," he said, still making notes. "According to the last test, the procedure went smoothly. But it seems that they had to put the patient under or else there were some…disastrous results. I'm not really looking forward to you messing in my mind without me present, but it doesn't look like I have much choice in the matter."

"Put you out? Rodney, I didn't bring any sedatives with me, much less anesthesia. Not to mention doing that here, out in the middle of no where with no access to the rest of the infirmary would be insane."

"Um…I think they built that part into the system."

"Great, so now I'm not only messing with your head, I also have to worry about what might go wrong with their drugging system. This just keeps getting better." Carson had stood up and was pacing a bit. "What if I hurt you? Or damage you?"

Rodney paused, putting down the stylus and looking up at his friend. "At this point in time, I honestly don't think you can do any damage. Durand managed that all by himself."

Carson shook his head. "He did'na mean to do damage. I don't think he really understood the differences between the way we think and the way the Ancients thought, and he knew you wanted more information on how their technology works. Nothing is broken, your mind is still intact, you just have more information than you can process. But with this thing...Rodney, are you sure you want to do this? We could keep looking, see if there's another way."

"Durand didn't know anything else as far as I can tell, and God only knows how much damage is being done right now."

"All right, if you're sure." Carson sat back down, staring at his hands in his lap. "Let me know when you finish the translation, I'd like to go through it once with you before..."

"Yes, yes, yes. I'm almost done," he said, turning back to the tablet. "Give me a few more minutes."

Sheppard continued to stalk the room, glaring at everyone. "Rodney, I don't know if I like this idea. When we came down here, you didn't tell me it was so you could climb in a machine and let Beckett screw with your mind."

"Did you ask?"

He whirled around, his face tight. "I didn't think I had to."

"And I wasn't sure exactly what was down here. I only found that part out when I got here and turned on the terminal in the room. Would you rather we wait and see what else these memories will end up going to be if they continue this way? I know you're not going to let me go back to work, that's for sure."

The Colonel's body was stiff, his face devoid of any emotion. "Get it working. And so help me Beckett, if you slip..."

"Trust me, Colonel, I'm doing enough worrying about that here for the both of us. I am well aware that one mistake means I wipe out or damage Rodney's mind."

"And isn't that a pleasant thought," Rodney snipped.

Carson looked up at him. "I won't make any mistakes."

"I know," Rodney said, catching Carson's eye. "I trust you." He paused, checking over his notes. "You ready?"

Carson nodded, and moved to look over his shoulder. "What do I do?"

"Well, first," he said, looking over the console and pushing a single button. A medical bed slid out of the wall at the far side of the room. "We need that and…" He looked over everything and pushed another button. Several compartments opened revealing wires, "And that. There's a diagram on the console here that you need to look at. You'll control everything from here. The step-by-step directions are on here," he said, gesturing to the tablet.

Carson's hand shook slightly as he sat down, rapidly reading the notes on the tablet. When he finally looked up, his eyes held a peculiar mix of calm steadiness and terror. "All right, I think I understand. Once you're hooked up, I'll be able to see your memories, and should be able to isolate the ones that aren't yours."

"Basically, yes."

He gave him a weak grin. "Maybe if you could think in an off color for a bit, purple maybe, that would make it easier to tell your memories apart from Durand's."

"A color? I'm not thinking of a color."

"Right. Nevermind. Well, no time like the present. Let's do this before I lose my nerve, or you lose yours."

"So, where do you want me?"

xxx